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 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 51
Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or notPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

EASIEST: You mingle with someone at events, bars, parties who do have some social ties to you, who you've seen from time to time, at least. Comfort-zone is naturally established, regardless of compatibility. Checklist mode & guard down. Most "natural".


That is the case with my current boyfriend and I. We met at work but most of our "mingling" was done in social settings outside of work with other co-workers present. I've always been a proponent of dating someone who is already in your circle.With someone you already know, there is more accountability because you know people they know & vice versa. That way, people are better behaved & not as likely to ghost or screw you over because you'll have to see that person again.

With online, the whole "if you don't behave like I want to you on the first few dates, I'll just go back online and continue my search" attitude is a huge turn-off & is akin to treating people like a human vending machine. People who are successful at relationships find reasons to make it work rather than finding reasons to cut people off and remain single.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 52
Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/13/2019 10:08:29 AM

Good , baggage free women date men they know from every day life. Through friends, or work, or other offline venues.

I think at this point in time, men need to stay away from online dating if they want a serious relationship. If you want to just screw around , then yes online is the way to go.



LOL, Thanks so much for the compliment...……….Oh my bad, I should say, insult, because of course ALL women...(excluding your new bride of course)………..We are all here, to "just screw around".
I just love the assumptions. WTF
I never thought I would agree with Julystorm but in THIS instance, I will.

My "every day life" does not include available men my age, I will not date a co-worker, I will not date men of a certain religion. I have to go outside /away from my local area, to find a man, not of the above. Generally speaking I have been rather successful using OLD sites.

THIS does not make me BAD or loaded down with baggage.

For the record, I do not come here making insults at men, far from it.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 53
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/13/2019 10:57:15 AM
msg#52^^^

LIR---Love your new pic!

;-)
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 54
Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/13/2019 11:09:26 AM
Thank you, ^ ^ ^ ^ Clytemnestra, I appreciate your compliment!
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 55
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/14/2019 7:55:51 AM
"How is one to mingle at events and parties when there are no events or parties with single people to go to? I think that's the biggest reason online dating is the only option for some people. Where does one meet someone IRL?"

_________________________________________________________________________________________

you always have the "well theres nothing I can do about it " mentality.
Every day is an event. Online dating is never the only option, but its the only option people open themselves to.

Your case is different. You have a couple kids so it can be even harder. Also I can mostly just give other men advice. You can talk to anyone . Pumping gas , buying something from the store, talk to the cashier, talk to the woman passing in the mall, talk to the woman you open the door for going in or out of a store.

And it doesnt have to be flirting. Just talk to them. Lots of my dates came from talking to people, then id see them again and again even a month or two later and talk a bit more until i had the guts to ask her out.

I remember this really cute girl that worked at my bank. Sure I could have used the ATM to deposit money and cheques, but id go inside and hope id end up at her booth. I did many times and each time we had some kind of small talk. Until one day months and months later I asked her if she would want to come to a muay thai event . Because muay thai came up once in convo and she said shed like to see what its all about.

Another was from a health store who again over a few visits we chatted and one day decided to talk over coffee.

Sometimes you have to put time in without expecting getting anything out of it.
OLD is an expectation of getting something out of just sending one message to another stranger and being disappointed when or if they dont reply.


But as you say , you dont know if a person at the supermarket is single (because you dont talk to them) and you definitely worn flirt unless you KNOW they are single.... Sounds like a lot of excuses not to talk to people in person.

OLD should IMO, just be used to supplement dating. Not as your only method.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 56
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/15/2019 12:39:46 AM

Where does one meet someone IRL?

Depends where you live. But it doesn't take a metropolis at all. You can use meetup site for group-gatherings, you can go to various bars (they're not all the same) -- or restaurant/bars during happy hour. Small isolated towns won't have much though on that front. And essentially, if you live in a small isolated town -- not 20m away from a real city but really isolated -- your options are limited IRL. Mix things up though, and try out things beyond your comfort-zone. Otherwise, there wouldn't be enough changes in society.

I think the real big problem for people with raising offspring that haven't grown up yet is both their desire to Not want to go out as readily + not able to as much as they'd like.

Not at events. I go to lots of events. Go to hockey games all the time' things the town puts on and the only men in my age range I see are accompanied by wives/girlfriends.

You have the debby-downer mentality. You make friends in general. But as you said, you don't have time for much of anything. That's your real hold-back. Again, you change things up. It's not that all single men are hiding. You are hiding behind your own comfort zone (and schedule restrictions). :)

That is the case with my current boyfriend and I. We met at work but most of our "mingling" was done in social settings outside of work with other co-workers present. I've always been a proponent of dating someone who is already in your circle.

Yes, it is the Easiest. That's why around college-age it's easiest for many, because they have social circles at their disposal. Without knowing it, girls' tastes about a guy changes if it's the same guy among circles of friends VS online or being a stranger coming up to start convo at a bar. I've seen night & day from first-hand experience, and admittedly, even as a guy, the other way around -- it lessens our guard down too VS online (although we have no problem with a gal cumming up to us at a bar randomly lol).

With online, the whole "if you don't behave like I want to you on the first few dates, I'll just go back online and continue my search" attitude is a huge turn-off

Yes, but it's a self-perpetuating turn-off for many. They assume things thru past experiences (first-hand & second-hand) that they too will be like that. We tend to be pretty self-centered online, much moreso than we realize by default.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 57
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/15/2019 8:57:51 PM
I admit my schedule does makes things difficult. But being in my 30s, it does seem more difficult. Meeting IRL was much easier in my 20s when more people were out mingling. What's funny is I know so many single women in their 30s but very few single men. I do know the social circles I go in don't have many guys. No possibilities for meeting and getting to know someone organically IRL. I have asked many of my POF dates what they do for fun and socializing. A lot say they just stay home and watch tv or they hunt or fish or go skidooing. I've heard many guys say they quit going out and socializing when the last of their buddies got married.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 58
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/16/2019 4:08:24 PM
You say
No possibilities for meeting and getting to know someone organically IRL.

but then you say something like this...

I've heard many guys say they quit going out and socializing when the last of their buddies got married.


Ask these guys for a date.
Or ask all those single women in their 30s to introduce you to dates who didn't pan out for them or ask about their brothers.

And if you think it is tough in your 30s.... well, it doesn't get easier.


Why am I bothering?
There will be an excuse.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 59
Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/17/2019 6:35:22 AM
Online dating is one of the top ways to meet people these days.

But there are all kinds of ways to meet people. I have a lady friend who is a gamer girl and she meets men on Xbox. She's aggressive, and looks like Xena warrior princess.

I met my ex on a private forum on the dark web.

My previous two exs I met from online dating sites.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 60
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Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/17/2019 2:31:56 PM

I admit my schedule does makes things difficult.

You had a FWB with no plans of going Out together, due to time constraints (and what you thought defined FWB, which it does not; but that's beside the point).

But being in my 30s, it does seem more difficult.

Than college-age? Sure. But that's shooting fish out of a barrel. You're making excuses...

No possibilities for meeting and getting to know someone organically IRL.

That's not true. I highly doubt you live in an environment where every bar of every type in a 20-minute radius is all girls, no guys. If so, that's a guy's Dream - lol. The way you see things is the world-revolves-around-Me. Not out of arrogance, but just out of your mindset and how you see things.

Society is not limited to people you know and their immediate connections. There's a lot more out there. Not necessarily heaven -- but there's a lot more. :)

I think the places you go is limited to the peers you know and where they go... and that's the only place you're willing to go. That's your world, thus THE world. Think outside the box. Shake things up a bit (even though it's not so grand).
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