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 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 101
Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered ListPage 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

They cheat because they can't risk losing half their stuff
But feel entitled to getting sex outside their marriage because
They want their cake and to eat it too!


Many people cheat because they live a life of pain avoidance instead of happiness. They know their lives are miserable, but miserable is something they understand and are so scared of their own shadow, they would rather go outside secretly than confront forward change. Yes, it's the lack of balls (or ovaries). The same reason they prefer to be polite than to tell the a negative truth.

They did some studies and found out that when therapist concentrated on fixing the sexual issues in a relationship first and what was wrong with the relationship second, more often than not, (I don't have the percentages of the study), once they tried to fix the sex, the couple found ways to fix the other problems.

A huge reason many women stop having sex, is not that they do not find their partner attractive, but the fact that they don't find themselves attractive. So since they feel fat, ugly, out of shape, this that the other, they stop caring, they feel they have no right to feel wanted or desired. Again here, therapist found that you can't wait to lose the weight in order for the sex to come back. You have to start accepting yourself (and for the man to accept his partner) and see the beauty that is already there. People become more pro-active to change after they start working on the sex, not putting future benchmark to be achieve before they start.
 hearton64
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 102
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Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/13/2016 11:55:07 AM
https://affairadvice.wordpress.com/2013/08/24/different-types-of-affairs-yes-it-matters/

I agree to a point.

I stopped having sex within my marriage
because it's impossible to trust, love or respect
a man with anger management issues who's verbally abusive
And who called me a "fat f*cking c*nt" whilst I was
carrying his child, spit in my face, stayed out all night
and drank himself into 3 DUIS and blamed me for all his
shortcomings for years on end!

It became impossible not to cry every time I was expected
to suck his****and forget my needs being met!

I didn't want his hands on me at all!!

But hey some women might be into that sh*t!

I'm overweight now and have no issues with having sex!

My guy LOVES and RESPECTS
me and my body and I always knew I'd find someone I was
worthy of if I just found my way OUT OF THAT HELL!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 103
Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/13/2016 5:42:14 PM
IGII is right to say MANY but not all cheaters are used to taking the easy path of pain avoidance. There are exceptions to the rule, as HeartOn pointed out. Some people avoid hard work/pain in life b/c they can--someone runs in to enable them. Others are just risk-takers (After Ashley Madison's records were exposed publically, NPR looked up the employment and found many worked in risky fields like stock brokers, or headed companies known for playing fast and loose with financial reports, etc),

http://www.kqed.org/news/story/2016/04/28/196046/ashley_madison_hack_inspires_social_scientists_to_look_behind

so cheating is just one more thing they do in their life. Perhaps more about taking a risk if the opportunity is presented, than seeking it out. And other cheating spouses have a history of disrespecting their spouses on lower levels before finally elevating to the big betrayal.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 104
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Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/13/2016 11:40:15 PM
I agree with both the above. Sometimes a woman loses interest in sex because she isn't being treated very well. No way would I try and get the sex back with someone who was treating me disrespectful. I'd concentrate on that first. I couldn't even consider it, it would turn my stomache
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 105
Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/14/2016 6:52:38 AM

My guy LOVES and RESPECTS
me and my body and I always knew I'd find someone I was
worthy of if I just found my way OUT OF THAT HELL!


Congratulations. This is awesome.

My marriage was to a 10 day woman. That means once she had sex, she would not even remotely respond to my advances before the 10 days were over. Rejection was not an easy thing, so I withdrew even more.

After my divorce I enjoyed a healthy libido and discovered that many women after they reach 40 start to open up. But realistically I never thought that I would be granted to be with someone with a libido as mine until I met the most awesome woman in the world and my current and for ever partner. So sometimes god or karma grants you everything you want and more. Our sex life was so good from the get go that I became worried that would be the only thing we had, but little by little she also became my best friend, the person I can talk to, the person that not only laughs at my horrible jokes, but now makes the same jokes. We are now building a house together and got married in a private non-religious ceremony in the middle of the woods.

So Hearton, yes, there's vindication.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 106
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Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/14/2016 5:21:42 PM
Jay wrote:


But before your relationship, you were every woman's fantasy, easily able to sleep with whomever you desired.


loveis wrote:


his idea of love, self focus, allow her to behold his magnificence, so much to offer, so athletic and hot stuff,


Funny...but...um...no, and no. Sorry I have left the impression that I've been some type of dashing James Bond type adonis who's a pick up artist. I think I must be overcompensating in self description due to the fact that I don't have a picture. Maybe also overcompensating as I'm not inexperienced in the world and the customs of OLD...But James Bond isn't the reality at all. Instead of James Bond, metaphorically think Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump, too, had plenty of success, bumbling around, but still hadn't a clue. He also had rejection. Never been a pick up artist. I just spent a lot of time partying, a lot of time single, a lot of time being around drunk women, wasn't short or ugly, could string 2 sentences together without falling all over them, and was in the right place at the right time plenty of times. Plenty of rejection and some heartbreak from women I desired, a few I wanted to keep, to be sure...don't doubt that for a moment. It's just that box of chocolates can be large for those men with that type of lifestlye, and not having anything particularly to do with being a woman's "fantasy," or having women "behold my magnificence.".....Women get beer goggles too. :)
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 107
Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/14/2016 5:38:14 PM
"Women get beer goggles too. :)"


Seriously, Mr. SS?

From the perspective of a woman who has been hit on her entire adult life by married/spoken for men.....

What could you possibly offer someone like me? (morals and values aside)

Especially, since you allude to the fact that you were not very "experimental" before your SO and your sex life is now non existent....you don't even have that skill set to offer. Lol!


In your situation......a bird in the hand, my friend. :)
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 108
Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/14/2016 6:05:20 PM


you don't even have that skill set to offer.
...
In your situation......a bird in the hand,


Proof that women prefer a man with solid knowledge of Organic Chemistry than Ornithology hands down.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 109
Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/14/2016 6:26:05 PM
^^^^ Let me just add....Single....man with solid knowledge of Organic Chemistry than Ornithology hands down."

A rare unicorn indeed.....sigh.....nothing to do but sing....

Yeah.....you guessed it!

All the Singles Ladies....... :)
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 110
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Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/14/2016 7:04:59 PM
Kj wrote:


From the perspective of a woman who has been hit on her entire adult life by married/spoken for men....
Of course by married men attracted to the potato-sack sweats, tousled hair, and no makeup look, right?


What could you possibly offer someone like me? (morals and values aside)
Nothing, because I don't like that look. Gotta have the curlers, too. Moving on, now.....not much, to be honest. I just don't think you're in that box of chocolates, Kj. :( Actually I don't think many women here on POF are in that box. Beer goggles or not...I think I've decided to allow the fine, upstanding women of Craigslist to "behold my magnificence" anyway. LOL


Especially, since you allude to the fact that you were not very "experimental" before your SO and your sex life is now non existent....you don't even have that skill set to offer.
Well, it's about shriveled away, but I believe in rehabilitation, with an understanding woman's help. Whether that woman is the SO, well, that remains to be seen...
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 111
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Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/14/2016 7:13:20 PM
Jay wrote:


Actually, if you HIDE your profile, you CAN. All that means is, no one will SEE it, unless you MESSAGE someone. So, it's hidden from everyone else, EXCEPT the ladies you message. This should solve your picture problem.


Hmmm....thanks for the tip. I haven't figured out the rest of the site yet, and have only sent 2 messages for experimentation (msgs did not end up in my "sent" list, though (?) :/...) I did get a hookup offer, already though...yay....she's hot, 20, wants me, and she's from Nigeria. Wiring $2K for plane tix today. POF rocks. :~D

As far as what you suggest, not sure I can do that on a free account. I will take a look at the option, though, if I decide to start messaging people more. But, my feeling is this isn't the right site for me, and even what I'm ultimately going to do in my real life situation...but I have had lot of fun on the forum here...it can be addicting.

I am a refugee from a political forum, where I was a regular but I got despondent on the state of today's politics and was flailing around looking for a forum to investigate, far from politics. So duh, I found another forum based on something else I'm despondent about, lol. Having been here a little while, I didn't know what I was missing. But my area of expertise in love/women/romance is pretty narrow, so after awhile I doubt I can contribute much. Stories about cheap sex are like cheap sex; probably gets old after awhile, and I think some of the women get offended by it. But to me, it's fun to write about, at least on those escapades I remember, lol. t least I can let them know a little about these things from a man's point of view. Thus I will probably get burned out on this after a little awhile...or get kicked off. But the people here seem to be quality people...can be rough, but usually when it's needed.... and do give me a bit of hope for humanity and the beleagured status of marriage and LTRs.. Gotta stop rambling. At any rate, thanks for the tip Jay.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 112
Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/14/2016 7:40:24 PM
"Nothing, because I don't like that look. Gotta have the curlers, too. Moving on, now.....not much, to be honest. I just don't think you're in that box of chocolates, Kj. :( Actually I don't think many women here on POF are in that box. Beer goggles or not...I think I've decided to allow the fine, upstanding women of Craigslist to "behold my magnificence" anyway. LOL"


LMAO! I suppose I deserved that. :)

But it was a serious question. What....Benefit....in a FWB situation do you have to offer that a single man can't?

Take me out of the equation.....


And.....please don't take your toys and leave. We were having so much fun! I'll behave! Promise! :D
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 113
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Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/14/2016 8:25:20 PM

But it was a serious question. What....Benefit....in a FWB situation do you have to offer that a single man can't?

Take me out of the equation.....


But I don't want to take you out of the equation! ;)

As to your "serious" question: Well, gotta have the confidence I can offer something, anything, better than the single man! Being confident about that is what men are supposed to do. Whether it's warranted or not. How many songs' theme revolve around "I can love you better than he can," or some variation thereof? It's like the dance of those colorful male birds to impress the female....the most colorful, outrageous male bird, with the best dance, wins the attention and romance from the female bird. Once the male wins...um..I guess the female then finds out "what he's got."

But I don't have feathers, and haven't danced in awhile, so I will offer this....it also depends on whether you want a single FWB and risk HIM falling for you when you don't feel for him, vs. having a married/attached FWB who can't fall for you because he wants to keep his household intact. It gives YOU the freedom to decide whether to vamoose at any time; you have the leverage because the married man can't do anything when you eventually dump him. The single guy can stalk you or bug you, and get all weird about it or get high hopes you like him. The married guy just has to take it on chin in silence and sulk away, back to the SO. :( Of course in real life, feelings can sprout from any partner, which complicates things...


And.....please don't take your toys and leave. We were having so much fun! I'll behave! Promise! :D
Sorry, I'm putting away my toys now....gotta walk the dog and join the SO upstairs....we're trying something experimental tonight...I'm suggesting potato sack sweats and curlers ;) ...
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 114
Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/14/2016 11:22:57 PM
No, you didnt deserve that. SS has consistently shown an entitlement complex across the forums, especially when it comes to cheating on his woman of 20 years with younger ones he hopes to exploit for sex. Dont depreciate yourself for this narcissist.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 115
Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/15/2016 4:12:17 AM
"Sorry, I'm putting away my toys now....gotta walk the dog and join the SO upstairs....we're trying something experimental tonight...I'm suggesting potato sack sweats and curlers ;) ..."


See there, Mr. SS? Progress! Keep doing that...and you will see the cake you have...is The One you have always desired. :)


"Dont depreciate yourself for this narcissist"

Thank you Ms. Bombshell. :) Fortunately, for me.....I learned a long time ago, that true appreciation for one's self must come from within...as without it.....external validation can never fill that void.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 116
Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/15/2016 8:02:55 AM
"What benefit in a FWB situation do you have to offer that a single man can't?"

>>>theoretically, taken men don't try to make a fckbuddy into anything else. Single men have the room to do so. And that's told to me by a few women who just wanted to get laid, what the benefit of a taken man was. And i'm sure what was left unsaid was, its winning the competition that's inside their head, and a taken man is usually, by definition, worth something to someone, while the single guy is the punchline in the joke about why men are like parking spaces.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 117
Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/15/2016 5:52:41 PM
454 here is my 2 cents.
If you want to find a FWB the easy one is craigslist. When I were younger and still used dial up. I found chatrooms, In no time I found that they were full of married women who were looking. Yes I did go there and had lots of fun. You don't have MSN chat anymore but I'm sure there are some other type of chatrooms out there. Out there its your personality that can come out and shine. There are also lots of other web sites you can look for. But I did have lots of success with the chat rooms. Even met a long term GF from there. There are also lots of attached women who just like you are looking on the side. Heck what you got to lose say it out right in your profile what you are looking for and see what the waves would drop at your feet.

Now if you think your GF is stupid then you will get away with it with no problems. But if she is smart then she will find out about it and all hell break lose. Might as well do it on your term where you can plan it the right way and tell her you want to break up right now and do what ever you want with out looking over your shoulder. Unless that's part of the excitement is the cheating. If it was me I would leave I don't want to give up sex just yet. But I don't want to worry about being found out or looking over my shoulder. besides you are not married to her so you are free to go. Just make sure you line up all your ducks in a row.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 118
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Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/17/2016 7:39:20 AM
Sorry have not had time to keep up here, but I do plan to address more replies, especially from the females here. There are also some thoughtful, non-judgmental replies that I will definitely reply to. But I will address this bothersome theme that seems to be developing among some women here in their 40s:

Bbombs, in midst of tearing me a new one, wrote:


If I'm just going to be used for sex, I may as well pick a 20 year old buck instead of an older man... Sheesh...


And contemplative kj had a "serious" question:


But it was a serious question. What....Benefit....in a FWB situation do you have to offer that a single man can't?


So you ladies seem to be saying there's NEVER been a guy in his mid 50's who's had flings and NSA with women in their 40's? I beg to differ! And who's saying that I view my universe of attainable NSA women to be women in their 40's or younger??...I never said that. Maybe my NSA dream is some, hot, fit, 57 year old. There are plenty of those out there, too! Or are you just assuming that I'm only considering younger hotties in their 40s? What if I'm only looking in my own age range +/-?...which is at least 10 years older than either of you? Do you give me better prospects then, and quit your snickering?

I'd say your idea of a man in his mid 50s seems to be, well, ...let's just say... antiquated.....but I can assure you that I don't walk with a cane, don't have a hearing aid, and can still, when I try really hard, control my flatulence.....that is, unless that's something that turns you on...and in that case, we could just....um... go with the flow!....;)

55 is the new 40, haven't you heard? And 25 is the new......16!....living in Momma's basement, carless, paying off college loanst! Older men have gained ground through fitness and the miracle of....well....Big Pharma. Modern electronic technology offers us "Miracle Ear," modern pharma technonlogy offers us "Miracle D**k." Next time you're out at the gym take a look around, and assess the 50s age men there. They're not all pot-bellied, flat a**ed, shapeless middle aged men of a few decades ago. Still may not be your cup of tea for a NSA, sure, but for many women I'd say they may be. At least I have to think that way. But, you two do bring up a good consideration. ..... ;)
 WhereforeAndWhyNot
Joined: 1/26/2016
Msg: 119
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Getting my... Sex Life.... off.... the... yawwwn.....zzzzzzz
Posted: 9/17/2016 9:34:32 AM
OH hell… here we go with the “other people have done it so that makes it alright” crap again… just like they said at Nuremberg, or Watergate. This guy’s like a myopic, broken record. “Pity me, I’ve been sooooo loyal, and now I’m soooooo horny.”

Actually, I’m really starting to think that this is just a plant… some college student running a Sociology project to see how far he can keep pushing the same bullsh!t, over and over, until everyone just gives up in disgust.

Does Nataly have a brother?
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 120
Getting my... Sex Life.... off.... the... yawwwn.....zzzzzzz
Posted: 9/17/2016 9:41:04 AM
^ What are you implying? You're SICK!
 WhereforeAndWhyNot
Joined: 1/26/2016
Msg: 121
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Getting my... Sex Life.... off.... the... yawwwn.....zzzzzzz
Posted: 9/17/2016 9:56:53 AM
It's just a 24-hour bug. I'll get over it with a little more vodka.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 122
Getting my... Sex Life.... off.... the... yawwwn.....zzzzzzz
Posted: 9/17/2016 10:23:34 AM

This guy’s like a myopic, broken record. “Pity me, I’ve been sooooo loyal, and now I’m soooooo horny.”

Got that right...nothing unique or special about him...just kind of a pathetic person...is all I see.
If his wife won't "do" him...why would anyone else want to...nothing special about "having sex with a random person"....people get paid to do it.
Hire a hooker....so much drama....over cheating.

He sounds like a familiar poster...who has multiple profiles on here...
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 123
Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/17/2016 11:56:59 AM
Thank you, Mr. SS for attempting to answer my question.

If I may.....I would like to reiterate and summarize this "benefit" you have put forth.

What you are saying.....is that this so called "benefit" of minimalized risk of attachment is what potentially motivates a single woman to pursue FWB with an attached male.

And yet.....you state this....

"Of course in real life, feelings can sprout from any partner, which complicates things..."

You're "benefit" kinda loses some of it "benefitiness" now, doesn't it? :)


And...."complicates things"?!?

Even if I were a Jolene (which I am not!).....I would be worried about some SO going all Carrie Underwood! You should be too! And I'm not talkin about her just doing things to make you think before the next time you cheat.....I'm talking about the two of them meeting up at the same event in....two black cadlilacs. Know what I'm sayin' here? ;) ;)

Pfft! I'll take the love stalker given the option. :D


Also, I never factored age or your physical appearance into your situation....doesn't make a difference to me with regard to my opinion. That is on you, sir. No snickering, here.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 124
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Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/17/2016 1:47:20 PM
Whatever wrote:


Actually, I’m really starting to think that this is just a plant… some college student running a Sociology project to see how far he can keep pushing the same bullsh!t, over and over, until everyone just gives up in disgust.


Whiskey wrote:


Got that right...nothing unique or special about him...just kind of a pathetic person...is all I see.


Well, I guess I could muster up my best Jack Nicholson sneer and write something like.. "And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you......" and on and on. But the fact is, there are millions of folks out there like me. Million cheat, millions want to cheat. Millions get caught, millions get away with it. Some do it all their lives. Sure that does not make it right, as you have correctly noted. And it IS part of that "Sociology project" you reference, but it's not a college project - it's called life. I think, again, while my presence here is "grotesque and incomprehensible," to some, it may give some here a glimpse inside one's mind who faces those thoughts. Not to mention, some of the comments here have helped me. Also not to mention, the fact that I have learned, from reading these forums, that there are many out there with equivalent problems - maybe different - with their love lives. It's been somewhat comforting.

Yea yea yea, I know I came in here like some type of bad SNL caricature of a midlife crisis boor....fair enough, and I now regret it. Probalby rubbed some the wrong way. (what, you're not supposed to sell your attributes in a singles forum?....oh, the ironing!)...but I can take those arrows. Once on the internet....forever on the internet.

But don't you believe, in a singles' forum that advertises "40 million" members, that a wide variety of people from all walks, all situations, all problems, in their love lives should be able to have a bit of a voice without name calling? Even a few "creeps" here and there? I do. Othewise, it's like sweeping it under the rug and pretending it doesn't exist. Which is part of my problem; ignoring issues is how I grew up, in that "polite" southern "grin and ignore it" manner. Unfortunately, men (and women) like me do exist out there and probably should have a voice on such a large and diverse forum.

................But, not that I care about getting disparaged here; after all, it's an internet forum and that's what people do and I can take it. I'm a big boy.

I do understand that maybe some of what I write about may hit close to home for some, and maybe there's a correlation between those who more viscerally pushing back vs their own experiences in love and life....C'est la vie.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 125
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Getting my Sex Life off the Endangered List
Posted: 9/17/2016 1:53:07 PM
Kj, I get it. Country music references (ironically, that CU song is one of my faves)....and...you are from FL....almost cracker country I notice....Southern sensibilities maybe? Or more likely just good morals, period. (And fear of getting your car bashed in maybe? ;)) Somehow those sensibilities didn't sink in with me though. :( More power to you. But, as the dynamic I tried to 'splain and that GTO also 'splained above....is very prevalent in FWB/fling circles. And it's more the single women who do that though, to married men, than vice versa it seems. I think they think it gives them a degree of freedom. I've known a few of these in real life...not involving me, though. At any rate, thanks for your comments.
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