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 tizzabelle
Joined: 8/20/2010
Msg: 626
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The Birthday BluezPage 26 of 40    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)
Back to what I think, I've already said. You need to learn to be happy by yourself first before you can be happy in a relationship.

Concentrate on you and, your life and don't stress about guys! I think you need to also maybe branch out some more and, figure out what you can do to be self supporting. As I truly believe that could boost your confidence/self worth.

In today's world it probably will be hard to find younger guys that appreciate such old-fashioned ideals. I think a lot of guys in their early thirties are either married and divorced young or, just ready to settle down and, looking to start a family... maybe date older men?
sugardaddy.com :p
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 627
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/21/2016 3:24:20 AM

Well I do give up on life and love because there isn't a guy for me. The guy I have been dating hasn't been talking to me much, and his communication skills suck and not sure where it will lead. Another guy I am also talking too he just reads my messages and rarely replies back. But he likes me and keeps talking to me, he just doesn't know what to say I guess. Besides those 2 guys, I know no other guy will accept me for me. No man wants to date a girl thats a virgin, that wants marriage, and doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs. Thats all guys want in women nowadays. I am not like the average girl. I am different but being different sucks because no one wants you. All people do to the different is bully and be cruel to them.


Nataly: you don't think there's a guy for you because currently, you don't seem to appeal to many people. That's the unfortunate truth of it. The old maxim applies here: if you're not attracting people, make yourself attractive to them.

You say the four date guy's communication's skills suck, yet that's only your side of it. You've already admitted that he's made it clear to you that neither of you have much in common, so what's there to reply to if he has nothing to base a reply on? Furthermore, you've stated that you've had several conversations with him about where your relationship is and where you want it to lead. Four dates in, that's incredibly claustrophobic to someone who may just like spending some spare time with you. And to be honest, I think that's all it is to him. I'm guessing the other guy's no different.

You've made the sex, drink and drugs thing the crux of your argument but that's not true for most people. Not everyone drinks, or if they do, they don't to excess, not everyone uses drugs, and certainly not everyone drops their pants on the first date. It's a matter of knowing your personal boundaries and knowing what's appropriate for the situation. I have a feeling that you haven't been able to separate your own boundaries from those of your parents. It's important that you create yourself, rather than a carbon copy of your mum and dad.

I suggest that you get a job, or do some volunteering with some social interaction attached at least, learn to drive, and join a Meet Up group if there's one nearby, so that you get out of this little bubble you've created for yourself. Get some true independence in your life. Honestly, you'll feel better for it.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 628
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/21/2016 8:36:09 AM
I've known some Natalies, and sure there are and always have been other Natalies around, whose life plan is to be a stay-at-home wife/mother, who have no desire to be independent, and rely on the man to be the sole bread winner. They go straight from mom and dad's home to a home their spouse pays for. They usually toss around the "I'm traditional" label to justify their life choice. So what this Nataly is doing and wanting is not that uncommon. You can tell her to change her way of thinking and lifestyle until you're blue in the face, but that won't change what she wants. All it takes is one guy who is as traditional as she is. She might have to go to a Mormon or Amish community to find a guy who is on the same wavelength, but there are guys out there who think along those lines-although most of them want kids, and she either doesn't want kids or can't have any.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 629
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/21/2016 8:41:57 AM
Nataly, some men just wanting sex is what every woman has to deal with. That's normal. Some women are happy to go with the sex some are not, whatever your choice is, that's ok. You had a few good dates and didn't get fooled into having sex to keep the man. That's better than many can achieve, you should feel proud of yourself and know that you had more about you than just sex.

The next man will be along soon. Just some ideas. Take sex out of the equation. Don't mention it, you are just dating. Don't focus on problems, tell them about your interviews, maybe even ask for their opinion. Find interesting/fun things to talk about and limit your talk time. Save it for the date.
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 630
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/21/2016 10:46:08 AM
Well you just shut the **** up! Don't you dare say I am like my parents. I AM NOTHING LIKE THEM. I was brought up the right way and I have stood strong since I was a kid. NEVER have drank, smoked, or ever done drugs and never ever will. I am a virgin saving myself for marriage and want marriage because I was brought up to that being the right thing to do and now that I am an adult and can make my own choices, I am sticking to that until it happens.

Stop telling me to get a ****ing job. I KNOW I NEED A DAMN JOB. I GET IT. I WILL GET A JOB WHEN THE TIME COMES DAMNIT. I am NOT volunteering it does not pay. I know to drive and I have a driver's license. I just AM NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE because my parents think I will get into a car wreck and we will get sued. Because people of today are ***holes, and all they care about is money and suing everyone for every cent they got.

Your wrong about the date guy I have been on 4 dates with. This guy told me straight out what he is all about. He says he has bad communication issues, he knows he's a jerk and harsh and has trust issues. He's been hurt a lot in his dating experiences and its been a long time since he's dated anyone since his last 4 year relationship. Yes him and I have little to nothing in common but we enjoy each other's company and want to date and we are going to date.

As for the other guy he is just a guy with not much experience and doesn't know how to date much either. So him and I can date and slowly let it build up and see where it goes from there on.

And yes people do, do drugs, smoke, and drink and have sex, all the guys who have hit me up, its all they do and all they want from women. No men in today's society want marriage, to date, let alone a relationship.
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 631
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/21/2016 11:05:24 AM
Nataly, you are the one that said you were giving up and there was not a man for you. You implied that you were done trying to date this guy, after he stood you up this weekend. As for those comparing you to your parents, you have not told us much about them. People are obviously making assumptions, and really, people do tend to be like their parents. And since you still live at home at your age, it seems safe to assume they are nice, good people or you wouldn't be there.

NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE? You are 29 and have a license. Whos permission do you need? Your parents, because its their car? Time to grow up and provide for yourself.

As for volunteer work, no it does not pay money. However it does offer many benefits. It will put you out with people that you might have something in common with. Maybe a good place to meet the man of your dreams. Id love to have time to volunteer and meet people. However, as a mom with a full time job and 4 pets to care for, I have little time to donate. But, I do consider it just for the social aspect. Plus it would offer you work experience to help you get a better job when you are ready to work. Still not sure what you mean by getting a when the time comes. The time is now. You are a grown ass women, act like one.
 IReallyShouldnt
Joined: 9/6/2016
Msg: 632
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/21/2016 12:29:09 PM
"Well you just shut the **** up! ...Stop telling me to get a ****ing job. I KNOW I NEED A DAMN JOB. I GET IT. I WILL GET A JOB WHEN THE TIME COMES DAMNIT. ... Because people of today are ***holes, and..."

Nataly,
Do you know that anyone can read your posts? One doesn't need to be POF member to read the forums. A profile is needed if one wants to post in the forums.

My point: for such "high morals", you sure have a potty mouth. Do you really want anyone to read these posts of yours? Potential "high moral fiber" boyfriend, family, future (???) employer? Even if you delete your profile, the postings will stay until this forum is shut down.

I know you will probably write more angry comments, and throw in some trash talk. You ask for advice, but then get all bothered when some nice folks (not all) offer some good advice. My advice? Stop asking total strangers for advice.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 633
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/21/2016 12:52:13 PM

I WILL GET A JOB WHEN THE TIME COMES

When is that time, specifically? Not a date, but the criteria that define FOR YOU when it is time to get a job.
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 634
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/21/2016 2:10:04 PM
There are many people who don't want to date someone who drinks or uses drugs. There are not many, if any, guys who want to wait until marriage for sex.

You need to join a Christian dating site. I think that's your only hope of finding someone who is against having sex before marriage.
 IReallyShouldnt
Joined: 9/6/2016
Msg: 635
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/21/2016 2:48:03 PM
I've been following the Nat" saga for a while. Why? Maybe because it keeps me entertained late at night when I can not sleep.
But also because I know a young woman who was once very similar to Nataly (as we "know" her).

The young woman is an awesome person who I refer to as my "step daughter". Not through marriage but a long term relationship. I met her in the early '90s when I started dating her dad. She was an angry young teenager and that is when I learned what "straight edge" meant. No drugs, no smoking, and saving herself for marriage. In the beginning I thought of her as an entitled youngster - wealthy upbringing, everything given to her. In her first year of college she contacted her father and said "I am going to quit college, because it is conflicting with my snow boarding". And she did. I thought "Wow!". My life at that time was just becoming a lot easier... raised two kids by myself, no child support... they were on their own and my career was going great. I thought " what will happen to this young lady when real life kicks in?"

Well, real life kicked in. Her dad co-signed a mortgage on a house in a ski town in Colorado. She found roommates to help with the rent. She paid the rent on time. She started a toy store business (with dad's help). She, the straight edge girl, found a younger guy (5 years younger) and they got married in 2000. They moved to New England. Dad helped again with starting a new business.

Long story made short (you listening, Nataly?) this young woman had options, but she also had goals. Her business is flourishing. Her husband is now history. She is single, but happy. And successful. She had a goal.

No one in these posts have mentioned to Nat that marriage does not always mean forever. Thank goodness I had a great paying job during my years as a single mom. Even If I did not have kids I would still need that good job to support myself.

Nat, what is your fall back if that marriage fails? Sorry, honey, marriage is a not a guarantee.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 636
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/21/2016 4:19:20 PM
Oh dear me; we have pushed some buttons, haven't we? Nataly, you're coming across as a stroppy pre teen, contradicting herself all over the place.


As for volunteer work, no it does not pay money. However it does offer many benefits.


This person gets it. ^^^ No, volunteering doesn't pat out money, but it does pay out some milk of human kindness, widens your social circle and always looks good on your CV, because it shows that you're not just a lazy arsed kid looking out for number one the whole time.

I put many hours a week in volunteering, several more studying and run a part time business. I don't get paid expenses; in fact I'm out of pocket by thousands of pounds each year. I do it because it's fulfilling and makes a real difference to other people's lives.

Stop thinking that you're entitled to something that you're not earning. Clean up that mouth of yours and make a flipping contribution to the rest of humanity for once. Because if you don't, you're going to end up very lonely and very bitter.
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 637
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/21/2016 11:29:15 PM
I've been following too.... as it gives me faith that I'm not doing too bad with my master 11 "Son, I ain't gonna blow smoke up yer ass and tell you it's sunshine... life is tough, and when you finally identify a problem, you have to ask yerself - how much am I willing to pay to have this problem resolved???"


No one in these posts have mentioned to Nat that marriage does not always mean forever. Thank goodness I had a great paying job during my years as a single mom. Even If I did not have kids I would still need that good job to support myself.
Nat, what is your fall back if that marriage fails? Sorry, honey, marriage is a not a guarantee.


Bingo... I've been wondering this - a marriage between a man with assets and a woman with 'nothing'(as Nataly has already identified) is going to more than likely [hey, extrapolating on hearsay, not evidence] have a pre-nup.... Marriages without kids are easier for folks to walk away from.... there's less to think about splitting up and 'providing' for.... I know it did for me...

Also, if you're determined not to have kids (making it easier for him to walk away from a marriage) what have you undertaken yourself to ensure this does NOT happen?? Surgical tubes tied?? IUD?? or are you also trusting and expecting him to solve that problem too??? I know that even 'best' contraception can fail if it's not implemented correctly.


Oh dear me; we have pushed some buttons, haven't we? Nataly, you're coming across as a stroppy pre teen, contradicting herself all over the place.

ditto... I was wondering when the 'temper tantrum' was going to show.... you're not getting what you want in an extremely antisocial way....... guess what, neither do millions of others around in the world get what they want... but they accept it, and find an alternative solution and move on, understanding the wisdom in the long time quote, "that sometimes, not getting what you want is a 'good' thing"
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 638
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 8:26:25 AM

Also, if you're determined not to have kids (making it easier for him to walk away from a marriage) what have you undertaken yourself to ensure this does NOT happen?? Surgical tubes tied?? IUD?? or are you also trusting and expecting him to solve that problem too??? I know that even 'best' contraception can fail if it's not implemented correctly.


Of course it will be up to him to take care. Shes 29 with out a job. Which means that medical insurance will be up to him to provide. She likely does not have any right now, too old to be on her parents, no employer to pay for it. No job means no taxes to file, so no fines for not having insurance thru Obama care.
 GlassArmonica
Joined: 7/28/2013
Msg: 639
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 9:07:16 AM
^
I don't know how your state does it,
but since she is in California
she should be covered under Medi-Cal.
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 640
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 9:16:14 AM
Honestly not sure how my state does it either. I've had insurance since my first job, at 18, 30 years ago. I believe you have to have a reason that you don't work and don't have insurance, such as a disability. Even if you look at the Medi-Cal requirements, I doubt she is qualified since she lives at home. Here are the general requirements:

"In order to qualify for this benefit program, you must be a resident of the state of California, a U.S. national, citizen, permanent resident, or legal alien, in need of health care/insurance assistance, whose financial situation would be characterized as low income or very low income. You must also be either pregnant, blind, have a disability or a family member in your household with a disability, be responsible for children under 19 years of age, or be 65 years of age or older."
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 641
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 10:40:56 AM

Don't you dare say I am like my parents. I AM NOTHING LIKE THEM.

Okay, but you make the Strong case that you Are -- as in how they were raised/sculpted/are:

I was brought up the right way and I have stood strong since I was a kid. NEVER have drank, smoked, or ever done drugs and never ever will. I am a virgin saving myself for marriage and want marriage because I was brought up to that being the right thing to do and now that I am an adult and can make my own choices, I am sticking to that until it happens. ..... I just AM NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE because my parents think I will get into a car wreck and we will get sued. Because people of today are ***holes, and all they care about is money and suing everyone for every cent they got.

You only made the case that you're how your parents want you, and unless they are Not like that themselves but only want You to be that way (which you follow Dependently, in-line) -- you've made the case that you Are like your parents. I don't see how you think you aren't.

Being a virgin 'till your married in most cases has no value. I mean, you can imagine & feel value to it due to any religious tradition for just about anything. But objectively, it gives one zero added value, in and of itself.

Your case for not driving is not a good one, though. Do You believe you're so bad at driving you'll get into a car accident rather easily? If so, don't blame it on other people. And don't follow maw & paw like they make the best decisions for you. Be independent, learn about how to think for yourself, on your own -- without them. Forgo how you grew up, don't value that in and of itself. It doesn't mean rebelling it -- it won't be 100% different -- but maw & paw in their strict/protective way of raising you errs on the safe side, like a momma bear and her cub. Learn how not to be a cub anymore.

I am NOT volunteering it does not pay.

Sooo, you're not volunteering + it does not pay = Hobby (if it's for you), even if it's something positive to put on a resume. If it's for someone/something else, and it's not volunteering in any way + no pay, it's forced/required labor.

This guy told me straight out what he is all about. He says he has bad communication issues, he knows he's a jerk and harsh and has trust issues.

Then why date him? Merely because he's willing?

Yes him and I have little to nothing in common but we enjoy each other's company and want to date and we are going to date.

Basically he makes the best friends-with-benefits situation, where one is too much a jerk and would be a disaster to be in a Relationship with, but you'll see/hang out with them in doses where fun can be had -- whether those benefits are PG or X rated.

And yes people do, do drugs, smoke, and drink and have sex, all the guys who have hit me up, its all they do and all they want from women. No men in today's society want marriage, to date, let alone a relationship.

Again, don't blame others as a whole for the lack of successes. Guys and gals have sex, drink, etc -- it doesn't mean they don't want to truly date leading to a Relationship or are anti-marriage when it comes to a great match. Many who have sex with someone they're dating pre-relationship, drink, will take a hit off a cigarette or a joint once in a while at a gathering -- will have a more fulfilling life experience than many who go by & follow what Momma Says rulez.

If only you knew the Power of the 'dark side'! ;)
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 642
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 10:47:09 AM
Well I made the decision to just kill myself so there problem solved. Don't have to deal with the likes of you people or anyone else ever again so bye.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 643
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 10:54:29 AM
Nataly Darlin'.....that's never the answer.

People can be so cruel....but most often we are even more so to ourselves.

You need someone to talk to. If you don't have a friend or family member....call your local suicide hotline.

There are some very kind, non judgemental people who are there to listen and help. I promise.

Or just keep talking to us....no judgements from me.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 644
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 11:00:43 AM

Well I made the decision to just kill myself so there problem solved. Don't have to deal with the likes of you people or anyone else ever again so bye.

No, no, no, obviously don't do anything close to that. Make the decision to see life as not a bunch of people being jerks trying to sue you for all you're worth if you're out driving... or that guys just want to jump in the sack and nothing else with every girl out there. There's no rush -- nobody should expect you to change overnight. You're comfortable living in the spot you're in -- just realize that although thinking/being on your own Is scary like driving when you don't drive and aren't great at it... but it's a much more fulfilling experience once grasped. It doesn't mean having sex outside a serious Relationship or smoking dubies and whatnot... in fact, the good part of it will be, over several years, feeling more refreshed that you moved into Independence. It opens up doors and causes less stress in life, but it's a hill to steeply walk up, is all.

Again, no rush to do so -- just take the steps. You can do it, girl. :)
 IReallyShouldnt
Joined: 9/6/2016
Msg: 645
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 11:31:12 AM
To Kj521

Could you contact me? I tried to send you a message but your mail settings prevented my message to go thru.

Thanks,
IReallyShouldnt
 IReallyShouldnt
Joined: 9/6/2016
Msg: 646
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 11:36:43 AM
Nataly,

Do you need to speak to someone? I am available to talk. Please send me a message if you are interested.

IReallyShouldnt
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 647
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 11:40:30 AM
"Well I made the decision to just kill myself so there problem solved. Don't have to deal with the likes of you people or anyone else ever again so bye."

Killing self over a man/or a fairy tale deflation--is why we who have "been there, done that" were trying to be honest. Some might have been harsh. Fairy tales are damaging. We all had them and had to get over them.

Nataly, just live for your definition of happiness without a man (if one comes along, that's fine) and if lucky (like we all found out, there are 'no automatic happy endings") you will find friends, allies, maybe enduring love, or just experiences that help you become better and wiser. That is reality. Nobody is guaranteed a dream love.

Most of us are without automatic happy endings, and had to find other definitions of happiness and success.

Do you think most are happy? Not when half of marriages end in divorce, or people have chronic illness or addiction, etc.

Feel lucky to have health and youth and just try to create a life that is not at the mercy of another. Have a plan B, or backup plan for your security.

It will take time to create a life you enjoy. You will feel overwhelmed at times, but give yourself time and space to recover from disappointments.

You will recover from each and every setback. That is what life is about. Persevering.
Giving up is not an option. Take time out. Figure out what your unique contribution and vision is and contribute it.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 648
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 11:47:44 AM
Ms. Really?

'Tis not my settings which prevents such communications from occurring but those imposed by Pof itself ! :)

If you should happen to know a conduit between our two ages willing to act as a carrier pigeon of sorts....I should take no issue with that method.

Otherwise....we might just have to admire one another from afar. :(

Oh Wait!!!! That's not why you want to contact me, is it? Unrequited love and whatnot?

Yeah....sometimes....I get signals crossed. :/

What are you gonna do? :)



Pssst! Nataly? Laughing is so very good for the soul. Being able to laugh at yourself? Even more fun! ;)
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 649
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 11:53:28 AM
Doesn't the 14 yr age restriction imposed by POF apply to both male and female? I have tried to contact Forum ladies too young/14 years or more. No can do!
 tizzabelle
Joined: 8/20/2010
Msg: 650
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/22/2016 12:29:08 PM

Well I made the decision to just kill myself so there problem solved. Don't have to deal with the likes of you people or anyone else ever again so bye.



:( An obvious cry for help and, I hope that someone living closer has sent it! Up here in Canada a threat of suicide is just cause for calling the police.
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