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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > when you say your not interested?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 67
when you say kindly f@ck off?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I DID put up a fake profile for a few reasons. Wanted to see how many responses I would get, the quality ( or lack of) of them, what type of topics men brought up. It was interesting. I did NOT post a picture, said I was 45 ( I am 59), travel for work and just looking to meet men when I travel for a night out, see local events, take a tour with, find some local eateries. Said I had no children ( my children are grown) and without a picture, described my body type as "average/ few extra pounds." My education level was a few years of college ( in actuality I have a graduate degree).

Most of the men who responded did not post a picture either. Generally they were courteous. Some just wanted to chat, never mentioned anything specific about my profile. Some wanted an email/ phone number. A few made some sexual remarks despite my not having a photo up. I suppose they wanted sexting. As time went on, a few got belligerent and demanding and seemed arrogant. A few, it was obvious, were scammers.

My conclusions from putting up the fake profile were: since it was a new profile there was tons of interest at the beginning, then it tapered off. Perhaps being in my mid 40's generated more interest than being close to 60 as I really am. Men use dating sites for all different reasons just as women do.

I closed that profile down. It was basically a waste of time.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 68
when you say kindly f@ck off?
Posted: 11/22/2016 6:02:47 PM
Personally fake profiles for whatever reasons sully on line dating
I mean wth get an any farm wanna conduct an experiment
 moonbeamlover1
Joined: 11/10/2016
Msg: 69
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 11/22/2016 6:11:17 PM
If they are even mostly respectful but in a different place I thank them and wish them a good holiday. if they get belligerent then I block... you don't need to argue with strangers you have already said you have nothing in common with OP.

Good luck ;)
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 70
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 11/22/2016 7:30:24 PM

I believe most women wouldnt be offended by approach if it was done correctly. Men have bigger, stronger, non pregnable bodies so they often don't consider how their approach can be frightening to women. They also arent aware of just how many times men in that woman's past have turned violent at being turned down, so the assumption is instead women would be receptive if he was more attractive.

I have been hit on in elevators, by people with way more social power in the place they wield that power, in dark unsafe areas like alleys, car ports and hallways in bars outside of bathrooms where the dude can drag me away if i say the wrong thing. I have been hit on at work in front of bosses, in an empty subway car. Men have leaned up, invading my personal space, outstretching an arm to block my path and corral me. I have been threatened with rape, assault and murder for declining a man. I have had men take a decline as the start of a negotiation, where im pleaded with, guilt tripped, argued and shamed for saying no.

To me hearing women don't like being hit on cause the guy is unattractive is like hearing people of color only fear the cops if they are guilty. Its a comment completely dismissive of how much shit these classes endure at the hands of their oppressor class.

Im gonna say something white men hate to hear but is 100% true: they are the only people on earth to have had a 6 generation long genocide on its women. No black, yellow or red people were dastardly enough to murder, rape and tortured half of their females.

Before the slavery and native american genocide the FAVORITE victim of white males were his own daughters, mothers and sisters. He burnt them as witches right up until the 1800s and used them as marital property and brooding mares until the last marital rape law came off the books in 1997. And hes STILL trying to push women back to that with his attacks on abortion.

Women have an issue with men because of how most males exploited them the last 10,000 years due to an anatomy women STILL have. So lets stop pretending feminists are just bitter haters of male who are as fickle as crying foul because the guy who hit on her wasnt hot enough.

I know you can feel me on this shit cause you belong to an underclass just like me. You are one of the only guys on this forum who consistently attempts to debate instead of just makes dismissive wise cracks about women.




As a member of the "underclass", I don't see any correlation between the plight of women and the oppression of blacks. Case in point, the Catcall Video that was done a couple of years back, guess who was behind that? White Women. The so called oppressed class who did a propaganda video which featured mostly black men in it. What about the Underclass women who blame black men when something nefarious happens to them? Where are the feminists where their sisters of color get brutalized by the police? The feminists were very silent about Sandra Bland, Koryn Gaines and the black prostitutes that Officer Daniel Holtzclaw raped and victimized. I don't know why you see fit to add race in the discussion where there's no clear reason to as it's a whole topic by itself. I mean if you want to get deep with it, when can exchange private messages if you wish, but I prefer to focus on the main subject of this thread.

Now regarding approach, what I have noticed it's all about who is doing the approaching and the appearance of the approacher. A guy could have the sincerest and genuine of approach by if he doesn't fit that woman's standard of attraction. it won't go anywhere. I understand you had mixed experiences with this, but what I just cited is the norm for when a man approaches a woman.

Are there men who can't take no for answer, yes! Are their men who come off pushy or ignorant with ladies, yes! Do they get violent when they're turned down, some do. Are we all like that? No.

I understand what you're saying but realize that's it's a whole different experience than being black.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 71
view profile
History
when you say kindly f@ck off?
Posted: 11/22/2016 10:33:10 PM
BBS runs off the rails. Appears to know nothng thing of Chinese or Ottoman culture for starters.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 72
view profile
History
When you say kindly no thanks
Posted: 11/22/2016 10:43:12 PM

...said I was 45 ( I am 59), travel for work and just looking to meet men when I travel for a night out, see local events, take a tour with, find some local eateries. Said I had no children ( my children are grown) and without a picture, described my body type as "average/ few extra pounds." My education level was a few years of college ( in actuality I have a graduate degree).



Reminds of that great line in "Up in the Air" Vera Farmiga tells George Cloony, "I'm just like you with a vagina."

He ultimately doesn't really believe her and gets his heart broken.
 VikingHoosier
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 73
when you say you're not interested
Posted: 11/23/2016 4:53:22 AM


who was the other fellow who banged heads with her? Was it Hawking?


Yes, NDTFan was Hawking's nemesis. In the discussions I saw, it would have been ridiculously easy for Hawking to "checkmate" her. Perhaps he was easy on her to play with her.
 thefrancesann
Joined: 5/21/2016
Msg: 74
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 12/2/2016 6:49:41 AM

So you don't think that the quality of messages has anything at all to do with the fact that you have photos of your breasts and stocking tops on show in your pictures, that are public... and clearly taken for one reason only...

You reap the seeds you sow... There is a reason why you have been getting all those messages and I can see it in under five minutes. Men have not objectified you. You have done that to yourself by portraying yourself as pretty much a sexual object and not much else. You have portrayed yourself as the classic "duck face/ looking for a hook up/ crazy lady out for one thing"...

Quite frankly no man worth half his salt or who is serious is going to want to date a woman who flashes herself all over the place and looks miserable. That is the sort of woman you take home, f*** and never see again. Not who you introduce to mother... I am shocked that you still haven't figured this out yet.

Breasts and stocking tops come out for the man you are in a relationship with not every Tom,****and Harry who happens to be about...

You are reaping what you have sown...


You have a very antiquated and misogynistic views on things, not to mention you're flat out wrong. Women have breasts. Period. We shouldn't have to wear a burqa in order for men to act like the adults that they are rather than the teenagers that seem to be. I don't post sexually provocative pictures on my social media pages (FB, IG) but that hasn't stopped them from making comments. I've had random men, just as recent as 2 days ago, message me asking "can I lick your click"...whatever a click is supposed to be. Some of these men, not all but too many, will sexualize and objectify a woman because something is wrong with them [the men]. And the fact that you feel the need to basically scold another woman and shame her about her body speak volumes about you. Don't sit on that computer, phone, tablet or whatever you're using and pretend as if you don't receive inappropriate messages from men because you have and I am willing to bet everything in my bank account that you have. Trying to pretend that you're holier than thou while penis pandering does not make you any better than any other woman so chill out with the foolishness.
 NYCKOSI
Joined: 4/24/2015
Msg: 75
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 12/2/2016 8:15:37 AM
Well in my experience I came across many women got offended and hostel when I told them not interested. They demanded to know the reason. I said many not all.
No women will give the reason why they are not interested in a man they would just shut them out.
That's fine with me. Don't waste time keep moving.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 76
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 12/2/2016 8:17:45 AM
Thank goodness women have breasts, otherwise we'd have to invent them :) no seriously, like frances ann said (and hopefully she won't mind being used as an example, I don't know if she was around earlier to see the profile being questioned), she doesn't post provocative pictures on her profile. They are pictures of her out doing things, it gives me an idea of what she would BE like in a setting, not what she would LOOK like in a setting, if that makes any sense. I don't see her photos and imagine her being a couch potato, or imagine taking her out someplace and her being a drag. I get more of an idea about her personality than her bra size. I prefer those photos, over the ones I see that look like they're trying to sell an object on eBay--ok, here's a photo from the side, from the front, this is the thing you are getting. Please spend on it appropriately.

That all said, I get the point being made by her as well--there are pervs out there. We can't make other people act the way we wish they would. I can email a woman nicely, and get a rude response. I can be judged inappropriately as well. All I can control is how I "promote" myself as a product...by trying less to make a me a product, and more like a person.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 77
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 12/2/2016 9:08:23 AM

Some of these men, not all but too many, will sexualize and objectify a woman because something is wrong with them [the men].


I believe we should be talking to these guys mothers. Not "all" of the mothers, but many of them.

:O

Somewhere along the lines, it's obvious, these guys have learnt this behaviour from somewhere. Now, anybody wanna try to tell me where from????? Go ahead, give it your best shot.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 78
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 12/2/2016 8:10:36 PM

Thank goodness women have breasts, otherwise we'd have to invent them


Elaine Benes: "They're not real, you know. They're just a little too perfect."

Jerry Seinfeld: "Yes they are."

E: "Oh, I didn't know you were such a breast man. I thought you were a leg man."

J: "A leg man? Why would you think I was a leg man? I don't need legs. I HAVE legs."
 72Hotchick72
Joined: 11/30/2016
Msg: 79
when you say you're not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2016 11:56:21 AM
I tried the reply approach and got nasty messages back. So I went to no response mode and still guys would message like 7 or 8 times. If I haven't responded after your second message I am NOT interested. I had messaged one guy telling him that and letting him know messaging a person more than 7 times with no response he is in stalker mode and to get a clue lol
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 80
when you say you're not interested?
Posted: 12/7/2016 7:26:12 AM

Well in my experience I came across many women got offended and hostel when I told them not interested. They demanded to know the reason. I said many not all.
No women will give the reason why they are not interested in a man they would just shut them out.
That's fine with me. Don't waste time keep moving.


I wouldn't ask someone why they weren't interested after an email or even a few dates. I may get a "white lie" instead of a honest answer. Even if I did get a honest answer, it may not change my approach to dating. Something that's a dealbreaker to 1 woman may be a plus to another woman.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 81
view profile
History
when you say you're not interested?
Posted: 12/7/2016 12:20:08 PM

I tried the reply approach and got nasty messages back. So I went to no response mode and still guys would message like 7 or 8 times.

I don't really buy that. I've helped/observed many gals over the years (even when Tinder wasn't rocking yet) on POF, and they wouldn't get 7 or 8 messages from the same guy every week in which she Didn't respond to. Can't imagine that a reality of anything remotely close to regularly happening -- especially when not having a picture.

I may get a "white lie" instead of a honest answer. Even if I did get a honest answer, it may not change my approach to dating.

Well, if you did get an honest answer, how would you know it's honest if it actually IS a commonly said thing, ya know? And technically when it's not common and sounds true, it still could be not-so-honest (and just a factor which Wasn't a deal breaker, but they claim it was). In the end, you have to take a 3rd-person perspective on it all.

The best way IRL approaches with gals and such, IMO, was like speech class. You had to video-tape yourself doing the speech in front of the class. Afterwards, you go into another room and grade yourself. Made the teacher's job a lot easier as the student couldn't complain about getting too low a grade when they sat alone watching themselves, wincing. :)

Online, it's best to have someone You Don't Know who's reason-minded evaluate your profile, and the message exchange you have with others. Doing all that though would probably require a fee.

I wouldn't ask someone why they weren't interested after an email or even a few dates.

I think usually the only time I (or most with dating experience) would even be inclined to ask -- would be when it was a Surprise WTF situation where their Interest took an about-face. Where her interest was expressed Higher than normal on a Consistent basis, then Quickly had said about-face. Do I have egg on my face? Did an ex jump back into the picture? Etc. But yeah, you can't count on knowing why... just self-evaluation is all you can truly rely on. If there was egg on your face, they could admit it was another-guy situation like an ex... while ya still have egg on the face without knowing it, if relying on Them to be the informers.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 82
remove the reasons they may be interested in you...if you can quiet your own ego
Posted: 12/7/2016 1:17:03 PM
off on a tangent...an old friend of mine (literally and figuratively) was with me at lunch yesterday when she gets a text from an old bf asking if this is her new phone number (he was always tech savvy). I was tempted to give her the usual advice, "ignore your pride that he's looking for you, unless you two were friends who made a mistake of having sex, ex's only come sniffing around b/c they want something. You don't want to deal with that can of worms, so be smart and don't bother to open it up." But I kept my mouth shut b/c I knew she'd bite the bait rather than pretend she was a different person with the same name.

So, a few hours ago, she called saying what a big mistake--he looked up her new phone number via the net, Google Earth'd her new house, learned as much as he could and now he wants to drive across the country to say hi...b/c he has a few months off...from working with some black ops guy on chemical weapons in Syria (yeah right, her last guy lied about serving in Vietnam as Marine Recon). Then he leaves the country again. So, I said just tell the internet stalker thanks for the compliment, but you aren't interested and then block his number so he gets it. OF course, my friend pointed out that guys rarely do.

So, I said, tell him the truth about yourself. When I looked up an ex and she came to visit while her live in bf was at work and I found out how fat she had gotten, I didn't bother her anymore. "What? you want me to tell my ex about how i'm dead broke b/c I spent all my money on my ex, that I caught two STDs from the same guy, that my house has 4 dogs that pee everywhere and too many birds singing? Jeez, I don't want him thinking i'm some kind of a tramp!"

I couldn't help but laugh at my high-mileage friend--"why do you think he's calling YOU? B/c he's looking for someone to marry? He told you he only has a little time before leaving the country again. Its like a Navy guy talking to his girl in port--no one ever thinks they can seduce the good girl by saying they won't stick around long. I know no one wants their exs to think poorly of them, but I guarantee you--this guy will you drop you like a hot potato and not stalk you on the internet anymore if he thinks driving all the way here is going to result in the worst sex he can have."

I really doubt she is going to follow my advice. and she's going to call me tomorrow with a lot to say about my opinion. But I can say, I've ditched a few clingers by letting them think the worst of me.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 83
remove the reasons they may be interested in you...if you can quiet your own ego
Posted: 12/10/2016 9:24:20 AM

Well, if you did get an honest answer, how would you know it's honest if it actually IS a commonly said thing, ya know? And technically when it's not common and sounds true, it still could be not-so-honest (and just a factor which Wasn't a deal breaker, but they claim it was). In the end, you have to take a 3rd-person perspective on it all.


Of course, I may not know when a person being honest ( although sometimes I can tell when a person giving a BS excuse ). The larger point is I wouldn't change who I am or date differently just because of a woman's feedback even if she had passed a lie detector's test. LOL. It's often probably not a bad thing in general. Just something(s) that would make me not compatible with that particular woman.
 moonbeamlover1
Joined: 11/10/2016
Msg: 84
remove the reasons they may be interested in you...if you can quiet your own ego
Posted: 12/10/2016 1:19:13 PM
had s person at once who kept writing and callings or a year and a half. he would call half a dozen times in a row one after another... he would email up to thirty times... he would text.., he eventually found where I lived. At the time I couldn't block him or afford to change my number. but when he started showing up at my home I did threaten to call the police.

I did not respond for the last fourteen months. not ince. I still break out in hives if I see 850 in a twin cities number.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 85
view profile
History
remove the reasons they may be interested in you...if you can quiet your own ego
Posted: 12/10/2016 7:57:49 PM

from working with some black ops guy on chemical weapons in Syria (yeah right, her last guy lied about serving in Vietnam as Marine Recon).


I hired a guy about 2006 who started telling stories like that. I didn't believe him. Wild stories about running around E. Africa in special forces chasing some clown named 'Kony' long before 'Kony' was in any media. Work in Somalia.

We did some work on the nearby military base which is part of the reason I hired him. He was only enlisted, but when he presented his ID at the gate he got The Salute! (reg. TM) more so than any officer in front of us ever received.

He sweated out heavy metals (I swear he sweated out chromium or strontium) or maybe he had residual malarial or god knows what. The military had used him up, contaminated him in some fashion, and discharged him as no longer suitable for combat.

When someone is BS'ing you about their service record, little discrepancies slowly discredit their story. Here, it was the opposite - the odd little facts increased his credibility.

I wonder whatever happened to him. He had a wonderful young family with a very sweet wife and lovely kids, but he slowly came off the rails and I lost track of him.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 86
remove the reasons they may be interested in you...if you can quiet your own ego
Posted: 12/10/2016 8:50:05 PM
I used to have to work with a liar who claimed he was a Green Beanie in Veet-nam. But we had an actual retired Jarhead who had served, and after a few convos, called him out. Didn't even have to ask the classic P-38 question. About the same time my female friend was dating the other Vietnam liar, she caught him by moving in and seeing he was watching the History Channel and repeating the stories. He had gotten his job with his claims and joined a motorcycle club with the same ones, no one had checked up on him until he cheated on my friend and she was "inspired" to research. I won't say I don't trust claimers, I just verify. Both these dorks tended to lie about other things as well. Not surprisingly, the real guys usually are the ones not making the biggest deal about their service. Showboats tend to wash out. Not to mention guys who tend to have excuses for everything :)

the best way to tell a truth teller...is to be one. Like the saying goes, "it takes one, to know one."
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 87
view profile
History
remove the reasons they may be interested in you...if you can quiet your own ego
Posted: 12/10/2016 9:55:44 PM
moonbeamlover

you couldnt block the guy's number or your email address? When was this??? It is a case for a prepaid phone for dating
and an email addy that is used only for that purpose. How did he find where you lived??? You must have dated him somewhat and you gave him your full name at some point.
 moonbeamlover1
Joined: 11/10/2016
Msg: 88
remove the reasons they may be interested in you...if you can quiet your own ego
Posted: 12/11/2016 3:50:07 AM
Letitia

this was a year after my divorce ( about nine years ago) when. first ventured online and at the time I was so nervous about it I did not even have my city on there. I had one number for work and personal and the site in question did not have a block feature at that time and my phone provider didn't either.

ironically it was because of how crazy like his barrage of everything as I cancelled our meeting. so no thst was before we met. now I know it is way easier for people to find people but back then..well he spooked me bad. I had clients ( that I had known for years and trusted) answer my phone when he would start repeat calling and ask why he was bothering their wife. didn't stop him. my daughter once answered and told him to leave her mother the f alone.. by the was so convinced I was meant for him and his lake home in Minnetonka and when I stopped responding he tracked me down.

I use the block features now but I had my number in my business stuff and couldn't change it without a ton of expense.
the guy who obscene called me every morning for two weeks.. each day more graphically.. the last morning finished it up by describing what my at the time husband was wearing when he walked out the front door two minutes before... then described graphically what he was going to do with me... he I did call the police. again in a time before star sixty nine but a trace was put in my phone.. his calls stopped and a woman across from us was raved violently two weeks later.
 chicasayshi2u
Joined: 11/21/2016
Msg: 89
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 12/17/2016 12:44:07 AM
Honestly, I normally believe in the whole no response is a response saying. Whenever I politely let them know I'm not interested I would get so many negative emails :/ so do what you feel comfortable with, and you don't have to respond to dates. It's your dating life, and I applaud you for knowing what you want, and not taking less.
 jedite
Joined: 4/30/2010
Msg: 90
view profile
History
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 12/20/2016 12:55:34 AM
At least you get messages, im trying my best and usually i think im trying too hard, so i am at a loss
 jco415
Joined: 1/4/2017
Msg: 91
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 1/17/2017 6:53:04 AM
I don't respond at all...problem solved.


I only get the "Hello there" messages anyway despite my profile stating that those messages will be ignored...so if they want an answer all they have to do is actually read my profile.

BTW OP, it's YOU'RE...not YOUR!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > when you say your not interested?