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 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 51
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I don't think I've been given reasons for rejections...it's more like abandonment. They didn't stop liking me, or start hating me, or have some blowout argument. They just decided to do something else or go chase another dream, career, or money, or whatever.

"You're a nice guy, and now I'm going to live in South America for a year to learn Portuguese." You can't control or compete with those types of things - sometimes people feel FATE pushing them or DESTINY calling their name.
 LLBean990
Joined: 11/19/2016
Msg: 52
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 12/19/2016 12:03:07 PM
[/ I looked down my nose at people because of.....( you name it)]

Nope...he said that because I had to write letters to people who were not complying with the rules in our Home Owner's Association. I was on the Board of Directors. I had to walk around and look for violations. He walked with me and I would make comments. He took that as I was a busy body and looked down my nose at people who did this or that or didn't do this or that.

I like AYCE buffets. But they certainly do not lend themselves to a romantic setting every once in a while. It's not that I always had to go to fancier restaurants at all.....hey I like McD's, Wendy's, TGIF's as well.

Make him a sandwich? While he is sitting at the table with all the stuff in front of him? Yeah, maybe if he was 7 years old. Or if he was working in the house or outside...then yes I would. duh

I didn't mind going and doing the things he liked to do as I love flea markets, Goodwill, etc... but it was the same ole, same ole....all.the.time. He did do some other things I suggested, though.

Actually....I still miss the guy.
 DavidInVA
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 53
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/12/2017 5:10:01 PM
I think the worst reason for being dumped is not getting one at all. Makes it tougher on closure. About a year ago a woman on POF contacted me first and we hit it off like a house on fire. It was my first and only relationship from POF. Turns out she only lived 3 blocks away and worked at a place about 300 feet from my house. We saw lots of each other and frankly I never got along with a woman this well ever before. In the 2 months we were together there were over 1100 texts between us and I hate texting. I did ignore some red flags however:
Even though she only lived 3 blocks away she never ONCE invited me to her place. Never did see it.
After just 3 weeks she asked me if she could move in with me because her lease was up at her apt.
She told me about her adult kids and folks etc but never arranged for me to meet any of them.
Then at the end of 2 months she changed her mind and said she we going to rent a house instead.
Then she told me she had a 12 y/o son living with her full time she had never mentioned before.
Then she got really scarce and I realized she was "ghosting" me.
Then after not hearing from her for more than a month she called me out of the blue and said she wanted me to meet her folks. I was very surprised at this but I went and met her folks and it seemed to go well and she acted like everything was the same as it had been before and said she had just been very busy with things the last month.
Then she vanished again. No answer to calls or texts etc. Then after 5 weeks of not hearing from her she texts me on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday. We get together for about 40 minutes a couple weeks later and she is very far away and acts like she doesn't want to be with me and she won't talk about it. I try and text and call her a couple times over the next month or so and she basically blows me off. Then I notice her ads are back up here and on OKStupid.
So all this crap and I don't have a f'ing clue what happened. Weird.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 54
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/12/2017 6:00:49 PM

Even though she only lived 3 blocks away she never ONCE invited me to her place. Never did see it.

It's only as 'strange' as you not seeing it. It was just 2 months... and less than halfway in, she's considering moving in with you as an option since her lease was ending soon. But is it strange to not have ya come over? Maybe, maybe not...

She told me about her adult kids and folks etc but never arranged for me to meet any of them.

Well, to be fair, in just 2 months -- many people won't want to do that. And if she has any kids living with her, of any age, it is a reason why they'd want to hold off on bringing ya over. I think you "overlooked" not going to her place, because it's not as much an issue when you live within walking distance of each other. Add one of her kids living with her, it makes sense. Usually the Topic would come up in some conversation, tho. "We could go over to my place, but it's always a mess and my son's always up and about." Just 1-2 months into dating, I wouldn't want to.

Then she got really scarce and I realized she was "ghosting" me.

Yeah, basically you guys went thru the honeymoon phase hitting it off -- then the honeymoon phase died out, and so did the dating-relationship. It's not a rarity when the honeymoon phase was riding off pure energy like that ("Who is he/she again?").

Then after not hearing from her for more than a month she called me out of the blue and said she wanted me to meet her folks.

That is strange -- but even stranger you Wanted to. And more strange is she disappeared again, but then around your birthday you meet up again. At least you got a Final Answer then. I think next time you go thru a hitting-it-off dating phase, you should not put As much emotional stock into it underneath it all (but to be fair, one can only do So much on that)... and if they ghost you after that honeymoon phase of 1-2 months, you don't (emotionally) Chase them... nor bite on them hitting you up again as if there was never an issue. You bring that to the forefront first and talk about it. And realize when they blow you off suddenly for over a week, it's NEVER due to work, family issues, etc. The core of it is a lack of interest in you. It was just tested due to some stuff going on in their life, and it failed that test (and performed poorly by them by being like that).
 DavidInVA
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 55
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/12/2017 6:25:27 PM
Yeah I realized when she told me about her son after 2 months that was why she never invited me to her place. But I did think it was kind of odd she was ask someone she only knew for 3 weeks if she could move in with him. And at that time I didn't know about her son. Not that it made any difference. It still would have been nice if she would have been willing to tell me it was over and maybe even why instead of dragging it out for 3 more months like that.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 56
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/12/2017 7:09:10 PM
I think I would like to know at least something.
My ex after years of being together didn't even have the balls to make up some bullsh*t excuse.
He pocket dialed me when he was somewhere different than he said he was....so it was easier to ghost me instead.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 57
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/12/2017 7:43:11 PM

But I did think it was kind of odd she was ask someone she only knew for 3 weeks if she could move in with him.

Yeah, that's really odd. It's a sign she's not thinking correctly and being caught up (WAY UP) in the heat of the honeymoon period. When one's like that, you'll see emotions sky rocket up, and also drop swiftly too in different gears. It's much like after not talking for a month she wants you to meet her parents -- WTH? :) At that point, being glad she reached out after scampering off the dating stage with me, I'd be glad she reached out and would to talk to give it some resolution -- and who knows, maybe in consideration of super-casual-mainly-for-sex -- but when she throws That out there to meet the parents, I'd feel relieved: She's not thinking correctly and is off in left field. Phew. I didn't ruin a good catch.
 DavidInVA
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 58
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/12/2017 7:57:10 PM
When I went with her to meet her parents we did talk and she told me she had gotten busy with things and that everything was fine between us but then she ghosted me again for 5 weeks. At that point I asked her straight out if she was still interested in me romantically etc and she said she never dumped me and things were fine etc again. She was telling me one thing but obviously doing something else. Then within a couple weeks she blew me off with no explanation and put her ads back up. I'm thinking she was telling me things were fine in order to avoid a possible confrontation. But why would she contact me to meet her folks if she wasn't interested anymore? A psychologist friend of mine suggested she might be bipolar.
She has been on and off of POF several times since then so I guess she is behaving the same way with her latest catches.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 59
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/12/2017 8:19:17 PM
So you guys hit it off for 2 months... then she ghosted you and only talked with you a month later. "Everything's fine" would make me go "HUH?" That's not being busy. I'd laugh at the concept. That's actually insulting as a reason! Kind of like my friend's GF who, after the bar with him on a Saturday night, took off and drove straight to her ex's and spent the night there. When asked WTH was that -- she said a year ago she promised she'd help him clean his basement, and she didn't want to go back on her word, and wanted to get it done. Him even considering that as THE reason made me go "WTF?!" :)

I'm thinking she was telling me things were fine in order to avoid a possible confrontation.

Well, it's Shocking that anyone would buy it -- let alone the 2nd or 3rd time. I can see if during the 1st 2 months you'd see each other once every 10 days and it was just casual/convenient "kinda dating" -- like two people on the rebound may be -- and it went about 30 days after not being able to see each other and nobody really chasing down the other anyway. That can happen when you're "seeing someone on the side" so to speak. But if hit it off seeing each other all the time and texting all the time -- and living just a few blocks away... it's hard to believe Anyone would buy the "I've been busy" line, which isn't even remotely close to an actual excuse!

But why would she contact me to meet her folks if she wasn't interested anymore?

Why would she hit you up to meet her parents out of the blue after not talking to you for a month?? :) Probably she was seeing a guy, it went sour, and she felt a need to draw herself into you again (wants to be wanted) -- and knew that it'd win you over. She could convince herself to some degree, like she shockingly did to you and her parents, that everything Was fine over those 3 months (when you only were going out for the 1st two months). But once you get back with someone you lost interest in prior, it doesn't take long for that lack of interest to fade.

When someone blows you off for no reason and doesn't want to talk about it, but hits you up to see ya again -- it doesn't mean they're Truly interested in you again. Obviously to meet her parents would make one at least consider she may be Truly interested -- but immediately after not talking for a month out of the blue? The weirdness of that being thrown out there like that would cloud the comfort of "Oh, she likes me now," for most people anyway. But hey, if she was out of your league and a real hot catch -- I can more understand biting on it.
 DavidInVA
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 60
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/13/2017 5:44:58 AM
Looks wise she wasn't a hottie but she looked fine to me. If anything I should have been a little out of her league but that didn't matter. I hadn't been on a date im several years and hadn't had a girlfriend in 10 years and she claimed she hadn't dated in years either before we met. I was just hoping it would go somewhere good.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 61
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/13/2017 6:32:10 AM
Huh, you thought you were in a higher " league"???
K, I do wish ppl wouldn't toss around medical labels when someone doesn't behave as you wished
I wouldn't have gone and met her folks.
If she worked 300 feet away and lived so close how did you two avoid each other for those 5 weeks?
If it makes it easier for you then come up with a reasonable explanation and then you can have the closure.
 DavidInVA
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 62
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/13/2017 7:15:03 AM
I didn't mean the league thing in a bad way at all. I thought she was fine. She worked in an office the next block over behind the house across the street. I can't see it from my place. And I wasn't going to go over there and possibly get her in trouble or risk making a scene. And I have lived in here for 11 years and I have never run into her in town before or after we dated. Just the way its worked out. And after our 2 months together she rented a house across town somewhere. She also said she hated the job she had and may have very well found a new job elsewhere after that. I don't know. All I know is that she didn't want to tell me was really going on with and instead gave me mixed messages like telling me things were fine with us and then ghost me. Obviously she lost interest in me for whatever reason wouldn't just tell me that. But it doesn't make sense to me that she contacted me after weeks of nothing (twice) and made it sound like she was still interested. I just wish she would have been upfront with me and ended it when she lost interest after 2 months.
Looking back at it now I agree I shouldn't have gone to meet her folks but at the time it seemed like a good idea as I thought it was her way of "making amends" and making another go at it.
As far as the medical label that is what a psychologist friend suggested what "might" be the case from what I told him about what was going on.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 63
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/13/2017 10:33:08 AM

I did ignore some red flags however:


Almost never a good idea.


A psychologist friend of mine suggested she might be bipolar.


I suggest she might be plain looney.
 DavidInVA
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 64
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/13/2017 2:51:27 PM
I was just trying to make a point that getting no reason for getting dumped at least for me was worse than getting fake reason. And it could have been much worse, I can't image how much fun it would have been if she really had moved in with me and then changed her mind right after.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 65
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/13/2017 3:29:12 PM

Huh, you thought you were in a higher " league"???
K, I do wish ppl wouldn't toss around medical labels when someone doesn't behave as you wished

I never knew 'league' was a Medical label - lol. Some people are objectively better looking than others -- but due to subjectivity, it can really only be measured in big Gaps (hence 'league'). When one person is "out of their league", they'll tend to demand more, walk all over them to an extent, etc -- and get away with it. That's why I asked.

Some people can get too sensitive about the term. I understand those who are too self-critical, the concept can be hard to handle and a lack of esteem can erroneously make them think that everyone who isn't interested "must be out of my league", which is untrue. However, there's also danger on the other end, thinking "there are no leagues; looks are purely subjective, thus it's purely random" -- and said people will be barking up the wrong trees left and right, and even not motivated to take care of themselves, etc. I personally like Reality. It's good to not lie to oneself about the fact that some people are objectively better and worse looking than others to a noticeable degree.

Obviously she lost interest in me for whatever reason wouldn't just tell me that. But it doesn't make sense to me that she contacted me after weeks of nothing (twice) and made it sound like she was still interested.

When a honeymoon phase wears off, the interest goes away -- but they don't want to Totally evaporate things. Which can be fine for a matter of days, mulling things over -- but not weeks. That's just being totally self-centered and not giving a sh!t about others. Her having to move, things going on, etc -- aided in that, but it's no excuse. Some people are lovey in that honeymoon phase, but "reality" setting in makes them swoop back to what/where they were... which was when they weren't going out with you. Their mindset of everything will be different than yours. She wasn't totally blind to everything -- but she didn't want drama and wanted to 'pretend' to herself, too.

Contacting you after weeks of nothing wasn't purely based on Nothing. It's basically missing someone. Happens all the time. When someone blows you off, but then hits you up again acting like things are generally cool and it was no-big-thing -- you can pretty much bet that their interest has a Short Wick. Dating 101. :) They're not at all necessarily lying to you. I've been in that spot before. You really do want to see them and all -- but then you meet up with them again, as you had no other dating options on-deck, but things come to the surface (feelings or actual characteristics about them) and ya think "Oh, okay, I'm not that into them. Sh!t. Now I'm an a-hole." I've never done it twice with the same gal though. I don't do it all anymore. And it's important to note, when I've done it -- it wasn't post-ghosting a gal after a honeymoon phase. Always much smaller. :)

Looking back at it now I agree I shouldn't have gone to meet her folks but at the time it seemed like a good idea as I thought it was her way of "making amends" and making another go at it.

Yeah, you were wanting to "win her back". I could understand if she came to you and said "Hey, listen, I was a real b!tch. No excuse to blow you off for seemingly no reason. Yeah, I was busy doing a lot of stuff... stuff going on put me in another gear, the honeymoon phase wore off and real life kept scratching at my door, etc. I should never blow someone off, even just a platonic friend. I'd like to see you again, and I promise, I won't blow you off again," THEN I could understand giving it the 'ol college try if ya really liked her.

And it could have been much worse, I can't image how much fun it would have been if she really had moved in with me and then changed her mind right after.

Yes. Of course, she could have easily (which would be good) say last minute No to that. She's got issues. I think her having to move and such really amplified it. No excuse, but life situations will make people become more self-centered. Combine that with a honeymoon phase winding down, and ghosting's easy. She moved away, it changes how people see their normal routines. It was a good test to see what kind of person she was, and it showed through.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 66
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/13/2017 9:34:36 PM
Any time I was dumped, it was for good reason.
 NYCKOSI
Joined: 4/24/2015
Msg: 67
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/15/2017 3:09:42 PM
Had one woman that cheated on me many years ago. Dumped her gave her no reason. It hunted her for 2 years as to know why. Never told her. When woman crossed the line depending how severe it is for the most part I will tell her :you f***ed up." try to figure it yourself. Somethings have no excuse.
 MadameBoisseau
Joined: 12/16/2016
Msg: 68
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/16/2017 9:52:04 AM
My ex stated he needed someone who would lay around and smoke dope with him all day, my going to school to get a career was "too serious". He didn't amount to much, unsurprisingly...


The other ex flew into a rage because in my scurrying between two jobs and going to school, I had forgot to stop at the store and buy him cereal bar snacks...


The amount of lazy men I have encountered that want to be taken care of like children while resenting the work I do which supports us, is bizarre. I'm beginning to suspect there is something seriously wrong with modern men. The first one I blamed on myself for not picking someone more serious in action (I took him at his promises about what he wanted to accomplish). But the second one I found while going to university and he was a better student than me! So how he ended up devolving into the same crap is mystifying!
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 69
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/18/2017 1:29:25 PM
DavidinVA- Reading the details, one thing comes to mind as a possibility.
There are people out there who use other people to get out of a bad situation, or to better their situation, users, in other words.
Someone wanting to move in right away would make me run like my hair is on fire.
Who knows?
The periods she disappeared, she was scoping out other men, hoping to find the big catch to bleed dry?
I think you dodged a gold digger.
I'm not suggesting that you follow people around or go play spy, but I was out of the dating game for a while too and I would hate to see you get taken advantage of.
Red flags were everywhere.
Who asks to move in with someone and only THEN she tells you she has a 12 year old??
PLEASE be more careful.
Don't be afraid to ask questions and when you feel like things don't add up, get the answers however you can so you don't get played.
 DavidInVA
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 70
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/18/2017 6:17:56 PM
forumslady - Thanks for the response! Even after all this time I have no idea what she was really up to. Her ad here said all her kids were over 18. She also lied about her age but not by a whole lot. She was working but living in pretty low rent housing. But she did have a nice (but older) BMW. She actually didn't tell me about the 12 y/o kid until about a month after she asked to move in. I wondered if she had planned to just show up with her stuff one day and then go "Oh by the way, this is my son, he will be living with us too". But instead she finally told me about the kid and then said she was going to find a house to rent closer to her kids school so he could be closer to his friends. In the several months since this all happened she has been in and out of POF several times and still has an ad on OKStupid.

I admit I have never been good with this stuff. I am a genius with computers and anything that has to do with logic or theory. But I suck at relationship stuff. I've always taken most people at their word and trust them unless they do something to make me think otherwise. I've been used many times just like you described, My last live in girlfriend did just that to get out of a bad marriage and have a place to live free. She wouldn't work even though she promised she would find a job and help out. Then found out she had a HUGE court judgement against her and any money she made would have been partly garnished towards the debt so she decided to just not work again. When I told her things couldn't go on like that anymore she dumped me but still took me months to get her to move out.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 71
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/18/2017 8:14:40 PM
DavidVA- You mentioned being good with computers, that is one of my weaknesses.
I do ok with browsing, searches, e-mail, whatever other basic stuff there is, but if it breaks, I'm going to have to pay someone, or ask tech support.
I jokingly refer to tech support, when most of the time, it's my 17 year old.
He's a smart young man and amazes me sometimes.
Listen, don't beat yourself up too much.
I met my ex at 20 and divorced at 42.
Boy, was I in for a shock!
Things had changed, just a bit.
Here's the thing, and this is just me trying to help you.........
You have had it happen once and if I'm right about the woman you just dodged, you came close to having it happen twice.
People make mistakes, that is what makes us human.
But, at this point, you've seen the signs twice, got taken once and then came close to it a second time.
The third time shouldn't happen.
Live and learn and all that.
I hope you meet someone who wants YOU for you.
They ARE out there. :)
 DavidInVA
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 72
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/19/2017 7:01:54 AM
Thanks forumlady - I was a computer engineer for a large company for 29 years and a CT scanner engineer for 4 years. I end up playing tech support for all my friends and everyone wants me to fix their stereo/video stuff also as my main hobby is designig/building stereo stuff etc.
I'm not having a luck in the dating dept however. Its been 10 years since I've had a girlfriend and that was the one using me for a place to stay free. The last time I actually had a girlfriend that seemed to be real was 20 years ago now and that was the closest thing to true love I ever experienced and that lasted 7 years.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 73
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/19/2017 9:40:26 PM

I am a genius with computers and anything that has to do with logic or theory. But I suck at relationship stuff.

Logic & theory are your friends when it comes to relationship stuff -- or better yet, the dating scene that can Lead to a relationship. It's not a game of chess, but a game of checkers. It's just not a natural feeling executing it. Kind of like brushing your teeth with your left hand (if right-handed). But when you break down the general what-works scenario about people and how they operate generally, what appeals to them, what doesn't, etc -- you can study that and connect-the-dots logically, and things start to make sense... and you can go beyond just the surface stuff out there, but operate a bit how others don't, for the better. The problem is, one can look at the bigger picture, seeing the odds of if-I-operate-this-way/if-i-project-myself-that-way/if-I-hang-out-here-and-not-there, etc. in terms of it's positive results -- it's just Tough to execute. Because you're Supposed to be doing things that at least on a SMALL level, can make you look a little silly in one's eyes observing or interacting with -- but moreso by your own self, naturally. We don't like getting shot down, even passively. It'd be kind of like me telling you that if you brush your teeth with your left hand, you'll have a brighter smile if you do so for a year. To most -- it's not worth it, really.

But in reality, it is worth getting shot down when you know you're logically operating in the most effective manner you can in this human jungle -- once you start eating the dessert of some successes (THEN one will realize it).

My last live in girlfriend did just that to get out of a bad marriage and have a place to live free. She wouldn't work even though she promised she would find a job and help out. Then found out she had a HUGE court judgement against her and any money she made would have been partly garnished towards the debt so she decided to just not work again. When I told her things couldn't go on like that anymore she dumped me but still took me months to get her to move out.

Which correlates with why your Extreme lack of successes in the dating field. I hate to be frank, but, it's not having "any balls". You're a pushover, basically. Now, you're granted a little slack for it when having little GF experience -- everyone who has little + really wants to have a GF is going to Be happier dealing with extra crap in certain ways. But just saying yours was a bridge too far, and that should be realized. So what do you do? Learn. And Apply. Thus, over time - change. It'll take time, patience, and most of all Desire to learn & apply. Kind of like brushing your teeth with your left hand every time, for a whole year. You're not going to see the brighter smile -- it'll take a long time. Except with this, it'll actually give you that "brighter smile" and then some. :)
 DavidInVA
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 74
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 2/20/2017 6:44:31 AM
It was more like I had no other prospects at the time and her and I were still on good terms otherwise and I thought it was nice to have someone around the house to do things with. I also had told her I expected her to find a way to move out. But she still didn't even try and we got less and less friendly with each other and finally I threw her out. Funny thing is once I did that she found a job right away on the gravy train was over.
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 75
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 3/2/2017 6:42:04 PM
People actually give reasons? Because I don't. I just get ghost.

It's like I never existed......
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