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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

I still want to know why. I need closure.

What the hell is closure? If someone isn't in your life anymore, in most cases its because they don't want to be there anymore. Thats all you really need to know. Do you really need them to tell you straight up that they don't want you. Would that have made the last ten years any easier? I think you knew all you needed to know all along.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 100
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/8/2018 1:08:04 PM

The worst reason I got for getting dumped....

He said it was because he couldn't talk to me on the phone when I went on a fishing trip up north for a week (after I told him I might not get reception) and he thought I didn't like him then. I could tell he wasn't being entirely truthful. I have long suspected that he couldn't deal with me gone so long and not talking and cheated and broke up with me because he felt guilty. There were a few things I found out about after which made me suspect it. A couple months later he wanted to get back together. Many years later I asked him why he broke up and he tried to say he couldn't remember but when I told him my guess he looked like I was right although he still wouldn't admit it. The breakup still feels raw over a decade later. I still want to know why. I need closure. I want to find out if it was something I did or if it was just him.


I'm curious why you need closure? If he did cheat, it was because he thought he could get his needs better met with someone else. What more do you want? Would it make you feel any better if he gave you a blow-by-blow description of the other woman, so you could confirm that he left you for someone he thought was more attractive than you, or had more to offer him? Some things, we're better off remaining in the dark about. This is one of those things, IMO.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 101
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/8/2018 1:22:40 PM
It just bothers me because I don't know what I did wrong so I couldn't correct it. It felt so good to have someone I like want me back, at least temporarily. And the feelings I had then I had buried and didnt think about but getting back together this past year brought everything back. I ended up breaking it off again because I still had questions he wouldn't answer. Then after a month we got back together again until he broke it off for a bit then he asked me to get together again. He just really confuses me. Its like he likes me and wants to be together but for some reason he kept changing his mind and he wouldn't tell me why. I know I just need to drop it and if he contacts me again to just ignore it but I just want to know so I can adapt/change.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 102
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/8/2018 1:45:58 PM

He just really confuses me. Its like he likes me and wants to be together but for some reason he kept changing his mind and he wouldn't tell me why. I know I just need to drop it and if he contacts me again to just ignore it but I just want to know so I can adapt/change.


Why would you want to be with a wishy-washy guy who keeps changing his mind, and refuses to communicate with you? Perhaps it's over something he knows you can't change, such as your kids, which is why he's not comfortable telling you the real reason.

Why do you automatically assume that YOU are the one at fault who needs to adapt/change? It sounds to me as if HE'S the one who needs to make the adaptations/changes. My advice to you is to cut this loser off for good.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 103
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/9/2018 1:07:53 PM

It just bothers me because I don't know what I did wrong so I couldn't correct it.

If you were yourself, then you did nothing wrong.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 104
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/9/2018 1:58:17 PM
whiteroseO wrote:
Why do you automatically assume that YOU are the one at fault who needs to adapt/change? It sounds to me as if HE'S the one who needs to make the adaptations/changes. My advice to you is to cut this loser off for good.


I'm a single woman now, had a fixit type husband who passed away. Over the years I've attempted various tasks---mostly involving assembling things or trying to make things work. I'd often get frustrated when no matter how I approached something, it just would not work or come together. I would always blame myself for being stupid, ignorant, incompetent, etc. Only to find out that the product itself was defective, not me!

Such a revelation~

Sometimes it really IS 'not us'<<<

hahaha
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 105
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/9/2018 2:37:32 PM
July, why would you want to adapt/change based on what he might possibly have for reasons? I could understand if this was a long-term and significant relationship and you were both working to make it better, but it sounds like this guy was rather short-term due to his own choices. "On paper," he honestly doesn't sound like his character is worth the effort in my opinion. Do you have any idea why he still seems to mean so much to you?
 Hosemanpg
Joined: 6/23/2016
Msg: 106
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/17/2018 8:07:11 PM
Hi PennyAnte, Well I am a first timer to the forum here. I just read your response to the gentleman who was dumped. It just came to mind that if a woman was dumped like the above there would be all sorts of things the lady would be saying about the guy as to how much an ***hole he was plus, plus etc. double standards when a dating fling ends, don't you think?
 Hosemanpg
Joined: 6/23/2016
Msg: 107
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/17/2018 8:08:31 PM
Hi PennyAnte, Well I am a first timer to the forum here. I just read your response to the gentleman who was dumped. It just came to mind that if a woman was dumped like the above there would be all sorts of things the lady would be saying about the guy as to how much an ***hole he was plus, plus etc. double standards when a dating fling ends, don't you think?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 108
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/18/2018 12:12:17 AM
I just want to adapt/change so if I meet a different guy in the future I don't repeat the wrong thing. And yes, I realize I may not have done something wrong. Maybe it was that I had kids,who knows. But I think I dwell on this guy so much because he was my first and he reminds me of the person I was 10 years ago.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 109
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Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/18/2018 7:40:17 AM

I just want to adapt/change so if I meet a different guy in the future I don't repeat the wrong thing. And yes, I realize I may not have done something wrong. Maybe it was that I had kids,who knows. But I think I dwell on this guy so much because he was my first and he reminds me of the person I was 10 years ago.


You may never get the closure you want - BUT because of the fact that you can't emotionally let go of this guy, I'm inclined to suspect that you came across as too clingy and needy. If you're concerned about making the same mistakes in the future with new guys, I think you should try to work on this area first.
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