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Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 161
Bluez CluesPage 7 of 40    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)
Honestly, if a partner got violent, my fanny would be out so fast. I just have too much self respect to put up with that baloney. Someone might have lower self esteem, and try to explain it away. As a fellow, its easy for me to say, I wouldn't allow myself to be in a financial situation where I have to be dependant upon someone else's abuse. I moved out at age 18 b/c I was annoyed with my father, and it wasn't even abuse.

So, I find, that if someone wants something...they're never too busy or too broke to have it. we can say the same about whether or not a guy is interested in a gal. meanwhile, I met a fellow back at university who came from an abusive household. he ended up marrying a woman who he suspected was beating her daughter, thinking, "i know how to cool her down". So, he followed a pattern, and I told him, next time anyone ever makes him feel at home, he should consider that a sign to run. I do get, for some, abuse is a pattern. they d0n't like the pain, but they like "he cares so much".

in a sense, the good news is...they can control this by getting the hell out. its not easy, but unlike cancer, they can escape.
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 165
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Bluez Clues
Posted: 9/7/2016 7:04:49 PM

Does the fact that she hasn't left mean she likes it?

Conversely, does it mean the guy likes being a bully? People use behaviors they THINK are common or they THINK work to get what they want. In this scenario, the guy may only know how to communicate in this way. He could be angry that he never learned how to "use his words" instead of fists.
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 166
Bluez Clues
Posted: 9/7/2016 7:24:12 PM
All of your guy's advice is to not date this guy, and for me to just be alone and be single and never date. I do not want that. I want to go out and live my life and be able to date and find someone. Maybe this guy is the one, maybe he is not. When I have a friend, family member, or dating someone that is in pain or has issues, yes I try my best to help them in whichever way I can and if I can't help them, at least I tried. I have a heart and soul and care and love a lot alright. And all of your advice, I again UNDERSTAND. I know I have to get a job, I know I need a job to get money to use towards this and that, I GET IT OK. I am not going to get a job INSTANTLY. And I am aware of programs out there that help people with disabilities but a lot of those programs are BS. I have tried them and they never helped, they just taught me what I already know, how to apply for a job, build a resume and cover letter, they never helped me get a job, and get a job. I know how to go out and get a job and I will get a job. As far as my anxiety and depression and seeing a therapist or any type of doctor that isn't going to help, because anxiety and depression with those who have it, it doesn't magically disappear. It stays and never goes away and there are people who have it, and are way worse than I am, and yet they are able to live their lives, the way they want, and can date and be merry. So why can't I? I am living my life the way I want too. I am trying my best here too.
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 167
Bluez Clues
Posted: 9/7/2016 7:26:51 PM
^ You stay out of this! (Kidding.)
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 175
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Bluez Clues
Posted: 9/7/2016 7:57:26 PM
'I don't believe bullied people do, they try to avoid the painful situations'

I never got bullied at school, I either stood my ground, or got along with the bullies well enough that they were ok with me (though I wouldn't be friends with them. Don't like bullies). I wouldn't go out of my way to avoid them, and sometimes you can't avoid them. plus bullies have a way of picking up on that imo. Also my mates older brother would of killed them so I was always ok.

I don't think anyone enjoys being bullied or abused. But in some cases for whatever reason certain behaviours attract it. The victim may not be aware of what they are doing ie feeling attracted to someone who is not good for them. It probably cant be summed up based on one or two peoples experiences. It definately isn't the victims fault, no one deserves to be treated like it but that is one of the reasons people access therapy. To learn how to form healthy relationships.

I'm not sure it is nataly who's getting the pay off, sounds more like frustration that she isn't doing as she is told. Of course some people feel help is telling someone what to do.

Anyway.......nataly, it's good to know what you want, just so long as someone else doesn't distract you from that with there wants. So be clear about your own wants.

Things I want in a man are:

He makes me laugh
He makes me feel important to him
He makes me feel special
He is interested and supports my hopes and dreams
He enjoys my company
He likes to go out and do similar things that i like but also has a few interests that he follows himself
He allows me to follow my interests
He treats me with respect and consideration.
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