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 AUTHOR
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 26
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BDSM: Dom/Sub RelationshipPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Look outside your window. See all the colors there? That's how many *flavours* there are to BDSM.
 SugahPunkin
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 27
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 6/4/2010 4:07:05 AM
Master and slave, a Conversation(anonymous)

Slave::::kneeling::: Oh Master!!!! You are the whole of my universe, the certainty of my existence. You are why my heart beats, my lungs fill, my toes curl. You shelter me like an offshore bank in the Reagan years. i grovel before you in awe of Your power, willing to satisfy You in every way...

Master::::peering over the paper::: Every way?

Slave::::pressing forehead to the floor and wiggling seductively::: Anything and everything is open to You oh Magnificent Maven of Mastery!! i beg, nay, beseech, nayer still, humbly crawl to kiss Your toes in the hopes You will use me...

Master:The bank account?

Slave::::looking up from underneath her hair::: what?

Master:Your bank account. You said everything was open to me, so I was thinking of that big account you have...

Slave::::coming up on all fours to stare::: Oh most wonderfulest of all Masters, surely you know that your ultimate control of me is so extensive that all I have is yours, but... BUT... You are so secure in the knowledge of my perfect and total enslavement that You would have no need to actually *have* an account number for this, Your most humble of servants.

Master:No cash?

Slave::::dropping head back down to the floor::: As always, Master, Your understanding of my heart is perfection in and of itself. It is why i give You every atom of my being, even unto the subatomic level...

Master::::folding away the paper::: Then it's sex.

Slave::::raising and throwing her arms up in touchdown form::: YESYESYES.. Oh, Master of mine, You are truly the ultimate owner of my being!!!
Master:oral sex.

Slave:YESYESYESYES

Master:You would like to give me oral sex.

Slave::::dropping arms to her sides to stare::: what?

Master:Well, I thought that this time instead of me... you know... I might command you...

Slave::::gritting teeth::: MASTER.... errr Master, Your memory being so much better and stronger than that of Your lowly slave, i *know* You recall how You show Your ultimate Mastery by satis... er... torturing Your property for hours on end. You recall how i shriek at Your touch? How i squirm in agony trying to escape?

Master:Well, yes... there is a lot of squirming...

Slave::::leaping to her feet and jumping up and down::: Oh Master!! You punish Your slave to help her better serve You in the perfection of Your regard!! :::running into the bedroom, voice fading into the distance::: Let Your lowly slave suffer soon, Master!!

Master::::sighing deeply, turning off the TV and following his slave into the bedroom:::



*snickers... Im sorry but I thought this was funny and just had to show it y'all.
 SugahPunkin
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 28
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 6/4/2010 4:14:01 AM
okay.. got another one.

John Doe strode into the bedroom, wearing His leather Postal Worker's uniform. He sneered at the bound and gagged figure on the bed, as He reached into His latex mail bag. Jane Doe, a 29 year old schoolgirl, looked up at her Master, her eyes a mixture of fear and desire.
She gasped as He brought a knife with a 9 inch blade out of the bag. 'I saw something on the Internet which I want us to try,' He said sternly, 'Are you willing?'
Jane nodded eagerly and mumbled, 'yeff Mather'.
John smiled as He bent close and cut her free of her bonds. 'Strip', He ordered as He began to remove His own clothes. Jane quickly complied, wondering what new delights her beloved Master had in store for her.
'Lay back on the bed', He commanded. Jane did so.
John then laid on top of her. 'Tonight my dear', He whispered while reaching for the light switch, 'We are going ........... VANILLA!'
'NOOOOOOoooooooooo!!!', cried Jane as the room plunged into darkness.
The above tale is true. John eventually left Jane to move in with a vanilla woman. They now have a 24/7 vanilla lifestyle, regularly enjoying home improvements, Tupperware parties and only having sex 3 times a year.
Jane was more fortunate and now attends Vanillas Anonymous. With help and guidance she is slowly recovering. Only last week she was able to stand up and say, 'I have the right to more than one sexual position!'
Vanilla is dangerous and should not be practiced at home. If anyone offers you vanilla sex, JUST SAY NO!
This has been a BDSM safety awareness announcement_______________________________
 Broken Meat
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 29
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History
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 7/7/2010 5:27:12 PM
Doesn't rattle me txangel80.

Not in a bad way at least ;)
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 30
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/1/2010 6:00:14 PM
Okay....how about, NOT. I believe you are assuming that one gender is submissive by nature while the other is not. As you were not specific as to which, neither will I.

Nothing in the lifestyle is that clear. In fact a very popular euphemism in the community is YMMV, your mileage may vary.

Either partner may be the submissive, regardless of gender. In a most BDSM relationships, it is the sub that sets the limits. A responsible Dom/Domme respects those limits. In that sense, it is the sub that has the ultimate control.

........or so I've heard.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 31
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/14/2010 7:00:57 PM
^^^I agree. I ran across an article some time ago and have been reading about FLR (female lead relationships or female led relationships.)
http://www.google.com/search?q=female+lead+relationships&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a
For every sub, it would appear there is a Dom or Domme in this case.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 32
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BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/16/2010 3:25:26 PM
This has been an interesting thread. There's been some great points made... as well as a lot of people spouting the usual media BS that the uninformed believe.

A sub holds the power in a D/s relationship.
Yes, the Dom(me) might call the shots during the relationship, but that's only because the submissive ALLOWS THEM TO. At any point, the sub can say no. They always have the right and power to put a stop to things.

A Dom(me)'s role is to give the sub the domination that the sub desires. Within the SUB's limits. Because anything beyond that is abuse.

Naturally, there's countless variations on D/s relationships. Every one is unique. It's all up to the individuals involved.

Another stupid stereotype is that submissives are basically just humiliated, mistreated, abused, etc. I see people complain how it's degrading to women. Why? Because a woman has found something that makes her truly happy, and is empowered enough to go out and seek it? And what does that mean for the countless MALE submissives out there?

If a submissive is treated like an object, or humiliated. It's because they WANT TO BE. If it was ever anything beyond what they wanted, they would put a stop to it. They idea that a submissive is "weak" or can't stand up for themselves is ludicrous.

Hell, the submissive women I know are a lot more strong willed than most "vanilla" ladies I've come across... who will allow men to take advantage of them. Who will be with a guy who doesn't treat them right because they believe he'll change, or that he doesn't really mean to treat them like crap.
None of the sub gals I know would put up with being mistreated for a second. So who's the weak one?
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 33
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History
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/16/2010 3:27:17 PM
Oh, and for those who would like a good place to go read up on the REALITY of BDSM... visit Fetlife.com. It is full of people who truly live the lifestyle, and understand it for what it is, not what the media makes it out to be.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 34
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History
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/17/2010 8:25:03 AM
Is that a yay for my opinion? Or yay because I'm just that wonderful?

I am always happy to see these topics come up, and like to give my side of the story, and try to help educate those who don't know any better.
The media does terrible damage to those in the lifestyle with their misrepresentation and bias.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 35
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BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 1/10/2011 1:28:45 PM
Guillotines? Seriously? When did that enter into things?

If you're not into bondage... then don't do bondage.
Remember that D/s IS NOT about the bondage or flogging or other kinks. D/s is its own thing. It's a mental and emotional connection with someone.

With my girls, the D/s was there 24/7. Not just when we were at "play".

And D/s only comes about when there IS complete and total trust. That's a huge part of the relationship, ANY relationship.

Some people enjoy pain and are masochists, and they take pleasure from the beatings or whatever they get. And that's their choice. It's something they want.
There's always safewords (anyone that says they're not needed is someone you need to avoid at all costs). At any point, you can say enough (or banana or whatever your safeword is...) and bring things to an end.


It seems to me that people whom are in that lifestyle are more in it for pictures and making everything public and I don't care for those kind of people, sex should be private.

Some people are into being showy and flashy, or taking pictures. Some aren't.
Most people in the lifestyle tend to be discreet or even secretive about it.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 36
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2011 6:07:59 AM

Most people in the lifestyle tend to be discreet or even secretive about it.

Yep. I think the term "in the closet" fits well when discussing this topic. It's much easier to live in the closet than out with all of the stereotypical mis-truths surrounding most anything out of a deemed Westernized social norm. JMO
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 37
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BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2011 11:01:42 AM
Yeah, a lot of people are just afraid of being shunned by those they know if the truth comes out. I think it's quite sad really. Firstly, what right do others have to judge how someone lives their lives, as long as they're not hurting anyone? Secondly, why does the opinion of others matter so much?
I'm open about my lifestyle. I'm a Dom. No shame in that. I'm poly too. No shame there either.
When I find a lady who can freely talk about their connection to the lifestyle in their profile, I have to write them. Even if I don't necessarily think we'll be a match, I admire her confidence in mentioning it, and would like to chat with her.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 38
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BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2011 1:45:53 PM

Secondly, why does the opinion of others matter so much?

It matters because it changes how the rest of the people in our lives interact with us, not just openly, but 'behind our backs'. When your boss thinks less of you, you get less preferential assignments, have less of a chance to be promoted, get lesser job offers, etc.. Sure, it isn't supposed to be that way, but that's reality. When your co-workers think less of you, they are less likely to pitch in and offer to help you; they are less likely to encourage you to to things, less likely to stand up for you if someone else says anything unflattering about you. My own situation is an example; if it were generally known that I crossdress, I would be labeled a sissy by a good portion of the population; with that label goes the loss of respect for other things I do. My authority would be more often challenged, because people (mostly men, but some women as well) would believe I would be more likely to back down to their desires. I would be more often challenged physically because most men would believe I am less assertive/aggressive, and more likely to let them push me around. If you believe that other people's opinions of you don't affect your life, fine. But on further investigation, you will discover that it makes a whole lot of small differences in a lot of ways; for while most people will be civil to you to your face, their decisions about how you fit into their world are most definitely altered if they don't like you.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 39
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History
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 1/12/2011 8:04:44 AM

When your boss thinks less of you, you get less preferential assignments, have less of a chance to be promoted, get lesser job offers, etc..

When your boss pulls that because of your lifestyle, you get him fired for discrimination. Because that's illegal.

In my last job as a system admin for HP, I was open about my involvement in the lifestyle. My co-workers knew, my bosses knew. And nobody cared. After they knew, I still got raises, got better job opportunities and all of that.

Hell, there were times when some of my co-workers would ask me about the lifestyle, and try to learn the truth about it, and not what they see in the media.

And if someone DID start making my lifestyle an issue, then I would raise hell about it, because the law states they're not allowed to do so. And even beyond work and such, anyone who makes problems because of it, isn't worth my time. I don't waste time with idiots.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 40
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 1/12/2011 11:24:24 AM

It matters because it changes how the rest of the people in our lives interact with us, not just openly, but 'behind our backs'.

Yep. When I "came out" (blissfully, I might add) of the submissive closet, I told my Mother. It was all fine and dandy for a few years and then she said to me, "Are you still in that "weird" mode?" Well, yeah I was and I made it clear I was. She could deal with that, not my issue at that point.

When your boss thinks less of you, you get less preferential assignments, have less of a chance to be promoted, get lesser job offers, etc.. Sure, it isn't supposed to be that way, but that's reality.

It is a reality. I stopped openly discussing my natural tendencies after my own Mother said something that was uncalled for, uneducated and erroneous. I wasn't poly, wasn't a pain-slut, wasn't into midget and/or jello, or farm animals. I was just submissive at home. (Oddly, I think she hated the fact she wasn't...but that's just years of watching her to make me assume that!)

When your co-workers think less of you, they are less likely to pitch in and offer to help you; they are less likely to encourage you to to things, less likely to stand up for you if someone else says anything unflattering about you.

Very much so. I learned very quickly, living inside the closet, didn't hurt my professional life. Living otherwise, very well may have.

My own situation is an example; if it were generally known that I crossdress, I would be labeled a sissy by a good portion of the population; with that label goes the loss of respect for other things I do. My authority would be more often challenged, because people (mostly men, but some women as well) would believe I would be more likely to back down to their desires. I would be more often challenged physically because most men would believe I am less assertive/aggressive, and more likely to let them push me around. If you believe that other people's opinions of you don't affect your life, fine.

No! It's not fine. It's tiresome and redundant and simply, in this day and age, shouldn't even be an issue to be discusses.

But on further investigation, you will discover that it makes a whole lot of small differences in a lot of ways; for while most people will be civil to you to your face, their decisions about how you fit into their world are most definitely altered if they don't like you.

When my ex-husband found out about my submissive nature (figure that...he'd been married to me and didn't notice...ha...guess he was fully engaged in the relationship....ha!) But yes, I've given up life-long friends after comments that were so off-color I felt so silly being honest that it was either say good-bye to them or poke my own eyes out with a spoon attempting to explain parts or "who" I am. I opted for friends who love who I am, the natural submissive side included. Oddly? My relationships are fewer, but much richer. Bless the hearts of those who can learn and love no matter what they aren't familiar with. JMO
 IcyDramaQueen
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 41
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2012 5:31:54 PM
I'm very new to this so new I haven't experienced it but want to. Can anyone give advice where to look for a dom or do they look for you?
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 42
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2012 6:37:49 PM
I hate to bust your bubble, but the subs run the show. Nothing goes down without their permission.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 43
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:43:54 PM

I'm very new to this so new I haven't experienced it but want to. Can anyone give advice where to look for a dom or do they look for you?


You need to be careful because there are a lot of wanna-bees and predators who are looking for "fresh meat". I'd suggest that you attend the local BDSM group meetings/events all around the DC metro area, and join The Crucible in DC, one of the best clubs in the US.
 Elle_in_France
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 44
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/28/2012 7:25:17 AM

In the BDSM the relationship is really clear:
The Master is the dominant, the active role, who drive the game. The "slave" is the submissive, the passive role, who follow the Master.
Maybe many ppl like bdsm because this roles are natural in the sex, but in this age nothing in clear in the relationship...


I am submissive, but not a slave. Terminology varies a little, but a submissive generally will submit to her Master for mutual pleasure and experience, while the slave will serve her Master for his pleasure.

The submissive tends to be a confident person, happy in their skin, open to experiment and challenge.

The slave tends to be less confident, and happy to let her Master lead the way, happy to make him happy.

Elle
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 45
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:50:54 PM

The submissive tends to be a confident person, happy in their skin, open to experiment and challenge.

The slave tends to be less confident, and happy to let her Master lead the way, happy to make him happy


Those are HUGE over-generalizations and not borne out in my experience, since I know quite a few slaves in M/s relationships who are quite self-confident and like to be challenged, and unfortunately I know (and know of) plenty of submissives who don't fall into your blanket description. The more I learn, the more I realize that there are no cookie-cutter relationships - there is a broad spectrum of relationships defined by the dynamics of each couple.
 Elle_in_France
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 46
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/29/2012 12:55:14 AM


The submissive tends to be a confident person, happy in their skin, open to experiment and challenge.

The slave tends to be less confident, and happy to let her Master lead the way, happy to make him happy



Those are HUGE over-generalizations and not borne out in my experience, since I know quite a few slaves in M/s relationships who are quite self-confident and like to be challenged, and unfortunately I know (and know of) plenty of submissives who don't fall into your blanket description. The more I learn, the more I realize that there are no cookie-cutter relationships - there is a broad spectrum of relationships defined by the dynamics of each couple.



Not 'HUGE' generalizations, there will always be exceptions. But this is a vanilla site, and this post began with a merging of the 'submissive' and the 'slave', so why not let a slight stereotyping stand for the greater understanding of all? Let the exceptions be examined on a BDSM site.
 Single_Dad_Dave
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 47
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/29/2012 4:41:24 AM
I'm fairly knowledgeable about bdsm and never heard the distinction put that way.
 yummbunn
Joined: 2/26/2013
Msg: 48
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 6/25/2013 10:45:18 AM
Hello..im a virgin to this sexy erotic lifestyle ..im burning on the inside to find my true Dom (with contract) Can you please where do i go to find my Dom? I truly desire this to be my life. Im naturally submissive ..I jus want more. Conventional relestionships are so boring. I want my choices and decision made for me. This life is dank and dismal ..please help me..thank you..:)
 yummbunn
Joined: 2/26/2013
Msg: 49
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 6/25/2013 10:45:27 AM
Hello..im a virgin to this sexy erotic lifestyle ..im burning on the inside to find my true Dom (with contract) Can you please where do i go to find my Dom? I truly desire this to be my life. Im naturally submissive ..I jus want more. Conventional relestionships are so boring. I want my choices and decision made for me. This life is dank and dismal ..please help me..thank you..:)
 yummbunn
Joined: 2/26/2013
Msg: 50
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 6/25/2013 10:45:56 AM
Hello..im a virgin to this sexy erotic lifestyle ..im burning on the inside to find my true Dom (with contract) Can you please where do i go to find my Dom? I truly desire this to be my life. Im naturally submissive ..I jus want more. Conventional relestionships are so boring. I want my choices and decision made for me. This life is dank and dismal ..please help me..thank you..:)
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