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 forumfairy
Joined: 3/20/2018
Msg: 530
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the women may get short, the men may be short, our underwear is brief, but the posts are longPage 22 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

it's all nice and wonderful to say " I'm my own person who will just do what I want", but you need to be realistic.


For sure, some are emotionally prepared for the fall out from something like this. Others, like the lady I think you are referring to, are so emotionally fragile, this just might be the thing that pushes her over. My own humble opinion is, she is way beyond what any of us can offer in advice, she needs a professional to guide her. What we may offer and she may take, could surely be dangerous at this point.


Sexual desire is biological, and repressing it just means it comes out someplace else. We should identify ourselves first, before pursuing our sexual identity. Chasing our sexual identity first is easy, but it can push us further away from who we really are and what we really desire. Like most science experiments, its good to lock the theory down first, and use the experiment to prove what we've already decided to believe is right.


I hope she reads this over and over to herself. This is powerful, and there is so much truth in this statement.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 531
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 7:09:50 AM


I sometimes think though that maybe because I'm overweight that I need to be easier. My life count though is 4 guys I've ever slept with so I wouldn't say I'm easy but I've considered becoming easy. But there's a fine line. I've heard that for some guys its a selling point and others it just tells them you are too easy and therefore less valuable. And then there's the whole age thing...When I was in my early 20s I held out and wouldn't sleep with someone unless I got to know them really well but now that I'm 34 I wonder if that's too old to hold out. Expectations are different for women my age, especially ones with kids...the more I think about it the more confused I get.

I have built-in notions of sex. I always thought it was something you only did with someone you cared for. But lately I've just felt like I want to explore myself, explore different things with different people. And there's a battle which goes on in my conscience because I still see the idea of sex just for fun as morally wrong while at the same time wanting to try it. And there's another battle that's going on in my mind...I'm a mom of 3 kids, maybe I shouldn't even be thinking about sex because I need to only focus on my kids but at the same time I feel this desire for sex and I don't want to just shut down that desire for another 2 decades

All sleeping with loads of guys (being 'easy') will get you is possibly hurt, stds and pregnancy.You can't guarantee they will be disease free nd condoms aren't really that effective honestly. Each 1 you have sex with increases risk a bit more so less is better.There is a big difference between sex for fun and risky sex that could get you harmed or diseases.Sex can be fun and enjoyable without it being risky and dangerous.I personally dislike casual sex because society pushes for it and tries to convince us it is 'good' but I just I think it shows lapse in moral conduct lol and risky health wise (especially for women).

If you're going to do it think about how to minimize risks and harm factors.AKA sleeping with someone you already know and trust and has had a STD test before he sleeps with you and doesn't sleep with others. Probably safest IMO.Also like if you're into BDSM and kink type stuff, some are pretty dangerous so it's important to be aware of what could go wrong or if it could lead to possible harm. Safety "tapping" and safe words are important.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 532
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 10:07:24 AM
That brings me back to the friends with benefits consideration. Maybe just to find a guy who knows I'm not ready to get serious with anyone who would be willing to explore sex with me a bit. I'm not really interested in sleeping around with a lot of guys but I'm not interested in celibacy either.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 533
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 11:17:27 AM

loads of guys


As the saying goes...

If it doesn't end up on your face, you're in the wrong place...
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 534
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 11:36:55 AM
^ You are too much!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 535
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 11:43:01 AM

^ You are too much!


That's what she said...
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 536
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 11:45:47 AM

That brings me back to the friends with benefits consideration. Maybe just to find a guy who knows I'm not ready to get serious with anyone who would be willing to explore sex with me a bit.


So if you were to meet a guy for FWB, would you say to your mother: "Hey ma. Can you babysit the kids for a bit while I go out and get laid?"
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 537
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 12:11:24 PM
FWB, =FRIENDS with benefits. ………….One has to have, A friend / BE a friend first!...……...F ……..BEFORE WB.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 538
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 1:33:44 PM

So if you were to meet a guy for FWB, would you say to your mother: "Hey ma. Can you babysit the kids for a bit while I go out and get laid?"

why would she need to explain herself to her mother or anyone....she is a grown adult.

and yes FWB means he was a friend first...

honestly....I say do whatever you want July....and don't post it here in the open forums so you can be ridiculed ....
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 539
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 2:22:17 PM
Julystorm there is a trend I see ladies using have seen it for awhile, a nothing serious, exclusive, see what happens sort of thing. So basically your in a relationship with none of the other obligations except time, fun, and conversations. It can work really well when you have kids.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 540
the women may get short, the men may be short, our underwear is brief, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 3:47:09 PM
"I just recently moved away. I still don't give a damn what other people think! "

>>>if you don't mind me saying so, I think this line of thinking (and its one I agree with) comes from maturity, and that typically comes from...um...age :) I have faith in the person who says they don't care, that they won't care and won't be affected, but if someone thinks they won't care and will try it in order to find out...I think they have better odds of getting burned. But then, they may find that the only way out is up, and they work to grow a thicker skin and then they don't care.

I'll take a WAG that July's situation isn't that it finally took her all this time to come to the conclusion she has, but instead the options in her area of men who can take her to that conclusion are few, so it didn't occur to try this situation out like its a coat on a rack. As a guy, I might be one of the first to say, "geez, can't we have more women put out around here? " :) I just have noticed that when a woman decides its time to loosen up the drawstring on her pants, the selection of men doesn't automatically change, if you know what I mean.

But I could have read it all wrong. In which case, ladies, look for the guy who isn't a show off and likely to tell the town he scored. Look for the one without a chip on his shoulder. Look for the one more sensual, he may just focus more on the foreplay. Avoid the ones always talking about sex, they're the ones who may get it the least :) (and yes, I do know the irony of making that statement). The man with the plan, the one who thinks ahead in his own life, he's probably the guy who isn't going to try to sell you the notion the pharmacy was closed when he drove by.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 541
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the women may get short, the men may be short, our underwear is brief, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 3:59:13 PM
....look for the one in the next town over if it truly is a small town!!
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 542
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the women may get short, the men may be short, our underwear is brief, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 4:14:00 PM

>>>if you don't mind me saying so, I think this line of thinking (and its one I agree with) comes from maturity, and that typically comes from...um...age :) I have faith in the person who says they don't care, that they won't care and won't be affected, …………


LOL, Nope, I don't mind atall!

www.dancelightly.com/not-caring-what-people-think.php

(Copied from the above webpage)
Mostly, it really doesn't matter what other people think of you or say about you. Let these quotes help you to remember that your own values, goals, and opinions are what is important. Only you can live your life. To not worry about other people's opinions of you, and not care what they think of your actions, is not disrespectful - unless you intend it that way. Rather, not caring what other people think is simply a way to protect your own boundaries, and to live your own life as best you can.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 543
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MY BS tolerance is shirt
Posted: 7/8/2018 4:39:01 PM

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."


Thomas Edison
“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” —Thomas Edison.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 544
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the women may get short, the men may be short, our underwear is brief, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 4:43:48 PM

I will state the obvious, just in case it wasn't considered...but in a small town, certain reputations last long and are difficult to turn around.


One of the top 3 reasons I will never live in a small town.

I never quite qot how one ended up in the small town. Most of us choose where to live, no doubt there are limitations, but not that many.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 545
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 10:22:58 PM

I don't think this, because of the shaming of rape victims as well as anyone who is abused, the culture of blame the victim mentality.

What I wrote doesn't conflict with what you're saying. What I was saying was about where I think the root of the problems can be about sex being bad in general (from all types of families in general; not merely social conservatives).

One theory about why men have not wanted women to have many sexual partners throughout history is because if she got pregnant, it would be impossible to tell who the father was. Now there’s genetic testing that can determine that.

I think pregnancy was the main fuel for it, I agree. But mainly not due to not knowing who the father is, but even their daughter or younger sister getting pregnant by fooling around with Eddie Haskel. Various methods of birth control pretty much resolve this solution, but STIs and STDs are the modern hold back -- although condoms and such when used properly quell that greatly.

That brings me back to the friends with benefits consideration. Maybe just to find a guy who knows I'm not ready to get serious with anyone who would be willing to explore sex with me a bit.

Well, FWB -- actual FRIEND (with benefits) -- given some time can be more serious than mere casual dating, btw. :) Depends on how close friends you are, as every situation can be different. Friendships can tighten without any planning or aim, out of timing & convenience.

But you can be pretty good friends and still fool around, but you two would have to be on the same page. Of course, the difficulty I guess would be convincingly getting the message across Off The Bat that that's all you're looking for. Not a 1 night stand, not a mere booty call, but to get to know each other -- ideally including social-group outings too -- and letting them know that just because you're looking for a FWB, the "B" doesn't come any earlier than actually going out on dates with a girl.

IRL I think it's a bit easier, if you're able to go out and make new friends in general at bars and such. Within social groups you can be mingling with a guy you've gotten to know, and in dating-life-talk, say that stuff. Flirt. Get feedback here and there from guys you've gotten to know some. Some will sincerely bite.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 546
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/8/2018 11:12:03 PM

I will state the obvious, just in case it wasn't considered...but in a small town, certain reputations last long and are difficult to turn around.


Of course, because in small towns there's nothing else to do other than keeping your nose firmly planted in other people's business and gossiping about it, yet how much you want to bet the biggest gossipers have the biggest skeletons in their own closets? I can't believe people actually choose this kind of life, but that's their problem, not mine.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 547
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/9/2018 4:54:24 AM
"I never quite got how one ended up in the small town. Most of us choose where to live, no doubt there are limitations, but not that many."

>>some are just born in, and others decide they don't like the crime or crowds of a city or don't want the big boxes of the suburbs--or just want more land and less on-the-grid living. There is the concept of small town courtesy--my parents had their car broken into, the kid responsible sent someone to apologize to me when he found out he knew his own victim and they weren't a stranger, go figure--but there's also small town mentality, too. Rural life isn't for everyone, for sure. The gossips around here proved to me that gossip comes from a kernel of truth, and they have their own white trash lives, proving the old line about small minds talking about people. Lucky I have a good rep, so it doesn't burn me in the least.

the thing I like about small towns, I can go to the city, get all the "human nature" I can stand, then go home and get away from its BS and not deal with neighbors. But that's me....now. As a teen, having a town that shut down after 6pm was terrible when I had all that youthful energy to expend.

"One theory about why men have not wanted women to have many sexual partners throughout history is because if she got pregnant, it would be impossible to tell who the father was."

>>>especially in the era of Divine Right of Kings, when a bastard on the throne might displease God and lead to crop failure.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 548
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/9/2018 6:48:19 AM
I didn't find the gossip to be any less in the bigger city....
people gossip no matter where they live...

and there are numerous advantages to living in both....
I'm with Mustang....I can go visit the big city (just 15 miles down the road)....
but I much prefer my solitude and easy, peaceful living.
Sure can't sit naked outside on the back porch in the city!!
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 549
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/9/2018 8:23:28 AM

I didn't find the gossip to be any less in the bigger city....


Sure, gossip exists anywhere, but the effects from it are much easier to escape in big cities. If someone is gossiping about you in a big city, it's not going to be the *entire* city talking about you. Just a very small fragment.


Sure can't sit naked outside on the back porch in the city!!


Haha. I could throw an orgy in my backyard and no one would know.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 550
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/9/2018 7:16:57 PM

some are just born in, and others decide they don't like the crime or crowds of a city or don't want the big boxes of the suburbs--or just want more land and less on-the-grid living. There is the concept of small town courtesy--my parents had their car broken into, the kid responsible sent someone to apologize to me when he found out he knew his own victim and they weren't a stranger, go figure--but there's also small town mentality, too


I usually live in the suburbs, I am ~ 50 min from downtown Chicago.

People were complaining about the lack of dating possibilities and limitations of getting wild in a small town. My point was, people have chosen to live in their area, and should accept the good with the bad. When I was single, I would have never moved to a small town, the smallest "town" I have lived close to was Washington dc. I am not sure what it would have taken to induce me to move to a small town far removed from a big city.

When I think small town, I think like campton ky, Population 424 closest "big city" is Lexington, Kentucky at 72 miles away. Our next door neighbors moved to a large tract of family land outside of Campton, in the Kentucky hollows. We visited there for a week, people in town all knew their last name and family history. They moved back there because the guy used to be a tobacco farmer and had a lot of family in the hollows.

I can see the appeal, build your own house, not many code restrictions on building, build your own road to the house and get to name it, deer in the front yard every morning, great place to RV up and down the mountains and valleys, they have a small peer and boat dock on the creek. But they have family all over the place, they aren't really strangers.

My brother lives on 17 acres 45 min north of me, still not a small town IMO, but out in the country. They are 11 miles from a walmart, how small town can it be? Sort of sounds like the type of place MachIMustangII lives.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 551
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/9/2018 7:30:38 PM
my town isn't even a town....it's classified as a village....population of less than 100!!
the next town is a 1 stoplight town with appx 2000....and then about 15 miles up the road is the "city"...which still only has about 45,ooo people!!
but...I am only about 50 miles from Indianapolis....and about 3 hours from Chicago...
so I have plenty of choices of places to go if I feel the need...

I'm sure there has been a story or two told about me through the years....but I have never cared, or let it stop me from having any fun, in any fashion that I chose!!
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 552
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/9/2018 8:11:59 PM
yep, my town was a dairy farm area where two colonial roads met, and then a railroad came thru to get product to market faster. the WalMart is a half hour drive, down a highway that begins nowhere and ends nowhere. But WalMart likes the cheap land outside of town. the mall in between it and the mill town nearby sucked business out of their Main Street in the 1970's, and now WalMart's doing it to 'em.

I get what Micki's saying about not being shy...but July admits that she is. But she has to decide if it works for her or not.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 553
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/9/2018 10:48:41 PM

So if you were to meet a guy for FWB, would you say to your mother: "Hey ma. Can you babysit the kids for a bit while I go out and get laid?"


Strangely enough, that was my mother's suggestion. She says I don't really have much time to date but it would be good if I could find a guy nearby so I can go see him after I put the kids to bed and the sex would be good stress relief. My mom is very open about sex but much more adventurous than me.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 554
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 12:25:10 AM

She says I don't really have much time to date but it would be good if I could find a guy nearby so I can go see him after I put the kids to bed and the sex would be good stress relief.

Well, even if she weren't so open about sex like a college roommate -- even just a "You don't have time to seriously date anyone, but you can still go out there and casually date and have fun." And to be honest, someone you're casually dating and agreeing that you want to not get exclusive -- that's = FWB after you're going that route for a while.

There's nothing wrong with casually dating, and letting it be known that way. You don't have to have fears about potential seriousness & drama with that as you don't "have time" to get serious, etc. You just let the guy know what's up. A hell of a lot easier setting that tone & letting a guy know, than a guy doing that on a 1st date with a gal. Because you probably don't want to blatantly advertise it on your profile which would draw in too much riff-raff of guys -- you just have a conversation about what your situation and what you're focused on... much the same way as if you traveled so much for a job and you knew becoming BF/GF shouldn't be any aim in the dating world for some time to cum.
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