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 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 555
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are longPage 23 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

You don't have to have fears about potential seriousness & drama with that as you don't "have time" to get serious, etc. You just let the guy know what's up. A hell of a lot easier setting that tone & letting a guy know, than a guy doing that on a 1st date with a gal. Because you probably don't want to blatantly advertise it on your profile which would draw in too much riff-raff of guys -- you just have a conversation about what your situation and what you're focused on.


Sounds all neat and tidy.

First, what makes anyone think it's all that easy to find a suitable FWB? And it often doesn't stay that way. People get jealous, want more time, want more attention, etc. Is one a FWB and also "exclusive" that seems to be asking a lot of a FWB. If not exclusive, people tend to get possessive.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 556
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 2:16:43 PM

Sounds all neat and tidy.


It can be. However, with a lot of men, they're too chicken shit to say it's all they're looking for. Instead, they would rather be a deceptive ass clown. They would be surprised to know how many women are out there who have just gotten out of hellish marriages, still look good, have a career of their own, but don't want a relationship. They still have sexual desires to tend to, though.

I'm not saying they're everywhere you turn, but they're not hard to find, either.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 557
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 2:40:55 PM
First, what makes anyone think it's all that easy to find a suitable FWB?

Always has been for me when I wasnt looking for anything serious. I was always upfront about it and some women accepted it becuase they didnt want anything serious either and some didnt and went on their way. You just need to be smart about it . Trying to lie your way into it is not the way to go.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 558
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Prejudice versus short men online dating.
Posted: 7/10/2018 3:40:56 PM
“Yes. I have no idea how anyone could not know how to use them at this point.”

I HTML code websites. Obviously I know how to. I just don’t WANT to. Originally because I didn’t like the way quoted words looked on this site, but now it’s mostly just to annoy all of you. You want to win the POF forums? You got to play dirty. (But not “get users deleted by making bogus reports” dirty – that’s just nasty.) Plus sometimes I need to edit quotes for length, which is annoying to do with HTML...

*

“One of the top 3 reasons I will never live in a small town. I never quite qot how one ended up in the small town. Most of us choose where to live, no doubt there are limitations, but not that many.”

Yeah, in my case, most definitely was not a choice, and for 18 years of pure unadulterated hell, nothing I could easily escape from. Parents are largely responsible for their children’s misery – if not the choosing of a place that will bring them misery, then the decision to even have the children in the first place. That said, there’s obviously no way my parents could have predicted I would be so short since shortness does not run in my family, but considering the horrible experiences they had growing up in rural Alabama during the Jim Crow Era, I don’t really know why they thought it was going to be any better for their children – if anything, it should have been obvious that desegregation was actually going to make it worse, because there’s nothing like being just about the only one of your kind in a school full of very hostile people that don’t want you there.

I grew up somewhat near (but not actually in) a town with an official population of 200 – my entire county had a population of 20,000 – literally more cows than humans. Furthermore it’s ground zero of the Bible Belt. Trust me: being “easy” in that area did NOT pay the dividends some in this thread are claiming. If you ever want to be vilified and tortured, try having sex outside of marriage in rural Alabama, whether you’re the town ho or if it’s with a steady significant other. And that’s heterosexual, single race sex – you don’t even want to know what happens to you if you’re discovered to be involved in biracial or homosexual sex. A couple of my schoolmates committed suicide over the treatment they got for being labeled homosexual, and one killed another for being accused of it. These people don’t play around! And on more than one occasion, I had a white girl tell me I couldn’t even sit at the same lunch room table she was at because a “n*gger f*cker” reputation would destroy her (nice terminology from good little Christian gals). This thinking that you can just do whatever you want if it makes you happy is just Pollyanna delusion from people in positions of privilege and likely great luck.

More importantly for July, though, there is the psychology of sex. My best friend has never been sexually inhibited and rarely in a position in which her known behavior could bring her down (obviously, she did not grow up in a small town), yet she cannot have sex with a man she has no strong feelings for, because the handful of times she’s done it, she did not enjoy it and it made her feel like crap afterwards, even if she had an orgasm. Not ashamed. Just used, even if he didn’t use her. And maybe it’s just the result of archaic socialization, and maybe it is unfortunate socialization, but it is there, and many women and even some men feel that way. Undoubtedly that has contributed to me being celibate for over a decade, because I don’t know how many people have said to me “Just pay a woman!” Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to make me feel a whole lot better about my life afterwards. Oddly, even that very best friend I just mentioned has been among the chorus of “get a mail order bride!” despite the fact that the idea of a “mail order husband” makes her gag – I kind of get how some other people that don’t know me very well might think that was a logical answer for most men (if I had the money, which I don’t) but it annoys the hell out of me that my own best friend of 20+ years can’t see how much the same we are in that respect and why it makes no sense.

None of this is to suggest that I look down on anyone that can just have sex with whomever and be happy or that I’m opposed to FWBs or anything kinky you can imagine. You give me a threesome with two attractive women THAT ARE NOT BEING PAID and I’ll plunge into that headfirst. (Hah!) But casual sex works for some and doesn’t for others, and it’s not always about what society thinks.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 559
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 3:45:02 PM
The scenario that July mentioned sounded more like FB, not FWB. FWB denotes an existing friendship. Even if the benefits were to dry up, you'd still remain friends.

It's easier to find an FB than FWB. Let's get that out of the way. Trying to dress it up & make it sound "nicer" than f*ck buddy is a way to become confused & hurt faster. I hear many women call these guys they're casually ****ing "friends". They didn't even know these dudes before lying down with them. When things get messy (like they typically do), they cease to have anymore contact.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 560
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 3:55:53 PM
" Is one a FWB and also "exclusive" that seems to be asking a lot of a FWB."

The exclusive part seems to be the tricky situation. If somebody wants a FWB who won't sleep with anybody else, isn't that like a marriage? Not many people want their sex partner to be having sex with other people, and be on someone's list of sex partners to be scheduled in. And asking a FWB to be exclusive is also asking the person to not bother looking for a future long term partner. That's fine for someone who hasn't gotten over their last relationship that went bust and is still reeling from it, while others might be open to being in another relationship when/if the right person comes along-which usually means ending the FWB situation. If someone starts to develop feelings for their FWB, it could feel like getting a divorce if he/she leaves to be exclusive with someone else.
 Gemgirl
Joined: 5/25/2018
Msg: 561
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 4:12:57 PM
Certainly a problem when you have a good relationship with a man but they are more like your friend and brother than a lover. So what does one do. Women have their sexual desires and can't fulfill them in a companion type of relationship so it its only natural to look for someone to have good sex with, but then as some say here in the forum you develop feelings for the person and it gets messy. Big conundrum.
Gemgirl
 Gemgirl
Joined: 5/25/2018
Msg: 562
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 4:14:00 PM
Regarding short men, they can make good lovers if they are stocky and have adequate equipment!
Gemgirl
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 563
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 4:32:56 PM
actually....having an exclusive FWB isn't that hard....
I did it for many years ....
the key....is that you are actually good friends to start with ...so that trust exists.
He was divorced and retired and had no desire to be in a committed relationship....
I was divorced and working my ass off and had no desire to be in a committed relationship...
it worked beautifully and sadly ended when he became ill and had to move in with his son.

I would NOT trust a FB to be exclusive.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 564
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 5:50:58 PM
I couldn't do just FB. I'd need to get to know someone first and like them as a person before I could blank them. The last guy I was with we talked a ton on the phone first and I really liked him as a person. We had a lot in common, including busy lives with young children and work. When I went over to his place to meet him in person the first time, we got down to business almost immediately and it was so awesome. And I think I could easily just be friends with him even if he didn't want to have sex. I'm still really disappointed things ended with us but I guess that's the risk involved with getting with someone newly separated from his wife...there's a chance they'll reunite.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 565
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 7:35:38 PM
Patchman wrote;
The fact of the matter is the porn industry has tons of magazines and sites devoted to showcasing overweight women. If no men found them attractive, these things would not exist, and it has to be more than just a few men to justify the amount out there.
The problem with "short man porn"...is it's difficult to get a gage on height, unless he's with a much taller woman. And really then, it's still not apparent cuz most of the time they're horizontal. Unless he's with a true Amazon, i.e. needs a stepladder for adequate rear entry lol.....Or if he's a true dwarf...I'd bet there's a porno sub fetish for dwarves. With a fat woman, well, fat is fat...you don't need any other frame of reference. She can be in a porn with another fat guy, a short guy, a tall skinny guy, a dwarf, or all at once (now THAT would be a porno) , and you still know she's fat. Not so with a short guy. I would hazard to say the market for dwarf porn is larger than standard short men porn (non true dwarf) for that reason. You can tell a dwarf from looking at him. But not a regular short man.

As far as fat women fetishes and porn, the other variable is the difference in the bias towards action to pursue sex in men vs. women. Men are much more inclined to take action. Thus most fat women don't have a problem getting laid either, vs short men. I mean, I would bet good money that if you hung a coupla sandwich boards that said "F*ck me! Please!!!!" ...one on an ugly, 400 pound woman and another on an AVERAGE looking man (not even short), and had them walk at a busy intersection, the 400 pound woman wouldn't last an hour before she got picked up. (Probably by scrawny man with a skullet and driving a 4x4 with Trump stickers, lol) And the average lookinf man would still be pacing at the end of the day, throw his sign down in exasperation, grab his cell and call 1-800-Bl*wJob. And if he did get any actual solicitations for action, it would be from other MEN, lol...
 patchmanjoker
Joined: 7/28/2017
Msg: 566
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 8:40:59 PM
^^^^^^
This post basically proves my point. Men are way more versatile when it comes to what they find attractive, and yes, way less picky. Also, any physical preference can be seen as a fetish, even tall men. Plus size women are no more of a fetish than tall men. Even mainstream magazines like Smooth showcase a lot of women that would be considered plus size. When it comes to height, Prince was mentioned. His sex appeal was not just about fame but how he carried himself, he oozed sex. If he wrote and preformed that same music and looked and played like Paul Simon, he would not have been seen as sexy as he was. But anyway, if a guy in today's age went around and said that bigger girls cannot be as sexy as thin girls, he would be chased out of most circles. Men tend to look for what they like, women tend to look for ideal men. That is why most women rate male photos from profiles as only 20% being attractive and men rate women about 50%-50%.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 567
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 9:47:25 PM

Msg 564, julystorm,
When I went over to his place to meet him in person the first time, we got down to business almost immediately and it was so awesome.


You were lucky that time, but that could be a different story if you were to do it again-meeting a guy you never met at his place. Why not first meet a guy in a public place to see if you even like him? Anybody could put on a fake persona on the internet or the phone to make them seem normal..
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 568
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/10/2018 9:53:01 PM

I couldn't do just FB. I'd need to get to know someone first and like them as a person before I could blank them.

For the umpteenth time -- a Fvck Buddy is NOT Friend with Benefits. A friend with benefits is someone you got to know. Even moreso than someone you went out on a few dates with -- and at least then, you still got to know them some and can determine if you like them as a person at least.

That said, even some Fvck Buddies ARE people we have gotten to know some. They're not necessarily strangers in an alley way, but people we've known at the bar we go to, but never went out on a date with nor any mutual aim to -- but hook up periodically. A Fvck Buddy is someone you just hook up with periodically, but you keep it at just that, as far as spending time together is for the most part. Many times they aren't someone we got to know too well, but given enough time continuing to be Fvck Buddies, you certainly can (texting when bored, talk in bed after sex extending, texting when setting up when mutually available, etc).

But yes, talking to a guy online, having 1 little date, going back to his place to sex it out, then after that just post-11PM text to see if ya want to "hang out" at their place -- yeah, that's a FB where I understand isn't what a lot of people are so keen on.
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/11/2018 5:10:22 AM

You were lucky that time, but that could be a different story if you were to do it again-meeting a guy you never met at his place.

This is one of those naive things I'm constantly on her about. Way to trusting. She prefers to think the guy went back to his ex. I'll bet he had no plans of ever becoming involved with July, he just wanted to get laid and she was easy pickins, he just told her what she wanted to hear. He's probably on to his next lonely gullible woman.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 570
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/11/2018 5:15:46 AM

I'll bet he had no plans of ever becoming involved with July, he just wanted to get laid and she was easy pickins, he just told her what she wanted to hear. He's probably on to his next lonely gullible woman


This is true in 80% of relationships IMO.

In many cases it may not be as soon as they meet, it may be after a 3rd date, etc. If a man were honest w/ himself, he doesn't hold out for true love in order to have sex. They tend to have sex until true love happens, or a convenient woman happens.

Not saying women do not do the same thing, but overall they tend to want more than just sex, biologically, they are "the guardian of the egg."
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 571
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/11/2018 6:02:17 AM

Posted By: MachIMustangII on 7/9/2018 1059 PM
Subject: the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Message: yep, my town was a dairy farm area where two colonial roads met, and then a railroad came thru to get product to market faster. the WalMart is a half hour drive, down a highway that begins nowhere and ends nowhere. But WalMart likes the cheap land outside of town. the mall in between it and the mill town nearby sucked business out of their Main Street in the 1970's, and now WalMart's doing it to 'em.


Whats Walmart? Do they sell, like, wall stuff there?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 572
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/11/2018 9:57:58 AM
For your information, I knew the guy kind of before I went over to his place. We couldn't go out anywhere because his kids were asleep in bed and mine were in their's (my mom was watching mine) plus I have no desire to meet n greet at the local Timmy's. Honestly, in a small town if two people get seen together at a table anywhere it gets around like wildfire. And I know for a fact he did get back together with his wife because I saw that she'd moved back after breaking up with the guy she'd left her husband for who happens to be my cousin's boyfriend's brother. Yes, small town info gets around. Honestly, the dating pool here is rather shallow so a person gives someone a chance they may not have if they were in a big city with lots of options. And newly single guys get snapped up fast so you have to risk the possibility that they aren't over their ex yet.
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/11/2018 10:15:13 AM

Honestly, the dating pool here is rather shallow so a person gives someone a chance they may not have if they were in a big city with lots of options. And newly single guys get snapped up fast so you have to risk the possibility that they aren't over their ex yet.
Seems to me if he were being honest he would have told you he would return to his ex if she was willing, BEFORE he slept with you. A lie by omission is still a lie. Convenient how he just plain forgot to mention it.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 574
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/12/2018 5:23:33 AM

I couldn't do just FB. I'd need to get to know someone first and like them as a person before I could blank them...
I have no desire to meet n greet at the local Timmy's.


It sounds like your idea of getting to know someone is exchanging a few text messages without meeting in person, and then going over to his place and meeting for the first time, and doing the horizontal tango. How does that differ than being just a FB?
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 575
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/12/2018 8:22:34 AM
Dragonbytes wrote:
“One of the top 3 reasons I will never live in a small town. I never quite qot how one ended up in the small town. Most of us choose where to live, no doubt there are limitations, but not that many.”
Yeah, I'm guilty of that, having spent a fair amount of my "prime" dating years in small towns b/c having a good jobs. Had no problem finding fun, but not with much with anyone I was actually interested in settling down with. Looking back, probably one of my worst mistakes...not spending this time in a larger city/burbs.

Hawking wrote:
-- if your 25 year old lover suddenly looked 80 the next day,
An acute case of beer-goggle-itis.

Hawking wrote:
I don’t have any stats on this, but anecdotally I’ve noticed the vast majority of American (that is, non-Hispanic and non-Asian) short man couplings happened in high school or college
Yes, best grab what you can when you're young and in school. You both have youth and vigor in common, a lot of common experiences, which erases many conventional "league" barriers. Once you're past, say, 30 then it becomes way more difficult and more likely you'll have to settle. I think this applies to anyone, not just short men. The one caveat though, is someone mature enough to settle down at that early point in life?

Hawking wrote:
Obviously I know how to. I just don’t WANT to. Originally because I didn’t like the way quoted words looked on this site, but now it’s mostly just to annoy all of you.
That makes no sense. As someone who tends towards written long windedness myself, I always use them because I think it makes it more likely what I write will be actually read. That's the whole idea of posting. If you want to annoy, annoy them by something you write, not by encountering a great wall of text, cuz then they will jusk skip over it.

Hawking wrote
it should have been obvious that desegregation was actually going to make it worse, because there’s nothing like being just about the only one of your kind in a school full of very hostile people that don’t want you there.
I grew up, and went to school during the immediate deep south post-segregation era....'early 70s and don't really remember much of a problem with outright violence towards blacks. This was in both schools near a large metro area, and then a smallish town. Of course, in the larger metro area, all the whites immediately fled, so the "desegregation" happened quite swiftly and blacks became the majority quickly. Yes, I do acknowledge that the lack of "outright violence" doesn't nearly mean it was a bed of roses for black people. For the most part, if black people "knew their place" they were OK, sad to say. In my small town, blacks had their own side of town and there was an unwritten rule that they were not to cross that line to live. Also they had their own stores, and could not shop the nicer downtown stores. Unless it was Saturday - that was their day to go downtown to shop. Of couse being a kid, and in a white bubble, I didn't even know of these rules til way after I had moved away. The black people I knew didn't talk about them.

But at your age when you went to grade/high school 80s?... I would have guessed that most of the segregation shocks had passed by then.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 576
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the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/12/2018 8:40:05 AM
Stratosfere wrote:
Seems to me if he were being honest he would have told you he would return to his ex if she was willing, BEFORE he slept with you. A lie by omission is still a lie. Convenient how he just plain forgot to mention it.
I guess she should have found a spartan room, pulled out an interrogation table, and found a bright light. If that didn't produce the answers, maybe pounding her fist on the table a few times would have gotten the truth out.

Hawking wrote
I grew up somewhat near (but not actually in) a town with an official population of 200 – my entire county had a population of 20,000 – literally more cows than humans. Furthermore it’s ground zero of the Bible Belt. Trust me: being “easy” in that area did NOT pay the dividends some in this thread are claiming. If you ever want to be vilified and tortured, try having sex outside of marriage in rural Alabama, whether you’re the town ho or if it’s with a steady significant other.
Yes, growing up in the Bible Belt, this was somewhat the case. Vilified maybe, whispers yes, tortured, no. At least with white people. But sex happened, but it was kept on the QT. And it was easier to be kept QT, becuase we had more privacy back then.

Hawking wrotr:
And that’s heterosexual, single race sex – you don’t even want to know what happens to you if you’re discovered to be involved in biracial or homosexual sex.
Small towns yes, but wasn't this bad closer to major cities. I just made a post about a gay couple that baby sat me when I was young. Openly 30-something male couple, who owned a florist, were a bit effiminate, totally stereotypically gay, who lived together. I think most back then would guess. They seemed to live a good life together. But this was closer to a major city.

Hawking wrote:
A couple of my schoolmates committed suicide over the treatment they got for being labeled homosexual, and one killed another for being accused of it. These people don’t play around! And on more than one occasion, I had a white girl tell me I couldn’t even sit at the same lunch room table she was at because a “n*gger f*cker” reputation would destroy her
In the mid 80s? You're a generation or two later than me, but in my day it wasn't even discussed, and deeply hidden, thus no suicides or murders bout it. If things were this bad, it IS a wonder why you/parents didn't get the h out of town.

But the racial thing could cut both ways. In college towns, things were a bit more loose, of course, and I had a GF in college who dumped me for a black guy. Months later I ran into her, at a bar, we were both hammered, out with our respective groups of friends. I had a new GF and had moved on, so I didn't have a problem catching up on what was going on in her life. Since she was hammered, she dropped the "Things are great!" fake front exes always put up, and drunkenly blubbered on and on about how hard it was dating a black guy there (she was an Army brat and wasn't from the South)...and one of the biggest surprises was the vicious comments from *black women*. Seems her BF was one of the more eligible black men by their assessment, and they didn't want some white girl poaching their territory! When they went to black clubs, it was the black women making derogatory comments and stares, at white clubs it was the white men. They had nowhere to go. She expected negative comments from white males, but was floored by the reactions from black women. She said they were worse than what she got from the white men!

Hawking wrote
Undoubtedly that has contributed to me being celibate for over a decade, because I don’t know how many people have said to me “Just pay a woman!” Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to make me feel a whole lot better about my life afterwards.
Understood. But I think, for the most part, this suggestion would be something that would be suggested in the spirit of "shaking things up," in your love life, not a permanent solution. I mean, after 10 years, you may want a calibration session to um assess how things are working, to get that stored muscle car out on the dragstrip and clear the cobwebs out, so to speak.

Hawking wrote
Oddly, even that very best friend I just mentioned has been among the chorus of “get a mail order bride!” despite the fact that the idea of a “mail order husband” makes her gag – I kind of get how some other people that don’t know me very well might think that was a logical answer for most men (if I had the money, which I don’t).
I think my suggestion was to just move where the mail order brides are, where the cost of living is extremely low and the women love Americans. Cut out the middleman. Do your own sourcing. You always speak of all your women platonic friends. Do you have any male friends? Ones that you can hang out with? Drink beer, play darts, watch sports, go to a strip club? I always wonder about men whose "best friend" is a woman, or who always have a bunch of women "friends," but no male bestie. Maybe I missed that part about you. Otherwise, I think it's kinda strange, sorry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlWBul-x1wc
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 577
the women may get short, the men may be short, but the posts are long
Posted: 7/12/2018 11:07:39 AM
"What's a Walmart? Do they sell, like, wall stuff there?"

>>its an oversized device that kills small malls, main streets, and local family business like a noxious, invasive weed breed, except instead of denying water, it denies paying customers. It has a side effect of denying its employees unions and benefits, so they go on the public dole instead. When your town reaches a certain population, it'll be there, too. but if it tries to bring a bunch of restaurants with it, your town can declare it will drain the water table and deny it. Mine happens to be open 24/7 and serves a pair of local universities, so its foliage can be bright and interesting.

"Honestly, in a small town, if two people get together, word is spread like wildfire"

>>>esp. the really attractive people--everyone wants to know when they're single or taken :)

"newly single people get snapped up fast, so you have to take risks"

>>I used to point this out, but no one believed me. Attractive people tend to be surrounded by people looking for their chance, so if they're single long, its usually their choice (or they are truly horrible people). Still, if you wanted a short term sex relationship, well...that's how its likely to happen.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 578
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Prejudice versus short men online dating.
Posted: 7/12/2018 4:19:44 PM
“This was in both schools near a large metro area, and then a smallish town.”

I think the main difference here is “near a large metro area.” I will often tell people I’m from the “Atlanta area” just to give them a general idea of where I grew up, but Atlanta’s 90 miles away and there’s a whole lot of backwardness in between (heck, Atlanta metro itself includes Forsyth County – infamously not too friendly to black people and still making news only a couple decades ago). That said, as middle-of-the-nowhere as my home “town” is, I gained a whole new perspective after driving through West Texas – Jesus, those people are isolated! I mean, many miles between neighbors and towns – by comparison, I could walk to my nearest neighbor (would take a while, but it could be done).

“In my small town, blacks had their own side of town and there was an unwritten rule that they were not to cross that line to live.”

Yeah, that sounds about right! Btw, my “next door” neighbors were a white family with a bunch (4) of beautiful blonde girls, and my brother and I were absolutely NOT allowed to visit them. It’s weird I lived so close to them and even rode a bus with them for so many years, and never had a single conversation with a one of them (none of them were in my grade, like right ahead and right behind, so there was no forced reason to talk to them).

“But at your age when you went to grade/high school 80s?... I would have guessed that most of the segregation shocks had passed by then.”

Dude, they still haven’t passed in 2018! My mother actually had to teach the son of the national grand wizard of the KKK in the 1980s (when every other week there was a damn KKK rally on the street corner of every town in the area – real fun place for someone like me to grow up). In the mid-90s, the principal at the school 10 miles from mine attempted to ban interracial couples from attending the prom (all 2 of them), which led to him getting fired by 1 vote on the board (in other words, almost the majority supported what he did) – then after being fired, he ran for superintendent and won! And in 2000, Alabama attempted to remove miscegenation bans from its constitution (which had been rendered unenforceable by the Loving decision), which required it being voted on by the citizenry – the referendum came dangerously close to being rejected, and the majority of whites DID vote to reject it! And of course my favorite story on this subject: when I went back there to visit during the height of Trump’s campaign, 2 young redneck guys passed me on the way into the store and one said to me, completely unprovoked, “When Trump’s elected, he’s gonna send you n*ggers back to Africa where you belong!” Every time I go back since he was elected, I’m surprised I haven’t been “12 Years a Slave”-d and thrown onto a ship on its way across the Atlantic.

Like Faulkner said: “In (Alabama), the past is not dead – it’s not even the past.”

“If things were this bad, it IS a wonder why you/parents didn't get the h out of town.”

They grew up there during the Depression and have a tough-as-nails attitude about life. If they could survive far worse, why not their son? (I am named for my great uncle, who was lynched, so, yeah, back in their time, it wasn’t just kids playing around with lynching threats like I had to deal with, although who knows – maybe they weren’t playing around and I just got lucky.) My parents just did whatever white people told them to do and they largely got left alone. Actually, that was much easier when there is little interaction between the races due to segregation – I was in a very different situation because of integration. Plus, my school was REALLY peculiar – there were just enough black boys to make the sports teams good, but truly almost no black girls. I graduated with 1 (my cousin), and none were in the graduating classes above me or below me. So that really messed with the black boys’ romantic options in a place where most of the white women were racist and the few that weren’t couldn’t afford the damage to their reputation (back to the original tangent of this thread). Someone like me being the result was inevitable. Interestingly, my brother has also never been married and rarely dated (again, he's 5'10") and neither have most of my black male schoolmates, decades later -- all of us were socialized nearly only with white girls, yet also socialized not to date them. Just a really messed up way to grow up -- psychological messes we all are.

“...and one of the biggest surprises was the vicious comments from *black women*.”

Yeah, that definitely happens. Several of the white women I dated here told me about being harassed by black women who saw us together after they were out of my sight, for exactly the reasons you stated. Did not make me happy.

Paying women in any sort of fashion: that’s just not happening. That’s just not for me.

“Do you have any male friends? Ones that you can hang out with? Drink beer, play darts, watch sports, go to a strip club?”

That would be a negative. In every sense of that word. I don’t really have a lot in common with most men, but more than anything over the years because women would not date me for long periods of my life, my female friends became for all practical purposes my substitute girlfriends (despite usually the lack of anything romantic happening between us) and eventually my bonds with women became much stronger than anything that was happening with men – who, I remind you, were obviously the main ones beating me up and saying racist things to me throughout childhood. Yeah, I know – I’m among different men now. But over so many years of being closer to women than men, my interests became more women-oriented to some extent. It’s odd how many years I played and even coached sports and could care so little about them for the most part – I have about the same level of interest as my two best female friends (which is casual at best). I coached several male teams and never really bonded with any of them, but am still good friends with several of the one women’s softball team I coached many years ago. Now I don’t consider this a good thing, and neither do either of my best friends, who are always encouraging me to hang out with more guys because they feel like that’s better for me to meet single women, which is logical, but what are you gonna do? Unless we are working on a business project, I usually get tired of hanging out with guys almost immediately. Even in their 30s and 40s, they just all seem really immature.

*

Back on the original topic of this thread, I have to say I’m starting to get really annoyed with Tinder and Bumble, because they’re now set up such that you can more-or-less tell who has swiped right on you, and nearly all of them these days are tall women. Obviously, they don’t know how tall I am because I don’t mention it in my profile and I’m not with other people in any of my pictures, so it’s not their fault, but what’s annoying is realizing how many interested women there would be for me if I was taller. Which on the surface is obvious and spelled out in all scientific research, but that’s just theory – practical application makes it feel much more frustrating. It’s something you don’t know from POF or Match or whatever experience because tall women almost never even look at your profile on those sites since they can filter short men out and DO, but on Tinder and Bumble, they can’t, and see you and think you might be something special, but it’s not real, for either of us. It’s just depressing.

Now you might ask, why is it so disproportionately tall women swiping right on me? Like I said before, tall women (and short men) are simply disproportionately on OLD due to so many tall man/short woman couples, plus because of the relative lack of short women and their popularity because both tall and short men are theoretical dates to them, they are highly in demand and quickly either get overwhelmed or taken off the market. The only real surprising thing here is that this is true on apps where you can’t even search by height. Either that, or I somehow look tall in my pics. Which I seriously doubt.

On a side note, the subject lines are a pretty interesting indicator of contributor interest. In my previous post, I changed the subject line back to the original one, and every post since then has used the "new" subject line that was in the several posts before mine, meaning nobody hit "reply" to my post.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 579
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Prejudice versus short men online dating.
Posted: 7/13/2018 3:21:10 AM
Honestly I think it may be more difficult because you are in America. I've never heard of black people in Australia having so much trouble dating. I think people in America are more racist maybe. Men think height matters more than it really does, as long as the guy isn't actually 'short'.
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