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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 172
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

It was my first time dating a single mother and it's worse than a normal break up because now I felt like I let the kids down too, not just her.

Why in the world do you figure you let Her down? When people suddenly bolt with no arguing/disagreements out of thin air and don't have the nerve to say why -- it's Them, Not You. That should be plainly obvious, right?

All you can do is go by what they say.

You can go by more than that. If ALL you yourself can go by is just that -- that's part of the problem. Things don't 100% chance just because you're in a Relationship. Especially when in a lull in a relationship after it's been really LTR. Like mingling out there, you have to read them, too. Their actions, how they roll, etc.

I don't get why they can't tell you what they're looking for or if they're happy or unhappy about something after three or four years of dating.

Because it's not always as simple as that. Case in point: Your situation then, due to how it ended. How it ended showed that there was nothing that was your 'fault' at all. She just wasn't into you. Liking/attraction can fade. It's tough as nails to tell someone that. "I'm just not feeling it for you anymore." I've been there. It sucks. You do want to run away from it. You can't Expect them to say it straight-up. That's why usually arguing/drama occurs as a result, instead of disappearing or out-of-the-blue "we're done, see ya, don't ask".

So this is the main point: There's nothing really to talk about, although they Do owe you at some point an explanation if you've been LTR. There's nothing to "fix". At the point she (absently) broke up with you -- the dishes were already done beforehand. And there was nothing to "fix" it a month or so beforehand -- it was inevitable that you two were Not going to be an item. Just a matter of When. And How -- which wasn't good on her part at all, which was the main problem.

It's not like she was like "I can't stand it that you do [universal bad things]." When you don't have that to ride on about the other person, you feel more guilty in breaking up. And you can't talk to your SO during that time you're wanting to break up when you have Nothing to rely on, nothing to "fix". It just Is. Much the same as it Just Is that you like a girl or a guy you interacted with at the bar.

The unfair part is she didn't go thru a breakup process with you -- even if it did have no concrete check-list of "reasons". She was horrible just to bolt like that (out of guilt)... but bottom line is, she didn't want to tell you shortly after she was wanting to break up. Rarely does anyone. You can't expect that at all, that'd be silly to Expect. But you should Expect some respect when it's not you, it's them -- and them to be there somewhat for not-overly-dramatic Q&A, for a short-time when breaking up. But don't expect or think it had potential to be "fixed". It didn't. It was already Doomed. The way she exited only proved that.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 173
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 7/31/2018 6:37:12 PM
Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never dated anyone for 4 years. I have had relationships that lasted 4 years, and more, but by the end of the first year (at the latest) it was something a lot more than dating.

Even when you don’t move in together, you start to give each other “closet space”. And one or more drawers in the dresser. And shelf space in the medicine cabinet. Your beer is in her fridge, and her wine is in your fridge. And then there is the very symbolic “key exchange”, truly a meaningful moment in the relationship.

Now, on the other hand, I have had long lasting sexual relationships that didn’t move to a higher level. On again, off again, sometimes closer, sometimes more distant. But that also wasn’t dating, and neither of us called it dating, and neither of us expected to ride off into the sunset together.

I think your problem here is that you “dated” for four years, did not take it further, but did not define the boundaries so that each of you could do whatever else you wanted or needed to do.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 174
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 7/31/2018 9:50:39 PM

Why in the world do you figure you let Her down? When people suddenly bolt with no arguing/disagreements out of thin air and don't have the nerve to say why -- it's Them, Not You. That should be plainly obvious, right?


I agree, but I'm thinking she probably wanted more help with her kids than I was willing to give at that point. In the end, I probably dodged a bullet in the sense that it would be hard to handle their volatile home situation. She basically lost control of her kids and there's no way I was going to be able to do anything about it. I'm just some dude to them.


Because it's not always as simple as that. Case in point: Your situation then, due to how it ended. How it ended showed that there was nothing that was your 'fault' at all. She just wasn't into you. Liking/attraction can fade. It's tough as nails to tell someone that. "I'm just not feeling it for you anymore." I've been there. It sucks. You do want to run away from it. You can't Expect them to say it straight-up. That's why usually arguing/drama occurs as a result, instead of disappearing or out-of-the-blue "we're done, see ya, don't ask".


I agree for the most part, but there's usually a reason why feelings fade. What confused me is that we never said things like "I love you" until the last month of the relationship. She started saying things like that out of the blue so my reaction was that she saw potential in us continuing the relationship and getting closer. I had a hard time spending the night at her place when her son was there having sleep overs with his friends and being loud until 8 am. I feel like she may have taken offense to that. I noticed a change in her personality in the last year I was with her. We would go out somewhere and she would be pissed off about everything. The music would be too loud, or the food would be bad, or she didn't like someone's attitude, or this or that. I figured it was stress from her kids putting her through the wringer which may be the case. I wasn't really sure where I stood or what I should do.


Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never dated anyone for 4 years. I have had relationships that lasted 4 years, and more, but by the end of the first year (at the latest) it was something a lot more than dating.

Even when you don’t move in together, you start to give each other “closet space”. And one or more drawers in the dresser. And shelf space in the medicine cabinet. Your beer is in her fridge, and her wine is in your fridge. And then there is the very symbolic “key exchange”, truly a meaningful moment in the relationship.

Now, on the other hand, I have had long lasting sexual relationships that didn’t move to a higher level. On again, off again, sometimes closer, sometimes more distant. But that also wasn’t dating, and neither of us called it dating, and neither of us expected to ride off into the sunset together.

I think your problem here is that you “dated” for four years, did not take it further, but did not define the boundaries so that each of you could do whatever else you wanted or needed to do.


We were actually girlfriend and boyfriend and had solid boundaries. We had closet space at each other's place. I was involved with her family and would go watch her kids when they had football games and things like that. It wasn't just a Netflix and chill for an hour and then take off kind of relationship. She was the one that told me she wanted it to be more serious when we were just seeing each other.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 175
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 7/31/2018 10:20:42 PM

Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never dated anyone for 4 years. I have had relationships that lasted 4 years, and more, but by the end of the first year (at the latest) it was something a lot more than dating.

I agree that's the best route. But, you are still dating someone (and then some). It'd be misleading to leave it at Just dating. Nor is it technically telling the truth to say "No" if a gal asks if you're dating anyone when you're in a serious relationship with someone else. :)

Even when you don’t move in together, you start to give each other “closet space”. And one or more drawers in the dresser. And shelf space in the medicine cabinet. Your beer is in her fridge, and her wine is in your fridge. And then there is the very symbolic “key exchange”, truly a meaningful moment in the relationship.

I agree that's a marker for a Serious Relationship. If there's none of that, your relationship wasn't Actually all that serious to what it could be.

Now, on the other hand, I have had long lasting sexual relationships that didn’t move to a higher level. On again, off again, sometimes closer, sometimes more distant. But that also wasn’t dating, and neither of us called it dating, and neither of us expected to ride off into the sunset together.

I can understand not using the word Dating as the first term that comes to mind. Much the same as when you're in a Serious Relationship. That said, I think the word "dating" Is quite fitting, assuming the context is right. "She and I dated off and on, never got serious," sort of implies it was just strictly casual dating. If there's anything "on again" or "off again", IMO, you're dating to one degree or another.

I think your problem here is that you “dated” for four years, did not take it further

I also believe that was his case -- although I don't think it was necessarily his "problem". Sometimes you don't want anything more than dating. I think the "problem" is thinking it's more serious than it actually is. I mean, 4 years of being an item has it's seriousness. Much more than "just dating", don't get me wrong. But I think it's the length of time knowing each other that dictated the seriousness that exists, rather than the common route of meshing lives which brings greater seriousness to define something as a Fully Serious Relationship.

I agree, but I'm thinking she probably wanted more help with her kids than I was willing to give at that point. In the end, I probably dodged a bullet in the sense that it would be hard to handle their volatile home situation. She basically lost control of her kids and there's no way I was going to be able to do anything about it. I'm just some dude to them.

If you were just some dude to them -- first, you shouldn't even be thinking you let them down. Second, that's just more obvious evidence that after 4 years, you didn't have a fully Serious Relationship with her. If you Never Knew whether she wanted more help with her kids than you were wanting to give -- as you just being some dude to them -- even more evidence.

That said, I don't think it was that, due to how she disappeared. I think it's more of a "IF I was a part of her kids lives, which would be meshing lives with her, she probably wouldn't have wanted to break up and her feelings wouldn't have gone elsewhere." That said, IF you were and it wouldn't work out so well, it would have ended a lot earlier -- and that would have been a better (although more dramatic for a short time). :)

but there's usually a reason why feelings fade.

Yeah, but not a checklist. It's more common than people want to believe that it isn't about line-item issues that people can improve on. Them "poof" ending things out of the blue with no explanation is most likely one of those when you also never fought. It's just... I'm not that into you. I may not want to think it's that. I may grasp at certain improvements you could have -- but I could do that in a happy relationship too, just with a smile+rolling of the eyes.

What confused me is that we never said things like "I love you" until the last month of the relationship.

Okay, you never meshed lives over almost 4 years, and it took almost 4 years to say "I love you". Remember: How serious something is to you or how seriously hurt a breakup happens to you Is Not The Measuring Stick for how serious the Relationship ACTUALLY was. :)

I noticed a change in her personality in the last year I was with her. We would go out somewhere and she would be pissed off about everything. The music would be too loud, or the food would be bad, or she didn't like someone's attitude, or this or that.

Instead of having issue with You (which most do), she had issue with her surroundings... going out with you. Not liking it. Signs that something's up. You should put yourself in position when being an item with a gal -- not to rely on playing Monday Morning QB... but instead address things and bring them up cordially. To be Partners. You weren't with her, that part's obvious.

I wasn't really sure where I stood or what I should do.

Yeah, more evidence it wasn't That serious of a Romantic Relationship.

We were actually girlfriend and boyfriend and had solid boundaries.

If you're dating for Quite a while, you will be BF/GF. That will sink in regardless. Doesn't mean you're in a Serious Relationship. And no, just because it's more than netflix and chill dates -- doesn't mean you're in a serious relationship. It was serious To You, and would be for anyone on some level if dating someone for 4 years who you didn't want to break up with. But again, that's not the same metric as how Serious a romantic relationship is.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 176
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/1/2018 12:02:00 AM

If you were just some dude to them -- first, you shouldn't even be thinking you let them down. Second, that's just more obvious evidence that after 4 years, you didn't have a fully Serious Relationship with her. If you Never Knew whether she wanted more help with her kids than you were wanting to give -- as you just being some dude to them -- even more evidence.

That said, I don't think it was that, due to how she disappeared. I think it's more of a "IF I was a part of her kids lives, which would be meshing lives with her, she probably wouldn't have wanted to break up and her feelings wouldn't have gone elsewhere." That said, IF you were and it wouldn't work out so well, it would have ended a lot earlier -- and that would have been a better (although more dramatic for a short time). :)


The problem is, even if you're living with a single mother for a long time, you're always just some dude to their children. My best friend married a single mother and raised her daughter from the age of five only to have her rebel, stop listening to him and get kicked out of the house when she became a teenager. Blood is thicker than water I guess. What do you mean by meshing lives? Do you mean living together?


Yeah, but not a checklist. It's more common than people want to believe that it isn't about line-item issues that people can improve on. Them "poof" ending things out of the blue with no explanation is most likely one of those when you also never fought. It's just... I'm not that into you. I may not want to think it's that. I may grasp at certain improvements you could have -- but I could do that in a happy relationship too, just with a smile+rolling of the eyes.


I still find it very confusing. Why start getting romantic and emotional if you're losing interest in someone? She was telling her friend she saw us being together for a long time. There were a lot of mixed messages. It doesn't quite make sense to me to waste four years with someone you're not really into.


If you're dating for Quite a while, you will be BF/GF. That will sink in regardless. Doesn't mean you're in a Serious Relationship. And no, just because it's more than netflix and chill dates -- doesn't mean you're in a serious relationship. It was serious To You, and would be for anyone on some level if dating someone for 4 years who you didn't want to break up with. But again, that's not the same metric as how Serious a romantic relationship is.


How do you determine how serious a relationship is? Do you base it on living together or other things?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 177
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/1/2018 12:41:45 AM

The problem is, even if you're living with a single mother for a long time, you're always just some dude to their children.

That's not a true statement. You could be, as in your example of your friend. And you can be not liked/loved/wanted so much, but you're still meshing lives more than being someone who's not -- thus the relationship hits the more Serious level. Much like a GF a guy may have who's close to her parents who live in the same city area, but he's barely met them VS another BF who goes to their place all the time and talks shop with her dad. You're making the relationship more serious. Which is why many people want to Avoid anything more than meet-n-greets with their kids or parents -- fueled by not wanting to get serious (or too serious too fast).

I still find it very confusing. Why start getting romantic and emotional if you're losing interest in someone? She was telling her friend she saw us being together for a long time. There were a lot of mixed messages.

It's mixed feelings. Attachment plays a big role. And you mull over it. You have mixed feelings. But at the end of the day, you may realize that you just have to rip the band aid off. She did in a selfish way, but it was the guilt that drove that.

It doesn't quite make sense to me to waste four years with someone you're not really into.

She was into you enough to be dating... and enough to be more than Just dating. But relationships ebb and flow, closer and less closer over time when you don't mesh lives. It was probably that last year -- after already having 3 being an item -- that it was finally getting to her. It takes a while for people to get out or fully realize that getting out is the way to go. It's rarely smooth and sweet when the two parties don't feel the same way about each other. Especially when there's mixed feelings involved, which is usually the case with one or the other.

How do you determine how serious a relationship is? Do you base it on living together or other things?

You base it on how much your lives are truly meshing. You don't base it on how strongly (just) you feel about them. If you haven't said the L word until almost 4 years as an item right before breaking up + you weren't really part of their kids lives (for better or worse) + there were barriers due to each of your lives' circumstances -- you clearly weren't in as Serious a situation as a classic 1-2 year happy Relationship. Your situation's pretty obvious to measure as Not As Serious As You Felt.

It's how your lives are meshing and how much time has solidly ensued to whatever degree your lives do mesh. Yours was a serious situation -- you were an item for ~4 years. But when comparing it to other relationships that just passed the year mark, yours wasn't As serious. Your situation should be obvious, but it was an emotional experience Of Yours, where You got left, which affects our lens.

Here's an extreme example of a friend of mine: He met a gal in his town one summer. She had relatives out there and used to live there. They hit it off on several dates at the end of summer. Never had sex, but made out (they're both a little socially conservative). But she was going to grad school down south, many states away right after that. Anyway, they'd IM and chat on the phone some, but that ebbed away. He mentioned he doesn't really talk to her much, as she had a lot going on one time. Shortly after I asked him if he wanted to go to the bar and meet some chicks. He said he would, but he's not single, so he can't do anything more than play wingman. I told him He Was Single. He said No -- she was just isolated in her work and said things were fine, she's just independently minded. He noted how they hit it off big on those 3 dates and he even met her family at a function and hung out... and she was going to visit back up here for Thanksgiving.

I told him it's not serious enough to be an item. She's not talking to you -- it's a lack of interest. You hit it off on some dates but reality set in that being an item won't work. He was like "Huh? How can you read her mind?" I don't have to. He was ga-ga about her, and couldn't see it clearly. That said, obviously I was right... I brought up that situation the next year and he chuckled and admitted he was clouded about it. Emotion does some odd things.
 soulmateihope
Joined: 7/14/2016
Msg: 178
Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/3/2018 4:30:03 PM
I'm feeling the same met a lovely guy he was near perfect so interested in me lavished attention on me made me feel like a princess then blocked me and wont ans me I'm lost frustrated upset and don't know what to do
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 179
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/3/2018 4:34:27 PM

I'm feeling the same met a lovely guy he was near perfect so interested in me lavished attention on me made me feel like a princess then blocked me and wont ans me I'm lost frustrated upset and don't know what to do

Perhaps you weren't what he expected when the two of you met. Meh. Move on.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 180
Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/3/2018 9:46:18 PM

Perhaps you weren't what he expected when the two of you met. Meh. Move on.

Spot do you have to be so harsh. It's not like you've never felt this way.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 181
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/3/2018 11:21:45 PM
Mah I don't see any harshness maybe a dose of what they lady needs to hear. You don't blame yourself for someone choosing not to engage with you that is not something people should be doing. You can't force other people to desire you accepting that actually makes things a lot easier. I haven't and I would have said something but more ruthless than spot.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 182
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/6/2018 12:55:13 PM

I'm feeling the same met a lovely guy he was near perfect so interested in me lavished attention on me made me feel like a princess then blocked me and wont ans me I'm lost frustrated upset and don't know what to do


He might have had an undisclosed wife or boyfriend, somewhere.

Did you actually meet the guy, in person?
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 183
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/6/2018 12:56:36 PM
The reappearing acts can be more painful.
 cutenerd1866
Joined: 7/27/2018
Msg: 184
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/6/2018 2:41:36 PM
I started messaging with a guy on Saturday (I messaged him first). We chatted more yesterday. Yesterday a little after 5 p.m., he asked if I had any plans that night. I told him what I had to do that night (had errands and things I had to get done) and asked what his plans were. He said getting stuff ready for the week. He said we should get together sometime this week for a drink, and I said that would be great and sounded like fun. We exchanged a few more messages, and that was that.

Today, something was off, but I couldn't figure out what it was when I was checking messages. Then it hit me- he was gone! All his messages, poof! Blocked or deleted, who knows. Guess he didn't want that drink after all, lol! His loss... :-p
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 185
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/11/2018 8:06:45 AM
The ironic thing is some people that complain about being ghosted will do the same thing. I have talked to women that complained about being ghosted on their profile and/or during our conversations. Sometimes we would agree to go out on a date. Yet when I tried to confirm or finalize plans, they suddenly stopped responding.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 186
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/11/2018 10:15:38 AM

I told him it's not serious enough to be an item. She's not talking to you -- it's a lack of interest. You hit it off on some dates but reality set in that being an item won't work. He was like "Huh? How can you read her mind?" I don't have to. He was ga-ga about her, and couldn't see it clearly. That said, obviously I was right... I brought up that situation the next year and he chuckled and admitted he was clouded about it. Emotion does some odd things.


Absolutely. I've never been in a relationship with someone that actually wanted to be with me and make things work if there was a problem, so I don't have any reference experience. I suppose if you're dating a single mother, the most important thing is having a positive relationship with their kids too. What made my situation difficult was the daughter hating anyone that took her mother's attention away, including her own brother. In my opinion, if people are adults, they should be able to communicate what they're looking for and speak up if what you're giving them isn't what they're looking for. You know, basic honestly and communication.


Today, something was off, but I couldn't figure out what it was when I was checking messages. Then it hit me- he was gone! All his messages, poof! Blocked or deleted, who knows. Guess he didn't want that drink after all, lol! His loss... :-p


That's par for the course on here. I've only had two people not ghost me over the past year and a half.


The ironic thing is some people that complain about being ghosted will do the same thing. I have talked to women that complained about being ghosted on their profile and/or during our conversations. Sometimes we would agree to go out on a date. Yet when I tried to confirm or finalize plans, they suddenly stopped responding.


Absolutely. Many will do that but I never have. I don't believe it's right. It's better just to be straight forward and honest.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 187
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/11/2018 7:15:47 PM

Absolutely. Many will do that but I never have. I don't believe it's right. It's better just to be straight forward and honest.

Even a "white lie" is better than the disappearing act. I don't care if what they tell me is not the real reason why they lost interest and/or cancelled a date.
 cutenerd1866
Joined: 7/27/2018
Msg: 188
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/14/2018 8:16:12 PM
^^^^ Seriously! Make something up if you have to. I'll take alien abduction for 500, Pat.

Because, you know, being ghosted is just AWESOME!

(sorry, I was having a sarcastic moment)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 189
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/14/2018 11:54:30 PM

The ironic thing is some people that complain about being ghosted will do the same thing. I have talked to women that complained about being ghosted on their profile and/or during our conversations. Sometimes we would agree to go out on a date. Yet when I tried to confirm or finalize plans, they suddenly stopped responding.

To be fair, that's not during dating. But yeah, I agree -- ghosting when you get a conversation going and talk about going out some time, there's a surprisingly good % of people who complain about that who do it to others.

IMO, it's an example of self-centeredness that we're unaware of, that happens too often. We complain about how people are to us in the dating field -- or how other people are to others -- yet, when WE are in said situations, we may very well do that, or at least not do what we say others should do. An example of why a guy who has little dating experience should listen to an "older sister" type gal giving him advice on what behaviors girls gravitate toward. It ends up usually leading the rookie young guy astray.

To Coma's Prev Relationship...

Absolutely. I've never been in a relationship with someone that actually wanted to be with me and make things work if there was a problem, so I don't have any reference experience.

Yeah, I was giving an example of the EXTREME. :) He really hit it off with her -- but it was for a short period. Plus called a decent amount, and IM'd... but it fizzled. Point being -- even when he hadn't talked to her in a long while + she lived over 10 hours away -- he STILL thought they were going out - lol. Again, Extreme. Not saying it's yours -- but it has one thing in Common: One thinks it's more serious than it is.

I suppose if you're dating a single mother, the most important thing is having a positive relationship with their kids too. What made my situation difficult was the daughter hating anyone that took her mother's attention away, including her own brother.

And it would have been a good idea to be how ya were for a good long while. But being in a relationship for ~4 years, like that? Well, my point is -- you combine that and no L-word said... you're thinking it's more serious than it really is. Especially when it seriously hits/hurts ya when they bolt "out of nowhere", even though it's not completely out of nowhere if stepping back and looking at the bigger picture and Two Other people are in it.

Even a "white lie" is better than the disappearing act. I don't care if what they tell me is not the real reason why they lost interest and/or cancelled a date.

A white lie that is Buyable is better than a disappearing act, yes. One that seems like Quite Obvious BS -- it's at least as bad, if not worse (as it can be so bad it can insult one's intelligence as if they're a dumb POS - lol).

^^^^ Seriously! Make something up if you have to. I'll take alien abduction for 500, Pat.
Because, you know, being ghosted is just AWESOME!

It's Alex! Pat is Wheel of Fortune!! You just made something up, didn't you??!

Well, it is better than ghosting. ;)
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 190
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/15/2018 12:56:09 AM

And it would have been a good idea to be how ya were for a good long while. But being in a relationship for ~4 years, like that? Well, my point is -- you combine that and no L-word said... you're thinking it's more serious than it really is. Especially when it seriously hits/hurts ya when they bolt "out of nowhere", even though it's not completely out of nowhere if stepping back and looking at the bigger picture and Two Other people are in it.


I don't think I thought it was more serious than she was. I told her we should just be dating casually because she had kids that didn't want anyone new moving in or spending a lot of time there. She was the one that always pushed it to be the boyfriend and girlfriend status. I had the impression that we weren't that serious, but she started getting jealous if I was chatting to women that lived in different continents. Why would she care if she wasn't serious? Was I going to have internet babies with online friends? She never really came out and said it, but the impression I got was that she let her kids walk all over her for quite a while and when they became teenagers she needed help controlling them and left me when she saw I wasn't there to fix the situation. Either way, it was confusing and her lack of communication didn't make things any better. That's probably why she disappeared instead of being mature and dealing with it normally.
 cutenerd1866
Joined: 7/27/2018
Msg: 191
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/15/2018 8:52:58 AM

It's Alex! Pat is Wheel of Fortune!! You just made something up, didn't you??!

Well, it is better than ghosting. ;)


Mr. Trebek was also abducted by said aliens and taken back to his home planet Melmac for a much needed vacation with a good friend. Mr. Sajak took a break from Wheel of Fortune to fill in for him.

:-p
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 192
Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/15/2018 11:00:07 AM

She never really came out and said it, but the impression I got was that she let her kids walk all over her for quite a while and when they became teenagers she needed help controlling them and left me when she saw I wasn't there to fix the situation. Either way, it was confusing and her lack of communication didn't make things any better. That's probably why she disappeared instead of being mature and dealing with it normally.


Was the idea of not moving in with her your idea or hers? If she didn't want you to move in with her, I don't see how she could have expected you to be a father figure to her teenagers. If she did want you to move in with her, and you didn't want to, I could understand why she might have pulled away.

There may have been other reasons too, such as another man in the picture. It sounds to me like she got upset with you for not being able to read her mind.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 193
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/17/2018 11:44:30 AM

I don't think I thought it was more serious than she was.

I think the key is "it was", not "she was".

I told her we should just be dating casually because she had kids that didn't want anyone new moving in or spending a lot of time there. She was the one that always pushed it to be the boyfriend and girlfriend status.

Okay, the first sentence sheds light on this. And it wasn't. Just because a gal thru time -- even if she's a FWB -- expresses wanting something serious, it's not until it is. Mixed feelings obviously abound on her part, but you were fine being not-serious due to the circumstances. Even when people are not-serious/FWB/etc, spending time together over time will make it not Too casual, no matter what you label it. But, compared to a "real" Solidified Relationship, it won't be serious either.

So it shouldn't be a shocker that one of them wants to end it at some point if it's been going on for too long. Or, in this case, try the hand in something serious at the very end, but, well, it just doesn't fit right.

I had the impression that we weren't that serious, but she started getting jealous if I was chatting to women that lived in different continents. Why would she care if she wasn't serious?

Why Wouldn't they? I can like a girl at a bar and have feelings of jealousy if another dude starts macking on her and she rolls with it. I haven't even Talked to her yet! :) And on a 1st date -- even if I'm not That into the gal, yeah, I'm going to feel jealous if she's flirting with the waiter. Don't use that as a measuring stick.

If I'm FWB with a gal, unless I really feel she's on my jock too strong too frequently, I Don't want to see her chatting/flirting with some guy. So even if you're not a serious item -- and not too much a bf/gf -- one's Obviously going to not want them chasing other tail. It doesn't require deep feelings or romanticism for that.

That said, your example of you just chatting with a chick online -- over-jealousy... yeah she had that. Doesn't require a serious relationship for that to come out. Her thinking probably wasn't So focused on you pen-paling a cute chick from another continent, but more like -- if he's going out of his way to do that, he does have an 'open for business' sign up.

the impression I got was that she let her kids walk all over her for quite a while and when they became teenagers she needed help controlling them and left me when she saw I wasn't there to fix the situation.

Could be. I think she needed help living as close to a 'real' life with those teens bringing boatloads of drama. Either helping her deal with the kids -- or helping her cope with such a crazy home situation with teens. But, your relationship wasn't serious. Sounds more like 1-on-1 FWB -- which IS going out if it continues over some time, but it's still in the mere "just dating" zone.

Mr. Trebek was also abducted by said aliens and taken back to his home planet Melmac for a much needed vacation with a good friend. Mr. Sajak took a break from Wheel of Fortune to fill in for him.

OMG, I am So not up to speed on this! I had no idea Alex Trebek is related to Alf, as he's from Melmac, too! But you are the (cute) nerd, so that should come as no surprise. :)
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 194
Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/17/2018 11:52:18 AM

If I'm FWB with a gal, unless I really feel she's on my jock too strong too frequently, I Don't want to see her chatting/flirting with some guy.

I love it! "We are not an item or anything... and I'm not committed to you... but don't be going around giving up my *** to other men!"
 Nathan38416
Joined: 11/18/2017
Msg: 195
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/23/2018 8:06:26 PM
I've been ghosted by people but I'd never actually been on a date with them so I don't know if it counts. I can be talking to someone online and they'll just stop replying. I remember talking to a girl in November last year and we got on really well. I broached the subject of going on a date together maybe three times in the entire time we were talking, she kept putting it off. Anyway in February she agreed to go on a first date with me, three days before the date she just ghosted me. Blocked me on here, blocked me on Facebook. That honestly made me feel like shit. We may not have met but it still stung like a ****.

It happened again three weeks ago. We only spoke for a few hours one night, we got on well, we had mutual interested and she said she'd get back to me the next day. Never did, haven't heard from her since.

I'd honestly just prefer to be told they're not interested. It'll suck to hear, but it's better than being blanked with no explanation why. You start to doubt yourself, question what it was you did wrong. It's not a nice feeling.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 196
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Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/24/2018 5:20:08 AM
^I have told women not interested, no sexual attraction some are fine with it others dig with why not? Or think I am playing hard to get or something, they don't grasp the statements. A lady had been "chasing" me for awhile without me giving her any sign at all to being attracted to her, she got verbally abusive and violent even assaulted me with a weapon. How is that ghosting/disappearing idea looking now pretty fvcking good if you ask me. I am the fvcking guy with 2 cracked ribs cause a woman wouldn't accept a not interested, oh yeah loving the dating scene it's to die for.

Here is the kicker for you highly intelligent lady with University degree her own business real prize for some guy I think. Provided her gets by her physical abuse, and verbal abuse, belittling, and insults he would have a great woman. Oh weight then comes her actual personality and appearance not my cup a tea but sure there are desperate guys willing somewhere.

Don't doubt yourself think of it as a rejection, it's not you their simply don't want what you offer it's not what they are looking for nothing you can do about it move on.

People beat themselves up way to much but we are our own worst critics aren't we. I left the dating scene as fast as I entered it simply because of the women's attitude, sorry rather leave alone than to be with that shit plain simple.
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