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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?      Home login  
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 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 101
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Sorry..but men that want to meet RIGHT NOW are only after one thing..sex.


Not necessarily. If I want to meet someone sooner rather than later, it simply means that I find them highly attractive and compatible, and want to meet them before someone else does. Call me selfish but I never want a good thing to slip me by. I met someone here a while back who I fell deeply for. We never had sex during the three months together and not having sex wasn't the reason we split up.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 102
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 4:38:14 AM

This approach frustrates alot of men because they want to meet RIGHT NOW. They complain that exchanging letters is a "waste of their time" because they can just "talk in person". Then these men will also complain he bought the chick he just pressured into meeting so soon a drink and that put him out. Well maybe if he spent time writing a few letters, instead of whining, he could have known it wouldn't have been a match.

What do these guys want exactly? With how they complain about nearly every process of the dating game (don't want to read a whole profile, mad he has to send more than a sentence, mad the woman doesnt respond right away, made she doesnt want to exchange numbers and meet right away, mad he paid for a drink and didnt get sex) its coming off like many men just want to push a button on a picture and have these chicks show up naked on their door. No time invested, no money spent - just free sex.... Like women are a conveyor belt of sex dispensary..... Then these guys are mad when women on the forums write how sexist it all appears. This is just so freaking crazy to me.


While that's all good you have this standard I think it's important that you understand the mentality of men online. We live in an age of massmedia and advancements in technology which means a decrease of attention spans. I'm not doubting you won't find a guy who will be willing to wait and go at your pace, but how come you can't do the same in person? I mean the guy could want sex all he wants but ultimately it's up to you to agree to it. It's just as simple as yours truly deciding whether I want to spend my whole wallet on a woman or not. You see how choices work? As a male, I'm not at all offended by the opinions I see from some females here. It gives me an insight as to how the opposite sex views dating.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 103
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 5:28:31 AM
Can anyone define what RIGHT NOW means? Does that mean 30 seconds or 30 minutes after getting a first message? What is the fine line between wanting to meet too soon and being a time waster who wants to stay hidden behind a screen?




Then these men will also complain he bought the chick he just pressured into meeting so soon a drink and that put him out.


You're arguing a complaint with a complaint? There we go again, with the assumption that women don't have a say in the matter, and must do as they're told, like a child. As far as I know, there is no law against women expressing how soon or late they want to meet someone, or for that matter, when to have sex. What is stopping a woman from ending contact with a guy who is not willing to go at her pace? But a lot of women seem to want to play the "I'm a victim" game, instead of dealing with situations like an adult.



My point was that the more girls are putting out right away, the more guys expect it and have less patience for those of us who take things slower. Whereas in earlier generations, first date sex/ONS were not unheard of, but it was the norm to wait a while longer.


Do you have proof of that? Are there any studies done to prove that people were less horny back in the good old days and were willing to wait until marriage, or is based on watching romance movies from the 1940's and 50's?
 Robyn143
Joined: 7/19/2016
Msg: 104
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 9:26:20 AM
But a lot of women seem to want to play the "I'm a victim" game, instead of dealing with situations like an adult." Who said any of us were trying to play a victim? I dont recall seeing any of us women on these forums play "the victim".. we are on here complaining less than you men are!! I swear..I did not know grown men were so whiny and needy. and it goes both ways for me, if a man asks me to meet right away I just assume he tries to meet any ol skank with tits and legs and I DO cut off contact with him..not sure why you would assume us women keep in contact with losers..oh yeah..so we can play the victim card because we just loooove doing that.get outta here with that horseshit
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 105
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 9:50:56 AM
A teen male might wait for sex b/c he doesn't have his own bachelor pad or he feels too insecure (like all teens) to push for what he wants or he's just looking to be accepted and happy to have arm candy or he's the equivalent of a dog chasing a car and not knowing what to do when he gets it. I used to flirt in grade school, junior and high school, and some of the ladies liked it only b/c they liked getting attention. The fact I wasn't going to act on probably made it more palatable. Guys willing to wait b/c they don't have options, probably are less interesting for all the reasons they don't have options. Guys and gals who offer what most people want, are in most demand, so they might as well choose wisely. No one buys from the dollar menu when there's a $20 in their pocket. They might as well get their money's worth and enjoy the experience of the meal, not just fill up their stomach until it stop growling.

I can understand a fellow "putting out" money and getting in return what they could get from a friend for free. I date to get laid. If i'm not getting laid, then we might as well be friends, since that's how we're acting. What am I doing with you I don't do with my female friends? then you might as well be a friend. its merely a logical decision. On the flip side, if a lady wants to connect with a guy, sex is a medium that offers a temporary feeling of connection. It can obtain for her a glass half full (of course, she also could be a sensual woman who's happy getting laid, too). I think of the older women who tell me they are sick of the dating game, and typically, they are the ones with a long history of not getting what they want. sometimes its b/c they used sex to get a relationship, sometimes its b/c they are a bit lame and find guys like them unwilling or unable to be the knight in shining armor who saves them from lameness (that guy's off with the girl who isn't lame), or she's trying to find the unrealistic guy--the one out of her league, the fellow with many options but he chooses her anyway, etc.

if "moving too soon" keeps me from the angry women, then I guess the filter's working well :)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 106
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 10:18:32 AM

browneyesboo
I'm old.
I don't have much time left.
So yeah, no sex after 3 dates is a deal breaker.

But I still have my standards...so they should be good looking.

I really wish we had a “LIKE” button on these forums.

BlasphemousBombshell
Valuable women aint easy.

Yes … and No. I have had a number of relationships over the course of my long life. Some times, I worked damn hard to get that relationship. Other times, it just fell into my lap, and all I had to do was be ready, and realize what I had.

But I will say this, right up front: Any woman who thinks a man should have to “work hard to get her” is probably not someone I really want to “get”.


browneyesboo
Nothing like yakking forever online or on the phone and finding out you've got no interest when you finally meet.

Amen, brothers and sisters. Amen.

Robyn143
Sorry..but men that want to meet RIGHT NOW are only after one thing..sex.

Well, of course we are. We are men. If you don’t like men, and you don’t like sex, what in the heck are you doing on a dating site?

On a more serious note, your problem is with the word “only”. Just because a man desires to have sex with you does not make him a bad person. And it does not mean he ONLY wants sex. He might want you to make him a sandwich afterwards.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 107
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 11:46:15 AM

but the older i get, the harder it is to find guys who are willing to wait, when they can easily get sex elsewhere.


"Elsewhere", where????!!!

(Aside from the red light district)
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 108
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 12:15:01 PM
I'm wondering when sex became a gift or a reward anyways.
What's wrong with sex?
I'm single, I'm not wanting kids, I don't have to answer to the
PTO..why can't I have sex? I mean if you don't want to have it...
fine, but that doesn't make me a bad or invaluable person.

I say bring back recreational (safe) sex!
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 9/27/2016
Msg: 109
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 1:02:09 PM

Can anyone define what RIGHT NOW means?
Typically a variant of: "hi im todd. 555-555-5555" and he will send that same freaking text EVERYDAY -OR- if you text him saying: "thanks for the number but i prefer to exchange some letters before talking." He will then throw in a sentence or two about himself and start to whine that he hates writing and prefers to talk, essentially pressuring/guilting you to call him.
 Robyn143
Joined: 7/19/2016
Msg: 110
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 1:18:04 PM
Can anyone define what RIGHT NOW means?
Typically a variant of: "hi im todd. 555-555-5555" and he will send that same freaking text EVERYDAY -OR- if you text him saying: "thanks for the number but i prefer to exchange some letters before talking." He will then throw in a sentence or two about himself and start to whine that he hates writing and prefers to talk, essentially pressuring/guilting you to call him................I feel ya on that..I hate being "forced" to talk to someone when I am in the middle of something..I will do it on rare occasions but I love technology and need to multitask not drop what I am doing to talk to someone who I barely know.. plus texting helps to weed out the jerk offs..because they usually show themselves pretty quickly and some that coveted****pic that us women all love so much. LOL
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 111
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 2:35:13 PM
The ONLY dealbreaker in my world is a woman too shy or clueless to have an actual conversation or simply meet after 3 EMAILS. ONE email per person is usually sufficient.

Any "serious" person (unless a complete newbie to OLD) should have enough sense to 1) have enough info in their bio, 2) have at the very least 2 decent captioned and/or at the very least DATED PICS on their profile and 3) fully realize the "true" danger of having an actual phone conversation with a potential and/or simply meeting a stranger. IF someone cannot figure out what a safe place/time would be they have ZERO business doing OLD.

I met over a 5 years or so span at least 60 women from PoF. EVERY single one, Classy, Attractive, Intelligent and Confident. Confident enough to initiate contact which IS something one will read over and over here. The most successful women catch better fish when they initiate. Makes perfect sense given the Free nature of PoF in particular. Sane men simply won't continue sending out "decent" emails when the rate of return is so low. Unless they simply enjoy typing.

And one other reason I have N E V E R had a "bad meet"/no show? I don't/won't text. At all. There is simply no reason to.

In a city of my size there are plenty of women who WANT to talk or meet ASAP, making it easy to weed out/ignore less serious ones.

I also don't think any "serious" lady would etch in stone some definitive time frame for sex or any other aspect of the Relationship.
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 9/27/2016
Msg: 112
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 2:50:25 PM

i also don't think any "serious" lady would etch in stone some definitive time frame for sex
Perhaps what we have here is a differential between what "serious" is to men versus women. For men, serious is meeting right away to weed out the liars & attention seekers. For women waiting is to weed out the psychos & game players. For me?: My fear for my safety trumps a man's fear of wating his time.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 113
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 3:07:39 PM
OK, i'm not tech savvy. I log here online via a laptop, so if I get Todd 555, its via an email I can delete, not a text everyday. If one is getting this text every day, is that from accessing the site via a cellphone? Sounds like something done by a person who is also busy as "drive by" Todd and conducting OLD just as quick as Todd is. Or i'm missing something. Still, I see how driveby Todd is annoying, and I wouldn't bother to conduct anything else with such a person. Unless of course their picture is hot, but then looks aren't supposed to be important, just personality and Todd isn't showing much of the latter.

waiting a fellow out to avoid the creeps must be working for those ladies who are doing it, and finding the good fellows. Carry on with it.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 114
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 6:38:35 PM

My point was that the more girls are putting out right away, the more guys expect it and have less patience for those of us who take things slower. Whereas in earlier generations, first date sex/ONS were not unheard of, but it was the norm to wait a while longer.



Do you have proof of that? Are there any studies done to prove that people were less horny back in the good old days and were willing to wait until marriage, or is based on watching romance movies from the 1940's and 50's?


I dunno about that...in a lot of those movies, the couple got married after only a few encounters or dates...in the span of a shore-leave weekend or the dates the circus/rock show was in town. I mean pretty damn fast!!! Beyond being a corny plot device ending, it made sense in a old-time way where women had limited choices or exposure to experienced worldly MEN who came from outside of town or their social structure. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to GTFO of town and go somewhere else.

This theme is played very thoroughly in "An Officer And A Gentleman", which is a title with a pun since none of the guys in that movie were gentlemen at all ( by modern definition ).
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 115
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 7:34:24 PM

Perhaps what we have here is a differential between what "serious" is to men versus women. For men, serious is meeting right away to weed out the liars & attention seekers. For women waiting is to weed out the psychos & game players. For me?: My fear for my safety trumps a man's fear of wating his time.


This is why you use common sense. You meet in public places and well lit areas with people. Tell friends and relatives where you'll be and who you are with. Give a picture of the person you're meeting to one of your besties in case something goes awry. You can text and pen pal someone all day but even with that it's not an effective method of weeding out gameplayers and crazies since those types are very unpredictable and crafty.


Typically a variant of: "hi im todd. 555-555-5555" and he will send that same freaking text EVERYDAY -OR- if you text him saying: "thanks for the number but i prefer to exchange some letters before talking." He will then throw in a sentence or two about himself and start to whine that he hates writing and prefers to talk, essentially pressuring/guilting you to call him.


Again if he gives a negative response when you decline, don't answer the email. Delete it. It's your right to decline just like it's his to be forward. I mean you established that you have your own pace that you're comfortable with. The guy hitting you up has his so it just so happens your both incompatible. Just keep it simple.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 116
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 9:00:11 PM

Are there any studies done to prove that people were less horny back in the good old days and were willing to wait until marriage…?


I’m not saying everyone waited until marriage. But there definitely wasn’t the amount of casual sex there is now. I’m sure people were still horny AF, but it was more the norm to at least wait until getting to know someone first. That said, I'm sure the vast availability of internet porn these days makes men even more anxious to rush into it.


What's wrong with sex?
I'm single, I'm not wanting kids, I don't have to answer to the
PTO..why can't I have sex? I mean if you don't want to have it...
fine, but that doesn't make me a bad or invaluable person.

I say bring back recreational (safe) sex!


Nobody said anything is wrong with sex. Or that anyone is a “bad person” for having it. People can have sex when they want. The issue I brought up is that some of us do want to wait longer, but it makes it harder because many men are so impatient nowadays. They can get it without committing to any kind of relationship, or for short-term FWB-type relationships. So a lot of them expect it early on, and that’s just not comfortable for everyone.

No need to bring back recreational sex. It’s alive and well in this culture. And, most intelligent people know how stay safe, but of course that’s never guaranteed 100%.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 117
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 9:36:54 PM
Say, what? Did someone summon the condom lady? Listen up, my peeps: There are only a handful of incurable STI's. Condoms don't do a great job of protecting against two of them (herpes and hpv, aka genital warts).
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 118
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 9:41:15 PM

For me?: My fear for my safety trumps a man's fear of wating his time.

The last time some broad tried to pull the safety manipulation on me, I told her to sit here for a while and I'll leave first, that way I won't be able to follow her home. I don't know what she made of all that because I left. Win/Win. She was safe and I didn't waste much of my time.
 halforhalfnot
Joined: 9/13/2016
Msg: 119
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 9:54:01 PM
How F'ed up do you have to be to type the words, "safety manipulation"?

If you hate women that much, maybe you shouldn't be dating them. Just sayin'.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 120
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 9:59:26 PM
All men get testy when women start talking about condoms.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 121
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 10:08:12 PM

Typically a variant of: "hi im todd. 555-555-5555"

Well, that's a totally different situation than having an agenda to wait someone out for a couple weeks before you set up to meet. Not rolling toward that, like almost everyone else, isn't equal to an agenda to wait it out on purpose for a length of time that ALSO most people aren't into either. Goes both ways (although your example, yes, is weirder).

I feel ya on that..I hate being "forced" to talk to someone when I am in the middle of something

To be fair, I think when one drops their # to ya (weird like that, a little soon, in normal due time, or after pen-paling forever) -- they're not (necessarily) expecting or demanding you call them, like, Now. Regardless, it's still "Whoah there buddy, who are you first?"

I’m not saying everyone waited until marriage. But there definitely wasn’t the amount of casual sex there is now.

Most people didn't wait until marriage to have sex. Like you point out, I think it's more of not having casual sex so fruitfully. Of course, without POF -- that # would always take a hit! :)

That said, I'm sure the vast availability of internet porn these days makes men even more anxious to rush into it.

Or "blow" their anxiety when digging into regularly. :) Socially conservative circles think porn instigates it, which, IMO, just reflects it. If anything, IMO, enjoying easily-accessible porn ends up lowering guys' motivation. One PickUp artist site talks about using porn TO get motivated -- as many guys aren't so motivated to approach women and risk embarrassment & rejection (for every guy you see doing it to you or others, Many more can't/won't) -- but *NOT* to orgasm EVER to porn. Because doing so will backfire (no pun intended). Obviously guys with really High sex drives wouldn't have to be even near perfect at ever self-orgasming to it, but then again, they would already be motivated anyway (which is the point). In Japan, their population is going down. Many guys rely on their computer -- lack of motivation. They please themselves too readily for contentment. I would say it Heeds to many -- for chasing girls which affects relationship-hunting, too.

No need to bring back recreational sex. It’s alive and well in this culture.

It's not as big as it was in the 70s. Condoms were for sailors back then, too. ;) Gawd only knows how crazy it would have been if you plopped POF & Tinder on people's laps back then. ;) But yeah, it's going just fine nowadays, but it's still shunned. I think sex-before-relationship-established is widely accepted, although not so much when it becomes more a recreational activity and not boy & girl clicking after several dates and on their Way at least to possibilities. So I think there's a big difference between mere "recreation" and after-several-dates-when-clicking.

If I'm kissing a girl recreationally, sure, it could be like on a 1st date after drinking -- or meeting a gal somewhere and making out on the dance floor. But I wouldn't call it recreational kissing if it's Date #3/4/5 and we're making out in the parking lot. "Thanks for saying I'm a good kisser. I'm just kissing you recreationally since we're not in a Relationship, " wouldn't really make sense. ;)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 122
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 10:17:27 PM
(Sometimes they just change the subject.)






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 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 123
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/15/2016 10:30:59 PM

For me?: My fear for my safety trumps a man's fear of waiting his time.

The difference between taking your time with someone you've never met off the internet, and taking your time with someone you know is real --- is like the difference between shooting a bullet, or throwing it.

There's nothing wrong with having patience and making sure you got it right - but if you think you can find that out by a few dozen text messages, or even a few hundred - without a single real-life meet - you're eventually going to realize guys will dump you out of sheer stupidity, not just a lack of patience.


All men get testy when women start talking about condoms.

OKCupid has those survey questions they ask about all kinds of categories for dating and religion and sex and whatever. The answers are part of your readable profile, if you choose to share them.

For the survey question, "How often do you carry condoms?"
--- Gets answered "Never" about 85% of the time.
--- "Sometimes" is the answer for most of the rest.

If condoms is truly a concern, they'd be carrying their own. Seems to me, it's more of a way to manipulate the situation by staying in control.

I think it's funny that other survey questions showed that women believe a guy carrying condoms is planning to use them, no matter what. I guess having them in my wallet during Sunday church services or attending a show put on by my elementary-aged nieces and nephews must mean I am truly sick in the head, huh?

Stuff like that just proves with some people, you can just never win - and the main reason why is they are still judging from afar. The fear of showing up isn't always about getting attacked or anything super negative - sometimes it's because they refuse to be proven wrong.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 124
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/16/2016 12:32:11 AM

Say, what? Did someone summon the condom lady? Listen up, my peeps: There are only a handful of incurable STI's. Condoms don't do a great job of protecting against two of them (herpes and hpv, aka genital warts).


That was very informative, thank you.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 125
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/16/2016 10:32:54 AM
^ You are most welcome. And you have very nice manners :)







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