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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?      Home login  
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 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 26
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
As a guy I would have to say if there was no type of physical intimacy after three dates, I would charge the female to the game. I get that some want to move at a slow pace but three dates is way too slow. This is why I feel that men and women need to start being upfront with each other when start dating so there won't be any misunderstandings.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 27
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/3/2016 9:05:05 PM
why a girl like you is even in this murky pond, I dont know. If you dont want to move so fast and he does and he disappears, then you know what he is after. If you are not comfortable even just kissing on the third date then you are not feeling it for the guy, I would suggest. If he comes back with bullcrap about just wanting to hang out it is because he is not getting any, anywhere else either and is trying you again. If you are undecided about a guy, dont allow him to pay for all the dates you are going on and offer to share.

 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 28
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/4/2016 4:51:52 AM
you come with a charger?

BTW, Butterchuck, good catch, that's the poster I was thinking of, just couldn't remember the profilename.
 PrettyBr0wnEyed1
Joined: 7/5/2016
Msg: 29
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/4/2016 5:05:46 AM

BTW, Butterchuck, good catch, that's the poster I was thinking of, just couldn't remember the profilename.


Nev and Max would have a field day. I spotted it too. It's funny that some guys are still commenting, which goes to show that many will solely focus on pics and a profile and won't pay attention.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 30
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/4/2016 5:18:59 AM
Wow, is that show still on? Glad to know it wasn't just me who had their memory banks tickled. I thought it was just b/c I was debating with people about universal beauty at that time. I agreed with them there are physically attractive people who can turn that around when they open their mouth and say something that isn't attractive. I also think there are sexy people, who look like a model of perfection. If someone went to a plastic surgeon, its their figure they want to reproduce, whether to become an actor or look better on the beach or in Beverly Hills. No one cares what comes out of their mouth or their personality, they just get seen as a sex object. From their end, i'm sure that gets old really fast, everyone approaching you on the level of an object of desire.

There's a woman like that I bump into every few years (just did a week or two ago), and guys would come up to me afterward and try to get her name and phone number from me. I was like WTF are you thinking, but I guess when it comes to her figure, they don't figure on anything--they're just distracted by the little head. Some people are just so hot, we make fools out of ourselves gladly if it only gets us closer to the goal. Must be an evolutionary procreation programming thing :)
 PrettyBr0wnEyed1
Joined: 7/5/2016
Msg: 31
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/4/2016 6:07:58 AM

Wow, is that show still on? Glad to know it wasn't just me who had their memory banks tickled.


Yes, it's still on. I'm tempted to tweet them to start looking into stories from this site. I don't know about universal beauty, but I know about baiting and using scantily clad photos that may be deemed as attractive, but I know men are drawn to full body and skin exposed or the illusion of it and some classify that as beauty, but I think everyone's standard is really different.

I've learned to spot a catfish pretty spot on as I've had enough encounters or observed enough to spot certain things. I just don't understand what the catfish really gets out of situations like this, but maybe it's popping up under different profiles and seeing guys not pay attention.

If it's any consolation, if she were a he that looked like - Chris Helmsworth, Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey or the Rock, I may be distracted too. lol.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 32
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/4/2016 6:20:19 AM
"BTW, Butterchuck, good catch, that's the poster I was thinking of, just couldn't remember the profilename."





PBE deserves the credit GTO , since she recognized the " Did I mess up badly ? " thread.

But thanks for the shout out.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 33
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/4/2016 6:35:44 AM
I have no idea what goes on after 3 dates.

I'm still looking for the first.

 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 34
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/4/2016 8:19:12 AM
Dang, Janey, if a woman on this site went out on three dates with me, I'd be willing to forgive an awful lot!

For the record, I've only once had sex in three dates or less. It's usually taken months - but lasted for years!
ED BEAR
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 35
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/4/2016 9:18:53 AM
From “ did I mess up badly ? “

“ I have had ZERO CONTACT with a man since April “




From “ no sex after 3 dates “

“we were never together and ZERO CLUE how he went from having such great times with me “





From “ no sex after 3 dates “


“I can assure you this is my only account. :”

“Oh haha that's my old profile! I probably have A FEW from back in the day”



Credibility score at this point ?


( drumroll please )




ZERO
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 36
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/4/2016 12:17:28 PM
That brings up the debate: Does the first time meeting someone count as a date, or is that a meet n' greet?
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 37
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/4/2016 2:01:58 PM
I tried the whole waiting thing when I was 23.... Didn't work out for me..

Every LTR I've had started with Sex, early.....
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 38
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/4/2016 7:53:14 PM
Well, the mixed misty in that thread has blonde hair. According to her profile. But anyway. I guess I could google photos if I was more inclined. Tweeting catfish for stories from these forums would be an interesting idea. That show seemed interesting, but I couldn't sympathize with people who waited years to meet someone. I suspect deep down they suspected something was up.

I guess if one doesn't call the first date a "Date", but a meet 'n' greet, they get a free get together and so sex has to happen on the technical fourth time. so instead of three free meals before she gives up "dessert", she gets four :)

I've had relationships evolve from friendships, so i'm not sure when the meter began running. I've had people I talked to online, and met and had sex, so again not sure when the meter was running then, either. Someone posted here about courting before f'ing, and I wonder if the modern generation figures texting is courting, so when they finally meet they figure the meter's been running long enough.

in the end, both sides should be comfortable with what happens. And there shouldn't be a need for unnecessary roughness on the field. unless both sides agreed to it.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 39
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/5/2016 7:20:34 AM
Most couples have sex for the first time around date number three. But this guy is not the sharpest tool in the toolbox....... he should have known you weren't into him on the first kiss attempt.


You are on the rebound and not ready for a relationship yet. It's good that you are getting out there and dating though....... except this guy was too pushy.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 40
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/5/2016 7:42:16 AM
So you guys think op is fake because she has multiple usernames and profiles? Don't believe her story? This kooky site is built that way, anyone can have multiple profiles, it's a home-brewed site. A woman does not want to kiss or have sex with a guy - this is something new to you?! I don't get it, I thought this was typical for this site.... I'm not sure what all the drama is about.
 lovethevino
Joined: 6/30/2013
Msg: 41
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/5/2016 8:59:42 AM
No sex after three dates is by no means a deal breaker but lets not kid ourselves romantic progression should definitely be starting to take place. You clearly aren't ready for that but you should have seen that right after the first attempted kiss and then not proceeded to go on any more dates with him or anybody else. Until the idea of romance by any suitor is no longer a turn off then it is unfair for you to date. This guy was clearly douche and not worthy of your affection and in this particular case probably just hid his agenda (initially) of just wanting sex. You should however know or will soon discover as you get older and older (assuming you remain single and beyond the group of guys who just want to have sex, to begin with) the more this type of thing will occur, for several reasons. One you stated yourself, the process of dating is repetitive, frequently boring and often unfruitful (it is the same for everybody so don't feel bad about that). This lends itself to both sexes trying to accelerate the process. Guys typically want the sex sooner and girls typically want a exclusivity/relationship faster than the process should take (generalization I know but its more right that wrong). Two, the fact of the matter (as I'm sure many older people can vouch for) is the dating pool gets more and more shallow with each passing year. This translates to less and less quality dates, which means more and more of the kind like you just went on. I must say from the guys perspective there also seems to be a sizeable female contingent (both personal experience and other numerous women have told me their friends do this) that still uses chivalrous male behavior as an opportunity to have a free meal or some other entertainment at a guys financial expense, at the same time never really having any intention of a relationship developing (really the logic is lost on me other than its something to do at no cost). One of the hallmarks of this is a girl not saying no to the next date but romantic progression is absent (yes men are becoming more and more aware of this). This is one of the biggest drivers of the 3 date rule on sex because a girl who just wants a free meal or a night on the town isn't going to have sex with the guy, so it serves as a filter although it also a tool of the just want sex crowd . According to another well known personals website the average number of dates before sex is between 3-6. If you accept that as accurate then you can see why by date 2-3 the average guy is going to be thinking that there should definitely be some movement in the romance department (not sex necessarily). I know at this point if I'm not feeling it from the other party I'm going to bail and I consider myself an average guy.

At age 29 you should know that most people have been around the block a time or two and the expectations are changing . You should still always go with your instincts and be who you are and do what you want to do. Just don't be naïve as what is actually going on It is unrealistic and unfair to be on a dating site and think that the guys you do go out with are going to wait out your emotional unavailability.
 PrettyBr0wnEyed1
Joined: 7/5/2016
Msg: 42
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/5/2016 10:34:58 AM

Well, the mixed misty in that thread has blonde hair. According to her profile..


BCC posted this link to whoever this person is: http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=83421352

No, not tweeting about just catfish in the forums, but catfish that are rampant on this site.

The funnier thing to think about is not just catfish not being who they portray, but many times not even the gender that they portray. Some men could be swooning over pics and the user could be a guy. Just saying. It happens. LOL!

The moral of that story for everyone - pay attention.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 43
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/5/2016 10:53:54 AM
He sounds like an insecure assaulter, why you want an apology...sounds like you have pliable boundaries.

3 dates, probably in this day is waiting forever. I gave in early in the past (was young and not assertive) because I liked them, but if it was up to me I could have waited because it makes for feeling pushed (unsexy), he looks insecure (anxious) and seems to put the focus on getting something, like it's a loyalty oath. All of that is a death knell to trust, a good start, anticipation, actually respecting each other and not having awkward sex.

I don't feel comfortable (in knowing who they are, beyond good date behavior and pheromones) with many people by then. They issue a 3 date ultimatum because they never intended on being in a whole ltr and want an after dinner mint, feel like they completed their benchmark and can feel like a man(just ego, counting dates, and sex reward)--If it does not work, out then it doesn't, be adults and don't manipulate so you can feel you "gained" (victory)it wasn't a 'wasted' effort. It is not about winning (power), but connecting.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 44
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/6/2016 1:17:45 AM

If someone is " biting my lip" and massaging me til I bruise ( wtf)
I ain't hanging around for the credits :/


Uh…no kidding!?!


Don't EVER let a guy use alcohol as an excuse. The guy practically raped you.


Agree. Not raped, but it sounded like he was a step away from it, by picking you up and carrying you to his bed?! Um, that’s NOT OK after you told him no!


Personally, I find it “ mind boggling “ that at your age you could be so naïve to not know about a guy saying whatever he thinks you want to hear so that he can get into your pants ASAP.


Agree. I don’t know how much time you spend in bars, but when my friends and I go out, there are often sleazy men who will try to say/do the “right” things initially, and then take off ASAP if we won’t go home with them.


If YOU think it's " crappy and ridiculous " then you need to find a guy who will respect you and be patient. Any guy who will be worth it to you in the end will do just that.


YES.

And, might I add, it IS crappy and ridiculous to have some “rule” of when you should have sex. Not to mention that 3 dates really isn’t much time at all to get to know someone! People treat sex nowadays like it’s shaking hands. I honestly wish more women would hold out (that is, if they want to), rather than go by society’s f-ed up standards. The fact that men can get sex so easily nowadays makes it a lot harder for those of us who do want to wait more than a few dates.


Were you 'selling' yourself in a way that could be easily misunderstood?


Ok, I’m probably going to get some flack for saying this, but the OP’s profile shows shots of her in a bikini, showing cleavage, fixing a wedgie…(?) It might be anti-feminist to say, but when guys see that stuff they’re gonna think of sex! They can’t help it. They CAN help what they choose to do about it, and can choose to control themselves and be respectful. However, when guys see those pics it’s likely that a lot of them are going to assume or at least wonder if you’re up for it.

And yeah, when reading this post, part of me was wondering if it was a troll.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 45
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/6/2016 6:31:59 AM
Let's not forget that,for a large proportion of the population, being wanted physically is very attractive. I've been turfed for acting too respectful of women who had told me they didn't want to get physical yet. In one case, respecting a wall of pillows in the bed between us. In the window the morning came, out the door I went...

In another case, when I started to talk about where we were going - intending to talk about what we wanted and what our hopes and fears were after three dates, the last one being a long ride to Vancouver Island and back - the poor woman almost started crying because she figured I was going to Dear Jane her in person. I figured sitting on the bike for long periods was enough physical contact for us that early.

(She was happy, we had a nice night out at a play her daughter was in, and we dated for about two months before she told me I wouldn't do. Lots of smooching and heavy petting, but...)
ED BEAR
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 46
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/6/2016 4:46:14 PM

The fact that men can get sex so easily nowadays makes it a lot harder for those of us who do want to wait more than a few dates.

Huh? Harder for you? Not at all, you can easily wait as long as you want. Besides, by your comments, you don't want the type of guy who's rushing to sex, anyhow, so that should be a quick indicator that a guy is not your type. That makes it EASY for you to sort them out.
You can easily mention that every boyfriend you every had - WAITED - 3 months and let the anxious guys self-eliminate.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 47
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/6/2016 5:29:07 PM
I followed the 3 date rule
we had 3 dates within 13 hours :) Not joking
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 48
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/6/2016 6:44:51 PM
Sex is natural - sex is fun
Sex is best when it's... One on one
One on one
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 49
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/6/2016 6:48:12 PM

Sex is natural - sex is fun
Sex is best when it's... One on one
One on one

....
Sex is natural - sex is fun
Sex is best when you add another one
Add another one
...And another one
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 50
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/6/2016 7:18:55 PM
^ I think I know what sort of thing you're talking about, and it doesn't even make sense, anatomically or mathematically.
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