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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 26
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Double secret probation

:) Now I want to watch that movie again.


Haha, so do I!

OP, seriously - just watch somebody do an imitation of busting a giant zit - life gets a whole lot better.
 diaboloacetin
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 27
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/8/2016 5:22:22 PM
Deal breakers are easy to spot if you have good communication. Deal breakers are issues where no compromise is acceptable, like cheating for example.

Good relationships are really not that hard to define. But they are a whole lot harder to put in practice.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 28
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/8/2016 5:23:44 PM
Burnt food is unacceptable.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 29
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/8/2016 6:22:36 PM
Burnt food can be scraped. Or Pizza ordered
Or heck lets just go eat Chinese food :)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 30
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/9/2016 12:26:06 PM
My Ma used to say charcoal is good for your stomach.
 diaboloacetin
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 31
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/9/2016 5:07:54 PM
Yup, charal is good for your stomach if it's used to grill some shrimp. ;-)

Ladee, I sure hope you're right, means I have yet to peak lol.
 Blue_Highway
Joined: 5/11/2016
Msg: 32
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/9/2016 10:16:33 PM
Ahhhh; the numbers game! How am I on a scale of 1 to 10....
I agree with some of the points Igor and Maleman said.

Definitely agree in part that if you are keeping score that the relationship is destined to fail. However, subconsciously we ALL are keeping score and the tally usually comes out when things go South. If we didn't keep some sort of a score then how else are we weighing deal breakers versus the positive aspects of a person. It may not be a number, but it's a score. Other than something to cause a breakup that was egregious (cheating, abusive, and deception) why have we given up on relationships in the past and they us. Because we/ they over time have tallied what has been given and received. Sounds selfish, yet it's reality.

Agree with Maleman on compromise. Hardly anyone these days knows what it means during a relationship. We treat issues like a Mexican standoff; just staring at one another trying to figure them out without communicating. In the end one or both walk away without knowing what could be.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 33
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/9/2016 11:02:23 PM
I think most issues arise when one gets attached faster then the other.

I WANT SOME MORE OF THAT SH!T NOW!!!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 34
not for everyone
Posted: 8/10/2016 9:45:19 AM
Yet another viewpoint from experience: Stopped off at Hootervilles for dinner a night ago. They pulled in a waitress from another restaurant. Anything a man wants in his bed, this 20 yr old had--scissors long legs leading to a bubble butt, a petite torso just as stacked. Anyone who's argued a "10" never exists, would be forced to change their opinion or look foolish. She stifled a yawn coming over to write her name on napkin, so I broke the ice asking how she was doing and how much fun it is to work in a cold building with, duh, what little she was wearing. Apparently, she really needed something to make the shift go by quicker, b/c every free moment she was walking over to sit down at my table and talk about stuff, mostly her bf.

Were I in her league, I might have used the opportunity to ask her out, as soon as she explained he wasn't really her bf b/c they hadn't talked about that yet, b/c her last actual bf had cheated on her so she wanted to keep options open right now, and, y'know, this guy might be stepping out. As the other waitress there would ask if she could handle the new customers who came in, she'd tell me how she's going to Disneyworld for her 21st birthday, he asked if he could come along, she invited him, and she feels she should pay his airline ticket since she asked, but he's a guy so he might want to pay like he pays for everything else. meanwhile, we talked about the evils of social media, b/c her friend looked this guy up and he seems to be with some crazy beeotch who claims he belongs to her but keeps sneaking off. The waitress' take on all this is that she hasn't locked him down, so she really has no claim.

Mentioning the potential STD's to her, would be like complaining to a rich guy about the fuel economy of his Ferarris. in his world, that's never a consideration. She's got what she wants now, a NSA relationship. If she loses him, oh well, she doesn't have to worry, she can pick up another Vin. So who's really in charge? they both are. He's making it up to her, b/c he doesn't want to lose her. And she'll pay his airline to Disney world, but he has to pay for everything else (I really should have had her join the forum here, she had some interesting views on relationships that would blow some minds here).

her world, and her concerns, are different b/c her options are way different. She has as much to offer, as she wants from a man. So, she gets to deal on an equal level. its a trade, not a beg or a hope or a sales pitch. But, that's her world, and we live in ours'. It sucks to lose a good friend, yet if you can pick up one as good in a mere few months or days...it takes the edge off. i'm not saying people should be interchangeable, i'm just saying it makes the transition easier.

otherwise yes, i'm agreeing with Clooney--the person who wants more, is not in the driver seat. That's true when you're buying a car or asking the boss for a raise. As for compromise, yes, it might surprise youngsters that at one time, coffee came in only one way--whatever the hell was in the pot. There was no variety of flavors to choose from, you accepted what was there or you went without. now we're used to not only the customer is right, but they deserve WTF variety and version and color and flavor their little mind can think up. "compromise" isn't a promise to be comp'd for something better.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 35
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/13/2016 7:15:45 PM
A relationship isn't about splitting things equally all the time nor about always getting what you want. If you come into it with that kind of attitude you're doomed for failure. The point is to have each other's back no matter what its about being a team, being a single unit together through thick and thin, sometimes that means someone has to carry an unequal burden for a while. People that can't handle that might as well go back to preschool.
 diaboloacetin
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 36
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/14/2016 6:53:22 PM
gtomustang guy, from a looks perspective she may have been a 10, but personality wise she doesn't sound like it to me. Back in my younger better looking days I have dated women like that, and apart from the visual, they have almost always disappointed. Attitude is at least half the equation, plus the mind stimulation is almost another half there. At least, for me.

Finding the perfect woman is like finding your most favorite color on the color wheel. You got to find the right combination of primary colors that's perfect for you. Maybe a woman that's pure visual appeals is peffect for you, but I tend to more of a mix.

So I think I'd pass on that lady.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 37
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/15/2016 6:29:07 AM
Its true, her attitude towards dating and mine aren't the same. I would date her, I wouldn't marry her :) In the same reason I wouldn't marry someone born with a silver spoon in their mouth. Their viewpoint on how to live within their means is different from mine. But it would be fun to date for a while. Those who grew up with different options than I did, will approach life differently than I do. they will eventually become a disappointment, but the rich girl who grew up being daddy's girl, is going to always be that way until she decides its time to change, usually when she can't make it work anymore.

the perfect girl would be nice, but at my age, someone's already married her. why wouldn't they? she's perfect, what reason could they have to dump her.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 38
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/15/2016 2:48:33 PM
And thats part of the problem. the good ones get snatched off the market young.
They either stay married or they get ruined and thrown back into the dating pool.
 Robyn143
Joined: 7/19/2016
Msg: 39
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/15/2016 3:15:57 PM
You have a HUGE chip on your shoulder about love and how you view women..and THAT is the reason you are having issues finding the "perfect" partner. Women our age are experienced and know a jaded and bitter man when we see one, even if he tries his hardest not to show it...that is one reason i suggested that you look for much younger women. They might put up with it.
 diaboloacetin
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 40
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/15/2016 5:24:24 PM
Lol I think the same can be said of both sexes really. All of us on here have been through bitter life experiences, have built up defense mechanisms to cope with life in general. That's probably why you hear so many negative connotations associated with the, ahem, more mature folk: grumpy old men, old biddies, and so on. Life tends to make people more cynical. Just peruse the threads on here lol.

But I think, at least I'd like to think that as we get older we also appreckate the imperfections in others. Dunno, maybe I'm an optimist, but I do find flaws to be attractive sometimes. Brings out the humanity, makes them more approachable? I honestlh don't think I could stand a flawless person for too long.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 41
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/15/2016 5:38:53 PM
You changed your profile shot, good move. I think we are getting through to you.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 42
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/20/2016 3:52:21 PM
To take the opposite tact of the OP's perspective, what percent of what they want are you able to provide them? What if you got 80% and she only got 35%? Seriously, this whole line of thinking is flawed, people aren't like the movie Weird Science where you can order up your "perfect" partner off a wish list.

And relationships don't suck "today", the period or era that we're in has nothing to do with it. To quote someone else, relationships are successful when each partner is getting their needs met. The idea of perfect compatibility is not possible, otherwise you'd be with the opposite sex version of yourself. For me, that would be incredibly boring for one, and I know it wouldn't last long.

I think the ideal situation is one where there are some commonalities and a nice mix of other interests, characteristics, etc. that mesh well and/or compliment each other. Also I don't think many people are really that interested in the health and well-being enough of the relationship itself, outside of just the needs/wants of the individuals in it. A partner has to do things they'd rather not do at times but that contribute to making the relationship "work". Most people I meet are too inward focused (okay....selfish) and only are thinking about what they're going to get out of it without little or even any consideration as to what they're willing to put into it.

It's a wonder (well maybe not really) why anyone who thinks relationships suck would be wasting their time on a dating site.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 43
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/22/2016 6:33:42 PM

The premise of the 80/20 rule is that you will never get more than 80% of what you want in a partner, the 80/20 rule is why many cheat and why many have a fear of commitment.


Interesting.... It's all about perspective/interpretation. One could instead choose to call the 80/20 rule the realization that relationships involve compromise. There is no "rule" to excuse cheating or to explain fear of commitment; both are personal choices and those who choose either simply feel they need an excuse to do so.

I personally don't believe that relationships today suck any more than in the past, or likely in the future.
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 44
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/23/2016 6:48:12 AM

I personally don't believe that relationships today suck any more than in the past, or likely in the future.


Great statement.

Relationships are what you make them be. It's easy to blame the times, blame whatever seems to be good in the media, blame upbringing or whatever else. In the end, blame yourself.

In a relationship you first have to learn to love yourself. Yes, very selfish, but if you don't and you let your partner walk all over you, your partner will not respect you. Once you learn to love yourself and seek happiness within you have to realize that you also have to work at making your partner happy and give them a part of you that is filled with understanding, compassion and sacrifice.

Understanding is the realization that the world does not revolve around your version of reality, but a each interprets that reality. So be open to your partner's point of view.

Compassion is realizing that your partner is not perfect, that your partner has screwed up before and is going to screw up again. Part of that compassion is saying that you're sorry, when it's you the one that screws up. It takes courage to say, "Hey, I over reacted, I am sorry."

Sacrifice is the realization that sometimes you have to do something that you do not like but you do it to make your partner happy. It could be as simple as doing dishes, folding clothes. When you sacrifice for your partner, your partner starts to sacrifice for you.

Realize that sometimes the answer to the problem, is not your partner, it's you.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 45
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/23/2016 10:46:32 AM

And relationships don't suck "today", the period or era that we're in has nothing to do with it. To quote someone else, relationships are successful when each partner is getting their needs met. The idea of perfect compatibility is not possible, otherwise you'd be with the opposite sex version of yourself. For me, that would be incredibly boring for one, and I know it wouldn't last long.


Not true, different times make different types of people in fashion so to speak.
My core personality is pretty much the same as it has always been, but my dating success has dropped dramatically.
Ask someone who dated during the "free love" 60's/70's what he/she thought of the post AIDS 90's/2000's.
Times change and not always for the better. The chubby women who complain that all guys want barbies would be shocked at all the attention they would have gotten in the 1800's.
The difference is we now live long enough to see ourselves go in or out of fashion.

My best dating experiences were between 1986 and 1991(was married in 1991), in the 16 years since my divorce I have been shown time and time again that relationships today are much different and not for the better.
Just hard hard coming to grips with the fact that I chose wrong at the time in which I could have found someone, and now that time has past. These times are not really conducive to REAL relationships.
 milkmandeliver2
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 46
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/24/2016 9:17:24 AM
wow!!!! 80/20 rules check this man.....a relationship is 50/50 a give and take thing....when in the real world love should overcome all!!!!! that bother you, your dislikes, or just saying no! Love is the meaning being together no matter what ????? SOUND FROM YOUR STORY the relationship is in the air.........or in question.....?
 JS3344
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 47
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The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/24/2016 10:34:53 AM
1. There are social and economic reasons on why women are different today, thus maybe effecting relationships/dating.
2. If you have ANY pre-concieved notions on relationships, women and dating.......you're doomed, forget all that shit, clear your head, choose wisely, and take them as they come. You can't get a logical reason for something so illogical.
3. 99% of the threads on this board are from people, just not getting what they want, and trying to understand why. This all goes out the window when you finally meet someone great. Just chill out, be patient, reset after every bad experience and believe something good will come, it may take awhile, but nothing good is easy.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 48
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/24/2016 8:42:53 PM
"Why relationships suck today: People refuse to engage in first love teen antics of age 16-21. People suck that way." Signed unrealistic person who adapts for no one, possibly undergoing mid life crisis, and expects no less than a dream date to somehow colorize their black and white world.


Personally, I liked age 27-28. People refuse to date like they are 27-28, a major fail on their part. Ok, they might be a bit willing, but they don't look 27-28, double fail.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 49
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/25/2016 10:28:33 AM


People refuse to date like they are 27-28, a major fail on their part. Ok, they might be a bit willing, but they don't look 27-28, double fail.


Sure, I'd love to meet barely employed girls still living with their parents wanting to play house with me. We have enough of that crap already brewing here in the forums.

Sign me up for that sh!t.
 22UFO
Joined: 8/12/2016
Msg: 50
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/25/2016 11:17:00 AM
Morta...

I disagree with you in far too many ways to elucidate and that's only on such things as social history. Just because your best dating experiences occurred between 1986-1991 does not mean everyone's relationships are getting worse in tandem with your life. Shesh, such an egotist.

The fact that your
core personality is pretty much the same as it has always been, but my dating success has dropped dramatically.
only indicates that
(1) what worked for you as a teenager and young man isn't working for you anymore and
(2) women realize they can take care of themselves as well as most men tend to take care of women.

But, I'll leave you with this:


And thats part of the problem. the good ones get snatched off the market young.
They either stay married or they get ruined and thrown back into the dating pool.
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