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 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 22
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Divorced vs. Never MarriedPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)

Chromis, thanks for qualifying the widowed/with dependent children status for tax filings. I was able to use that category for one year since my son was finishing up his last year of college, but he is no longer a dependent and I am now "single."


A few months ago I amended the '12, '13 and '15 1040's for a woman who mistakenly believed that her 31 year old live-at-home son didn't qualify as a dependent. He was no longer a "qualifying child" but he WAS a "qualifying relative", so maybe you situation warrants a fresh look? The rules can be confusing.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 23
Divorced vs. Never Married
Posted: 8/13/2016 10:16:33 AM
Maybe one reason why so many people decide to live together without marriage is because of the BS involved with titles and status if it doesn't work out. According to some, if you were married before, you could never be unmarried-even if the marriage was short lived and a long time ago. Whereas if a couple lived together without marriage and it ends, they are still "purely" single-even if the common-law relationship lasted a long time. I guess they would even be classified as fully single if they had children together and the relationship lasted "until death do us part'.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 24
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Divorced vs. Never Married
Posted: 8/13/2016 10:54:12 AM
dragonbytes:
IMO is the OP is uncomfortable about discussing his previous relationship and this is what comes across. Not that fact that he was never married.

If you don't care, then it also comes across in conversation and people usually aren't that curious to get into details. People get more inquisitive when they sense someone is not comfortable discussing something, I think it's easy for most people to detect this.


I agree with most of your post, save this bit. Probably because of my own experience with people (especially here) being EXTREMELY picky and judgmental about how each person labels themselves, it's entirely understandable for someone to want to "get the label right," as well as to "put the best face on things" in order to get along with the most people. There's nothing to be disparaged about that, in my opinion.

Another thought on the CHALLENGE of such opinionated people:

I've found that if someone is looking for a reason to find fault with you, they will. Period. Heck, I've known people who fully accepted the most religiously based saintly version of Jesus ever conceived, who nevertheless despised Jesus, BECAUSE he was so perfectly wonderful.

I think it's less that the OP is uncomfortable about his own past, and more that, just as I was when I first tried to date online, trying to figure out if there really ARE well-known unwritten rules to follow.

Really, there are not.

What there is, as always, is that for each action or choice one makes, there will be people who LIKE you for it, and people who will DISLIKE you for it, and lots of people who wont even notice one way or another.

Again, I think the only real thing to NOT do, is to say you are 'single,' when you are still legally married. But there are people, for whom the term "single" means something closer to "a relationship virgin" or some such, and they will fight to the death, demanding that no one sully this fantasy they hold so dear.

So I still say, just pick whatever label you think is most accurate, and then when you find someone who objects to it, deal with them as is necessary. As an individual.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 25
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Divorced vs. Never Married
Posted: 8/13/2016 11:41:57 AM

So I still say, just pick whatever label you think is most accurate, and then when you find someone who objects to it, deal with them as is necessary. As an individual.

The last three words really nailed it - As an individual.

Observing online dating as we do from our various portals out there, we tend to become our own 'nation' of decisions. We are swiping through these sites in the privacy of our own screens, our own desires - AND our own vanities. What that means, is everyone has their OWN set of rules and translations for what they read and believe. People tend to believe what is common knowledge for them, is common knowledge for the rest of the world - but that isn't remotely true. We don't all make the same incomes or work in the same fields, yet somehow we are supposed to understand each other, sight unseen?

Some people will understand you. Some will be confused, but be willing to play along. Others - well, some are just plain crackers. Each person is their own encounter, their own experience. Yet there are plenty in here that are naive and stubborn, and will continuously apply the same labels from their own experiences to the rest of the world without considering an alternate point of view. A lot of it has to do with fear of change - change in lifestyle, change in environment, change in a way of thinking. We ALL need to open up a bit to more possibilities, but for some, it's too scary.

The best example I can give - is parents - and their belief structure which is based on a couple decades of constant repetition and habits. It's burned into their brains to care for someone else that has created a link nobody will ever match. Good luck convincing one of them that we all get the same 24 hours in every day, and they can change that habit out any time they want. Best you can do is empathize with their situation, be open to more possibilities, and don't get too wound up when one bad egg decides to spoil - just throw it out, and crack another.
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 27
Divorced vs. Never Married
Posted: 8/17/2016 8:55:08 AM
In the courts systems I now see a lot "partner" when asking about status.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 28
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Divorced vs. Never Married
Posted: 9/11/2016 10:33:54 AM
UMMMM
Well I can claim "Single" on my Income Tax. That's good enough for me.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 29
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Divorced vs. Never Married
Posted: 9/12/2016 3:53:41 AM
It's all about thinking that popular or idiosyncratic ideas of "normal" matter. I've heard women discussing men say, "He's never been married. There must be something wrong with him."

Only to women who want a man to marry, I guess.

As far as "Single," goes, I'm with the crew who say it means never married. If there are check-boxes for "divorced," "separated," "widowed" and the like, the meaning should be obvious. The "virgin" analogy works for me.
ED BEAR
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 30
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Divorced vs. Never Married
Posted: 9/12/2016 6:31:15 AM

So if you no longer live with a serious “ex”, you’re not really lying to tell someone you’re divorced. However, it is something that should be discussed pretty early on in the relationship, so as not to appear deceitful. Anyone who’s suffered through a breakup, legal or otherwise, will surely understand and accept that explanation.


The whole thread is amusing in several ways.

Should I claim I am wealthy since I have a wealth of experience and the ability to make lots of money at times, so I am not lying, but will tell someone early on the truth otherwise maybe I will look deceitful? How twisted must we make the rationalization to come out of this rabbit hole?

The other amusing thing, it wasn't so long ago that being divorced was a stigma, now it's more positive than being never married? That's amusing.

I do think a single data point, like someone over ~40 never being married, increases the odds that they are more self centered than those that have been married, but it isn't conclusive by itself. Just like multiple divorces over say 3 increases the odds that something is a bit hinky about your personality. Though even that is changing, since remaining single is now more acceptable, though many also judge the s same younger generation as being more narcissistic than previous generations. Maybe remaining single and being narcissistic are related traits?

I wonder, do those never married but that were in a LTR ever claim "separated" on a dating site? Now I know they aren't going to do that. Separated is the most negative, maybe even more so than being married and wanting to date.

What is more telling, someone that agonizes over this and feels the need to claim divorced, which we all understand is a legal proceeding, when they were never married in the first place.
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 31
Divorced vs. Never Married
Posted: 9/12/2016 7:27:17 AM
^^^


I wonder, do those never married but that were in a LTR ever claim "separated" on a dating site? Now I know they aren't going to do that. Separated is the most negative, maybe even more so than being married and wanting to date.


IDK---the status of 'widow/er' seems to be the most negative on these boards...What with the shrines those of us left behind build to the sainted departed dontchaknow---hahaha

I wonder...if after a break-up of a (non-married) LTR, in which the partners do not split amicably , if one were petulantly to declare to the other---'You are DEAD to me'---can they now claim the status of 'widow/er'?

;-) hahahaha

And what about those folks who insist they are 'widow/ers' when their BF/GF dies? I feel their pain, but really, what's up with that!?! A need 'after death' to now make the relationship 'official'?? IDK
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 32
Divorced vs. Never Married
Posted: 9/12/2016 8:32:04 AM
Then there are cases of couples not believing in a requirement to have a church or the government to officially sanction and validate their love-and instead, have an unofficial "commitment" ceremony or something along that line, or having a voodoo witch doctor or a Satanist perform a "soul uniting" ceremony that nobody recognizes. So they are sort of married. If the relationship doesn't last, should they claim being single or divorced?



And what about those folks who insist they are 'widow/ers' when their BF/GF dies?


What about a married couple who end up getting divorced, then an ex ends up dying afterward? Should the surviving ex say they are divorced or widowed? Or is either title OK to use?
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