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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > A NEW queston about an OLD topic......      Home login  
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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 151
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

I met a really nice woman that I thought was someone I wanted to know better. Found out she lied about her age, and I stopped communication. I have been lied to in past relationships, so if she lied about her age, makes you think what else will she lie about.

Well, I think that's a bit sweeping, though. I think the devil's in the details. Many women fib about their age by several years. The question is by how much and for how long, and how important if/when asked that she be sure she tells it straight up (as it's common to fib with someone new).

I knew this one guy who went out on a couple dates with this really cute gal -- and she lied saying she was 39 when she was 42 (he was 35). He said age didn't matter to him... but she lied, and that's that. I chuckled, as I know that age Did matter to him, as he thought 39 was a Huge step dating a gal 4 years older than he in the first place. So pretty much, both are equal lies. The one fibbing about one's age INITIALLY, within reason, is more acceptable in my book -- as people judge too much based off it unnecessarily and unnecessarily limits your options in terms of compatibility.

Of course, fibbing about the age gets you in a quagmire, because you then don't have much room to criticize them... however, if you tell them during the 1st date when your age on your profile is off and explain the Whys, IMO, that person has problems for running merely because of that. They lied on their profile, and I would put it in the same boat as "Oh, I don't live in [name of sizable city], I live in [small-adjacent-suburb-name], as I feel odd about putting where I live in a smaller place to a bunch of stranger guys looking for someone."
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 152
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 9/21/2016 11:53:25 AM

Found out she lied about her age, and I stopped communication. I have been lied to in past relationships, so if she lied about her age, makes you think what else will she lie about.



probably missed out on a good woman.


A "good" woman who is delusional.

It's not even so much about what else she will lie about, as it is the fact that someone who lies about their age to attract prospective dating partners is operating under a delusion and trying to ensnare others in the delusion. Just because one "feels" younger than they are, and looks younger than they are, does not automatically change the date on their birth certificate. They are simply the same age as they really are, and look and feel younger than that.
But since so much of society is hung up on the age number, they buy into it and become part of the problem, instead of part of the solution.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 153
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 9/21/2016 12:19:26 PM
How did you find out, did she tell you?
idk, maybe it is like some people saying they are a few pounds over weigh, I reckon they are until I see them and go holy moley that's more than a few :/Maybe she fibbed because she wanted to meet you and figured her age would be a turn off.

People should start stating their age in weeks LOL
And what about Leap year babies? I mean I guess they can say their age, not a fib. Wish I had been born 29th
I'm 3076 weeks old.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 154
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 9/21/2016 2:04:04 PM

me
I didn’t get upset about it. I just dropped that one when she talked about dating the last guy for 6 months, and never being intimate. Woah, boy!


norwegianguy456
What happened? Did she take it as you implying he was too turned off by her True oldness under the sheets or something?

Any woman who could or would date a man for 6 months, with no intimacy, is not on the same wave length as I am. Maybe not even from the same planetary system.

Back to the original question here. If a woman puts down the wrong age when filling out a profile on a dating site, I do not think of that as her lying to me. People who are fanatics about the truth might see it that way, but I don’t. Now if she says to me, directly, “I was born in 1955” when the truth is actually 1945, that is a different matter entirely.

I am reminded of the old Rod Stewart song:


Knowing that you lied, straight faced, while I cried


The fact of the matter is, many (if not most) of the women I have dated I never knew their actual age, and furthermore, I didn’t care. I either find them attractive, or I don’t. End of story. Even the ones that I have met through OLD, I never made an effort to find out their age, and if they had fibbed.

Now if I were to discover that they had looked me in the face and lied about it, well, disturbing to say the least.
 grover14
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 155
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 9/21/2016 2:04:18 PM
You can find out alot on the net if you know their name.

Like I said, I regretted not giving her a chance. I acted poorly.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 156
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 9/21/2016 4:24:23 PM

Just because one "feels" younger than they are,


When my father turned 90 I asked him "How old do you feel, Dad?" Literally without taking a breath he replied "I feel like I am 18 years old and stuck in this old body!"

The point of this is most of us "feel" younger than our years. When we go to class reunions we observe our fellow classmates and may think "Boy, they have aged. I sure am glad I have not aged as much as they have." Delusion at work.
 Akitahun
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 157
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/5/2016 7:15:03 PM
People are always surprised when I ask for the senior citizen discount. :)
I have met men in the REAL world that liked my looks/personality. Then they found out I was only a few years older than them and they left to mingle elsewhere. Happens to the best of us :)
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 158
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/6/2016 1:49:53 AM
My views have changed and anyone over 50 with half a brain gets it.

I dont care anymore, in fact I dont want to know yours and Im not telling mine IRL either.
Online pof or facebook, people know within about 1.5-2 years, but I strongly object to having to fill in that slot.
FAWK EM


I dont have to lie to your face, but I wont answer you with a number. I'd much rather mind fawk ya anyway.
Im younger than Madonna and older than Adele..
If you need more info it will cost you a new car.


The best come back to men asking a womans age when its not appropriate( not your Dr.) is to respond with..show me your bank statement and Ill show you my birth certificate.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 159
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/6/2016 5:25:28 AM
Aki = I'm surprised too since you say 49 on your profile!
Madonna never ages. Spooky
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 160
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/6/2016 5:27:16 AM
Some will insist that fudging about certain aspects of their lives is a crime against the universe. When it's income, or marital status, something very important, then yes, they asked to get the heave-ho. Going past the statutory rape laws, I don't feel age is a huge issue. But then, I never dated anyone close to my age, because I was thankful that I managed to get a date. Few and far in-between can lower your self esteem to a point where, you ask yourself if it's really worth the effort.

I made the mistake on here sometime back about being two inches taller than what I put in my profile. On an already tall, 6'4'' man, two inches shorter doesn't make much difference, or at least to me it doesn't. But some chose to lambast me about it. It's not like a certain someone that decided to lie for personal gain, cheated everyone within range, and is attempting to screw over the world. And some are willing to overlook that. (Which astounds me to no end)

I got used to the idea that only older women are willing to give me a shot. But, if you managed to look younger to me, we got involved and started to build a relationship, then be prepared to answer the question of why you let yourself go downhill in a hurry. Because I will ask that nasty question. I call it holding up my end of the bargain. I'm willing to hold mine up. Are you?
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 161
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/7/2016 5:18:23 PM
Your question seems flavored [perhaps?] to help many Forumites stop shooting themselves in the feet. Over and over. A noble cause but unlikely to happen. These are the same folks who usually obsess over pics also, maybe just ONE of eight or even 16.

UNLESS and UNTIL folks can figure out how both of these relate to OLD/life in the RW, they will be forever doomed to having "no luck" using OLD or at the very least "very poor" results.

I HAVE MET both privately [F2F] and at tons of Fishmeets, multiple dozens of women in my area who could easily pass [in mind, body/appearance and "spirit"] for someone 10 years younger. It's possible that maybe for 1 or 2 of them, it was pure genetics and nothing more. I have little doubt that at least 90% spent at least several hours a week sweating doing something productive.

So, I have little problem with pics and/or listed age. I ONLY care about what a woman looks like and acts in person and whether we can have an intelligent and meaningful conversation/connection.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 162
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/8/2016 12:04:43 AM

Any woman who could or would date a man for 6 months, with no intimacy, is not on the same wave length as I am. Maybe not even from the same planetary system.

No, I agree. I understand for "too many" hastier younger folks, 6 dates is "too long". 6 months? That's not a generational thing -- that's some issues right there if one's an Adult. At "best", strict religious reasons. But even then, that's really odd when you're not a young adult.

If a woman puts down the wrong age when filling out a profile on a dating site, I do not think of that as her lying to me.

I agree. That's lying on her profile. But if the difference is to the extent to mislead the person they're interacting with, then I do believe it's up to them to bring it up relatively soon after first meeting. Basically, if you hit it off and are seemingly on the road to be seeing each other, it's best to bring it up Before have already started seeing each other. Otherwise it's lying by omission that starts to bear some weight.

The fact of the matter is, many (if not most) of the women I have dated I never knew their actual age, and furthermore, I didn’t care. I either find them attractive, or I don’t. End of story.

I don't think it matters when dating casually is the aim. People are socially biased by it, unnecessarily. However, to an extent where it'd mislead people -- like a big age difference of what their profile says & what they really are .... while Also it not being just a casual affair between the two, I would say then it matters. Now it may still not matter that much to you, but to many others it does -- so she'd have to go by the assumption of what people Do care about in general. Like, if she said she was 39, and the guy's 36, but he finds out she's 48? Hey, for casual dating -- I understand, roll with it. But once/if they start going toward Relationship alley -- yeah, it's going to matter to a lot of people for potential settling down purposes and weighing their options.

But at the end of the day, I CAN understand one putting that off for maybe too long. It's forgivable. Kind of used to seeing it, and why would it matter so much? Well, long-term health. I guess it'd be the same as putting off telling a guy she was newly dating that she had some syndrome that's non-life threatening, but will start to accelerate her aging in 15 years (or something like that).
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 163
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/8/2016 9:49:46 AM
I had a date this last Saturday night, with a woman 12 years younger (65 – 53). A beautiful woman whom I have known for 25 years. She got divorced a couple of years back, and I held off for a long time as I really thought she was completely out of my league. When I finally asked, her reply was, “What took you so long?”

I think with that big of an age difference, there is unlikely to be a long term commitment. But no reason why we can’t have some good times together.

I was talking with a friend last weekend. He is now in a committed relationship, and I have known both him and her for around 3 years. He told me that he held off on asking her out for years because he thought she was too young, and then one day she mentioned her age (very close to his), and he made a move.

They have no plans to marry due to financial reasons, pensions, insurance, etc. But they are a fully committed couple now, and they wasted years because he thought she looked too young for him. I will admit I was surprised when he told me her age, she is very attractive, and looks much younger.

As Wayne Gretzky so famously said, “You miss every shot you don’t take.”
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 164
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/8/2016 10:05:33 AM

People are always surprised when I ask for the senior citizen discount. :)


Since when did being 49 years old qualify one for a senior citizen discount?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 165
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/9/2016 12:09:45 AM

Since when did being 49 years old qualify one for a senior citizen discount?

Well, at Chuck E Cheese, I think you can be 29 and qualify for a senior discount... ;)

Of course, the other option is using a fake ID. :)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 166
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/9/2016 2:16:27 AM
Women do lie about their age often and it does not mean she may be a habitual liar. It is an ageist society we live in. You may have missed out on a good woman as it seems she told you her true age eventually. People do lie about all sorts of things after all,. I am sure you have told lies in your life.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 167
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/9/2016 10:57:25 AM
When you find out that someone has lied to you, the fact that many people do lie, is no reason to feel required to continue dating them, just in case this liar might be a good person otherwise. The burden is on the liar, not the person who has been lied to.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 168
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/14/2016 7:36:46 AM
If a woman lies about her age to me in order to date me I would never, ever consider her a potential lifetime partner. She has misrepresented a material fact which constitutes committing a fraud.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 169
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/14/2016 8:56:32 AM
I think people seriously need to realize the weight of some lies cannot hold a candle to others. A lie about height, body shape, or even age is about as superficial as it gets. They can be proved or dis-proved by someone simply walking in a door in real life. Lies about incomes, lifestyle, marital status, police records can stay buried for YEARS with little evidence ever being shown. One does not equate to all - not even close.

The blanket statement about "once a liar, always a liar" is pretty juvenile -- kind of like, "Just say 'No' to drugs." - when most drug problems happen because of abuse or misuse of legally prescribed medication. Taking a firm stand against everything 'bad' is more like saying you're not going to settle for anything less than 'sure' thing - which means eventually falling for the biggest scammers out there.

Looking for a higher class of person is not a guarantee of results - in fact, more than likely, they are a higher class of criminal.

It's kind of making a height restriction based on the most formal, highest heels a gal may own - even though they hurt her feet terribly and may only be worn three times a year for maybe two hours, tops. It's a false standard - and deserves a false standard to match.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 170
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/14/2016 11:09:23 AM
You know, some people don't lie on a regular basis.
And it's been my experience that people who find nothing wrong
with a little bit of lying, are adept at lying and do it...maybe as a defense,
sometimes as offense...I don't know.

People are okei with a lot of things, until it affects them personally.
I don't like liars. I've never had a good experience with anyone that started
out lying to me.

But to each their own.
It's pretty simplistic really.
I can't be bothered deciding what's true and what's not true with someone I
know has lied before.
So yeah....I'm a juvenile. I've never met a reformed liar.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 171
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/14/2016 11:22:24 AM

If a woman lies about her age to me in order to date me I would never, ever consider her a potential lifetime partner.

Well, there's a gal putting on a show with her friends to lie about her age to squeeze a date out of you, and continuing To lie about her age thru umpteen dates in stories she tells, until you find out she's not 35 but she's 47.......... and then there's a gal who puts 39 on a freebie website profile when she really turned 40 a couple years back, and after the 1st date goes really well with a guy, she says she's actually not about to turn 40, but actually is just over 40 as an FYI.

I think if one's really sensitive to the latter, they aren't realizing that a profile wasn't made For You, and that IRL many gals over 40 don't like revealing their age so readily to guys they're mingling with and it can be rude for him to ask. Which I agree with -- in the mingling phase. IMO, age unnecessarily bears too much weight on some people in judging, and they should not care about it until the concept of going steady is right in front of them.

The blanket statement about "once a liar, always a liar" is pretty juvenile -- kind of like, "Just say 'No' to drugs."

I agree, it is pretty immature. Intellectual laziness, IMO. Even the same concept one's being thrown off about isn't necessarily equal (see my example above). But yeah, different concepts bear different weights by default. Sometimes, it ain't-no-thang, and other times it certainly is.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 172
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/14/2016 4:34:39 PM
I suppose it could be argued that lying
is intellectually lazy as well.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 173
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/27/2016 12:24:29 AM

ohenryx
I had a date this last Saturday night, with a woman 12 years younger (65 – 53). A beautiful woman whom I have known for 25 years. She got divorced a couple of years back, and I held off for a long time as I really thought she was completely out of my league. When I finally asked, her reply was, “What took you so long?”

I think with that big of an age difference, there is unlikely to be a long term commitment. But no reason why we can’t have some good times together.


Well, it's 2 a.m. and I just got home from my second date with this same woman. It took me 3 weeks to see her again, she has a very busy life. And I definitely plan to see her again, and as soon as I can make it happen. I had a very good time. She definitely moves the needle, and in the right direction. We were dancing, slow dancing, and at the end of the song we kept holding each other and moving together.

Any time you can spend an evening with someone and feel like your whole world has moved in the right direction, that's a good thing.

Do I sound silly? Probably. And I have had a bit to drink. But the day I'm too old, or too cynical, to feel good about an evening like this, you can all plan to come to my funeral.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 174
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/27/2016 8:56:15 AM

Now, say the two of you really hit it off. You fall in love, become exclusive and have dated for over a year.

You check them out and find that they never lied to you about one single thing ever. Except their age. They were actually about 5-7 years older than they said they were.

The fact pattern doesn't work for me for a couple reasons:
1) birthdate is important to me so I would have explicitly asked his birthday (not just relied on the age in his profile) sometime very early in our dating, so it wouldn't take a year+ to find he'd lied on his profile and we wouldn't have made it to the 1 year+ mark.
2) given my experience with OLD, there's no way in hell I'm waiting a year to "check them out" - either I do it right away or I don't do it at all. So if I checked him out early and found the lie, then we never made it to that 1 year+ mark.

Everything else was just about perfect. Except that they lied about their age.

Another problem with the fact pattern - I don't believe that everything else could be "just about perfect" with ANYone who lies about an objective fact like their age. The key being that age is an objective fact; we're not talking about subjective assessment like body type or attractiveness or health. If someone can look me in the eye and lie about an objective fact, then the our relationship can't be "just about perfect" for a few reasons:
a) it displays slipperiness with the truth,
b) that slipperiness is to get their own way/what they want and the other's thoughts/feelings/beliefs/choices/preferences be damned - i.e. his choices are not only more important than mine but I don't even get the opportunity to make the choice whether I want to be with someone his true age, and
c) it calls into question what else they may be lying about, and
d) choosing to lie about something like age indicates (to me) there is/are some other psychological issue(s) at play that are not of a type I want to deal with.

The thing is, my desired dating range goes to 7 yrs older than me (and only about 2 yrs younger) so if he'd had his true age he would have passed through that filter and we would have had the opportunity to find out if we're 'perfect for each other.' No need to lie.

So, yes, I would dump his ass almost immediately; which would have been sometime in the first month, not after a year+.


Now, let's say that YOU were the age liar. At what point would you tell your partner that you lied about your age? Or would you?

Not within the realm of possibility. I own every one of my years.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 175
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A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 11/27/2016 9:02:14 AM
Yeah, what she said.

I don't understand this youth worship, anyway. So, if you feel the need to pretend that you're younger than you really are, I think there's something wrong with you in the first place. So, apart from the lying, I think you have issues for wanting to be younger.
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