Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 149
view profile
History
Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?Page 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

With her further explanations in mind tho, if pretty much true, I think he was more narcissistic than your average Joe. Her reason for the original breakup was due to him being kinda like that. I think at the cusp of that breakup the feeling of breaking up was mutual for different reasons, but after he got dumped -- he felt like the loser, and lobbied to get back together (but on a not so serious level), as many people will want to do. I think the way he just refused to text to her forever after him BSing was called into question, despite her latter texts not being on the positive side of things (bday gift), I think that is a reflection of his narc side.

I think self esteem is an issue here, but not because he did anything wrong.

I think when looking at everything, I think it's both. Him handling the ending wrong, but seen as far more wrong than it should actually be felt, due to a low self-esteem. I can understand it hurting more than it may seem on the surface, given the details of how it unfolded... but it's hurting her heart more than it should.

The OP needs to have higher standards and not engage if she can sense a guy isn't interested. From my experience, there is no question when a man is into you.

I agree, but to be fair, he did a convincing woo'ing job, realizing his wrongs, etc. I think her problem was her feeling/experiencing in her own mind that they're back and it's going to be great VS "okay, you earned yourself a Chance, but you're going to still have to prove it to me over some time here". If her frame of mind was in the latter, she wouldn't have been so heartbroken. But yes, I agree -- given how he already demonstrated himself for so long -- a nice sincere-in-the-moment woo'ing shouldn't have made her run back with him, because when you're heart has been into them (and theirs not), ya want to err on the safe side.


OP here. It has been a couple of weeks since I last posted & my perceptive has shifted somewhat.

I think norwegianguy is correct that the real impetus behind wanting to meet up for a last hoorah was really a way to soothe his dented ego. He hates to lose & I don't think he wanted to feel rejected. Having said that, he DID do a good job of wooing me like norwegianguy said. I wanted to believe his words and have faith in them. Why? Because I have been accused of not being vulnerable enough - of not being willing to take a leap of faith. I was almost proving to myself that I am still capable of doing that with someone.

In 10 years of dating, I have only really been badly burned once before by a guy. So I don't think I am just picking bad guys. In terms of self esteem...this isn't an ongoing problem. A previous issue knocked me badly & I believe this has been the consequence. I also think having this guy in my life, being able to focus on him, has allowed me to avoid some other issues that I really need to look at. IE the direction my life is going in.

In the end, I did not see a long-term future with him. I just wanted him to honour the time we had with some semblance of respect. There is no need to cut & run on someone you have enjoyed intimacy with over a period of months. It turns the good times to cr*p & that is a real shame.

I admit that I allowed him to overstep my boundaries here ( I DO have higher standards usually) & now I am looking at why I allowed those standards to slip for a time. RE ghosting he did avoid talking about my concerns quite early on. He did this because he wanted to keep seeing me and made promises he couldn't keep. When I tried to break up once before, he fought it and convinced me not to. I believe he WAS sincere during our initial time together but he was in over his head. He is something of a workaholic & also undergoing one of the most uncertain periods in his life so far. I think he was more stressed & overwhelmed than he allowed me to believe. Basically, I think we found each other at a time when our lives were both particularly stressful & being with each other was a temporary relief from all of that. But it wasn't sustainable - real life was still out there. And now, very slowly, I'm having to face that and get my life in order.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 150
view profile
History
Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/10/2016 7:19:23 AM

It sounds petty, I know.


Replace "sounds" with " 's".
 illinigirl2168
Joined: 6/21/2012
Msg: 151
view profile
History
Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/12/2016 7:08:05 AM
LadyBeeDD, ..so what happened? Did he call you out on it?

Inquiring minds want to know!;)
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?