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 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 826
The Birthday BluezPage 34 of 40    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)


It's difficult to remain sympathetic towards someone like this.

I doubt sympathy is doing Natalie any favors. I think a heaping spoonful of tough love MAY help, but her parents are the only ones who can effectively deliver that.


It is really not clear what Natalie hopes to gain from posting on forums. Of course, she has appeared here, on pof, in previous incarnations.

However, as I mentioned earlier, it is merely a hamster wheel of the same old/same old.

Here are some entries from the other, previously referenced, site:

Mom wants me to cook for her and my dad she says I gota learn like it or not. And I don't wanna learn or cook. I don't wanna cook because I am lazy for one ha!


Read more: http://www.city-data.com/forum/food-drink/1884198-cooking-others-ingredients-restaurants-fast-food.html#ixzz4MDDTauWd


While she [Natalie's mom] has to go to work everyday and I get to stay home.

This is very nearly a boast!
Read more: http://www.city-data.com/forum/non-romantic-relationships/1821691-mother-daughter-relationship-why-cant-we.html#ixzz4MDFXhTSu


Only other work experience I do have is 1 month of retail in which I quit in 2007, and another promotional/retail of 1 month in which I also quit in 2011.

So, even if she goes through the motions of getting a job, why should she keep it?
Read more: http://www.city-data.com/forum/job-search/1823718-filling-out-job-applications-employee-applying.html#ixzz4MDEAgIzI


CraigCreek: One other thing - judging by your various posts in different threads, you seem to be a person with strong feelings, and not much tolerance or patience or appreciation for others whose opinions may differ from your own or whose suggestions and advice you don't want to hear.

True dat ...
Read more: http://www.city-data.com/forum/job-search/1823718-filling-out-job-applications-3.html#ixzz4MDBLsXEt

Why is Natalie going around on this topic again? I think her lack of transportation is creating problems in finding a boyfriend. The subject of this thread texted her, on her B'day about noon, then she left him hanging until around 1:30p before responding, AFTER he had already left work and driven home. After he had driven to work and back home that day, she expected him to drive a THIRD time that day through LA traffic (the only worse traffic may be in Cairo - I've been in both places), just to surprise her with a bunch of flowers and a Teddy Bear? How entitled and clueless is that? Perhaps she should have responded BEFORE he left work, so that he could have seen her. Anyway, her thread here on pof, regarding a female friend, who she deems not a "real friend" seems to also revolve around the unwillingness of said friend to pay court to Natalie at her parents' location.

Frankly, as she becomes a 39 year old who won't drive, she will continue to be rejected by friends and potential boyfriends as too high maintenance. Who wants to hang out with someone who is expecting you to do all the driving, or is restricted to activities that are on the bus route? That may be normal for a 16 year old, but a person entering their 30th year?

So, maybe her mom has said she could drive if she got a job? Perhaps that is why we are rehashing all the reasons why Natalie can't drive ... can't/won't pass the test, too dangerous, she's an only child (), cost of insurance, etc.

Natalie is quite comfortable in her "learned helplessness" and has not really had enough "discomfort" in her current circumstances to be motivated to change.

Occasional domestic conflicts, lack of time with friends, and "Boyfriends" who quickly tire of being the chauffeur have not yet compelled her to change. She said somewhere here on pof that her life is written in the sands of time (my words) and she knows exactly how it will be forever. Natalie seems ready to succumb to the fickle finger of fate (or maybe she is just LAZY, as she states, previously) and has no desire or motivation to change, in spite of her claims to the contrary.

We shall see if she proves me wrong ($10'll get you $50) ...

P.S. Natalie, I believe you never finished high school. Get your GED - there are many public programs to assist you - and you will have more options in life than finding a husband.
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 827
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 10/5/2016 6:32:17 AM
Natatlie presents her background, thusly:
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 458 PM
Parents are reaching 60 and I am almost 30. I was born premature, so my parents have always said I can't do things like a regular born person can do. I was enrolled in special education classes to help me learn, having trouble learning just being the only disability. Besides that when I turned 18 I got anxiety and depression and have dealt with both since then. I have seen therapist and they have helped but those conditions still prevent me from doing a lot of stuff sometimes. I can handle going out in public at the store or the mall, but staying in 1 place like working somewhere not sure if I can handle it. When it comes down to it, I think my parents don't want me to grow up, even though they themselves complain and want me to work but yet when I get a job they don't like it and tell me not do it. When is true, for example, I had a interview and got the job at the retail store ROSS, it was for a graveyard shift and because I would work 1AM-5AM my parents were scared I would get attached so early in the morning and they didn't like the hours I was given, because they would have to drive me , drop me off or pick me up. YES I know I can drive but I know them they will NEVER let me drive.


https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16555393.aspx
 VikingHoosier
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 828
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 10/5/2016 6:32:32 AM
Unfortunately, huge numbers of female profiles say they can't / won't cook. In addition to here on POF, it's frequent on Tinder where they use much of their scarce text space to "brag" about their inability and unwillingness to cook. They often they say they want a man who will cook for them. Such statements are a dealbreaker. They want the man to do all the cooking or they want to go out to expensive restaurants on a regular basis.

The below page says it well (warning: profanity)

http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=learn_to_cook_moron
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 829
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 10/5/2016 7:31:08 AM
^^^The majority of women end up having kids, so do their kids end up starving if cooking is off the table? You would never know from the obesity rates. Or do these women suddenly un-learn how to cook later when they're single and the kids are grown?
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 830
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 10/5/2016 9:27:49 AM

The majority of women end up having kids, so do their kids end up starving if cooking is off the table? You would never know from the obesity rates. Or do these women suddenly un-learn how to cook later when they're single and the kids are grown?


No, when the children come along they 1) continue to want the man to do the cooking. 2) eat more fast food than anyone should 3) use nasty, unhealthy, over processed, sugar filled, prepackaged foods. Number 2 and 3 play a big part rising obesity rates. Then, after the kids are gone, and they are single again, they join dating sites and go on as many dates a week as they can. Dates equal free meals for many.

One guy that I was chatting with about bad dates told me that he had two different women he took out, on first dates, order a meal to go on top of their meal, when he was paying for the date. Who the hell does that?
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 831
The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/5/2016 9:54:07 AM
"Oh please Mr Butters, please tell me you're being facetious, right???? "


Who ME ?

I don't believe in being anything but absolutely serious in this Forum !

Levity is only for fools and is bad for your health !

It is much healthier and more constructive to argue endlessly with someone who is never going to agree with you .

*cough, cough * off topic anyone ? *cough, cough *
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 832
The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/5/2016 10:12:51 AM

One guy that I was chatting with about bad dates told me that he had two different women he took out, on first dates, order a meal to go on top of their meal, when he was paying for the date. Who the hell does that?


Duh ... anyone who lives with her BF and didn't have time to cook dinner, because she had a DATE!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 833
The Birthday Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 7:51:47 AM

So if you had kids of your own, that were my age 29 or in their 20s and they asked you "can I drive to the store or can I drive to go out with friends" you would automatically let them do so? Even if they were your only child? You would let them drive without worrying on if they may get into an accident or car wreck, or something bad would happen to them?


I can't figure out if you're really this naive or you're punking us.

You do the best you can to keep kids safe....it's a parent's job. BUT, you can't keep them from growing or experiencing life.
I have 2 girls. One got her license at 16 and when she was 17 she drove to SC with some friends for a week of vacation. Was I
worried? Sure. But she was a responsible person and I trusted her to do the right thing. I can't control what others do, I can
just hope for the best.

My other daughter got her license at 23, but she took buses and trains and planes, she went across country, she flew to England and
Brazil and France....etc etc etc.

You're missing out on so much worrying about what CAN happen. Life is a gamble for pete's sake. You can walk out your
door, trip and smash your pumpkin on the stairs, heck you can do that in the bath tub.

It's easy for me to say pull yourself together I know. But for cripes sake...pull yourself together and grow up.
I wish I were friends with your mom. If ever parents were doing their child a disservice...it's them. It's almost a form
of child abuse by smothering.
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 834
The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 8:49:07 AM

It is much healthier and more constructive to argue endlessly with someone who is never going to agree with you .


You know what. I totally disagree with you. So there. There you have it. And you know what. I disagree with the opposite too.
 halforhalfnot
Joined: 9/13/2016
Msg: 835
The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 1:23:15 PM
That's just because you're always wrong. And I'm always right. Stamp it, double cross it, no erasees.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 836
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History
The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 2:02:29 PM
I have two sons, 15 and 11. I worry more about my 15 year old than the 11 year old. I would be equally distressed if either got hurt. But my 11 year old, even though he is 4 years younger, is more aware of danger and conducts himself safer than his older brother.

With regard to learning difficulties, most services in UK go upto 25 whereas those more able are expected to be acting like adults at 18. It is recognized that some with learning difficulties may need support forever. So 29 is no bigy. That doesn't mean, however, that they can't work or in many cases drive, have and maintain healthy relationships. They can still be fully functioning adults, they just might need on going support to achieve it and reach it several years after their peers.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 837
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The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 2:32:49 PM
^^^ Difference being that they might actually WANT to be fully functioning adults DESPITE their difficulties, which does help. I'm not seeing that yet with Nataly, so she may need some extra work in different areas within occupational support (I hesitate to use the word therapy as I know she hates it being mentioned).
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 838
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The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 2:49:21 PM
" they just might need on going support"

All living things need support of their peers (family etc.).

" WANT to be fully functioning adults"

Adults want to be functional.

I just took a 16 day international trip with a gal like Nat. I knew going into it, it would be challenging. I decided from the get go, I wasn't going to argue. It gave me vision into the bs, this 20 yr. old handed out to get her lazy own way. It gave me vision into how her mother encourages her bs. 3 x's she said it was the best experience of her life, and could she come again. 3'x I thought I gave you this experience to try to help you grow as an adult. 3 x's I thought, I am never putting myself through through being used by you again.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 839
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The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 3:23:37 PM
Ime, people arent lazy they are either unmotivated and/or unsupported. Sometimes its parents, schools, environment, peers or all of these.

What you may see as someone being lazy and getting there own way is likely someone testing boundaries or controlling their environment because all around them feels like chaos and out of their control they use maladaptive behaviours to gain control = safe.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 840
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The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 3:50:57 PM
^^^ I don't see her as lazy; I see her as afraid to stretch herself. I don't think she's testing boundaries. Her personal boundaries are already fixed and inflexible. She wants people to fit around her. All her posts indicate that she wants her behaviour validated rather than questioned. Life isn't like that.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 841
The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 4:02:41 PM
^ ^ ^ ???Lazy?
No not at all. Nataly is as active, or energetic, as any other average 17 yr old, teenager.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 842
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The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 4:49:06 PM
We got Nat at 29, who doesn't have a job...
Recently in the news was a Woman with Downs Syndrome...
Who just retired after working for McDonald's for 32 years....

http://nbc4i.com/2016/08/26/woman-with-down-syndrome-retiring-from-job-after-32-years/
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 843
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The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 5:37:10 PM

^^^ I don't see her as lazy; I see her as afraid to stretch herself. I don't think she's testing boundaries. Her personal boundaries are already fixed and inflexible. She wants people to fit around her. All her posts indicate that she wants her behaviour validated rather than questioned. Life isn't like that.


Well put Mr Tiger.... I agree...


and speaking of disabilities and getting out there... let's not forget Australia's own Steve Payne....

http://www.smh.com.au/sport/horseracing/melbourne-cup-2015-family-affair-in-great-race-for-the-paynes-and-prince-of-penzance-20151031-gknunt.html

I admire the tenaciousness of those willing to get in and do the stuff that other's say they can't...
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 844
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The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 6:41:12 PM
"la·zy
ˈlāzē/Submit
adjective
1.
unwilling to work or use energy.
"I'm very lazy by nature"
synonyms: idle, indolent, slothful, work-shy, shiftless, inactive, underactive, sluggish, lethargic; remiss, negligent, slack, lax, lackadaisical
"the lazy volunteers were sent home"

There are people with disabilities who are lazy and those who are not.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 845
The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 7:17:33 PM
I remember reading in school an idea that "laziness" isn't a useful concept. I can't think of any behavioural experts who would be likely to refute this. People can be depressed, feel helpless, disinterested in the task at hand, mal nourished, afraid, illiterate, have a learning disability, anxious, social phobic, have low self-esteem... "Lazy" just seems like a judgement. And a lazy one, at that.
 halforhalfnot
Joined: 9/13/2016
Msg: 846
The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 7:30:35 PM
I disagree and would strongly oppose your position. But I just can't be bothered.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 847
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The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 8:08:48 PM
Tiger - I wasn't referring to nataly I was referring to the girl qoted who was described as lazy.

Without putting my own judgements and prejudiced onto someone else and taking nataly with the information given. If she has ld, her parents are over protective and her environment she lives in is as supportive as this thread has been. I'm surprised she gets up in the morning let alone wants to work beyond cleaning.

School for some can progress people to their potential, for others it can be abusive.

Where I live there are several charities and organizations who build relationships with local businesses to create work opportunities for both special needs and disadvantage. Most bigger companies get tax reductions for employing those who need help. Some schools can be good at linking in. Some schools are crap at it. Without these organizations and additional help from communities very few with needs would get work. Depends on who helps out.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 848
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The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 8:15:18 PM
Imo, lazy is not behaving responsibly because the person decides they would rather do something else for whatever reason.

The gal I took on the trip with me, preferred to play games on her computer or watch videos rather than keep her room clean, do her own laundry, or share in cooking etc. She had no problem finding energy to go site seeing, or go to restaurants, or parties etc. For the first ten days, I tried to figure out what her issues where with showering, brushing her hair, picking out her own clothes etc. I began to see that she just want to be waiting on, and taken care off. Yes, she told me she expected me to brush her hair and pick out her clothes, and far more than that.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 849
The Facetious Bluez
Posted: 10/6/2016 8:22:32 PM
oh for crying out loud. We're at a full page debating the word lazy and whether it applies to the OP.

It does.

Why do I say that?

Because lazy is the exact word OP used to describer herself.

Debate over.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 850
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The Birthday Blahs...
Posted: 10/7/2016 12:08:34 AM
I have a birthday coming up - if I don't die first. Should I go to the mall? Should I text some people who don't really have anything in common with me and see if they'll come entertain me all day? Should I get a job if I want something from the mall? It sounds like so much work! I guess my birthday will be lonely again...why is everyone else so lazy instead of taking care of me?
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