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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?      Home login  
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 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 126
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?Page 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Well if you are carrying them with no date in the foreseeable future I guess I'd call you a dreamer/
When I worked PT at a drugstore we had to put them behind the counter because of all the folks doing the 4 finger discounts.
You learned not to ask " what size?" meaning the amount. Staff would snicker if you said what size box. I swear it was struggle
btw, ppl would buy the darnest things just before closed at midnight = condoms, cheetos and a coke. Party of one I guess
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 127
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/16/2016 5:56:59 PM
LJane wrote:



I’m not saying everyone waited until marriage. But there definitely wasn’t the amount of casual sex there is now. I’m sure people were still horny AF, but it was more the norm to at least wait until getting to know someone first. That said, I'm sure the vast availability of internet porn these days makes men even more anxious to rush into it.


Seems to me there is more casual sex now....but it may seem so to me because everyone in the world is probably getting more than I am. When one's nose is pressed against the widow longingly, it probably makes it seem like more than it probably is. Looking back in my experience, there may be a bit more now than in the 70s through 90s (when I actively dated), but maybe not that much more. I think it's just more out in the open now, with the internet and everything, so it seems like more. Oh, and when you're not getting much...or any.....it always seems like every other living organism in the universe is getting it, from microscopic phytoplankton up to giant elephants and rhinos........while you're not. But when you're getting it, who cares, because you are getting it, and you don't pay that much attention everyone else getting it.

If there is still an average "3 date" rule today though, which seems to be from what I've read here.....I would say that "casual" or "easy" sex hasn't changed much since the '90s, when I last dated actively. Because that's about what the average was then in my experience....maybe even 2 dates. I think the big difference now, though is, it's easier for the average guy to churn through a sequence of 3 date GFs more quickly because of the internet and OLD. I had to go out to bars, and meet through work, etc. real life networking to meet women and get dates. So in my day, there were probably fewer number of "3+ date GFs" due to the relative inefficiency in meeting new people for dating. And so sometimes, you hung onto a GF longer for that reason.


Nobody said anything is wrong with sex. Or that anyone is a “bad person” for having it. People can have sex when they want. The issue I brought up is that some of us do want to wait longer, but it makes it harder because many men are so impatient nowadays. They can get it without committing to any kind of relationship, or for short-term FWB-type relationships.


I think that's true, especially with men who are attractive to women, when you're dating from "cold turkey" i.e., OLD type dating scene. Getting to know someone gradually through work or other social setting, would likely change this because a guy may get to know you a bit better first, and like you and get attached, and be prepared to wait because he knows your uniqueness and likes you as a person.

Otherwise, it's kind of a market out there. All things equal, waiting longer will be a handicap to a woman. Also to a man, I would imagine.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 128
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/16/2016 6:05:40 PM
BBombs wrote:




its coming off like many men just want to push a button on a picture and have these chicks show up naked on their door.


Close, but this is what men really want.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2SkqaCO9c4
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 129
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/17/2016 2:13:03 PM

For women waiting is to weed out the psychos & game players. For me?: My fear for my safety trumps a man's fear of wating his time.


The only ones you rule out, is those not smooth enough to play your game.
Being taken in by a smooth talker doesn't insure your safety, either.



I’m not saying everyone waited until marriage. But there definitely wasn’t the amount of casual sex there is now. I’m sure people were still horny AF, but it was more the norm to at least wait until getting to know someone first. That said, I'm sure the vast availability of internet porn these days makes men even more anxious to rush into it.


OFFS, you're just too young to know what happened in the Seventies & Eighties, before AIDS reared it's ugly head... There sure was a lot of Casual Sex going on in some areas of the USA.

VVVV "Some Areas" was just to stop the , "not in my local", posters...
Big Cities and anywhere Tourists went, for sure..


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTT-Jmi1nOc
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 130
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/17/2016 2:36:55 PM
Agreed, 70s into the early 80s, those were some very good years.

I would disagree with "some areas of the USA", I think it was most if not all regions of this country, and probably the western world. Or maybe you were differentiating between urban and rural?
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 131
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/17/2016 5:08:49 PM

condoms, cheetos and a coke. Party of one I guess

You've never had a snack in the middle of sex? Put a bowl of chips on your partner's tummy? Munched some cookies while eating out? Fruit? Veggies? Drinks? C'mon!!!!
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 132
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/17/2016 6:01:23 PM
No. I guess I need a Guide
I shove cheetos in my face, watching reality TV
Now, a new leather belt
or boots
wandering
off to watch TV
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 133
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/17/2016 7:33:18 PM

I’m not saying everyone waited until marriage.


LOL They didn't wait. Many weddings were planned overnight and the average number of months a woman was pregnant between the wedding night and giving birth? Seven,
 halforhalfnot
Joined: 9/13/2016
Msg: 134
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/17/2016 8:08:36 PM
Apparently my great grandfather had 3 girls in the same small town pregnant. So, I don't think sex was discovered recently.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 135
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/17/2016 9:49:41 PM
condoms weren't either :)

Originally they were lamb intestines. I guess if you only bathe once a month, what does a sausage casing matter?
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 136
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 7:20:39 AM

He texted me saying he is human and has needs and that he doesn't think we are meant to be and should end it.


You two were incompatible from the get go. He was a passive aggressive idiot and you were not ready to be intimate with anyone. You have every right to be upset at him. He has every right to say the above.

If this would have been you and me. I would have tried to kiss you on the first date. And the moment that you would have turned your face to the side (which you would have had every right to do) would have told me all that I needed to know. I would not waste your time, and I would not waste my time. End of story.

Instead Idiot guy kept playing the nice guy with no balls until alcohol revealed his true self. I would rather be the a ss that from the first date shows sexual attraction. Its so simple it's ridiculous, she does not respond, you know exactly where you are and stop everything else and move on.

There's of course a progression. That progression does not follow a given formula, it varies from person to person and from interaction to interaction.

My advice is, if you are trying to date, not go out as little buddies, and you cannot imagine yourself having sex with the guy. Let him go and move on.
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 137
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 9:14:21 AM

LOL They didn't wait. Many weddings were planned overnight and the average number of months a woman was pregnant between the wedding night and giving birth? Seven


LOL! When I was in my early 20's I worked with a girl that was engaged for about a year and actively planning her wedding. Not long before the wedding I noticed that she was having weird food cravings and her wardrobe had changed a bit. After the wedding, she admitted she was a couple months pregnant. Now, mind you, they were getting married before she got knocked up. Her parents did not know until after the wedding, apparently they had not noticed the same things I had. Anyway, I digress...her dad was super sweet and said "you know honey, no one really knows how long those first pregnancies last, might be 9 months, might only be 5". LMAO!
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 9/27/2016
Msg: 138
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 9:51:10 AM
Im an immigrant and was raised very old fashioned. I have never had a one night stand. Never had sex outside of the context of a relationship. My father always told me: "if a man doesn't love your naked soul, dont let him see you naked body".

Dating for me in america has been very hard because its a really sex obsessed culture, but i dont regret sticking to my morals. I tell men right out i do not have sex unless I love them. I let the guys who get mad at this take their leave, the honorable ones stuck around.

Just be upfront with men you believe in taking things slow. Be willing to drop them like a hot potato if they ignore this. That's really all it takes. Most humans understand "once bitten, twice shy". Those who don't arent really great relationship material anyways...
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 139
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 11:20:29 AM

BlasphemousBombshell
I tell men right out i do not have sex unless I love them. I let the guys who get mad at this take their leave, the honorable ones stuck around.

I take exception to your definition of honorable. It is a free country, and you can espouse any definition that you like. But I’m also free to disagree. And you know what? The majority of people in this country, and the western civilized world, happen to come closer to my definition than to yours.

So feel free to live your life by whatever moral code you like. Just don’t expect anyone or everyone to agree with YOUR morals.


InnerGorilla2
If this would have been you and me. I would have tried to kiss you on the first date. And the moment that you would have turned your face to the side (which you would have had every right to do) would have told me all that I needed to know. I would not waste your time, and I would not waste my time. End of story.


+1
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 9/27/2016
Msg: 140
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 11:59:03 AM
Of course people can choose their own ethics, but theres a reason why every philosopher in history highly regarded made commentary that human being is a title for those who attempt to live virtuously rather than as pigs at a trough. As much as some may find that observation repugnant, they too are not lining up to date people with a ton of children, std, or a string of broken hearts, which is a very common result of choosing to place a high value on sex. There's also a reason why studies show the best sex is rated as sex within the context of secure relationships: when someone needs variety to get off, they dont take the time to learn what their partner needs well, they tend to be selfish shitty lovers.

Why would I regard it as wise or virtuous to risk pregnancy and disease for what is most likely substandard sex? Why should I call people who play crap shoot with their genitals some great beacons of morality? And in the end those people who argue me usually agree - no matter how it suits their immediate agenda to say otherwise, if it wasn't true they would have no qualms marrying the town wh*re - but they always do....
 halforhalfnot
Joined: 9/13/2016
Msg: 141
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 12:14:09 PM
It's true that the great philosophers value ethics. But they don't all consider ethical or honorable behaviour the same way you do. Western philosophy has been described as a footnote to Plato, and he was fond of diddling a succession of young boys.

In my personal life, I'm on the same side as you. But I don't need to hold it up as an honorable choice. It's just what works for me. I've known people who are objectively better human beings than I am who have been both more conservative and licentious in their sexual lives.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 142
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 12:53:50 PM

theres a reason why every philosopher in history highly regarded made commentary that human being is a title for those who attempt to live virtuously rather than as pigs at a trough.

Not every philosopher throughout history, nor anything remotely close to a majority, thought that having sex before being In Love with someone, and instead genuinely Liking them, was being a pig in a trough.

Why would I regard it as wise or virtuous to risk pregnancy and disease for what is most likely substandard sex?

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, tho. If you have strong emotional issues against having sex before being In Love, you're likely going to like sex when on a vacation meeting a cute guy, a whole lot less -- whether it be during or after. You Want it to be substandard for most everyone, let's just be honest. It's a cultural pig-in-a-trough thing for a minority of folks, if someone is to meet another on vacation, have a fun time hanging out, and yes -- being physically intimate, and post-vacation be nothing but facebook friends at the most since they live far away from each other, with no expectations of starting a relationship. There was no love, there was just (gasp) Like. But doing that is not about being virtuous or unvirtuous. It's not virtuous that I even go on vacation. Or go to a ball game. Or have a great date. It's only in one's culture or sub-culture that they put a "Virtue" label on sex only-after love or marriage.

One could turn to you and say they are far more Virtuous than you... that they only have sex in marriage AND only to make another baby. Or to not eat fish on Friday. Or not to kiss until you're engaged. Or to refuse to move in with a long-term BF/GF -- even after many years of dating & crashing at each other's place so frequently, and even if it things lined up for both of them in a financially rewarding way. Some people find it Virtuous to follow tradition for the sake of it. Something should have Zero honor or virtue added because it's tradition. Something is not good because it's tradition. Otherwise, nothing would have changed, and women wouldn't be working. Instead, something should become tradition because it's good.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 143
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 1:05:48 PM
The problem with having these sorts of discussions with men is that it's highly unlikely that you're going to get an honest viewpoint. It's the man code to protect certain truths. For example, could you imagine a man saying to a woman "I want you to have sex with me right away, but I'll value you less if you do", even if it's true?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 144
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 3:24:22 PM
i figure if i am asking men here, who i don'y know nor will have sex with - they would give me an honest answer
naive i know
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 9/27/2016
Msg: 145
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 4:28:52 PM
You nailed it whatsamatta baby. Thats why the men will whine and complain they cant find a decent woman and forget all about the many they humped and dumped on their search for the next thrill. They admonish women for being gate keepers and yet none of them excitedly marry the town bicycle. Its why i hold my position no matter what they say. Their actions speak louder than their words
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 146
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 4:38:37 PM
Ouija: What you say makes perfect sense. But behaviour often doesn't, I find.

Blasphemousbombshell: It's nice when people can agree on some things. Now, please may we see a teeny weeny smile? I know it's there...
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 147
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 5:14:04 PM

The problem with having these sorts of discussions with men is that it's highly unlikely that you're going to get an honest viewpoint. It's the man code to protect certain truths. For example, could you imagine a man saying to a woman "I want you to have sex with me right away, but I'll value you less if you do", even if it's true?


Why would I value Her less for having Sex right away? Should she value Me less for the same reason?

If some would call her a Slut, then the other party is a Man Slut, too....


Truth be told, I would value a man less as a prospective partner if he were promiscuous. For a variety of reasons.


Exactly what do you consider Promiscuous?
What if the few ONSs he/she had were not their choice?
How long does a Relationship have to last, to be OK in your world?
Is a Vacation or summer fling, OK?

As in lots of stuff, there is no right or wrong answer to these...
It's all personal opinion.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 148
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 5:22:48 PM
^ Truth be told, I would value a man less as a prospective partner if he were promiscuous. For a variety of reasons.







In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 149
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/18/2016 5:40:29 PM

Why would I value Her less for having Sex right away?

This is another point where women & men are NOT talking about the same thing.

Woman worries that her prospects to be a long-term mate & marriage is diminished if she has sex - fears losing her unique value and last value card to play. After sex, she fears she has nothing valuable enough to keep a man around. She undervalues her PERSONALITY.
----------------------
Man values a woman who has sex MORE because he now has a place to go for sex. Man has not even considered marriage/relationship value - it's a totally separate issue. Once sex has been validated as good, the relationship depends on PERSONALITY.

When women ACT like they're worthless after sex, men pick up on that change in personality and dump them. Why do women stop trying after having sex? Who flipped the OFF switch?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 150
gosh, doesn't the OP have anything to contribute to the discussion?
Posted: 11/18/2016 9:05:25 PM
1) when you buy car insurance, the amount of miles you drive can change what they charge. Not b/c driving more miles automatically means you're more likely to have an accident, but the odds are the more you do something, the more chances you take at it.

2) A person may have "a lot" of partners just b/c they are good looking (ie, opportunities), they are outgoing and date often and people think they must be having sex, or they actually do have sex b/c they grew up on a farm and it seems as natural as the animals doing it every summer. But if they have self respect, if they refuse to let others talk them down or disrespect them right to their face, if they have a lot to offer so they don't run out of things to offer after only a month of dating, if there's always something new to learn about them b/c they aren't shallow...a partner may not really care about their mileage. On the flipside, the "town pump", the "Doorknob" and whatever other terms of endearment, may frankly get that label regardless of their number, b/c they lack self esteem, lack self respect, work a loser job, can't hold their beer at the bar every Friday night, spend their paycheck before sunday morning, can't be relied on for any favor, always take the easy way out of everything, are desperate for attention, would have no "life" or stories to tell if it wasn't for all the drama they create, and on and on and on.

In other words, their mom loves them, Jesus probably loves them, but everyone else is kinda...."eh" about them. no one wants to marry them b/c no one wants to have to carry them and their bills thru life. Sex only covers up their sins for so long. Sorta like that Nickelback song, the singer loves how crazy fun the girl is, but then gets sick of all the good times she wrecks, the times she's passed out on the deck, the times that she's just....well, a loser.
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