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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Worst reasons you've given when dumped?      Home login  
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 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 26
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
^^^^ Agreed and couldn't have been put more succinctly.

One of the very few exceptions of which I can think: "You fart too much". That, I could change and would like to know.
 WhereforeAndWhyNot
Joined: 1/26/2016
Msg: 27
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Worst reasons you've given when gassed?
Posted: 8/27/2016 5:00:00 AM
^

But in that case, you could just blame her cooking….
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 28
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 8/28/2016 10:53:12 AM
I had a man for hundreds of afternoon sessions supposedly because he was a single Dad with two unruly brats. I found out later that he had a wife and a girlfriend of 4 years. The wife divorced him and the gf dumped him because he "only looked good on paper "..
I found that to be hysterical and oh so very on point. He only looks good on DIVORCE papers.. ha ha ha. It still makes me laugh out loud.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 29
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 8/28/2016 7:46:14 PM
Is there ever a good reason? Or a satisfactory answer?

No.
 LittleDreamGirl
Joined: 4/27/2016
Msg: 30
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 8/28/2016 8:18:28 PM
Not so much reasons for dumping me, but some memorable lines from conversations that I had with exes when the end was obviously near:

"I don't enjoy your company anymore" (This was after a year of us being extremely close platonic friends and bound at the hip, so much so that he fell in love with me and asked me to be his girlfriend. We were together romantically for about 5 months and he had very obviously enjoyed my company right up until about a day before he said that, lol)

"Sometimes I think I want a relationship and sometimes I think I should just sow my wild oats. Back in England women didn't notice me, but here in Canada, I am always getting compliments about my accent and women are actually paying attention to me for the first time in my life." (Said by my British ex-boyfriend a couple of days after he begged me to officially label him as my boyfriend, to which I finally agreed after 4 months together. I decided to dump his ass 3 days after this lame comment)

"You are a very independent woman. I don't think I could keep up with you." (Said by one of my exes when we were discussing the possibility of marriage)

"I don't know...I just don't have that to desire to you know....CONSUME you." (He then breaks up with me. Six months later he BEGS me to get back together with him after I lived overseas for 6 months. He was "bi-curious" and as he's begging me to get back together says "I missed you so much, I even slept with a couple of guys while you were away!" Oooh, that's so romantic, lol. We did not get back together.)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 31
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 8/29/2016 11:16:44 AM

but every now and then you get a hand-waving excuse that makes no sense at all.

Well, even if it seems to make sense -- a lot of the time, it's not completely accurate. If you gave truth serum to someone wanting to break up when they weren't a bickering couple or anything and seemed kinda out of the blue -- oh man, you'd see people CRUSHED. Many times it's things that they themselves don't (want to) believe, and are a bit confused themselves in dealing with reality VS what-they-want-to-believe.

She did say there were some things that irritated her but she refused to elaborate (probably because they were tiny things I could have changed) and so I'm left with no feedback that I can use to look at and use to improve myself.

It sucks, but realize you can't expect to ride off it. That's why it's important to be objective -- and get other people's feedback... usually friends of friends who know you well on the social level, but have no loyalties to ya.

Say she doesn't find you attractive -- and never did so much in the first place -- and she's had other potential guy options which made her not feel into you anymore? You actually think a girl's going to say that to a guy? Nope. I'm not saying that's the bullseye reason or anything -- as many times it's not... but many times to a lesser degree is. Many times it's one not meshing oh-so-well... not fighting, but being on a bit of different wavelength, which is just fine for casual dating, but not very ideal for a Relationship. Now, that's not going to be much of an issue if the significant other has hit the gym and looks stunning nowadays, is it? You'd need more than being on a bit of a different wavelength in personas if you were thinking about dumping them at all. There'd need to be an outright clash of personas for that to happen.

Hence, if Attraction was never that strong -- and the feeling being with someone itself carried the most gravity, along with the comfort-zone they provided ... yep, it's tough to explain it to them when you're dumping 'em. It's not just a *single thing* -- it's a combo effect, but brought on by not having enough attraction as the instigator.
 Blue_Highway
Joined: 5/11/2016
Msg: 32
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 8/31/2016 11:10:29 PM
I bet you did nothing to irritate her. That is her way to take the guilt off her and on to you. The fact is you didn't fit all of her needs nor did she see so in the long run.

One thing is that you are in your late thirties, hence you have to get over her history. Just like you having a relationship of over 10 years and having a child; during that time your ex was the best thing that ever happened to you, and I'm sure she has had a lengthy relationship herself to where she felt the same. IMO that is the greatest thing to hurdle in trying to have a relationship at this age; history. During that time they've had the best and after they want better. You have to really listen to what they want because subtly they are telling you by history.

I've learned that you will never get an explanation, even after a few years. So I've learned when this happens is to press the erase button because it no longer has meaning, nor had it ever to the dumping party. Time to regroup and move on.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 33
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 9/1/2016 9:29:58 PM

the ever increasing list of things that disqualify me (age, height, son, lack of beard\tattoos etc.)


Solve those and you have new disqualifications: youth, width, daughter, beard, and tattoo
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 34
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 9/1/2016 9:33:06 PM

She marched me up a mountain to test my fitness. I almost died.


You dated Literate Hiker?!?
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 35
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 9/5/2016 11:10:15 AM

despite my best efforts of keeping the friendship alive, she never replied back to me.


You should be happy that she did. Trying to be friends after you have been in a deep intense relationship does not work at all. It leaves unfinished business and it gets in the way of starting new relationships. Best thing is to delete, move forward, block.
 perspektiv
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 36
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 9/6/2016 10:41:00 AM
One thing you need to remember in all this, is love is a choice.

You can't change their choice. Wanting a "good reason" to being dumped, is trying to change the choice they already made. You'll never agree with their choice, and likely where the problem lies.

She doesn't owe you any closure. Reality, is many breakups, you'll get none.

Its up to you, to find your own closure. I've had a very tough breakup before, and had to forgive my ex, in order to find any. Through forgiveness, I was able to let them go, and pick myself up.

I honestly can't say I've had a "dreadful" reasoning for being dumped, as I just accepted the situation.

Same as me ending a relationship. I've been debated on my reasoning before, but my choice had been made months, or weeks prior. You can't change the choice. You can only accept it.

So to answer the question, there are no worst reasons. I was happy to actually get a reason, to begin with.
 Shewymacfee
Joined: 4/2/2016
Msg: 37
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 9/15/2016 4:29:17 PM
This is my second time here on POF
When I was here last I was writing to a lady, things seemed to be going well and I was asking for our first meet.
In her messages she was very inquisitive about my life etc. which I answered truthfully.

We decided to meet one saturday lunchtime, she asked if she could bring a friend with her which I had no problems with.
On the Friday before the first date, she said that it is best we do not meet saying that I was not on Facebook or Twitter, Skype etc.
She said that the only thing on the internet about me is my company website, so I must be hiding something ?????????
Dumped before the first date because my name is not plastered on the internet.
What is the world coming to?
 Lordbenji
Joined: 6/13/2016
Msg: 38
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/4/2016 4:30:22 PM
I was dumped 4 times for a taller guy :( Sadly
I'm 5'6
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 39
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/4/2016 11:37:09 PM

One thing you need to remember in all this, is love is a choice.

I disagree. Love is an emotion, a feeling (a deep one of course) that establishes itself over time. You can make choices to ween yourself off of or to allow it to happen, but I can't see how emotions are choices. You can make the choice to express them -- but not to feel them at the end of the day. You can just make choices to avoid yourself from having feelings of the-L-word develop, which may or may not be that adequate depending on the situation & circumstances.

Wanting a "good reason" to being dumped, is trying to change the choice they already made.

Not really. Them giving you a good reason doesn't = changing their emotion. It doesn't mean changing their choice of dumping. It means explaining why. (EX: "You slept with my sister."). You can still have feelings of love for someone and still dump them. You can lose feelings of love for someone and not dump them.

She doesn't owe you any closure. Reality, is many breakups, you'll get none.

I agree 100% with the last part. But the first part -- it depends. You shouldn't expect full Or satisfying closure. Doesn't have anything to do with what should be owed to someone, though. A vast majority of the time, nobody's owed a Satisfying closure -- which pretty much is what hurts us. But a Logically satisfying one -- many times is owed. Obviously with something brutal like a guy sleeping with his GF's sister -- no, the GF doesn't owe him a response at all. However, many breakups aren't due to something that simple or clear-as-a-bell.

Much of the time, it's losing emotion for the other person, Over Time, where there are many factors. Sometimes there are no real rights or wrongs, but the losing of emotion from at least one person will end up making things testy, which will cause at least mild rights & wrongs to occur, things compile, emotions & frustration fleet quicker on both sides, and one dumps the other.

I think the real pain is when you/they think everything's going Fine -- where one has pretty deep feelings for the other and thinks it's the same way, but the other does not, but has been carrying on like nothing's up. And that other person isn't fully aware of their emotional construct about the other inside & out -- but realizes at a point, catching themselves not caring/liking others/etc.... but rides it out not saying anything. Then when they break it off out of the blue -- the dumpee is Understandably WTF. Not just out of being a dumpee which one wouldn't like, even if they themselves were thinking of breaking up, but being caught my surprise. It's a huge betrayal. Not that they "ended up" feeling that way, but putting on show that they weren't feeling that way, and lying thru how they projected themselves and what they'd say as if everything was pretty much fine for a good long while. That is when it really screws people up when -- hit by surprise like that when they do love them, and at worst think it was just a "blah" situation, if not a decently nice one overall.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 40
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/5/2016 2:57:43 AM

I was dumped 4 times for a taller guy :( Sadly
I'm 5'6


Yep, that tends to happen when you pretend to be 6'0 in your profile. LOL
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 41
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/5/2016 2:59:10 AM
"That was then; this is now"
 scm600
Joined: 3/14/2010
Msg: 42
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/5/2016 4:15:46 AM
I've had a few strange ones. There is one that I often tell to people when asked about dating, though.

To fully understand, you have to know that Pittsburgh is a rabid sports town. I have no interest at all in watching spectator sports, which makes me a bit unusual here. I even have it in my profile. (More strongly worded after this experience!) I met the woman here. At our first coffee date, we laughed a little as she's a rabid Steeler fan. But, although we were pretty different from each other on several levels, there was some great chemistry. We spent some time together. Even going on an all day motorcycle trip. Things were progressing surprisingly well and smoothly.

Then, she wanted me to meet her family, two sons and brothers. No problem, right? Well, she wanted me to show up and watch the Steeler game with them. I told her that I had made it absolutely clear from the first coffee date that I wouldn't be participating in any of that. She became really irate. Told me that I didn't want to meet her family. I told her that I was more than happy to meet and spend time with them, just not at a sports related activity. Dinner, a concert, a walk, a picnic, just name it and I'll be there. She told me that it was "mandatory" that everyone in the family watch the games together during the football season.

I thought, at first, that she was pulling my leg. Nope. She said that she was glad that she found this out about me early instead of later. She said that her younger son didn't like sports much either but understood that it was "mandatory" that he attend.

She said I was closed minded because I didn't like watching sports. You have to understand that I have an amazingly wide range of interests. From motorcycle riding and kayaking to ballroom dancing and symphony. I'll even do opera in small doses.

So, I was told it was because I refused to watch a football game on tv...
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 43
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/6/2016 1:19:09 PM

She said I was closed minded because I didn't like watching sports. You have to understand that I have an amazingly wide range of interests. From motorcycle riding and kayaking to ballroom dancing and symphony. I'll even do opera in small doses.


Good for you, that you got rid of her. I know that type. We would not get along. Their idea of sports is really sit around, drink beer, eat potato chips and junk food and watch games. I am more of a participant, so instead of watching a game, I'd rather do 100 miles on my bike. That is with no engine. But even the way you would do it, with a motorbike, go out, experience the world instead of being cooked up indoors.
 Lordbenji
Joined: 6/13/2016
Msg: 44
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/6/2016 4:26:56 PM
No thank god I grew, between 14-17 was not a good time.
:D
 scm600
Joined: 3/14/2010
Msg: 45
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/7/2016 12:36:14 PM
Yep, I ride bicycle, too. 15 to 20 is usually the norm. But 30 miles is pretty much my max for an afternoon ride. It starts turning into work after that! :-)
 Charmedlife1
Joined: 6/7/2012
Msg: 47
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 12/17/2016 8:02:50 PM
Accused me of giving the woman he was cheating on me with information about our vacation together ( photos were on Facebook)
Claims it was more than pictures, still don't know what that meant ?
 LLBean990
Joined: 11/19/2016
Msg: 48
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 12/18/2016 2:04:29 PM
When he broke up with me he said it was "little things" not one big thing.

But here goes:
1. I liked sit down fancy restaurants and he liked All You Can Eat Buffets because they had free refills on drinks and were cheap for ALL THAT FOOD!
2. I was a "busy body" and complained about the neighbor's junk car that had doors hanging wide open so little kids could get in and maybe hurt themselves.
3. I wouldn't make him a sandwich...when I put all the lunch meat out on the table, etc. He had to make his own.
4. I looked down my nose at people because of.....( you name it)
5. I didn't like what he liked to do on dates which was : Going to auctions, flea markets, discount stores, and disc golf
6. I liked going to the movies in a theater.
7. I liked watching sports on TV and he hated sports...but he was glad that I never made him watch football at least.

But in the beginning, this guy was so smitten with me....but the infatuation cloud wore off. lol
The fact is....it does not MATTER what the reasons are....she just did not see herself with you for the long haul. Her attraction to you faded. And changing yourself for someone never works.

p.s. We got back together last spring as he realized that these were just surface excuses. I didn't chase him. I am who I am. But we have since broken up again. And I even made him a sandwich!!!! LOLOLOL true story
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 49
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 12/18/2016 5:47:02 PM
Well, to be fair, These...

1. I liked sit down fancy restaurants and he liked All You Can Eat Buffets because they had free refills on drinks and were cheap for ALL THAT FOOD!

5. I didn't like what he liked to do on dates which was : Going to auctions, flea markets, discount stores, and disc golf

... coincides with This:

4. I looked down my nose at people because of.....( you name it)

:) I don't think #4 was Purely out of his imagination. They do give the impression of having a bit of a snooty attitude (no, snootiness doesn't require wearing a fancy wardrobe and a cigarette extender ala 101 Dalmations). I'll say though that Buffets are a good place. Doesn't imply worse food than fancier places, and is certainly a better deal than a fancy restaurant, where people are paying extra not for better food really (although ensuring it's at least good usually) -- but for the "ambiance" (spirit fingers!). I've never been opposed to going to such places, but I've always rolled my eyes at the high-school-ishness of people when being ga-ga over the concept in and of itself too much.

That said, if he was smitten by you, as long as the stuff you listed wasn't Too heavy, in the end, yeah, it shouldn't be the determining factor. Certainly not "Why not at least make me a sandwich once in a while when most of the work is done by laying out all the stuff on the table?" :)

Much of the time certain things one lists is just by-products/reflections of why their attraction has dwindled... as the real reason is the core behind it all, on how the personalities (don't so much) flow together.

But we have since broken up again. And I even made him a sandwich!!!! LOLOLOL true story

Well, I would have made him a sandwich but made it Super Quick (hence, sloppy). That way when he gets it and raises and eyebrow and sighs, you could say "See? THAT is why I never really have. It's always been for Your benefit!" :)
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 50
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 12/18/2016 7:20:56 PM
I don't think I've been given reasons for rejections...it's more like abandonment. They didn't stop liking me, or start hating me, or have some blowout argument. They just decided to do something else or go chase another dream, career, or money, or whatever.

"You're a nice guy, and now I'm going to live in South America for a year to learn Portuguese." You can't control or compete with those types of things - sometimes people feel FATE pushing them or DESTINY calling their name.
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