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 AUTHOR
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 51
The Birthday BluezPage 3 of 40    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)

Going to the mall does not automatically = buy me stuff, does it? Maybe she just wanted to walk around before dinner and the movie?


Who is paying for the dinner and movie? That is buying her something, even though it's not tangible like an item from a store.




He's probably still playing the field based on his actions.


I think the guy had a date and that's why he avoided any contact and making up an excuse. We don't know if the guy said to the OP that he wanted to be exclusive, or if she's assuming they are exclusive and an official couple. He's probably looking for some who doesn't do the: "No intimacy/sex until marriage. But in the meantime, you could pay for every date we go on, even though we are more like buddies at the moment", while throwing in the infamous line "I'm old fashioned (and that's why you pay for everything)".
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 52
The Birthday Boo-Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 7:13:32 AM
"Your next move is to put on your walking shoes and go to the mall. The point of dating is to find someone to ENHANCE your life, not REPLACE it."

>>>ding ding ding, winner winner gets the chicken dinner. Relationships are seasoned by what we bring to the table. If we aren't good company, people who are good company won't want us (unless we have great bodies, and then they only want one thing). We should be the type of person we want to date. Otherwise, our option is to accept whatever comes along, b/c we won't provide it ourselves and our life is stale.
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 53
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/5/2016 9:34:05 AM
I am going to give this guy a chance and going to see what happens and what he has to say.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 54
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/5/2016 10:56:20 AM
^^^^^^ Amen to that, sister!!

OP...cut your losses and just move on.

IF he was truly interested....he would call you, take you out on dates, etc. Stop fooling yourself and get a clue!
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 55
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/5/2016 11:04:45 AM
"see what happens and what he has to say."


Awe Nataly.....did he say...."It's not you....it's me" ?


Better luck with the next one. :)
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 56
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/5/2016 11:04:46 AM
^^^^^^ msg 60


Meanwhile, some of you are wasting so much of your time on a complete stranger


Who really needs to get a clue here ?
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 57
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The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/5/2016 11:54:56 AM

I am going to give this guy a chance and going to see what happens and what he has to say.


... screams a 7 on the needy scale.
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 58
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/5/2016 2:51:57 PM
Well he replied

Him: "I like you, but I'm not into anything that you like. We don't have anything in common. I like having you with me, but I never know what to do when we're together."

Me: "I can come up with a ton of stuff we can do for dates. So you don't want to date me anymore? I want to know whats going to happen so we aren't wasting each other's time here."

Him: "I don't know."

Me: "Well what is it you don't know? Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt your feelings?"
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 59
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 9/5/2016 3:00:10 PM
^ I think you have good communication skills. But none of your dating ideas are going to suffice - the poor guy wants a freaking BJ.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 60
The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 3:05:11 PM
thank you, Whatsa. I didn't want to say it. Anyway, the guy is saying what is important--he likes the OP, but they have nothing in common. if they aren't having sex, then they have to be doing something together to take up the time, sitting around eating and staring isn't fun after a while.
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 61
The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 5:00:41 PM
I agree. You would feel so much better about yourself if you had a job. Don't they have employment agencies where you live? Or the State Employment Department? There are a lot of jobs that say "no experience necessary" If your parents don't like the job you get, tell them it's temporary until you gain some experience.

You'll meet new people, and it will feel so much better to you to gain some sort of independence. You could earn at least enough to pay for car insurance.


Do it for you. And when you get do it for YOU, and find you, THEN go look for a good man.
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 62
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The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 5:22:18 PM
To reiterate what 33pennylane said: DO NOT BEG FOR ANYONE'S ATTENTION. it makes you look desperate amd needy. I learned this lesson the hard way.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 63
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The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 6:25:43 PM
I agree with others who say the guy is not interested, and probably lost interest once he knew sex was off the table. I think you might have better luck looking for people who share your religious views, and thus are OK with no sex until marriage. They are hard to find, though. Probably church groups or websites like Christian Mingle are your best bet. Be warned, though: CM has a lot of old dudes looking for young virgin wives, but you can ignore them.
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 64
The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 6:26:29 PM
Well as it turns out, this guy and I did finally talk about everything, and he's dealt with a lot of issues, and I am going to help him get through these issues.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 65
The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 6:29:28 PM
^ I need a man to fix. I've heard it works, if you're reeeaally determined ;)

He doesn't have a sex addiction, by chance?
 BLUEMISS
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 66
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The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 6:35:58 PM
Nataly...When I read your last comment , I actually said , Oh F--k out loud.
What's your next thread going to be about?
You continue to create threads and then continue to not listen to the advice you are given.
Give it up already. Geez.......
I agree with the posters that say for you to get a job.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 67
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The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 7:10:13 PM
I agree that the OP could use some help such as counselling, perhaps to help give her more confidence in her own abilities, and to set healthy boundaries in relationships. But to say she has nothing and is dumb is just being cruel. I do social work, and I've seen lots of people with conditions such as anxiety disorders which makes it difficult to find and hold down a job. I'm not saying she has this, but it's possible. It would also help explain the lack of confidence in making decisions.

It sounds to me, Nataly, like your parents have been making a lot of your decisions for you throughout your life. I have an over-protective parent as well, so I can relate to some extent. In that case, it can be scary to get out on your own, as well as trust yourself to know what to do in a situation. But, it can be done. Small steps, though.

FYI: The people saying to change everything aren't going to get anywhere. It's too overwhelming. You can't expect someone to go from living with parents, not working or driving to having a job, car and their own apartment, at least not right away.

I agree with others who say to maybe look into a part-time job to start out with. That's all I do myself is work part-time, and I am able to make enough to share a place with a roommate. It's not a lot, but was enough to get out of my parent's place. I agree that having a job gives you more confidence. Try an easy one to start with, though. Maybe working in a small store in a mall, like a gift shop or something. I did that for a while, and I got so bored it forced me to go back to school! So now I do social work part-time and like it a lot better! I know I'm sharing a lot of my personal life here, and taking the forum off-topic. But, I feel like we have some things in common, so I thought maybe you could relate to some of my experiences.

As for the guy - RED FLAG alert. Depending on what the issues are, most people can't be "fixed" by someone else. They have to do it themselves. Nothing wrong with trying to help someone, but the danger is getting sucked into someone else's drama, and in the end, nothing much will change. Or worse, you could end up with more issues from the relationship. It sounds like you both have things you need to get sorted out on your own first, before this relationship could have a shot at working.
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 68
The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 7:12:08 PM
I am tired of you all, telling me what to do. I am well aware of finding and getting a job, and I have been applying to places and will get a job eventually. A job isn't going to magically appear out of thin air. I know once I get a job, I can buy and pay for my own car insurance, gas, and other things too alright. I am not that stupid. I have a life, I know how it works. I know what I have to do so back off. I like this guy and I don't care what issues he has to deal with, I am going to help him get through them. And I am doing fine getting through mine.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 69
The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 7:13:35 PM
This reminds me of the Eagles song "Desperado".
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 70
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The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 7:17:23 PM
The thing is, you are asking for advice about what to do in this situation. Then when people give you advice, you tell them not to. We know you know about getting a job and things like that. Of course you aren't dumb. Some people were being jerks, but others I think are just trying to give suggestions. You can take it or leave it. It sounds like you already know what you want to do with this guy, even though most of us don't agree, it's your life. So maybe you don't need to ask us for advice anymore if you don't want it.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 71
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The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 7:28:05 PM
Also, I think the reason so many people are bugging you about getting a job is because they think it will give you more confidence. And if you have more confidence, it can help you attract the right kind of guys and not settle for less.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 72
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The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 7:37:27 PM
Anytime you have to persuade/convince someone to stay with you, you are setting yourself up for a no win situation.

They will always have the option to bale... " I was right, I'm not ready for this". They also know they can dump you whenever they want to because you will be there begging them to change their mind.

It changes the dynamic of the relationship. He will always be in control and you will always feel like you have to pander to his needs so he doesn't dump you again.

He told you many times that he didn't not want to be with you (not in those words) but you didn't listen so he gave up and just agreed to keep going.. for now.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 73
The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 8:12:17 PM
^ Well, as long as we're speaking freely, would you mind changing your user name? That STOOpid song is running through my head. Pretty nurses selling puppies from a tray? WTF?
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 74
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The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 8:26:05 PM
Nataly, you've gone up to 9 on the needy scale. This guy told you outright that you have nothing in common and you disregarded it. I'm guessing that you pleaded and wore him down into accepting that he carry on with this. I agree with others that you're not in any position to help him with any issues he may have and if you think you are, I'm afraid that's coming from your need to keep this going past its sell-by date.

As for you being fed up with people having an opinion about all of this, what do you expect? If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question.
 Heffelump
Joined: 8/27/2016
Msg: 75
The Birthday Booz
Posted: 9/5/2016 8:28:04 PM
For God's sakes don't Google the meaning of "fish and finger pies."

That's how you do passive aggressive. No matter how hard she tries she won't be able to resist being the agent of her own disgust. Then I can say, "I told you not to look." Win/win.
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