Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 49
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)


People refuse to date like they are 27-28, a major fail on their part. Ok, they might be a bit willing, but they don't look 27-28, double fail.


Sure, I'd love to meet barely employed girls still living with their parents wanting to play house with me. We have enough of that crap already brewing here in the forums.

Sign me up for that sh!t.
 22UFO
Joined: 8/12/2016
Msg: 50
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/25/2016 11:17:00 AM
Morta...

I disagree with you in far too many ways to elucidate and that's only on such things as social history. Just because your best dating experiences occurred between 1986-1991 does not mean everyone's relationships are getting worse in tandem with your life. Shesh, such an egotist.

The fact that your
core personality is pretty much the same as it has always been, but my dating success has dropped dramatically.
only indicates that
(1) what worked for you as a teenager and young man isn't working for you anymore and
(2) women realize they can take care of themselves as well as most men tend to take care of women.

But, I'll leave you with this:


And thats part of the problem. the good ones get snatched off the market young.
They either stay married or they get ruined and thrown back into the dating pool.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 51
view profile
History
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/27/2016 12:49:25 AM

I disagree with you in far too many ways to elucidate and that's only on such things as social history. Just because your best dating experiences occurred between 1986-1991 does not mean everyone's relationships are getting worse in tandem with your life. Shesh, such an egotist.


No not an egotist, I had nothing to do with how the dating landscape changed, the sheer number of people who have a hard time meeting or attracting others who otherwise had success in the past speaks for it's self.

Back in the day you would meet someone who was into the same stuff as you, you hit it off then were an item, you would hang out spend most of your free time together etc etc.....

Simple as it should be, now you most go through the trails of Olympus .... take part in complex mating rituals, spend days or weeks convincing her you aren't like the last 6 guys she dated.

Today things are harder than they should be.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 52
view profile
History
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/27/2016 4:25:31 AM
Some pretty good points have been touched on in here.

Tossing out preconceived ideas about relationships and dating sounds like a fine idea. Until you find out you're the only one that did that. Have you ever stopped to think about your requirements for a datable person, may look like baggage to another?

Want to be approached in a certain way? Have an expectation list that must be met before you make a date? Lovely, you just made yourself not worth it. It's well known that I don't want to date overweight women.

I pay the price for that. Have you ever considered why I'm picky about this? It's not because the extra weight looks bad. It's because I see people struggle with sore joints, and bad backs. Furniture that meets a premature end due to overloading. Going in for joint surgery? Your joints were not made to handle it. And your new joints can't handle your old weight. My ex gained a bunch of weight. I just loved spending a lot of extra money on doctor visits, new expensive shoes that had to be replaced monthly, orthotic pads and lifts, back braces. Cutting fun activities short because she was hurting. Or not going at all. Then I had to listen to her gripe about ill fitting clothing, or not finding cute items in her size. Not to mention all of the fad diet plans I paid for. Then she got mad at me because I wasn't fat. (!!!)

It's not the weight you carry. It's the drawbacks that went with it, I didn't like. There's always an underlying reason why we don't want to deal with certain people. Everyone has quirks. It's just, do we want to deal with them? I got a really good quote sent to me from facebook-

"Sometimes those who don't socialize much, aren't actually anti-social. They just have no tolerance for drama, stupidity, and fake people."

I like that.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 53
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/27/2016 7:08:54 AM
^^^^^^You need therapy!
Time to get over the wifey......over weight people versus smokers..let's see.
Which one sucks the medical system more?
Not all over weight people have the issues that you stated...so justify all you want why you think...you are better than them.
Pfft!!

I have a quote I like as well...
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 54
view profile
History
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/27/2016 8:21:34 AM
I can only live my life by my past experiences. I have to be invited into someone else's life to learn more. Bar me from that, and my views never change. I tend to stay away from fat noisy women that attack me.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 55
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/27/2016 9:03:44 AM
Smoking cuts down your dating pool considerably. And one does not need to justify disliking overweight people. I don't particularly care for it, though not everybody with a few extra is ugly or unhealthy, but they never hit on me. I usually get skinny, and I don't care for that so much...but you know...a body type was never the big issue for me..I like good faces, and just that he was progressive, smart, respected women... not easy to find...

However, one has to be realistic about what one can attract, given one's age, interests, beliefs, where one lives.
If people want to paint themselves into a corner, there must be a reason, a payoff in that. Perhaps one wants to be alone.

But, do not blame others for failing to live up to your standards. Take it or leave it. You aren't a victim to fat women, grannies(women your age). Just ignore whomever you like.

Mort: Dating 16-21 or in youth, is damn well the easiest time to date. When you are at the height of attractiveness, people tend to overlook flaws. After coitus though, they may get critical, even in youth.

Dating past 40 is more difficult because some folks just don't have the looks to get away with acting immature or having weird flaws to put up with.

It's not that the world has changed that much..its just harder to date as one gets older. More bad experiences make people cautious or scared or demanding.

You are doing that as much as the next woman you meet. You're still attracting women, but maybe your attitudes are not maturing in that one has to be more flexible, in order to have a ltr. People do not have 50+ ltrs without overlooking a lot..
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 56
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/27/2016 9:10:47 AM
My own "saying". To learn and grow from one's past, is divine.

I don't see relationships, to be better or worse, than 10/20/30/40 years ago. Certainly society changes slowly, gradually, but that does not imply, it is for the worse. Somethings may be better, life expectancy is longer, technology is good or bad, depends on the user, (LOL cell phones), but human interaction, relationships, depends on the persons involved.

My lesson learned? BE the person, I want him/them to be.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 57
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/27/2016 9:43:07 AM
Perhaps you should have tried to find out why she gained all the weigh. Often people do because they are extremely unhappy.
I can't see that relationships have gotten worse over time.
But if you think all relationships suck then you prolly ought not to get involved in one.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 58
they suck b/c people suck
Posted: 8/27/2016 10:17:10 AM
oh goodness, don't dwell on smoking--I touched that third rail, and people are still touchy about it :) in the old old old days, dating was easy b/c we were all in the same location, 14 yrs old, and our parents had something to do with it. now we can live on our own, and after we see how annoying the hoi polloi can be, we decide we don't want them in our bank account or our house 24/7. not helping matters, however, as others have pointed out, is our preconceived notions. We demand things from other people we won't give to our own selves, and naturally, its hard to find a human being who will give us those things and not demand their own in return.

as for overweight, I like curvy, but if your body is destroying itself...the comfort of comfort food isn't helping your happiness. Ironically, eating to become happy, might make you eventually unhappy when you look in the mirror. But boy can some of that food really hit the spot. One of the crueler parts of getting old is losing our metabolism :) But smoking can "help", and that gets us 'round back to the point again.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 59
view profile
History
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/27/2016 10:46:17 AM
Morta:
No not an egotist, I had nothing to do with how the dating landscape changed, the sheer number of people who have a hard time meeting or attracting others who otherwise had success in the past speaks for it's self.

Back in the day you would meet someone who was into the same stuff as you, you hit it off then were an item, you would hang out spend most of your free time together etc etc.....

Simple as it should be, now you most go through the trails of Olympus .... take part in complex mating rituals, spend days or weeks convincing her you aren't like the last 6 guys she dated.

Today things are harder than they should be.


I take it you don't have a twenteenaged son. I do. In HIS generation, what you describe as the "good old days" is happening right now. Women approach him, send him semi-nude selfies for encouragement, and go out with him "just to find out," just as people did when I was young, these millions of years ago.

What has changed, is that you and I are older, and the people in our age range have appropriately different lives. Different goals, different experiences, and especially, different reasons NOT to "just give it a go."
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 60
view profile
History
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/28/2016 5:46:46 AM

My best dating experiences were between 1986 and 1991(was married in 1991), in the 16 years since my divorce I have been shown time and time again that relationships today are much different and not for the better.


That's nothing to do with passing generations and everything to do with your own advancing years, I'm afraid. It happens to us all. Especially if we fail to move along with them.
 wildandwise
Joined: 4/26/2015
Msg: 61
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/28/2016 2:50:44 PM
Ok im trying to remain sane in seeing a guy who only wants to see me when he feels up to it
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 62
view profile
History
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/28/2016 3:54:31 PM
^^^^^^^^

Yeah, don't do that!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 63
when he feels it up
Posted: 8/28/2016 6:24:10 PM
he must be cute, otherwise you aren't getting much out of this. He's saner than you, what's broken for him that he needs to fix? Become just as hard to get as he is...he'll either miss what he can't have, or he'll move on, which won't be bad for your sanity, either. or get a hobby to keep you busy when he's too busy.

the good news is....you have total control over this. You can reward him for his bad behavior, or you can decide he shouldn't be rewarded for treating you this way. Give him his doggie treat, or withhold it, its totally under your control.
 chongpeace
Joined: 4/23/2016
Msg: 64
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/28/2016 8:27:40 PM
isn't it a small issue can be worked out through communication? I am just a bit lost
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 65
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/29/2016 8:47:53 AM

Give him his doggie treat, or withhold it, its totally under your control

For the likes of me...I can't understand why people make relationships so complicated.?
If you are not happy...make a choice....stay or leave...change something.


To learn and grow from one's past, is divine.

Yes!! People make bad choices(especially when you're young)...I have, but seldom will you hear me complain about it or them.
I could write a book on the marrying the "bad boy"....and what I endured.
Took me a bit to move on and look for what I knew I wanted and deserved.
All the whining, blaming or accusing is not going to solve "your" problem.

When you know better...you do better!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 66
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/29/2016 11:59:56 AM

"Sometimes those who don't socialize much, aren't actually anti-social. They just have no tolerance for drama, stupidity, and fake people."

I like that.


I like that, too.

And people can't even blame my attitude on smoking and a bad divorce.


I had nothing to do with how the dating landscape changed,


Me either.


Today things are harder than they should be.


Actually, I think they have always been harder than they should have been.


When you know better...you do better!


Really?

So, all the people who rob banks and burglarize people's homes and businesses just don't know any better?
If someone would just point out to them that what they do is morally wrong and illegal, they will stop doing it?

How about the Mafia?
How about druglords and drug dealers?
How about 3rd generation gang members?

They just don't know any better?

Or maybe they just don't care.
 Shewymacfee
Joined: 4/2/2016
Msg: 67
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 9/11/2016 11:02:55 AM
Don’t make the mistake of choosing 20% over the 80% you already have.
Remember, happiness doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time to develop a relationship into something more than just a “casual thing.”

So you you have 20% shortfall in your relationship? you might want to find a short-term, casual thing to find the 20% of things that are missing.
Then by all means go find your missing 20%
But if you want longevity, take a second look at your 80% you already have.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 68
view profile
History
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 9/12/2016 3:49:03 AM
I agree that beards are a turn-off, but then I'm a guy. I am at a loss to comprehend the surging popularity of "stupid-stubble" beards among men. Why do men think beards are great? I know one guy who sys his beard hides his chinlessness, and two who say it hides thier massive jowls, but beyond that...

80/20 is the sort of silly statistic that Donald Trump loves. Even Hillary Clinton fell afoul of "half of Trump's supporters," using a common phrase for "part of" that becomes a fantastatistic. (My portmanteau coinage for "fantasy statistic.")

It's like "Sturgeon's law": "ninety percent of everything is crap." Though I remembered it as "86% of everything is crap." The point is that generalizations are no made any more correct or precise by sticking BS numbers on them.
ED BEAR
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 69
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 9/12/2016 1:21:18 PM

I am at a loss to comprehend the surging popularity of "stupid-stubble" beards among men. Why do men think beards are great? I know one guy who sys his beard hides his chinlessness, and two who say it hides thier massive jowls, but beyond that...


Simple. Women. Women like men that look like men. While some women like the clear face thing, there are a lot of them that want their men to be hairy. The more hair, the more they like the guy.
 6665366
Joined: 9/8/2016
Msg: 70
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 9/12/2016 3:11:17 PM
I have dated women in the past who loved my then beard, but I usually had a "stupid-stubble" in my high school and college days.. It never hurt my ability to date.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 71
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 9/12/2016 4:39:58 PM
Me...
]When you know better...you do better!


Fullmoomguy

Really?

So, all the people who rob banks and burglarize people's homes and businesses just don't know any better?
If someone would just point out to them that what they do is morally wrong and illegal, they will stop doing it?

How about the Mafia?
How about druglords and drug dealers?
How about 3rd generation gang members?..


I believe we were talking about "relationships"...were we not? and figuring out what works for you.
For example....I know, I no longer will tolerate someone that drinks too much...as I have aged I have learned or know what signs
to look for if someone is lying and I do better because I no longer feel deceived....when it's right...you'll know.
Thus the saying.....
 ugehayagfay
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 72
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 9/19/2016 10:05:18 AM
I thought the 80/20 rule was that 20% of men have sex with 80% of women
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 73
view profile
History
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 9/20/2016 6:48:15 PM

I thought the 80/20 rule was that 20% of men have sex with 80% of women

I thought that was from another dating website that stated women find 80% of men below average. Interesting, though.


Date women who need less ambition in you

FIFY
I got really tired of hearing women complain that the guy she was with wasn't ambitious enough. To me, that means she felt entitled to be able to spend more money than he made. And that's just wrong.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.