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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 26
The Birthday SuitPage 2 of 40    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)
you can't make him change, there aren't other options...so, yeah, might as well let it go and give him another chance. it is what it is, and you've mentioned before, past bfs weren't a whole lot better, so here it is.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 27
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 1:48:33 PM
Happy belated birthday op. Only he knows what he is doing/thinking. Here's a couple of my thoughts.

Your post 19 second paragraph. This sounds like he is bantering but you are taking his lighthearted chat as literal.

Third paragraph. If he isn't bantering then these are the things you should be feeling/doing.

It was your birthday, he didn't come up to scratch you are worth more. You deserve a date if he can and if he can't you desrve an honest 'i can't see you today but I hope you have a great day'. Anything less is unacceptable imo.
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 28
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 2:11:18 PM
He blew you off for your birthday and youre making excuses for him. You know full well his phone didnt die, he isnt sick and he didnt fall asleep for the last whole day. He sounds like a lame dik loser that isnt really into you despite what he says. 3 dates isnt a relationship.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 29
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 2:28:01 PM
You are listening way too much to what this guy says and not enough to what he does. A few dates isn't a relationship.

Forget all that smoke he blew up your ass about all the things he was going to do in the future. That was way premature given that you barely knew him, anyway.

He blew you off for your birthday, and now he's not responding to your texts. That's what you should be paying attention to.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 30
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 2:29:35 PM

I am giving him another chance because I do really like him and want to see where things will go.


Another chance? Why, when he couldn't be bothered to let you know what's going on? He showed you where things are going. He probably got another offer for that night and couldn't resist.
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 31
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 2:48:53 PM
Well I went and sent him the following message

"Hey cutie pie, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings by denying your elope text on my BDay but I thought you were just joking with me about it. I have been thinking about us, and I was going to go and delete the dating websites and wanted to focus on you and us and see if it can lead to the next step? Is that something you would like to do, or are you feelings towards me changing.

I want you to be honest and communicate with me more. I would like to talk to you on the phone or video chat sometime, we could still text but let's engage and chat more often if you don't mind. Or have us perhaps hang out more or have us set up our dates more better than have us left hanging or wondering on what's going to happen. Let me know your thoughts."

And he replied with "I never really know what to do."

So now what?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 32
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 3:10:35 PM
"So now what?"

You are teasing us again Nat.
 GlassArmonica
Joined: 7/28/2013
Msg: 33
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 4:02:07 PM
This guy sounds like a moron, a liar, or both. Dump him.
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 34
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 4:34:35 PM
Well I went and sent him the following message

"Hey cutie pie, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings by denying your elope text on my BDay but I thought you were just joking with me about it. I have been thinking about us, and I was going to go and delete the dating websites and wanted to focus on you and us and see if it can lead to the next step? Is that something you would like to do, or are you feelings towards me changing.

I want you to be honest and communicate with me more. I would like to talk to you on the phone or video chat sometime, we could still text but let's engage and chat more often if you don't mind. Or have us perhaps hang out more or have us set up our dates more better than have us left hanging or wondering on what's going to happen. Let me know your thoughts."

And he replied with "I never really know what to do."

So now what?
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 35
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 5:35:16 PM
I hope you managed to have a decent birthday nevertheless, because I don't think what you have with this guy has legs. As others have pointed out, actions speak louder than words and I don't think he's into you as much as you think.
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 36
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 5:43:28 PM

I am sorry if I hurt your feelings

He owes you the apology, not the other way around.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 37
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 5:56:07 PM
The guy did NOT forget her birthday. According to OP, the guy sent a happy birthday asking what to do together. OP then sort of blew him off with an "I don't know what I want to do". They then spent AN HOUR AND A HALF exchanging messages that I imagine when like "what do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?" "It's not up to me, it's your birthday." "wellll, you can think of something" rinse repeat. Personally, I tend to give up on those circular text conversations after the first cycle, or 15 minutes, whichever comes first.

Apparently after an HOUR AND A HALF this guy got the idea OP didn't want to spend time with him and did something else.

Maybe next time she won't play the 'chase me' game.
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 38
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 6:29:12 PM
I told him we could go to the mall or do something else. He could have said sure or just shown up. It would have been nice if he had just shown up and surprised me with flowers and a teddy bear for my BDay but he didn't bother showing up at all. Now he isn't being very talkative.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 39
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 6:34:14 PM
Maybe he reads the forums...
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 40
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 8:09:17 PM

I am glad that most women don't think like this SJ poster. This is the kind of person that seems to try to give a whole gender a bad name. But thankfully I have a brain and know better.


SJ was responding to pennylane, who said: "Might have been the mall suggestion. Speaking from experience, when she wants to go to the mall on a special day like that, it's going to cost an arm and leg." This guy was berating the OP for suggesting they go to a mall - after the guy asked where she wanted to go ON HER BIRTHDAY. It's ridiculous to even suggest that she did anything wrong by suggesting a mall. And, if by some ridiculous chance a guy is going to shy away from a simple trip to the mall because it might cost money? He doesn't HAVE to spend a ton of money on her. He could keep it to just dinner and a movie. Or, if he didn't like the idea, he could have suggested something else. pennylane's post was out of line by insinuating that the guy's behavior was the OP's fault because she didn't cater to him on her own birthday. Even a girlfriend, much less a date, would normally try to take someone out or do what they wanted to do on their birthday.

Anyway, with that ranting aside:

OP, I agree with others that things aren't looking promising with this guy, and he doesn't sound like a good catch. If he was able to log on facebook, he could have contacted you there. We all know he didn't lose his phone. And even if he did, he could have gotten in touch some other way. I suspect that maybe the guy came on strong initially, but when he realized you weren't going to have sex, he lost interest. Or, it COULD be that he didn't want to pay for the date, but from your previous posts, it doesn't sound like he had any problems with paying for dates. If he really wanted to see you, he would have. And if he was considerate at all, he would have at least replied to say he couldn't make it. He was being inconsiderate or just plain lazy. An interested guy wouldn't act like this. If I were you, I wouldn't contact him AT ALL anymore, unless he makes another move. You've done more than your share of contacting. He's not responding, and if he doesn't make an effort from here, that's it. Even if he does contact you again, he better have a pretty damn good explanation for why he blew you off on your birthday. In fact, I think you should just drop him altogether. Show him you won't put up with that crap, and DON'T put up with it. I don't care what people say about you living at home and not working and yada yada, it's common courtesy not to blow someone off like that without an explanation.


you can't make him change, there aren't other options...so, yeah, might as well let it go and give him another chance. it is what it is, and you've mentioned before, past bfs weren't a whole lot better, so here it is.


And...um, no. There ARE other options. Not settling for guys like that is an option. Not dating anyone is an option, and a better one, I might add.
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 41
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 8:49:49 PM
Nataly I hope you don't initiate more contact with this guy.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 42
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 8:50:06 PM

I would not EXPECT anything from a man for my birthday after 3 dates . An acknowledgment would be nice, a card would be nice, a coffee would be nice, but EXPECTED, no.


I agree. I wouldn't expect anything extravagant, either. But the guy did ask what she wanted to do. He could have suggested something himself, or not asked to hang out on her birthday if he wasn't going to follow up. And, going silent after that is rude. Once he initiated a meet-up, the very least he could have done was respond to say he couldn't make it after all. You shouldn't leave a person hanging, especially on their birthday. And, it sounds like the guy was coming on strong before (if I recall, didn't he say he wanted to be her boyfriend at one point?) So, he kind of jumped the gun himself and made false promises.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 43
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 8:58:10 PM
Nataly, I have learned myself not to put all my eggs in one basket when it comes to dating. A guy can seem really interested, and even say he is, and then change his mind at the drop of a hat. I've been in those situations, and racked my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong or how to get him interested again. It doesn't do any good. The truth is, you want a guy that's going to ACT interested and do what he says, not someone you have to chase. In my experience, chasing guys by sending back to back texts and/or putting up with flaky behavior hoping it will change has never worked. If the guy is into you, he'll let you know by his actions.
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 44
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 9:14:16 PM
Yeah I know. Well like I said, I contacted him earlier this afternoon and he has not responded to the other texts I had sent him. So I am just going to leave him be and let him make the next move. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. I really think I am just meant to be alone.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 45
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 9:26:49 PM
Your next move is to put on your walking shoes and go to the mall.

The point of dating is to find someone to ENHANCE your life, not REPLACE it. If you want to go to the mall - GO. If you want to go to the movies - GO. If you want to go eat lunch somewhere - GO. If a date will join you, that's swell, if they don't show up - it's no big deal, because you are already doing something you want to do. Your activity should be based on what you want to do - NOT - solely on whether or not someone is going to be there to hold your hand.

Many OLD daters gripe all day and night about how some date went sour because they paid for a dinner they didn't want to be at, or did some activity they hated. DON'T DO THAT. If you don't want to do it alone, don't do it on a date. Suggest activies you'd be happy to do alone, but also happy to have company. If the date doesn't show, you're still good.

You should have gone to the mall alone instead of waiting for a text and stalking Facebook. The next time he contacts you, you can say "I went to the mall and had a great day!" instead of "I cried in my pillow and downloaded a tracer-worm to spy on your activities." Do you see the difference? One is a strong personality - the other is a plot to a horror film.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 46
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 9:43:49 PM

I really think I am just meant to be alone.


Dating is hard. I hate it. So, I go for long stretches without dating at all. I'd rather be alone than with the wrong guy. But, in the end I don't WANT to be alone. I've realized if I want to meet someone, I'm gonna have to start dating again, even if I'm jaded from past experiences. I think "if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out" is a great attitude to have. Not acting needy and having expectations off the bat will make you more attractive to guys as well. I haven't had any boyfriends from OLD, despite several attempts at it. People say you need to have a thick skin, and I don't, but I agree. And, I think meeting more people with a casual approach, and trying to enjoy the moment without worrying about the outcome is a good way to go.
 Railrunner
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 47
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 11:51:27 PM
SJ, it is not a matter of affording or not affording. It's a matter of being treated like a walking, talking ATM machine. Perhaps you would like to explain why someone I had only been dating for a few months is justified in wanting a total of five hundred dollars (Where I stopped counting - and I did not even figure in sales tax, which would add another fifty bucks on top of. When I asked which of her ideas she wanted, she bluntly said "I want all of them". I broke it off the next day) of presents? Glad I suggested walking around and getting an idea of what she wanted before plunking down any money. For the record, I had already bought her something that cost about forty bucks. A nice bracelet.

If you're going to get so bent out of shape about that, I bet you're a gold digging user too then. No one who is well adjusted is going to get that batty over the "Cliff notes" of why he found malls are a bad birthday date idea. But now that you know a bit more, you still feel justified in your high and mighty gold diggers gripe?
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 48
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/4/2016 11:57:29 PM
Damn were your the one who has nothing going on with your life??? The one who has zero nothing nada of any kind of ambition what so ever.
So here it goes, You meet guys who are just like you. We all know that likes attract each other. Then what do you expect from guys are just like you???
Or you got a guy who has more things going for him and he rather not spend the extra money on you. Cause he knows its a waste and going to lead nowhere unless its for your benefit 100%.
So here you are back on here yet again crying the blue. What do you really expect??????? Guys falling all over just to get a glance of your shiny smile??
After a few of your posts they all seem to same song and a dance.
I got nothing but I want everything and they will be lucky to have me around ..
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 49
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/5/2016 12:24:24 AM
^^ You guys are assuming she wants money and presents when that might not be the case at all. Again, if the guy didn't want to go to the mall, why didn't he just say that, or suggest something else? He asked what she wanted to do. Going to the mall does not automatically = buy me stuff, does it? Maybe she just wanted to walk around before dinner and the movie? If she WAS hoping to get presents, I agree that would have been presumptuous and unrealistic a few dates in. But you are just assuming that, we don't know.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 50
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/5/2016 12:44:51 AM
In my opinion, this is only exclusive on her end. He's probably still playing the field based on his actions.
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