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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > A NEW queston about an OLD topic......      Home login  
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 Cowgirlwannabe1
Joined: 8/21/2015
Msg: 27
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
thing is...even though you thought the relationship was going well

wouldn't ya kind of wonder
if he lied about this..what else is he lying about?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 28
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/10/2016 11:43:56 AM

You met someone on line who looked even more attractive than his/her picture, was in perfect health and in better physical condition than you. They were about the same age as you, but young for their years, and a lot of fun.

Now, say the two of you really hit it off. You fall in love, become exclusive and have dated for over a year.

Sounds like a combination of a Beer Commercial & Online Dating Site Commercial. :)

You check them out and find that they never lied to you about one single thing ever. Except their age. They were actually about 5-7 years older than they said they were.

Whoah, that'd be strange. Not just finding out a year after dating them -- but how I didn't know. How it unfolded that it wasn't known would be the key in how it affected me.

How many of you could actually say that you would dump this person that you loved -- solely because they lied about their age?

It'd be one thing if they lied about their age and confessed it when we settled in being an item when dating. Having dated Over a Year then finding out? Hard to believe. Here's the thing: I've lied about my age. It's hard to get away with keeping your age-story straight. With a 6 year difference in age -- referencing stories about when you grew up and saw/did this-and-that is going to have holes in it. Things like "Wait, you saw that show when it was airing? You had to be like 2 years old -- how were you in grade school watching it with your friends?" comes up.

So if it's a serious relationship and I had NO CLUE the whole time for over a year in this grand relationship -- I'd be asking myself "Do I even know her that well if I didn't even suspect? Or is she Really Good at covering her tracks which Does indicate she's a great liar? Maybe that's why things seem So Perfect, because she's probably a great catch and all, but she also purposely molds the perception."

Now, let's say that YOU were the age liar. At what point would you tell your partner that you lied about your age? Or would you?

When things get settled in some, you've porked, you've clicked, etc. Best not to let it last too long. Your mileage varies. You read the situation on a good time to do it. But in general, no, you don't let it get to the point where you've already established yourselves as a true item.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 29
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/10/2016 2:14:25 PM
He lies about his age... for an entire year?

I'd be mortally hurt.
I'd probably withdraw and worry about what other lies he may have told or lies he says he didn't tell.
I'd drive myself crazy wondering why he lied.
And, wondering why he never spoke up until his kids told me it was his 60th birthday and not his 55th (or whatever was the reason I actually found out his true age).
The relationship would deteriorate rapidly.
I wouldn't be able to trust him; always wondering if this was just another 'little white lie that makes no difference'.
Without trust there is no relationship.

It isn't a question of 'dumping' him, it's a question of breaking a fundamental foundation of a loving relationship.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 30
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/10/2016 2:22:27 PM
Unfortunately many of the women I have met OLD have lied about significant matters such as their age, their weight, how many previous marriages they had, how many children they have had and so on. How they expect to actually start any kind of relationship based on one or more such lies is totally beyond me. As soon as I have discovered any lie such as those I noted hereinabove I have immediately dropped the malfeasor.

Lying about one's age is a misrepresentation of a material fact. Try it IRL to get a driver's license, social security and medicare, age of consent for sex, and so on.
 U21984
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 31
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/10/2016 2:47:06 PM
Dudes lie, too! I reveal my real age whenever doing OLD. But, IRL it's whatever I think they'll buy.
28, 27, I had one college girl totally believe I was 24! lol But, yeah. Bunch of dudes are lying about their age on here. Personally dont care, but easy as hay'll to spot.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 32
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/10/2016 3:41:19 PM
People forget to mention that the person who ferrets out such trivialities and has a cow is the unconscionable head case. I'll bet all of the people complaining about age liars would also be bothered if someone wanted to verify their weight listed on their driver's licence matched the reading on a bathroom scale. If they are bothered by it then they must have something to hide, right? Who is cool with someone rummaging through their purse or wallet to make sure that they have enough to pay their half? Then there is snooping in closets and medicine cabinets. The list goes on forever.

I doubt that a garden variety age liar is anywhere near that big a pain in the ass.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 33
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/10/2016 5:02:04 PM
From what I read men tend to lie about not being married; women frequently lie about their age - as well as their weight - but of course when folks meet in person the latter becomes apparent. IMHO men lying about their singlehood and women lying about their age are of mutually equivalent gravity.

BTW, everyone looks his/her age. Some look good for their age, others not so good, but we all look our age. How on earth could a man date a woman exclusively for a whole year and not realize she was 5 to 7 years older than she held herself out to be?
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 34
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/10/2016 5:10:45 PM
^^^MSG 34
If it takes a year to find out someone has lied about their age, then there was no 'ferreting out' of any information.

Want my weight? It's on my profile.
Rummage around my purse? My day planner, a library book or two, a magazine (currently Consumers Report), a notepad of 'to do' and 'to buy' lists, spare change at the bottom with a set of nail clippers, two bottles of nail polish (coral and clear), receipts in my wallet along with checkbook, credit cards, driver's license, library card, affinity card.
Closets? Medicine cabinets? Boring, but if you really want to look...

And I'll even explain why I have a bowl of condoms.

Just not on the first date.
 dearrancher
Joined: 6/29/2016
Msg: 35
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/10/2016 5:45:40 PM
"Want my weight? It's on my profile."

Actually, it's not on your profile. Did you lie? I read your profile twice (younsound like a lovely person, BTW) but I didn't see any mention of how much you weigh.

When does a person ask about age when they meet in real life? I have never had the guts to ask.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 36
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/10/2016 5:48:09 PM

Want my weight? It's on my profile.
Rummage around my purse? My day planner, a library book or two, a magazine (currently Consumers Report), a notepad of 'to do' and 'to buy' lists, spare change at the bottom with a set of nail clippers, two bottles of nail polish (coral and clear), receipts in my wallet along with checkbook, credit cards, driver's license, library card, affinity card.
Closets? Medicine cabinets? Boring, but if you really want to look...


So what I hear you saying is that every woman should surrender her purse and submit to a weigh in. Funny, never once have I seen a woman hand over her purse to prove that she was not a liar. Most women even object when their husbands get into their purse. Whether or not that is what you do, the vast majority of women would resist and with good reason. Maybe it bugs you that all of these unscrupulous, dishonest bishes won't come clean but most people, even men, will find a way to forgive her abominable secretiveness.


And I'll even explain why I have a bowl of condoms.


No explanation needed. It is obvious. Besides how could anyone believe a word that an internet woman says without solid proof?


Just not on the first date.


Why not? What are you trying to pull?
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 37
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/10/2016 8:46:03 PM
I am 70 years old now. Once I reached 65, my prospects in OLD dropped off a cliff. So I created a new profile and made myself a few years younger.
I have a BF now, he found me on DH. We've been together since last October. I told him my real age on the phone before we met. Something about the way he talked made me think, "uh oh, I better tell him NOW" It worked, he was not put off and the rest is history.

But those of you who say you don't understand why a person might lie, come on, after certain birthdays, your chances in OLD diminish dramatically.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 38
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/10/2016 8:53:42 PM
^^^
Very happy you met someone :)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 39
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/10/2016 11:04:55 PM
My mother is the youngest of 8 children, she was 10 years younger than her oldest sister who lived to adulthood, they had all lied about their age as far back as I can remember, among other things they lied about, like dress sizes, jobs, etc. Anyway when I was 12 we went to visit my mother's hometown and stopped for gas before going to see two of my aunts. The gas station attendant was very young & handsome and my mother was flirting away, talking about coming to see her sisters. He knew them and asked her age (who knows why). She gave an age 5 years younger than her real age, and he said so you are the oldest sister. LOL Boy was she mad, they had out lied her before she got to tell him she was the baby of the family.

That day has always stuck in my head, I was embarrassed for her, and I couldn't figure out why she needed to do that. So I've never lied about my age or weight, whatever, I think it's a stupid waste of time. Really if you say you are younger, most people will say you look even younger than that, but mostly they are thinking you look old for your age. Same with weight, if you say you weigh less than you do, people think you look heavy for that weight.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 40
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/11/2016 10:09:56 AM
I think the simplest solution is just to lie about everything. If you get caught it won't matter what the lie is about, you will be toast, just the same as when you only lie about one thing and get caught. Really, everybody lies about some things, so why worry.

I am pretty sure that hordes of people on this site lie about age, if only to get around the silly social engineering efforts of the site operator, to say nothing of the effort to appear to be younger to attract various target candidates. Since relationships are about feelings, not age or physical appearance or income or any of the other demographic factors you find in the screening filters, lies are pretty much irrelevant. The first time you meet someone, your feelings will immediately tell you what you want to do.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 41
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/11/2016 10:51:09 AM

Actually, it's not on your profile.

Oops, must have removed it the last time I edited my profile. It's there now for those enquiring minds. (Spoiler alert - it's currently at 250)


When does a person ask about age when they meet in real life?

I don't know. I usually haven't been asked and I tend to take people at face value.


So what I hear you saying is that every woman should surrender her purse and submit to a weigh in.

No. I am implying that I really don't care if someone digs around my purse if it's sitting there alone by itself. I wouldn't leave it with them if I didn't trust the other person.
What other women (or men) do and/or feel if someone sneaks a peek at their wallet is their business.


Most women even object when their husbands get into their purse.

Yes. Some do.


Whether or not that is what you do, the vast majority of women would resist and with good reason.

With good reason? What's the reason? If it's more than simple privacy then I don't find it a 'good' reason. However, privacy is a perfectly good reason. Note - I don't keep my bank statements or my SS# or a lot of personal information in my bag.


Maybe it bugs you that all of these unscrupulous, dishonest bishes won't come clean but most people, even men, will find a way to forgive her abominable secretiveness.

Mmm, not sure what you're saying or implying but very little of what other people do (particularly people I don't know) bothers me. If I don't like people or their company, I avoid them.



And I'll even explain why I have a bowl of condoms.


No explanation needed. It is obvious. Besides how could anyone believe a word that an internet woman says without solid proof?

Obvious? Then tell me why I have a bowl of condoms.
As for me being believed... as I mentioned, very little what other people do bothers me.
You can believe or disbelieve. That's your choice.



Just not on the first date.

Why not? What are you trying to pull?

You're not going to see my bowl of condoms on the first date.

StrawberryJello...
I can understand perfectly why a person would lie - to deceive, to mislead.
I simply wouldn't find it beneficial in the long run and usually not in the short run either.
Are my chances that great in OLD? No.
Are my chances that great in RL? No.
Do I find trying to increase my chances in OLD or RL worth trying to entice someone with a 'bait & switch'? No.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 42
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/11/2016 12:09:54 PM

IMHO men lying about their singlehood and women lying about their age are of mutually equivalent gravity.

I highly disagree with that, though. Definitely don't have the same weight. Being taken, especially married, has more gravity than someone saying they're 34 when they're 36 to get below the 35-yo-line in common age-boundaries. Many times, age is just a number but people put their own unwarranted Feelings behind it. If I meet up with a single pretty older gal, and she's not 39 but she's actually 42 -- she's not cheating on a husband, and I'm not "the other guy" when porking her after the date #3. :)

When does a person ask about age when they meet in real life? I have never had the guts to ask.

It's harder for a guy to ask. But I get asked that all the time. IRL, there's plenty of gals in their mid-to-late 20s who I'll be mingling with, along with pretty ones who are over 40. They usually ask during first mingle if it lasted a bit, or on a 1st date in getting-to-know-ya convo. I admit it, I'll lie ("I'm 29") when talking to gals in their early to mid 20s. Thru experience, you get more from lying about it than you do telling the truth. In the end, does it hurt them? You get a few dates, a roll in the hay, etc with a young gal that fizzles out. Whether you were 35 or 25 -- you were still you. Who cares what it says on the birth certificate? :)

When it comes to want-a-relationship mode, I correct the age early -- right after I feel she digs me or established ourselves in the bedroom, whichever comes first. Once in a great while if they're going on asking about stuff growing up and making it difficult to keep myself at 29, I'll let them know I'm older than 29 and go from there. From experience, telling mid 20s gals my mid 30s age off the bat does more damage VS lying about the age and letting them know early on when you're still getting to know each other outside the bedroom.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 43
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/11/2016 2:01:09 PM
I understand the concept. I don't normally go around telling lies or little white lies. But when I reached a birthday, the few messages I was getting dropped off to....nothing. Nothing at all.

So although I prefer honesty, truth, etc., the age thing in OLD is somewhat restrictive or misleading. I am healthy and active, more so than many people younger than I am. I tried to portray that in my profile, but too many people list interests they don't actually participate in, so it didn't seem to work.

I have no idea if my fake age played a part in attracting my current bf. I'm just saying one reason people do it is they notice after a birthday passes, they get fewer prospects. So self righteous people saying things like I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SOMEONE WOULD DO THAT or IF THEY LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE THEY LIE ABOUT OTHER THINGS. Yeah, ok, so you're a better person than I am. I'm not perfect, but I suspect none of the people on here objecting are perfect either.

I think some people are looking for a reason, any reason to reject a prospect. Go ahead and reject away. Whatever works for you.

Gotta go, we are going to an astronomy club meeting tonight.

Thank you ClooneysTutor, hope you can find someone soon.
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 44
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/11/2016 2:50:48 PM
No need to get so defensive and attack others who feel differently on this issue
Feeling guilty lol
You are an ends justify the means type there are plenty like you in this world.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 45
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/11/2016 3:09:28 PM
She had 54 on her profile. Initial meeting, she tells me that she didn’t have kids until she was almost 30, but they are all grown now.

Second date, we join up with her daughter and daughter’s boyfriend. Her daughter says something about being 37 years old. You do the math.

I didn’t get upset about it. I just dropped that one when she talked about dating the last guy for 6 months, and never being intimate. Woah, boy!
 dearrancher
Joined: 6/29/2016
Msg: 46
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/11/2016 3:14:22 PM
I don't think the Strawberry lady feels guilty about anything, why should she. She sounds like a lovely lady. And "ends justify the man's" people can be way more truthful in life and way more fun than the anal, dot all the "i's" people. Or the ones that have to be "right". Many folks don't tell their real information on a dating site or social media, they would be crazy to do that with all the identify thefts and weirdo's walking around amassing information. I don't tell my last name until I feel comfortable, or my place of work. My mother never tells her age, never has. My daughter has a Facebook page but her info is incorrect regarding her birthday, including the year.

The thing is, people will do what they want. And if they lie about their age or add 2 inches to their height or say they are an accountant but they are really u employed and looking for work or like to walk on the beach when they haven't been to a beach since the first Bush was president...it doesn't mean they lie about everything or lie about the important stuff. And, some lead you to belive they are nice and wonderful people when I fact they are holier than thou tight azzes. I take them as they come .
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 47
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/11/2016 3:35:26 PM
"people will do what they want."
Wow this is earth shattering news let's stop the presses for this.
Miss strawberry came on here and posted about lying about her age. And then starts attacking those who disagree.
To each his own I just do not find desperation entitlement and vanity to be attractive traits.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 48
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/11/2016 3:35:33 PM

You are an ends justify the means type there are plenty like you in this world.

And sometimes, in some narrow situations, it is for one's benefit to have the ends justify the means where nobody gets hurt in any way. Yep. Lying by omission or put in a situation where not answering an untimely or unfair question gives an answer thus purposely giving a false one -- IMO, can be socially justifiable. It can also be socially justifiable for the other person to be turned off when they do hear the accurate answer later, sure. It's all about weighing the pros & cons. Lying about one's age and keeping it that way for Over A Year in a Relationship -- that's a different story, and to me says something... because the whole point of lying about one's age or something else on the same frivolous level is to get an unbiased seat at the table. But once it's settled that chemistry's flowing, they should at least let the other person know they're a little older/younger than their profile age to avoid drama (to avoid it from becoming a problem that grows).

She had 54 on her profile .... didn’t have kids until she was almost 30 ..... Her daughter says something about being 37 years old

Say she was 28 when she had that one. 54 -> 65. 11 Year leap. That's pretty big. Now, if she looks to be in her mid-50s, and the guy is in his mid 60s, I don't see that as a necessary killer. Of course, that assumes she'd let you know Before you'd be meeting their family members. No way would I let a gal meet my family members or hanging out with my friends until she knew my real age. I could see someone slipping up like that if she was 61 but said 59 or something -- but 11 year difference? Yikes. Big mistake on her part not to break it to you until she got the vibe that you really dug her (which probably would have been early, I imagine).

I didn’t get upset about it. I just dropped that one when she talked about dating the last guy for 6 months, and never being intimate. Woah, boy!

What happened? Did she take it as you implying he was too turned off by her True oldness under the sheets or something?
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 49
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/11/2016 3:43:32 PM

I have no idea if my fake age played a part in attracting my current bf. I'm just saying one reason people do it is they notice after a birthday passes, they get fewer prospects. So self righteous people saying things like I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SOMEONE WOULD DO THAT or IF THEY LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE THEY LIE ABOUT OTHER THINGS. Yeah, ok, so you're a better person than I am. I'm not perfect, but I suspect none of the people on here objecting are perfect either.

Nope, I'm no better or more perfect than anyone else.
I simply have never met a person who told 'harmless little white lies' who didn't also tell whoppers.
For me, this is less a judgmental call (I don't want to date a man who lies)
than it is a factor of experience (I don't dare trust a man who thinks small lies are harmless because my experience tells me that he also tells whoppers).

Even you said...

I have a BF now, he found me on DH. We've been together since last October. I told him my real age on the phone before we met. Something about the way he talked made me think, "uh oh, I better tell him NOW" It worked, he was not put off and the rest is history.

That's great for you both that you recognized that quality in him and that he wasn't put off by the small lie.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 50
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/11/2016 7:04:08 PM

No. I am implying that I really don't care if someone digs around my purse if it's sitting there alone by itself. I wouldn't leave it with them if I didn't trust the other person.
What other women (or men) do and/or feel if someone sneaks a peek at their wallet is their business... If it's more than simple privacy then I don't find it a 'good' reason.


How far are you willing to take it? I'm not fighting with you here, I am genuinely curious. Usually it is young people, college age and less, who don't value privacy. It is something that I just can't get my head around. For instance:

Would you be okay with surveillance cameras in public rest rooms?

Would it be okay if the post office opened, read and censored your mail?

Is phone tapping a good thing?

Should the police be allowed to give warrantless cavity searches?

Here again, I'm trying to keep an open mind about it. All of the things that I listed are being discussed and they have their advocates. I confess that I cherish privacy but I also know that the future doesn't support it. Though I think privacy is valuable for its own sake, I would hate to turn into one of those "Well, back in my day" kind of fogies,
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