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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?      Home login  
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 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 76
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?Page 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
only a starving homeless girl would put up with a guy just for the $20 meal he may buy her. It is ridiculous.
As for the date 3 question, if you are not comfortable with having sex, then dont. However, if you are not feeling attracted sufficiently to want to have sex, by that time, then I would not waste my time or his, with any further dates.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 77
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 4:15:29 AM

Or she thinks your kissing skills like Shrek talent
I mean really... some of you ought to get an independent evaluation on how good/great. at least I didn't lose an eye are in bed
Oops, forgot, all men own the tower of tower. Or pin of sin. Or omg, I have banana bread in my car :)


Now that's just silly if the woman in question hasn't kissed the guy yet. Independent evaluation..lol! I can see it now. "Well Mr. Smith your chivalry needs improvement and you can try having eye contact with me instead of my chest." I'm down for an evaluation as long as its both ways :).
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 78
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 5:25:14 AM
Remember when Madonna deep tongued Drake and his reaction? Then he tried to blame her lipstick.
As a kid I practiced kissing my hand - LOL
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 9/27/2016
Msg: 79
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 8:43:54 AM
I spend weeks talking to people before I will even bother to meet them in person because I want to make damn sure that by the time im sitting down I'm just feeling out our in person chemistry. I figure through conversation before consenting to a date if this person is a match with my life in all the key personality factors.

Im not someone who cares a great deal about physicality. I'm 99% concerned with who someone is inside, so if I meet someone its because im pretty damn sure that I would regard this person as a decent human being no matter HOW our physical in person meeting goes. So its never a waste of time or anyones money to have a great conversation and lots of laughs over a drink, we show up as friends ready to talk about the myriad of things we already superficially discussed.

This approach frustrates alot of men because they want to meet RIGHT NOW. They complain that exchanging letters is a "waste of their time" because they can just "talk in person". Then these men will also complain he bought the chick he just pressured into meeting so soon a drink and that put him out. Well maybe if he spent time writing a few letters, instead of whining, he could have known it wouldn't have been a match.

What do these guys want exactly? With how they complain about nearly every process of the dating game (don't want to read a whole profile, mad he has to send more than a sentence, mad the woman doesnt respond right away, made she doesnt want to exchange numbers and meet right away, mad he paid for a drink and didnt get sex) its coming off like many men just want to push a button on a picture and have these chicks show up naked on their door. No time invested, no money spent - just free sex.... Like women are a conveyor belt of sex dispensary..... Then these guys are mad when women on the forums write how sexist it all appears. This is just so freaking crazy to me.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 80
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 9:21:46 AM
I wonder if gay people have the same problem about who pays and who gets freebies. What about transgendered people? If a woman turns into guy, is the "new he" on the hook for paying for dates, while a "new she" can now say they expect their dates to foot the bill?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 81
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 9:51:01 AM
Personally, I can read people well so I don't mind a lot of talking first. But a lot of people aren't so skilled, so they can fall for words easily b/c they're gobsmacked with the photo, or they're so interested in finding the right person they'll swallow the right words. But they meet in person and pick up on body language and the sarcasm in compliments and are surprised this is the same person. People can be confident to a computer screen but stare at the floor in person, I've seen it. Or worse, they can show up on time to text, but show up late to a date or flake out often. Talking online is easy, due to the barrier. Meeting up can really show a person for who they are.

Also, the newer generation generally has a short attention span. They are used to instant gratification. And I can say from experience, a woman who seems like a potential date, can turn easily into a text buddy who never meets. I see women's profiles who claim they don't want a penpal, they want a date, but of course i'm not dating men so I can't vouch for the male ability to disappoint. I will agree, tho, a man who pushes to meet quickly in person, then throws money around hoping to make up for a poor connection with a hot human being, is to blame for their own empty wallet. Best to meet and make a decision. Paying for more dates hoping to get the other person into bed when there isn't a connection otherwise, is working a dry well. I know, I've tried it once when younger. best to cut losses early.

Its nice to meet a woman who doesn't care much about looks, but they tend to be the ones who complain about how lousy their ex's are. They sought out personality, but they wanted a personality like their own. And of course there are plenty of lame people out there--spend too much time talking, and its obvious. Their best presentation is to get drunk and then no one notices what they lack. the problem for the average person is...they're average. And there's a lot of average situations, which is what makes them literally...the average.

I knew a woman transgendering, and yes, paying for things and taking charge was one of the "mannerisms" she was trying to learn. Haven't seen her in years, so I don't know how it all turned out.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 82
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 11:03:10 AM
I'm old.
I don't have much time left.
So yeah, no sex after 3 dates is a deal breaker.

But I still have my standards...so they should be good looking.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 83
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 11:34:31 AM

I spend weeks talking to people before I will even bother to meet them in person because I want to make damn sure that by the time im sitting down I'm just feeling out our in person chemistry. I figure through conversation before consenting to a date if this person is a match with my life in all the key personality factors.

I always Highly advise against this, and most people who take this approach as a rookie in OLD, end up realizing how it certainly can be a waste of time. Playing the pen-pal game can work, don't get me wrong. But purposely prolonging meeting someone who's attractive & seemingly a certain type/fit for oneself doesn't solve anything, in the end. Chatting or talking on the phone with this person not-in-person VS doing so in-person serves no benefit if you both live in the same town. Obviously if schedules don't match well enough to meet, I can understand talking more before meeting, sure. Of course, schedules not matching up so well also gets in the way of IRL, so that should be a concern as well.

Body language, looks (even if one isn't stringent at all on how hot someone is), etc -- goes a long way and much Less of a time waster with someone who doesn't fit the bill. So many times people's imagination fills in the blanks when given enough time, and when they meet, even if that person's not Bad but just Different than their mindset had them to be, things get weird in the least.

One of my friends in college when personals were new, IM'd a gal for at least an hour a day -- with some days for many hours -- talked on the phone... did this for over a month when she and her roommates lived just 4-6 blocks away. Finally he met her at a bar, she with her friends and he with his. They chatted in person and weren't into each other. He's not picky on looks, btw. One of her friends hooked up with one of his friends and they happily dated. He realized the pen-pal game was a waste of time. But why did he do it (and others)? Comfort Zone.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 84
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 12:00:49 PM

I spend weeks talking to people before I will even bother to meet them in person because I want to make damn sure that by the time im sitting down I'm just feeling out our in person chemistry. I figure through conversation before consenting to a date if this person is a match with my life in all the key personality factors.

So what's to stop a 'Cyrano de Bergerac' situation from happening thru all those texts? I find it laughable how confident people get themselves worked up to be over that first meeting, when the truth is that it could have been their sister or teenage kid that was doing all that online messaging romance for them. You cannot possibly know for sure.


Im not someone who cares a great deal about physicality. I'm 99% concerned with who someone is inside, so if I meet someone its because im pretty damn sure that I would regard this person as a decent human being no matter HOW our physical in person meeting goes. So its never a waste of time or anyones money to have a great conversation and lots of laughs over a drink, we show up as friends ready to talk about the myriad of things we already superficially discussed.

Why re-discuss stuff you've already talked about?!? Do you want a first date to be interesting, or just a re-hash interview?

Personally, I think that whole paragraph is a load of bunk. Firstly, you want to make sure they are not a liar - they match their photos, background and any and all information you deem important - and, most significantly - they fit YOUR idea of who they should be. Looks may not be all that important - but that's because you ALREADY have photos as a reference, not because you're seriously concerned about looking deeper into their soul. You can claim to not be superficial about size and statistics all you want - but I've seen opinionated women like yourself do this time and time and time again -- if they are not matching your expectation INSTANTLY - they are headed to the 'friend' zone, or you're headed to the door. There is no 'trial' period for evaluation or testing.

If you want to know why guys want to meet 'RIGHT NOW' - it's because of that very reason. The turnoff and rejection in real life is nearly instantaneous. What led up to that point - doesn't matter if it was two texts or two months of texting - does not matter in any way whatsoever. People say 'Hi' - and the rest of the date is either planning how to end early and go make out in the parking lot - or smiling from across the table pretending to like someone. Expecting or believing there should be 'more' to it is a fantasy. People that have done it before realize the stupidity and do whatever they can to go to a direct meet. Dating starts by meeting in real life, not by messaging someone from behind an internet alias. You can't confirm a relationship with anyone in here until you can confirm who you are talking to - and that pretty much requires face time, not smiley faces and cell phones. Yes, some guys will be douche bags - but you're never going to know that for sure if you still believe texting is the only truth needed to prove it. Turning people down may avoid getting hurt - but it NEVER proves that you were 'right'.

Why the hell would ANY guy bother with all that online work?
--- Don't you dare answer that with, "It's because I'm worth it." -- because the reality is that you are NOT. Until you prove yourself as a real human being in real life, and put in your OWN time to be with someone and open yourself up to the chance to actually CARE about them - you are just one of thousands of internet ghosts, all looking for the same crap, demanding decent and intelligent and clever men (who just happen to be 6 ft tall and hot) with virtually the same profiles, the same kinds of photos and selfies, and usually with the same chip on their shoulder and with the same over-inflated idea of what is an 'ideal' match. If you want to feel special, then BE special TO THEM, because demanding better for yourself up front because you typed something on a web page or posted a photo is selfish, not special.

A lot of guys suck at this kind of thing, too. The ones that get angry and lash out, that pout and stamp their feet, call people names and the rest - it's coming from the same place. They made this fantasy up for themselves, and if just didn't happen the way they wanted it to. But spending days or weeks online playing pretend pen pals is probably the main reason why online dating doesn't work. TEXTING IS NOT DATING. IT'S NOT EVEN REAL.
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 9/27/2016
Msg: 85
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 12:18:25 PM

"Why the hell would ANY guy bother with all that online work?"
Because anything of value takes work to obtain. Want someone who doesnt value their safety much, who is not so concerned about who you are inside, a girl looking for a freebl drink? Those are the girls who can show up immediatly.

Want a serious woman with a good career, educational accomplishments, tight family, who is attractive and deep, plays it safe, and values herself? That takes some work, because she's busy with a job and family, isnt easily satiated with a picture and will assure her safety as well as ascertain she is wasting a guy's resources just to use him...

You pick one: want quality or quantity? Cause you dont get both. Valuable women aint easy. I didnt earn a career, degree, and keep myself free of stds and major drama by being easily available for every dude who showed interest.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 86
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 1:09:41 PM
^^^I think the only guys who will play by your rules of endless texts for weeks or months before meeting are married guys or guys who are in prison who aren't in a position to meet you right away. They will send endless texts, telling you everything you want to hear. I guess you don't care about verifying anything they put in a text, and just assume everything they write is the truth. A guy could have a criminal record for violent crimes a mile long, but you'll never know that if he doesn't mention it in a text, which he won't. How safe is that? I doubt any guy would give an internet stranger they have never met-you-any personal information to check up on them-especially with no guarantee of ever meeting. They might give false information, but that's about it. Would you give personal information to some guy you never met, with no guarantee of ever meeting that guy?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 87
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 1:25:00 PM

Because anything of value takes work to obtain. Want someone who doesnt value their safety much, who is not so concerned about who you are inside, a girl looking for a freebl drink? Those are the girls who can show up immediatly.

Want a serious woman with a good career, educational accomplishments, tight family, who is attractive and deep, plays it safe, and values herself? That takes some work, because she's busy with a job and family, isnt easily satiated with a picture and will assure her safety as well as ascertain she is wasting a guy's resources just to use him...


I think there is a lot of generalization here.
I woman who values her safety can meet someone in a public place, not get in his car and not go to his home. Talking to someone
without meeting for three weeks or so, does not make any guarantees of your safety.

I've got all that stuff you mention in your second paragraph, but if I'm looking to meet someone, I make time to do that. Again,
talking to someone for weeks without meeting, doesn't mean he'll look like his picture or be someone you want to spend time with.

I've never met anyone for a free drink...I can buy my own.

I'd rather meet sooner than later.
Nothing like yakking forever online or on the phone and finding out you've got no interest when you finally meet.

YMMV.
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 9/27/2016
Msg: 88
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 1:41:00 PM
Who said months of texting? More like a few letters on pof to discern if the person is safe giving personal info to, then you can move to skype or texting. We are talking a few weeks here. Why this massive rush? Dont people want to make sure they arent meeting an axe murderer or someone without major head issues? Sometimes it takes a few conversations to see how people react to stuff.

Over a quarter of the adult american population has a mental disorder, and even more have an std, there is GOOD reason to be careful.

In the end it won't matter. Because my standard is not changing. Men can either do it or push on to someone else. Its no big loss to me.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 89
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 2:30:17 PM
Well not like an axe murderer just going to volunteer that info.
I would say more than a quarter.. but still the most evil usually the most charming. You know, Paul Bernardo, people like that.

Brown you made me laugh out loud :)
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 90
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 3:48:14 PM

Well not like an axe murderer just going to volunteer that info


that's what I was thinking!
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 91
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 3:52:10 PM
^^^^


Of COURSE they won't volunteer that info, don't be silly


BUT....if you talk to someone long enough they're bound to slip up and say something like

" Golly, I just love to chop stuff up - you just gotta see my axe collection ! "


See how that works ?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 92
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 3:52:10 PM


Well not like an axe murderer just going to volunteer that info


that's what I was thinking!


Well, of course we do.

Let's try not to be so negative around here today. :P
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 93
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 3:53:13 PM

We are talking a few weeks here. Why this massive rush?

Because drawing a line on a calendar isn't going to magically make things better.

Meeting up the first time doesn't - and shouldn't - be a risky adventure - but that's fixed by planning the actual circumstances of THE DATE carefully to avoid problems - not by chatting for an extra week or two. Time spent online is wasted time, plain and simple.

Dates don't automatically have to happen once contact is established. They don't need to happen at all. The point we're trying to hammer home is that building up the dating experience online for too long will always end badly because the fantasy imagined gets stretched further and further away from the truth - farther away from what's even possible - the longer you play the texting game.

Furthermore, most people that are mature and been single a while have a pretty good hold on their schedule and free time. Most of us already know the local watering holes pretty good, and other places to meet such as libraries and public parks and such. Being indecisive about meeting can be a sign they are already booked for time because they are already married, committed, playing the field or whatever - it's rarely about just being nervous. The biggest lie told in profiles is that they are "New In Town" and don't know their way around yet. If you've been living here three to six months, you're not 'new' anymore. If you've been single for many years, you're not 'new' to dating. Most people 'new' to online dating are already listed on on two or three other sites and decided to try this one. It's a lot of bullsh1t that we know doesn't hold water. That's why cutting to the chase and actually showing up instead of 'posing' for a few weeks is preferred.

Bringing up serial killer cases and assaults and all that fear mongering is a cop-out. We know damned well there are literally thousands of meetups, hookups and all types of dates every single day that go off without a hitch. The bad ones happen because people get themselves stuck in stupidly dangerous situations, and the few that actually involve genius-level serial criminals are so rare that you can't even put a number to it. If you don't want to see someone, you don't HAVE to see them - the preference to bail is always there - and the other guys always has that option, too.

Lingering online isn't a test of patience -- it's someone's struggle to keep in control and manipulate things to get what they want. Online, having the ability to sort through people by dozens of details, to say whatever, and be whatever and being able to cut and delete on the slightest whim - gives people the idea they hold greater value, that they deserve better, that THEY can decide who is attracted to them and who is not. It's a delusion. One that doesn't reveal itself until you usually fall flat on your face - or have it slapped by some azzhat.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 94
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 4:14:00 PM

Because anything of value takes work to obtain.

Oooh, don't fall into this trap, though. You don't measure something's value by the level of work to obtain it. That's a mirage. Otherwise, it Would be a better idea to chat with someone for Months and not weeks before setting up a day to meet. I'm sure guys who are hard to get ahold of due to their wife/gf or other girls he's juggling is a Real Valuable Catch, right? ;)

Want someone who doesnt value their safety much, who is not so concerned about who you are inside, a girl looking for a freebl drink? Those are the girls who can show up immediatly.

Okay. I do not agree with this statement, but I see where you're coming from. It's basically the same as my friend's over 10 years ago (and the girl he met): Comfort Zone. Something Feels uncomfortable, it must be not a good idea, right? Well, not so fast. This is also a trap we can fall into. Being stubborn for your 'gut feeling' (or pride) and tossing aside logistics, and only trying to expand on some things which support it if taken in exaggerated ways is what too many people do. Girls who chat and say "Actually, I AM available tomorrow after work for an hour or two. I'm pretty busy the rest of the week, so that works out," bears no evidence of "too easy". This isn't a Game of hard-to-get. Such a game is just an Illusion of value.

Now safety -- that's a concept to bear in mind in dating. But meeting someone in a public place sooner rather than later isn't a cushion of safety. It's a Comfort Zone that gives the Feeling of safety more than anything. If meeting someone in a public place had safety risk worth weighing, then you shouldn't have a conversation & open up to people you don't know via mingling at any event/bar/party/etc. It's a Comfort Zone. Sure, if you meet for the 1st time after talking ad nausem for several weeks every day, you're going to probably hit it off Faster IRL than if you met them just a couple days after initial contact online after a couple conversations and some texting. Instead of getting to know them in the "safety of your home", you can instead get to know them Both -- in public and at home, to solidify it being worthwhile and saving some time... and wait a couple weeks Until you go over to their place or yours alone. Still a Conservative move, but at least you get to Know the person, in person, in the process.

You pick one: want quality or quantity? Cause you dont get both. Valuable women aint easy.

One can do both. It's when they find someone of high quality, which almost always does Not do pen-paling on POF (if we want to do generalizations), that they then Lower the quantity of women they're searching for. When things seemed locked in with them, then the quantity's just 1. In the meantime, one should play zone, not man-to-man. Plenty of quality women (and men) do not just talk to 1 person at a time, nor should they.
 Robyn143
Joined: 7/19/2016
Msg: 95
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 4:24:02 PM
Sorry..but men that want to meet RIGHT NOW are only after one thing..sex.Women that agree that quickly usually have an agenda be it a free meal or just looking to have money spent on them. Plus if she meets with YOU that quickly and right away that means she does that with any and everyone else too. I dont recall anyone saying that women want to text for months before meeting and that is just false to assume that. But I would like to think a few days of texting will not hurt and is for the best..you tend to be a better judge of character the older and more experienced you get. If a man doesnt want to take a few days of messaging and/or texting with me..than he isnt worth my time anyways and glad he showed himself out. People tend to forget that some women like being single and are not looking for "the one" or for someone to save them or marriage. Its ok for men to be lifelong bachelors and date for years..but it is looked down upon if a woman lives like that.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 96
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 5:22:11 PM
k, now I'm stuck on the movie The Big Bus
I only ate a foot
I figure if he wants to meet in the forest, and asks you to bring a tarp
Chances are you aren't there to pick nuts and berries
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 97
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 7:08:53 PM

Sorry..but men that want to meet RIGHT NOW are only after one thing..sex. Women that agree that quickly usually have an agenda be it a free meal or just looking to have money spent on them.

Sure, if you exchange hellos and he says "Hey, want to meet for a drink in an hour?" But there's a huge difference between that and waiting a couple weeks. Most people are Not into chatting consistently for weeks with no agenda to meet until it's been several weeks of doing so... and a lot of people aren't going to chat so much for so long and it will fizzle out.

I disagree on the woman part, too. If you chat with someone one night for a while... then the next day chat some and suggest something a couple days away to meet up, and she says "I'm busy on Thursday, and I'm tied up with the kids the whole weekend. Actually, tomorrow would work out, if you happen to be free on short notice," I wouldn't assume she's looking for an easy fix (freebies & attention or sex). Guys doing the same -- no, aren't after "one thing", although some may be (in just about any situation). If one waits it out for him to "prove it" to them (flipping hair) via 7-10 days of chatting every day before agreeing to meet even after that, that's throwing the baby out with the bath water.

In the world of OLD, many gals will chit-chat a bit, and fizzle out. It's a sausage fest online, lots of options (understandable). Guys do need to be proactive to meet up with the girl to get a foot in the door. Those who don't, lose out usually. It shouldn't turn one off if he (or she) suggests meeting tomorrow after having a couple days of fruitful chit-chat. It shouldn't turn him (or her) off if you instead suggest a few days after that, either (I got the kids all day on Sunday -- I'm free Tues evening tho, does that work out?).

I think a lot of people sigh/groan though, if they get the message that the person is free and all, but just wants to meet after weeks, not days of conversation. Again, big difference between initiating conversation and throwing out to meet that day VS after a couple lengthy conversations, agreeing to meet in 1-3 days. I don't see how that implies wanting sex or freebies... they're just wanting to get things out way to meet up -- not necessarily meat up. :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 98
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 9:04:58 PM
all this waiting reminds me of Rules Girls and guys who don't call the next day but make her wait. Taking a lot of time to talk is how catfishing happens, not to step on prettybrowneyed1's favored subject :)

If someone who looks like a 9 on her profile agrees to meet me quickly, the last thing i'm going to think is, "wow, she must be desperate!" After all, she can afford to be choosy. If I worry she's going to be a gold digger, that's a real easy fix--I pick the place to meet. This gets us into another post, about whether a first meet should be a meet or a date.

not owning a cellphone, I figure if I ever get a lead here, the easy thing to do is go old school--hi, nice to meet you. let's chew the fat a little about favorite places and activities. Hey, we seem to get along. Ever try X public place before? no? what time and day would be good to meet you there? fine, here's the street address b/c you're old enough to use Garmin or Google.

no private info given, they show up or they don't. A lack of cellphone makes it hard to flake, since they can't contact me in order to flake. and i'm choosing a location I prefer to go anyway, should they not show up. its public, I get to see the real them not what they fake online, and its not much different than meeting a new financial advisor--we don't usually text to death, we meet in person and feel them out if we feel like trusting our money with them or not. why not do a date the same way? KISS, keep it simple sweetheart. or perhaps its too much "life is too short" go-getter for the ladies?
 _Cinnamon__Girl_
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 99
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/14/2016 10:53:18 PM
I will never understand the sex-on-the-third date thing.

I have never had sex with anyone that soon.

I am a person who needs to care about someone and feel that I know them well before sex. Most of the men I've had long-term relationships with have told me they feel this way, too.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 100
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 12:35:45 AM

Huh? Harder for you? Not at all, you can easily wait as long as you want. Besides, by your comments, you don't want the type of guy who's rushing to sex, anyhow, so that should be a quick indicator that a guy is not your type. That makes it EASY for you to sort them out.
You can easily mention that every boyfriend you every had - WAITED - 3 months and let the anxious guys self-eliminate.


Sure I can "easily" wait, if I want to rule out the majority of men these days. Just because my boyfriends waited doesn't mean a lot of other guys would. I was younger then, and those guys weren't exactly the "alpha-male" types with a lot of options. they were geeks and not very experienced themselves. i'm not saying i want an alpha male, but the older i get, the harder it is to find guys who are willing to wait, when they can easily get sex elsewhere. i have been very into certain guys who wanted sex early on, and maybe not so into the ones who were willing to wait because they didn't have other options. Unfortunately (for me), the rare ones who are both attractive/possessing decent social skills and willing to wait are usually snapped up early by cute, young Christian girls. Guess I'll have to change some of my expectations or continue to hold out for that needle in a haystack.

My point was that the more girls are putting out right away, the more guys expect it and have less patience for those of us who take things slower. Whereas in earlier generations, first date sex/ONS were not unheard of, but it was the norm to wait a while longer.
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