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 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 26
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or notPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Then why did you ever sign up for a dating site?]


Maybe to have another option to meet people. I think many people feel the same way she does. They've exhausted the possibilities of meeting people IRL, or their daily environments aren't conducive to meeting real-life folks. OR they had more options when they were younger but those options have since moved on and are no longer viable. Reminds me of my aunt. She is 43 years old and still hopes to get married and have kids. In her 20s, she was height-weight proportionate & was proposed to twice. She rejected their proposals because she believed she could "find something better". Now....20+ years and 40+ pounds later, she's still single & relegated to online dating sites. Those men who wanted to marry her have since been married and had kids of their own.

I've said this in other threads but trying to concoct a love connection with strangers (online or off) does not work for most. Being stuck on OLD is a definite way to set oneself up for disappointment.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 27
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/5/2018 6:42:19 PM

...trying to concoct a love connection with strangers (online or off) does not work for most. Being stuck on OLD is a definite way to set oneself up for disappointment.

People find ways. But you can't find a match if you don't work at it, and you definitely can't find a match if you refuse to settle. Most of the blockages that happen in dating is about an intolerance to deal with issues - either their own, or what the other person brings to the table. The largest brick in the wall is usually found between their own ears. People need to manage their perspectives. You can't pull up to a McDonald's drive-thru and get a candle-lit dinner with Sea Bass and Prime Rib.

"Keeping options open" is highly over-rated, and it's usually a good translation for, "I'm afraid to try." There are all kinds of goody matches out there, with equally ridiculous stories of how they got together. But that story is never told unless they both decided to stick to the match and make it work.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 28
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/5/2018 7:22:44 PM

and you definitely can't find a match if you refuse to settle.

So you would be good with a woman telling her friends she settled for you.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 29
Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/6/2018 10:08:47 PM

Then why did you ever sign up for a dating site?

Like my profile states, I had used internet dating in the past. I won't know if I liked something or not until I tried it. Now I am often just browsing profiles. I am on POF more so for the forums.


Why do you HAVE to make a decision based on one 30 minute coffee date, just because you met online?

Is there a law against going on a 2nd or 3rd date with someone from online, just like someone from other real life methods?

I don't see why people think they have no control over their methods of meeting and dating online vs. real life.

Apply the same methods to both.

It was a hypothetical statement. I often don't make decisions based on a 30 minute coffee date. Neither did most of the people that I had dated offline. But apparently many people that use internet dating do. It takes 2 to tango. If I want a second or third date and the other person doesn't because there wasn't an immediate connection during a 30 minute coffee date, there still isn't going to be another date.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 30
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/8/2018 8:57:29 AM
Offline and online dating can be different settings. Offline, 2 people can often get to know each other a little bit before the first date and they are less likely to be talking to/ or dating others at the same time. Thus I think many people (barring obvious dealbreakers) are willing to give it more time before making a decision.

Online is essentially a blind date with a virtual stranger. When there isn't instant chemistry, people can quickly move on to other options. They might have several emails in their inbox or they have dates lined up with other people. It's not necessarily my complete approach to OLD. But what I said does seem to be a popular and common method.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 31
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/8/2018 10:34:19 PM

and you definitely can't find a match if you refuse to settle.



So you would be good with a woman telling her friends she settled for you.


Heck, yes.
News flash - if someone decides to stick to a relationship instead of play the field, they ARE settling. Doesn't matter if they announce it or not - the actions define the term.

People that are afraid of the word 'Settling,' or only see it as a derogative term, are usually the type that are terrified to do it themselves. People that 'settle' for a partner are willing to make it work, not find reasons to escape.
 BuretoDesu
Joined: 7/1/2018
Msg: 32
Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/9/2018 5:47:28 PM

Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not


OLD is a tool for meeting people, but it's only one tool of many that you should employ.

Don't use OLD like a crutch as if it is the only way to meet new people.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 33
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/9/2018 5:59:44 PM
Dan
Heck, yes.
News flash - if someone decides to stick to a relationship instead of play the field, they ARE settling. Doesn't matter if they announce it or not - the actions define the term.

People that are afraid of the word 'Settling,' or only see it as a derogative term, are usually the type that are terrified to do it themselves. People that 'settle' for a partner are willing to make it work, not find reasons to escape.

Would you agree that your definition of 'settle' is different than that of most people?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 34
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/10/2018 7:57:19 AM
The actual definition of 'settle' is to resolve an argument, or to adapt a more consistent lifestyle that works. What other definitions are there?

Deciding to continue the chaos of dating the unknown isn't settling. Deciding to remain single and stop playing the field IS settling. Remaining single just so you can keep options open and refuse to allow yourself the chance of getting hurt is NOT adapting a consistent lifestyle - it's pretending you are OK when you are not.

A long happy life with a partner is about RESOLVING arguments, not avoiding them. Stepping up and accepting the risk of a particular partner is just like accepting the risk of living in a particular area. If you are going to stay there, you HAVE to accept that challenge. Good, bad, or otherwise. Settling on me isn't a bad thing - it's a damn noble idea.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 35
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/10/2018 12:34:35 PM
^^^ You seem to not know the difference between settling down with someone and settling for someone.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 36
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/10/2018 5:17:48 PM
I have quite a few friends who are married to people they met online.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 37
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/12/2018 6:43:33 PM

^^^ You seem to not know the difference between settling down with someone and settling for someone.

I know there are plenty of people that convince themselves they settled FOR someone - AFTER something in the relationship went wrong.
That has nothing to do with settling - it's a convenient excuse - pushing the mistake further in the past - instead of actually examining the relationship dynamic and figuring out what could have gone wrong, and what could have been done better.

Being open to possibility - being willing to settle - is both about being willing to risk failure OR success on a venture. That's why I say people are deathly afraid of the word. They are not willing to accept failure of any sort. Or, in a more realistic frame - they are unwilling to WORK at maintaining a match by sharing and compromise.

OOOH! I said the "C" word! Better cross yourself and spit over your left shoulder for reading it.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 38
Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/12/2018 7:50:14 PM

I have quite a few friends who are married to people they met online.


The question is, “Are they happily married?”
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 39
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/15/2018 9:33:18 PM
The question is, “Are they happily married?”

The answer for all of them is a huge yes. Sure like everyone they have issues, but all of them are very happy with each other.
 BuretoDesu
Joined: 7/1/2018
Msg: 40
Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/16/2018 12:10:11 PM

Now....20+ years and 40+ pounds later, she's still single & relegated to online dating sites. Those men who wanted to marry her have since been married and had kids of their own.


Careful, siisaa, you're throwing red meat to the MGTOW crowd.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 41
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/22/2018 3:44:18 PM

Careful, siisaa, you're throwing red meat to the MGTOW crowd.


I agree with some of their points as it relates to women and our sexual market value. However, most of them are too bitter/angry/irrational to take seriously. Anyone who is that angry, regardless of gender, does not have a clear view of what they preach. They're too wrapped in their emotions.
 OctDenise
Joined: 10/26/2016
Msg: 42
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/23/2018 10:14:54 AM

Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not

First, you have to define what your "true love" is
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 43
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 7/24/2018 4:57:32 PM
The biggest problem with online dating is that most people who use it are broken people who dont have their stuff together emotionally , physically or economically.

Lots of people fresh out of relationships.... People should take a year or two off of dating after a long term relationship ends so that you are fully over things and dont bring baggage with you.

Lots of people aren't happy with their appearance. Thera re people who use old pictures and dont want to meet after chatting for weeks because they gained weight and want to lose it . Dont go online. Go to the gym.

Lots of people are looking for dates while broke , living with parents or trying to properly raise kids.
IF you're 25 or older and you dont have a career or full time work, you have a few kids or you dont have your own place , then dating shouldn't be in your top 5 things to do .
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 44
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 8/1/2018 10:13:52 AM

On POF I met many good people who could possible make a perfect wife in the future.The hurdles that I have ran into involves personal problems that these women are presently going through that will affect their relationships.

When we're older -- it's not the Online scene, but the dating scene altogether where singles put their foot forward -- you'll find many on the rebound, or being older caught up in things where they're incompatible with you (at least for now) with LTR in mind. You shouldn't take the dating scene as "find future wife". You should instead look at it where you don't want to utilize time on a cuter girl who lacks compatibility, and instead focusing more on gals who seemingly have compatibility. You can weed out some early from profile+initial-general-chat -- but the rest, it'll take a few dates. But in the mean time, enjoy the dating scene and the benefits that can come along with it (but just keep your eye on the Compatibility ball).

Haven't many of us dated the same destructive types over and over? So wouldn't online dating only expose us to even more of the same bad matches?

I don't think online dating gets a copyright on bad matches - lol. Any place that draws singles is going to get that. And in today's day and age with our sub-culture -- hitting up a girl passing by at the store, on a subway, at the mall, isn't as feasible. Much the same as it's shown that we're more isolated thanks to our phones + in overly-safety-mode.

So now it's bars (of all various genres tho), public events, and only certain select Cafes as the alternative to online. But one would be silly to think that meeting a gal from an IRL spot where singles can meet is going to bring better matches. I just think online has it where gals are More Picky about a guy, thus harder for many guys to land a date, even though making a move is much easier.
 kevin8799
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 45
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 11/27/2018 9:34:11 AM
Possibly 100%
Probability 1-2%

It is a dating site, but once you toss back ....
Scammers
Ones that want their ego stroked
Lonely people just wanting to talk
Totally NO match
Baggage and drama
Fake profiles
Ones that don't like YOUR profile
Ones looking for meal ticket
game players
,,and get to find a phish that you are both looking for the same thing and they are serious...mmmm ....yep... maybe 1-2%
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 46
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 12/4/2018 7:04:54 AM
I guess Im in that 1 percent. Lucky me.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 47
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 12/19/2018 9:09:23 PM

On POF I met many good people who could possible make a perfect wife in the future.The hurdles that I have ran into involves personal problems that these women are presently going through that will affect their relationships.It could be a recent break-up or their encounters with other guys with issues too. I now understand the name POF because you must have to keep fishing until you catch one.


I'd say it's inferior to going out and meeting people in person. The only emails I get are women complaining about men standing them up or not wanting to meet and then they disappear if I bring up meeting up for coffee or lunch. The juice usually isn't worth the squeeze.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 48
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/10/2019 7:56:06 AM
As lucky as I got, dating online is really terrible. Its full of women who are so resentful that they look for men they can argue with about how terrible all men are. They look for any reason to dismiss you as another typical man.

Good , baggage free women date men they know from every day life. Through friends, or work, or other offline venues.

I think at this point in time, men need to stay away from online dating if they want a serious relationship. If you want to just screw around , then yes online is the way to go.

Go talk to women outside. Say hi on the train, or at the grocery store. Stay away from women who are online all the time. The best women online are the ones that just started and dont really like the idea . Not the ones that have been online for a while and search every day .

for men, online is a horrible place to meet women for relationships
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 49
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/10/2019 1:48:25 PM

It is a dating site, but once you toss back ....
Scammers

That's easy to avoid. Newbies to the 'internet' thing may not be able to weed out sh!tty profiles, like a guy in a Vegas casino not realize he's talking to a prostitute who's way hotter than he is...

Ones that want their ego stroked

Don't all people when online? Or not online? :)

Lonely people just wanting to talk

True. You still have a better chance at meeting them VS a random. And you do get to see if they'd be worth dating better, before meeting. Problem is though, is it Worth chatting/talking for weeks and weeks, to even very possibly meet? Not unless she's out of your league. If it's a guy wanting to just talk -- not at all. Luckily, these are few and far between.

Totally NO match

Yeah, you can skip those profiles and move onto the next. But if after communicating, the Internet gets Zero copyright on this. This is every day life. At least online, you're not sacrificing Good time when out on the town.

Baggage and drama

Again, the Internet plays no role in this. It doesn't give people baggage & drama. At all. We associate it with "too much", but I'll get to it after this.

Fake profiles

= Same boat as Scammers. So this is just a repeat line-item...

Ones that don't like YOUR profile

Yeah, but the Internet plays no role in this if your profile is up to snuff. You're going to get that at a bar too when people watching.

Ones looking for meal ticket

Again, not an Internet thing...

game players

More for girls to look out for than guys. Game playing 99% of the time happens when one isn't that interested in you as you are to them, but they still are willing to keep in contact (and very possibly see you for the time being). No internet association. Like so many other things.

The internet is harder because people (including guys, when it comes to the 'true love' or 'serious relationship' part), are More Picky. We're animals. We don't like to admit it to ourselves if we don't Feel ourselves doing it + we complain about others being that way too much that dings us.

Internet is tougher because people go into "checklist" mode. Even if taking a more casual approach to Inet dating.

Easier: You approach/mingle with someone at events, bars, public parties that are not tied to any social groups. Harder to build up nerve to approach. MUCH harder (hence, Internet) -- but once breaking thru -- EASIER to follow-thru on than the Internet. They're much less apt to be in check-list mode beyond super basics. They're measuring you by how you two jive and your style, body language, etc. No embarrassment where ya met them, hence, no "they better be good" self-pressure, either.

EASIEST: You mingle with someone at events, bars, parties who do have some social ties to you, who you've seen from time to time, at least. Comfort-zone is naturally established, regardless of compatibility. Checklist mode & guard down. Most "natural".
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 50
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/13/2019 8:56:31 AM
How is one to mingle at events and parties when there are no events or parties with single people to go to? I think that's the biggest reason online dating is the only option for some people. Where does one meet someone IRL?

Not at the bar. The bars around here are empty of people in their mid-20s to mid-40s

Not church. No single guys in their 20s, 30s or 40s attends my church.

Not at work. 97% of my co-workers are female and most of my clientele are north of the age 70.

Not at parties. The only parties I go to are kids' birthday parties and family parties and no single men except my brother goes to family parties.

Not at events. I go to lots of events. Go to hockey games all the time' things the town puts on and the only men in my age range I see are accompanied by wives/girlfriends.

Not at hobbies/activities. I'm in co-ed soccer and there is not a single guy in the bunch, all are in relationships. And I walk regularily at the walking track and I only see men there with their wives/girlfriends, once I thought a guy I kept seeing there was single bit after a month of sightings I found out he lives with someone.

Not around the community...I admit, I probably do come across lots of single guys in the grocery store but I don't know if their single. And I'm definitely not going to try flirting with someone unless I know they are single. I live in a town that is big enough not to know a lot of people but small enough that most people know someone I know flirting with the wrong person can you labeled as a desperate manstealer mighty quick.

I have no idea where all the single men are hiding....I do know that a lot of single guys from around here work away from home in the oil and gas industry or they move away for higher paying jobs in mining or other. I suspect men only move back here and work here when they have a woman and/or kids to keep them here. I'd actually be really curious how many single men actually reside here. Funny thing, my mom and aunt, both in the 50s, have attended two singles dances for 50+ and my mom told me at the first one' two men and 40 women showed up then at the second one 3 men showed up and even more women.
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