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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 26
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Messaging Them and No ResponsePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

How many times have you read a profile they list themselves as average and they are maybe thin or a few lbs over?

Slender, yes -- that happens. More often they're more than just a few lbs over.

I've also met a few who said, um you are more like a few pounds...so IMO it's a matter of perspective

He's trying to win you over with that, and likes a gal with a robust body like yourself and has attraction. Guys know girls are going to be very sensitive about their body weight/shape. So this is much the same as telling a gal who definitely looks like she is in her 40s, but saying she looks like she's in her 30s. Can't complain about that compliment, but my point is, many times it's not a matter of perspective, but a matter of trying to warm someone up.

I have prefer not to say because I don't want the freaks and fetish guys who hunt Fat chicks aka BBWs to be able to find me easily.

It doesn't require freaks & fetish guys, really. Guys who like a gal with some "junk in her trunk" will go for BBWs because they are easier to obtain dates with, while also having some attraction toward them (especially if she carries it decently well). On a site where there's 2.5x more guys than girls, he's going to go for what he sees as the path of least resistance. I can understand you not liking that and thinking "Hey, I'm not an easy target."

I don't think there's anything wrong with "Prefer Not to Say" if, like yourself, they have full-body pics. I think no pic or only head-shots are a no-no to do so.

However, as an FYI, guys who are looking for gals who are 'bigger' are going to include Prefer Not to Say in their search filter. So I can't see that helping your concerns too much by selecting that.
 SrqDJ
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 27
Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/5/2016 8:42:47 AM
Norwegianguy...

You are wrong about this.. some of the people who have the opinion I'm only a few pounds over are women I know through business so um NO not the case. I don't think they are trying to win me over lol And it does come down to individual views and opinions on not only body type but do people look their age or not, do they act their age or not, are they nice or not.

Granted, some men probably do think it's a way to get me to pay attention to them and I do agree SOME men are of the opinion that larger or fuller figured women are easy targets... Although given some of the stuff I read on these forums posted by average, thin or slender women, I think some men just assume anyone using OLD sites is easy or desperate.

Also since switching to prefer not to say, there has been a dramatic drop in profile views....so again your theory isn't my reality.

Brown eyes: I have received a few of those types messages-IMO is a new type of scammer bait

OT-OP as many suggest, you might want to re-think your photos and profile, take their no response as a response of not interested and keep on trying. It takes sifting through a lot of dirt to find gold and diamonds...and like in sales, every NO thank you gets you closer to the Yes please.
 Cowgirlwannabe1
Joined: 8/21/2015
Msg: 28
Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/5/2016 10:16:38 AM
Speaking of messages, what is this new thing where you get messages that say
"I'm doing this for my boss...he's not computer savvy and he saw your profile and
really liked it so please contact him" and then there's a website. I haven't gone to
the website because I'm not interested, but has anyone else experienced this?

I send out lots of messages and get no replies, but then I don't reply to everyone
that sends me one either.

I don't take this place personally.




that's got scam written all over it
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 29
Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/5/2016 11:35:25 AM

Messaging Them and No Response


Welcome to Guy World.



4. No photos at all. How do I know you're not a bot? How do I know you're even a woman? How do I know you're really the age and appearance you write in your profile/stats?


How do I know the photos are current?(photos that are 5-1o years old with a fake age to match that)

Lots of stories of surprise and disappointment regarding such.

How do I know the photos are even them?(and not some stolen photos to draw people in)

None of it is guaranteed, unfortunately.

But I do enjoy the stories of disappointment and surprise when people THINK they have come up with a foolproof system.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 30
Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/5/2016 11:52:39 AM

Speaking of messages, what is this new thing where you get messages that say "I'm doing this for my boss...he's not computer savvy and he saw your profile and
really liked it so please contact him" and then there's a website


This is a crass example of outsourcing. This guy is paying a Virtual Assistant to round up women for him. The VA is likely somewhere in Asia and getting a few dollars an hour to comb dating sites for women who meet his criteria and to email them. I use a VA to do occasional paperwork and to keep track of important dates and the like but this guy is taking it all the way. A VA can book your vacation or rent a hall and send out invitations to your mother's 75th birthday party. It isn't much of a leap to ask them to email every childless, blue eyed, brunette within a 50 mile radius.

As far as I know, this practice is the brainchild of a man named Timothy Ferriss, the author of "The Four Hour Work Week."
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 31
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Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/5/2016 1:00:25 PM
LAgoodguy summarized it pretty well:


If I were the one to receive a message from you I don't think I would bother to answer it as well.

You come across as a virgin who likes to do high school things


I think most men who read this in your profile are going to break their finger hitting the “back” button on their keyboard:


Plus I'm not one who partakes in partying, that's not my scene. I do not drink, smoke, or do drugs or fool around or sleep around either.


You do NOT sound like fun. You don’t sound like you could even find the zip code for fun.
 LTII
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 32
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Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/5/2016 1:23:04 PM
I didn't get a sense she was hammering in the don't drink/don't smoke thing. Sure, most folks would only mention it once, but if it's something you feel strongly about, I can see reiterating it again at some point in a profile.

Nataly, you seem like a fun girl. You're cute, the nerdy/geeky thing is appealing and believe me, there are plenty of guys out there who are into the nerdy/geeky types. If I were closer to your age (I'm in my mid-40s and dating anyone younger than 35 makes me feel like a dirty old man lol) and didn't live on the opposite side of the country, I'd reply back with interest.

Chin up. The right guy's out there, he just hasn't seen your profile yet. :)
 LTII
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 33
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Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/5/2016 1:34:35 PM
SrqDJ -- I was generalizing. Obviously not everyone who leaves out body type is doing so because of low self-confidence, but generally speaking -- again, only for myself -- I see someone who doesn't list their body type and the first thing I think is, "Why? Are they ashamed? What are they trying to hide?" It may be cynical of me, but you can only be lied to or hoodwinked so many times before you end up adapting a certain cynicism. Still, all that said, you make just as valid a point in favor of not including body type. There are plenty of fetishists out there who will zero in on a particular trait and ignore everything else, essentially objectifying the person. I wouldn't want that, either.

But on my own part, leaving out one's body type isn't something on its own that would automatically make me not want to respond if messaged. That, in combination with some of the other things I mentioned, yes. But that on its own wouldn't be enough to turn me completely off of responding.
 sweetnshythatsalie
Joined: 6/17/2016
Msg: 34
Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/5/2016 2:49:43 PM
I hardly ever message guys first because I know I'm not every guys type, so I let them come to me. I have been surprised to get replies from guys who I know looks wise were probably out of my league, then the total opposite happens to where I'll message a guy who I think is well within my league or below it but something attracted me to him, usually funny gets me, and never get a response, which doesn't make me feel rejected, makes me wonder who he's talking to that could possibly be cuter then me LOL

As far as size listing goes I use to list as BBW, but after meeting a handful of men they all said I fit more into the few extra lbs. Some guy on here said I almost fit into average which really blew my mind. I've seen women who were maybe a 8-10 list few extra lbs, and I've seen men list themselves as athletic who certainly were not, to me athletic mean somewhat muscular, not incredible hulk but no belly. This one guy claimed to be athletic and I told him just because you wear sneakers doesn't make you athletic.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 35
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Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/5/2016 3:41:16 PM

You are wrong about this.. some of the people who have the opinion I'm only a few pounds over are women I know through business so um NO not the case.

To clarify, I wasn't saying it's strictly to guys warming you up. Female friends can too to be encouraging, polite, etc. Guys aren't the only ones to answer types of questions like "Does my body look good in this dress?" in a purposely (or reactionary) positive lens for the better. I'm not trying to be rude at all to ya, honestly -- just realistic (that's what forums are for, right?). If one needs to lose more than 10-15 pounds (depending on height/body structure), they're more than "a few extra".

If the question you asked was for Online purposes though, I can see where you're coming from. There's a big gap between "a few extra" and "BBW/Big & Tall" -- and I agree that going with only those, the choice of BBW would be mixed.

I have been surprised to get replies from guys who I know looks wise were probably out of my league

On a site like POF where it's very tough competition -- guys are very delighted to get a message from a gal -- so they're less picky when that happens. Plus, they know when a gal does it, they don't have to 'work' to garner her interest, as she got the ball rolling already. So I don't find that too surprising (which is good!).

then the total opposite happens to where I'll message a guy who I think is well within my league or below it but something attracted me to him, usually funny gets me, and never get a response, which doesn't make me feel rejected, makes me wonder who he's talking to that could possibly be cuter then me LOL

Try being a guy in the same age/league/etc. :) Happens all the time... especially when guys Much More often than gals, will initially write someone where they "could do better". Many still won't respond because they're juggling other options and/or not just taking it so seriously where it'd take someone with some 'wow' to get them going at that point (or they're just not actively using the site at the moment). You don't have to assume they're dealing with someone cuter than you. They could be juggling 2-3 girls who are in the same league as you. Or just seeing a gal at that point, but just browsing around (maybe waiting for a 'wow'?).

Some guy on here said I almost fit into average which really blew my mind.

Well on Here the scales change a bit. :) Seeing your last picture, you're definitely not far from an average "Average" selection. A mere summer diet would easily put you in what many would select as Average, even if IRL it might not be so (depending on how the summer diet/exercise thing went).

IRL:
- "Average" means "No extra weight to 10 extra"
- "A few extra" means "10-15 extra" (depending on height/body structure)
- "Overweight" means "15-40 extra" (depending on height/body structure)
- "BBW/Big & Tall" means "Over 40lbs extra"

ONLINE, IMO, what to Expect:
- "Average" means "A few to 20 extra"
- "A few extra" means "15-40 extra"
- No "Overweight" exists on most places, hence a few extra & average being over-compensating
- "BBW/Big & Tall" means "40+ extra"

Of course, athletic is a tricky one. I don't think it requires muscular, but it can be, even with an offensive-lineman body that could border between that & "Big & Tall".
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 36
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Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/5/2016 5:08:09 PM
Nataly,

dont waste your time on complicated messages. If your pics dont appeal the guys wont respond. I do applaud you for being pro active though and putting yourself out there for the inevitable rejections that guys face. You are approaching the dating game way too intellectually.

Men are sexual and visual and if you dont load inviting pictures that show your femininity then you wont do well. Does not have to be explicit but a bit of come hither works wonders. If that is not your bag then I am afraid you will always experience what you are experiencing now.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 37
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Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/5/2016 5:17:17 PM
srq..

People wont generally be unkind enough to say outright you are overweight or obese especially if you ask them their opinion.

As for evading the body build question that gives the impression that you are not confident and have an issue with weight. Having a picture of yourself full length on the profile is fine but evading the question is counter productive. Be brave and state BBW again.

It is when guys say "prefer not to say" about a vehicle. We all know that means they dont have one.
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 38
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Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/5/2016 7:54:16 PM
I'm unsure of the public transportation in Glendale, CA but not having a vehicle may be another issue. While I understand your reasoning for not attending church, I still suggest you become involved with a Christian organization because they are more likely to share your values.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 39
Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/6/2016 6:50:12 AM

People wont generally be unkind enough to say outright you are overweight or obese especially if you ask them their opinion.


Some women can be sensitive about weight / body type. Therefore people with some type of attachment to her ( whether it's a female co-worker or a man that is interested in dating her ) will not give their honest viewpoint. While a random stranger on the forums would be more likely to be honest because there isn't any type of said attachment.

In general, I have seen plenty of people that labeled themselves as "a few extra pounds", curvy, average, or even athletic when they are actually significant overweight /obese / BBW. I know some people will say weight / body can be subjective. Perhaps it can be to some extent. But I also think sometimes it's obvious when a person has a misleading body type description.

That being said, having a relatively clear and accurate full body picture is the most important thing. Then other people can make their own assessments about body type.
 sweetnshythatsalie
Joined: 6/17/2016
Msg: 40
Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/6/2016 10:26:56 AM

Well on Here the scales change a bit. :) Seeing your last picture, you're definitely not far from an average "Average" selection. A mere summer diet would easily put you in what many would select as Average, even if IRL it might not be so (depending on how the summer diet/exercise thing went).


Norwegianguy are you going by a standardized weight chart? If so I am nearly 100 lbs more then what I should weigh for my height. If you go by the fact that the average American woman is a size 14, I'm a 16 so yeah just slightly above average. Oh how I wish a mere summer diet would do something for me, how many summers are we talking about...haha
 greatchoice63
Joined: 6/24/2016
Msg: 41
Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/6/2016 11:21:08 AM
"You go out of your way"....Wow talk about being self centered!....
 Cowgirlwannabe1
Joined: 8/21/2015
Msg: 42
Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/6/2016 11:39:34 AM
"You're lucky I replied here."


missed this the first time

man I laughed !
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 43
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Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/7/2016 11:51:39 AM
BORWNEYESBOO: I don't think there is anyone out there using office staff to recruit women. Virtually ALL attempts to get you to visit a web site are in fact people trying to make money off you as "promotional affiliates." Very often, the web address ends with an ID number that credits the sleazebag for luring you to their ads, drive-by attacks, or membership solicitations, which is a dead giveaway.

Contact people ONLY by phone or E-mail if you want to do so outside PoF. And if you receive E-mail, open it in text mode to prevent links in the HTML from attacking you or sending info to remote sites.

Remember, the web is a cesspool. It's all Al Gore's fault for privatizing the internet and opening it to the criminal universe.
ED BEAR
 modelseeker
Joined: 7/24/2015
Msg: 44
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Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/7/2016 12:57:19 PM
The one where you are on the grass is the only one where you look like a woman. Remove the others.
 DavidB417
Joined: 9/12/2012
Msg: 45
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Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/8/2016 5:59:01 PM
Looks like everyone else on here is suggesting a short message. I would disagree. The thing I read most in women's profiles is that they want the men who write to them to mention things they wrote about in their profile. You should keep doing what you're doing. You're not going to be a match for every guy out there. No one is. It depends on if someone is just looking for a sexual encounter or an actual mature relationship.

Many women, don't know about men, write long detailed profiles that are enjoyable to read. Sometimes, even though I know I am not what they are looking for, I'll write to them tell that I enjoyed reading their profile.

Don't take it to hard if guys don't write back or don't like your profile.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 46
Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/9/2016 8:08:08 AM

Looks like everyone else on here is suggesting a short message. I would disagree. The thing I read most in women's profiles is that they want the men who write to them to mention things they wrote about in their profile. You should keep doing what you're doing. You're not going to be a match for every guy out there. No one is. It depends on if someone is just looking for a sexual encounter or an actual mature relationship.


I think many people did write longer first emails when they joined OLD and switched to shorter emails because they got relatively few positive replies with the longer emails. In my experience, the content of the first email had very little impact. Whenever I got more emails, it was often because I added new and better pictures or ( to a lesser extent ) revised my profile.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 47
Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/9/2016 8:47:28 AM
You might get replies from longer messages..... likely from high maintenance women. The question is, is that what you really want?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 48
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Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/9/2016 10:46:01 AM


Seeing your last picture, you're definitely not far from an average "Average" selection. A mere summer diet would easily put you in what many would select as Average
Norwegianguy are you going by a standardized weight chart?

No -- I was referring to the "online" body-size/shape trends -- which gives people a lot of leeway, as it Jumps from "A few extra" to "BBW/Big & Tall" -- without any "Overweight" in-between selection. So one could lose a good amount of weight and still select "Average". "A few extra" by the trend of selection, basically means "Most of you wouldn't think I'm BBW".

If you go by the fact that the average American woman is a size 14, I'm a 16 so yeah just slightly above average.

Yeah, even though you have a lot of gravitational Weight to lose, it's a Body Type selection which isn't quite the same. That's why I say you're not too far from getting away with selecting Average with a summer diet in terms of common type selection -- even though IRL you're in the non-existent category in-between "A few extra" and "BBW".

Oh how I wish a mere summer diet would do something for me, how many summers are we talking about...haha

By IRL terms to be less than "A few extra", even though you could still be technically 15lbs overweight, yeah, it would take more than one healthy summer. Online? Yeah, by dropping 25lbs or so. At least from the pictures of body construct compared to others and their selections anyway. If you're nearly 100lbs overweight, you carry your extra weight very well, given it's that much. Good news is, when you are that much overweight, it melts off Much quicker than your average Joe's -- but becomes more difficult the more you're nearing not too much overweight.
 cflisthebest
Joined: 3/6/2016
Msg: 49
Messaging Them and No Response
Posted: 7/9/2016 8:49:19 PM
Just not attractive. Will have to try 3 times as hard
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