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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?      Home login  
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 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 196
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?Page 9 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
One more thought: I knew a man who dated widely and often. His mantra was to get the passion and steamy stuff going quickly. He figured that getting to know someone was just giving time for negative things to be noticed that might be ignored by someone already committed and hormonally craving. :)
ED BEAR
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 197
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/28/2016 7:32:44 AM
ED Bear,


Sounds like he had a good mantra! How effective was it?
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 198
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/29/2016 8:57:56 AM
I wrote:

"just as a reference as to how far women and minorities have come in the U.S."


loveis wrote:

Geez, glad you are so satisfied. I think it has taken forever and still we have taken regressive steps, like recently or with Bush, who derailed us for 8 years.


Yep, I'm satisfied with the progress, though not that I see it as the endgame that we, as a culture, should be satisfied with. You should be satisfied with the progress, and keep fighting. It's a continnuum that will run in fits and starts. Just so happens, we're in a rough patch right now.



We are helpless despite all we do, and get cynical. I'm not a happy slave and never was. But then, we have folks like you who say "look how far women and minorities have come". That is really telling and patronizing, despite your intentions. Thanks for letting us have a few things.


See my above comment. And as for using the term "slave," well, come on. There's nothing out there remotely like that. And I will stand by my comment, because it is true...women and minorities HAVE come very far.....however, in saying that, I don't suggest that the fighting should stop because women/minorities should be satisfied with what we have now. Also what I generally am suggesting is one should not stop living life if one doesn't see the pace of change moving as quickly as one would like. That would be called quitting.

And as always, I will say that my opinions are possibly tinted with the "clueless white guy" colored glasses.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 199
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Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/29/2016 8:59:27 AM

One more thought: I knew a man who dated widely and often. His mantra was to get the passion and steamy stuff going quickly. He figured that getting to know someone was just giving time for negative things to be noticed that might be ignored by someone already committed and hormonally craving. :)
ED BEAR


I wouldn't recommend this approach. I guess it depends on what "quickly" is. 3 dates being the average.....I assume your friend's "quickly" was to go all out on the first date. Most of my past relationships started this way...not that I was that aggressive about it, but alcohol was almost always involved, lol, and sex was always the first priority, vs. assessing compatibility/LT attraction......For someone who is looking for a serious LTR/eventual marriage, I wouldn't recommend it, though. It's a recipe for a serial monogamist or bed hopper. You can waste a lot of your prime dating years doing this, because it IS fun......and end up....with nothing....
 2ufo2
Joined: 8/29/2016
Msg: 200
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/29/2016 10:33:29 AM
^^^
You do end up with memories, a reputation, and, possibly, a few visits to a clinic.
 Dan6308
Joined: 10/23/2013
Msg: 201
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 11/29/2016 11:46:08 PM
It's pretty obvious he isn't as great as he claimed to be. His behavior when drunk was very lousy. Drunk isn't an excuse.
Not apologizing confirms it.

Men don't need to have sex by 3 dates, if they're serious about you. Maybe a bit of cuddling, kissing, etc if they've known you for a while but not sex if you're not ready.

You dodged a bullet
 ripcurl32777
Joined: 2/5/2014
Msg: 202
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/8/2016 9:23:34 PM
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker? yes. unless we had a reason like no privacy someone was tired or sick
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 203
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/9/2016 11:10:34 AM
Dutch is my name after 3 platonic dates...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 204
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/9/2016 2:03:46 PM
"Dutch is my name after 3 platonic dates..."

Dutch should be your name after the first date, if the infamous line "Let's be friends first, and see where it goes" is used. When I'm out with friends, I don't expect my friends to pay my way and vice versa-I don't pay my friends to hang out with me.
 chicasayshi2u
Joined: 11/21/2016
Msg: 205
Is no sex after 3 dates a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/16/2016 11:24:15 PM
No, it's not a deal breaker! Go at your own pace, and only do things when you want to. Consent is sexy, and if he doesn't get it he's clearly not the person you should be dating. I don't think the Op was a gentlemen he shouldn't have carried you to his bed when you weren't ready. The good thing is you were vocal, and you took yourself out of the situation. I know you mentioned in your paragraph at first you did want to spend the evening with him, and it's your body your choice if you change your mind that's perfectly acceptable. I think your actions were perfect!! Tons of guys exist who won't try to rush you, and will go slow with you. Feel free to be vocal about the fact you've been single for such and such time, -and that you want to take things slow. Let the guy know that you want to be the one to imitate kissing, etc. if you don't feel comfortable kissing don't kiss just because the guy does. Give him a hug instead, or whatever you're comfortable with.
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