Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 101
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an IssuePage 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
It's only important to you.
Virginity is no longer a marriage requirement for women, my grandmother told me that when she was young a 23 or 24 year old woman was considered an old maid. Holding onto your virginity was not a huge issue when you were married by 17. That all ended after WWII, more women were heading households and the availability of the birth control pill in the 1960's got rid of most fear of pregnancy.
If this is some tennent of your religion then start going to church more and try to meet other virgins there, if not then it is YOU that must accept other people's disregard for your staunch belief.
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 102
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/14/2016 12:53:07 PM
I agree. No one seems to have an "issue" with it but YOU!

Other people just aren't all that interested in "waiting" for a 29 year old to get around to it, so they move on. You should be happy they weed you out right away, because you are obviously INCOMPATIBLE. They could be manipulative (I think Ed Bear brought that up), but you have been VERY lucky. So, just continue to have your own priorities, and weed out people who are INCOMPATIBLE by advising them you won't have sex.

Unfortunately, that makes you INCOMPATIBLE with most everyone else in a suitable age range.


Good luck with that ... you do know it can dry up and fall off from lack of use, don't you?

I speak from personal experience, don'tcha know.
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 103
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/14/2016 1:35:57 PM

you do know it can dry up and fall off from lack of use, don't you

When I was about 18-19 I worked at a fabric store. I have a vivid memory of an older woman coming in and chatting with me while I was cutting her yardage. She was telling me that she was recovering from surgery. Her vagina was falling out and they had to put it back in. I was mortified! 1) bit TMI with a sales clerk 2) I was young and had no idea that was a thing. LMAO!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 104
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/14/2016 1:57:50 PM
Did they use krazy glue to make sure it wouldn't fall out again?
 Robyn143
Joined: 7/19/2016
Msg: 105
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/14/2016 4:45:05 PM
Plutolover...I did not realize it was a thing until I kept seeing nonstop vagina mesh lawsuit commercials..lol..I had to google what it was. YIKES
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 106
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/14/2016 5:34:23 PM
Use a few clothespins or a potato chip bag clamp. Wear dresses 24/7 and no one will be the wiser.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 107
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/14/2016 7:13:21 PM
It's never too late to do your Kegels, Ladies. (Until it really is too late, by the sound of things.) I remember a nurse telling me after I birthed my large-headed son that you can do them anywhere - even in the line-up at the grocery store. (Kay, wtf?)
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 108
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/18/2016 1:08:52 PM
Why buy the sausage when you can get the pig for free?
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 109
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/18/2016 1:21:23 PM
My sincere and best advice for you Nat is to look for a younger man say 18-24ish who might still be a virgin himself and that is desperate for a green card.
 Lordbenji
Joined: 6/13/2016
Msg: 110
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/20/2016 4:43:02 PM
Let me share what I know, Now these are not my personal opinion, but are "Historical and modern" facts, debate or reasons!

Women who are virgins when they marry are less likely to divorce within five years than those who have multiple partners before marriage. Next least likely to divorce are those who had one premarital partner.Acceptance of premarital relationships has grown over the decades and the number of women who were virgins when they married has dropped each decade since the 1970s — from 21 percent then to 5 percent in the 2010s. Religion seems to explain why women who marry as virgins have lower divorce rates "stated by Wolfinger"
Women who had two sex partners prior to marriage have consistently had higher divorce rates within five years even than those with higher numbers of partners. People with two premarital partners are more likely to divorce than those with three to nine. Only recently has the divorce rate been highest among women with 10 or more premarital partners than among those who had two. But the difference is so slight it's not statistically significant the big story is the finding with two partners, who have pretty much the highest consistent divorce rate. That's totally surprising."It's like in historical romance novels where the woman is agonizing between two suitors. That second one is a viable option."Wolfinger's analysis is based on the most recent trio of "waves" from the National Survey of Family Growth, using nationally representative data gathered in 2002, 2006-2010 and 2011-2013. He looked solely at women's premarital sex partners because "unfortunately, the NSFG doesn't have full data on men's premarital sexual behavior and in any event they recall their own marital histories less reliably than do women," he explained in the brief.

Since 2000, one-third of marriages involving women who had 10 or more premarital partners end in divorce within five years, the report said, but Wolfinger added a caveat. "This is the result most readers of this brief expected: A lot of partners mean a lot of baggage, which makes a stable marriage less tenable. It's also entirely likely that the correlation is spurious, the product of certain personal characteristics. For example, people who suffered childhood sexual abuse are more likely to have extensive sexual histories," he wrote. "Childhood abuse also increases the odds of a problematic marriage."

He added, "This is an extreme example. Most of the time, spuriousness probably has less measurable causes. Some people may just have a high level of sexual curiosity, an attribute that doesn't bode well for a stable marriage, at least since the start of the new millennium."Why having 10 partners is more problematic than three to nine is not something Wolfinger's analysis explained, he said, and few of the women had that many premarital sex partners.


Research has shown that premarital sex impacts marital quality.
Some findings were quite in line with what (Wolfinger's) study found. The number of sexual partners someone had had before marriage was associated with marital quality and a higher number is associated with lower quality across the first two years," said Galena K. Rhoades, research associate professor of psychology at the "University of Denver". She and colleague Scott Stanley explored the impact of premarital experiences on marital quality in the report "Before I Do," published in 2014 by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. People have a higher quality marriage and less divorce if they don't move in until they have made a formal commitment to be together, whether it's getting engaged or married, she said. People who drift along and introduce their partner to the kids who then get attached or who have sex early are more apt to find themselves entangled in long-term relationships that are not a good fit, she said

If you're hiring an architect, a lot of experience is a good thing, according to Rhoades. More
experience in relationships may not be: It means more experience with sex and being attracted to someone else, which "may not be that helpful in monogamous relationships. It also means more experience breaking up."Rhoades noted that "associations are small. It is not the case that if one had 10 or more sexual partners, one is most certainly going to get a divorce. While risk is higher, there may be ways to mitigate that risk. It's not an absolute."

Laumann, Gagnon, Michael and Michaels (1994)
The massive and highly respected (National Health and Social Life Survey), conducted at the University of Chicago, was the first serious, fully reputable study of sexual behavior in America. It found a marked connection between premarital sex and elevated risk of divorce. The authors explain For both genders, we find that virgins have dramatically more stable first marriages The finding confirms the results reported by Kahn and London…those who are virgins at marriage can have much lower rates of separation and divorce
Additionally, "Those who marry as non-virgins are also more likely – all other things being equal – to be unfaithful over the remainder of their life compared with those spouses who do marry as virgins

Paik (2011)
found that females who first had sex in their teens had roughly double the risk of divorce later in life compared to women who had their first unmarried sexual experience in their adult years.He also found that teen girls who experienced their first sexual experience with a young man who would eventually be her husband did not have particularly elevated risk of divorce. However, very few of girls who lose their virginity in their teens end up having only had sex with their husband. The overwhelming majority of non-virginal adolescent girls – nearly all – end up having had sex with multiple partners before marriage, thus increasing their later risk for divorce.Having sex with someone who is not our spouse can have a real, measurable and harmful impact upon later relationships (marriage-relationships) as sex is a full giving of ourselves away physically, emotionally
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 111
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/20/2016 7:38:49 PM
Laumann, et al from 1994 ?!?!
How about something from this century ...

The Journal of Sex Research
http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2016.1144042?journalCode=hjsr20


Has Virginity Lost Its Virtue? Relationship Stigma Associated With Being a Sexually Inexperienced Adult
Amanda N. Gesselman, Gregory D. Webster & Justin R. Garcia
Pages 1-12 | Published online: 16 Mar 2016
Download citation http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2016.1144042
Crossmark

Select Language​▼
Translator disclaimer
Full Article Figures & data References Citations Metrics Reprints & Permissions Get access
Abstract

While virginity prior to marriage has been historically valued, changing sociosexual scripts in the United States have made premarital sexual activity the norm for young adults, with sexual debut generally occurring in late adolescence. In the current research, we examined the impact of being developmentally off-time with first coitus (i.e., not yet engaging in coitus when most same-aged peers have done so). Specifically, we investigated stigma toward sexually inexperienced adults and discrimination regarding romantic relationship formation. Across three methodologically diverse studies we observed that sexually inexperienced adults perceived themselves to be stigmatized due to their inexperience and that sexually inexperienced adults were not highly desired as relationship partners. Even sexually inexperienced adults themselves did not find other inexperienced adults to be attractive relationship partners. Although abstaining from sexual activity may bestow some health advantages, our studies show that being a sexual “late bloomer” may result in negative interpersonal consequences such as limited opportunities for romantic relationships.


Umm, duh ...
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 112
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/20/2016 7:43:29 PM
^^^ It's not about sex, per se....ANY non-standard behavior will set someone apart from the largest group of society.
You can see this play out in every season of SURVIVOR. People who act strange or fail to socialize with others are targeted quickly.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 113
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/21/2016 2:29:16 PM

^^^ It's not about sex, per se....ANY non-standard behavior will set someone apart from the largest group of society.

Well, any non-standard behavior or mentality that would have an impact on any type of relationship, sure. And when you're dealing with sexuality, Surely it will have an impact on non-platonic relationship potential.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 114
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/21/2016 3:06:38 PM
There's a Dating Over 30 thread, but too bad there is no Dating Under 25 thread or something similar, since most of the posters here are older and have been in marriages and relationships, where virginity is all but a distant memory.
 Lordbenji
Joined: 6/13/2016
Msg: 115
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/21/2016 3:22:56 PM
@ gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo ^^^^^^^^
Umm, duh ... So much for Reading, :) I did have something from this century as I posted earlier (2011) from " Paik"

Paik (2011)
found that females who first had sex in their teens had roughly double the risk of divorce later in life compared to women who had their first unmarried sexual experience in their adult years.He also found that teen girls who experienced their first sexual experience with a young man who would eventually be her husband did not have particularly elevated risk of divorce. However, very few of girls who lose their virginity in their teens end up having only had sex with their husband. The overwhelming majority of non-virginal adolescent girls – nearly all – end up having had sex with multiple partners before marriage, thus increasing their later risk for divorce.Having sex with someone who is not our spouse can have a real, measurable and harmful impact upon later relationships (marriage-relationships) as sex is a full giving of ourselves away physically, emotionally

Wolfinger's analysis is based on the most recent trio of "waves" from the National Survey of Family Growth, using nationally representative data gathered in (2002, 2006-2010 and 2011-2013)


I can Include something Posted in 2014-2015
http://www.thefrisky.com/2008-06-02/men-want-to-marry-virgins/
http://www.whatdomenreallythink.com/howto/what-men-think-of-virgins.php
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 116
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/21/2016 3:58:11 PM
^^^ It's worth bearing in mind that the above is being posted by someone barely out of their teens. I wonder whether his mum pours out his Frosties for breakfast?
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 117
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/21/2016 5:33:54 PM

nearly all – end up having had sex with multiple partners before marriage, thus increasing their later risk for divorce

From you rant, I'd draw the OPPOSITE conclusion --- which is that the women who waited were victims of extreme male-dominant control and feared what their husbands would do to them if they even mentioned a divorce, while the other, more experienced women knew from experience that they could bond with other men and seperation doesn't mean your life is over.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 118
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/21/2016 6:57:26 PM
Well, if it isn't a lack of virginity that IS the problem, what IS the problem for all the "problematic" failed marriages on here?
 sticchic
Joined: 11/23/2014
Msg: 119
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/23/2016 7:43:57 AM
Natalie's first post here, referring to what "other people say" about her in dating profiles: https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16548436.aspx

"Are you a man?" "Do you have a penis?" "Are you a guy or a girl?" "Are you trans?" "Sorry if I offend you, but are you transgender?" "Why do you look like a man" "You have very strong features". "Your body looks very muscular you must be a man" etc.
He's telling you what he is in transition!

Like when guys say, "Sorry. I didn't think it was going to hurt you." Yes they did. They are telling you they knew it would hurt you. Or when we say, "Size doesn't matter." Meaning, yes it matters.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 120
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/23/2016 10:27:14 AM

Natalie's first post here, referring to what "other people say" about her in dating profiles: https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16548436.aspx


"Are you a man?" "Do you have a penis?" "Are you a guy or a girl?" "Are you trans?" "Sorry if I offend you, but are you transgender?" "Why do you look like a man" "You have very strong features". "Your body looks very muscular you must be a man" etc.

He's telling you what he is in transition!


You need to ask for a refund from the school where you supposedly earned your Master's Degree. The OP is not a man in transition. She has a strong jawline, yes--- but other than that, she looks completely feminine. She doesn't appear to be muscular in her photos at all---she has tiny little arms, and is in fact, very petite standing next to the men in her second photo.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 121
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/27/2016 9:05:53 PM
Love your new look,, its cute, fun, hip.
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 122
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/27/2016 10:20:34 PM
Interesting...

I NEVER took nude photos for my ex boyfriend or any of my previous boyfriends.

Oh **** off. That was years ago and I am NEVER doing that shit again. Thats for sluts, whores,****, hoes, to do.
In most dictionaries (maybe even all of them) the definition of NEVER _isn't_ "years ago".

The remainder of your statement indicates that, in your own opinion, years ago, you were a slut, whore, ****, hoe since, "years ago" you did send nude pictures of yourself to your SO.


Why can't no man wait it out, to have sex, on marriage night, during the honeymoon when your suppose to do it.
Because orgasms are not a bus you wait for.


Well I've tried those religious dating sites and app's and even those guys aren't virgins
Even religious men don't believe in "immaculate ejaculation".

There is a solution to the problem... look for a horny 18 year old male virgin, marry the kid (a lot of them will do anything to get laid), have sex and then, immediately divorce the kid. That way, you waited till you got married, in addition to that, you made a kid happy and, after the divorce, neither you nor the guys you date have to wait.


Because all guys of today WANT SEX.
The historical record shows that to be the case yesterday, a decade ago, a century ago and even millenials ago. In addition to today, tomorrow, a century from today, etc, etc. Also, just in case, sex predates marriage and nobody waited for the "sex messiah" to tell everyone what they were "supposed to do".


It's not true that ALL guys want sex before marriage,
There are probably exceptions but, that is really a very small pool.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 123
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/28/2016 1:58:09 AM
I would be a little worried about sexual compatibility if I had to wait till marriage. I would be very depressed if I was with a woman I could not please, or she could not please me for the rest of my life. What if you found out your spouse didn't want sex with you at all? That would be truly horrifying imho.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 124
view profile
History
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/28/2016 7:22:29 AM
In all fairness, someone who isn't too good at pleasing either herself or her partner can usually learn the skills involved. I've been an eager student and teacher at various times in my life. All of them pretty happy times.

And I don't care about how my pre-marital sex affects the probability of divorce because I don't want to be married. It's not a deal that I will accept, cash for.. no, I'm not going to use that degrading word just to make a rhyme.

I just finished reading "Sons and Lovers" by D.H. Lawrence, written about a century ago and considered very modern, avant-garde and feminist in its time. It was not in any way "shocking" (as his "Lady Chatterly's Lover" was considered), but more like his "Women in Love," which questioned whether any one model of marriage was right for everyone.

I read those other two books about the time I started University, and they were a thoughtful introduction to how women might face issues of their own desires - without being as limited to purely practical matters as, say, Jane Austen. I had no sisters, and being about two years younger than most of my schoolmates at a time when girls mature sooner than men made it hard to get to know females in elementary or high school. And, yes, I do realize that D.H. Lawrence is not a woman, but he was a good observer and writer of human experience.

So "Sons and Lovers" was a revisit to what I saw a half-century ago - and it brought back to me the disaster that was my parents' marriage, and those of the parents of everyone I knew, and later virtually all my schoolmates who married within a year of graduation. The only people I know today who have had long-term marriages that worked either married later or were on their second or third try. When I read the book, the average age of first marriage was 19, and now it's more than a decade later, so perhaps we've all learned something as women increasingly demanded control over their own lives, and hence education, before marriage or child-rearing.

Lawrence describes a woman married to a fairly despicable brute of a coal miner, and how her second son bonds with her deeply in her tragedy and efforts to make the family work for her and his siblings. He comes to know two women; one hopes for a seemingly traditional marriage where two people share everything and belong completely to each other (Lawrence calls this "a nation of two" in "Women in Love"); the other is a married woman who has left her husband and espoused feminism and independence. In the book's somewhat abrupt but hopeful conclusion, the protagonist decides he doesn't have to accept either option and goes forth to see what else life can offer him, or he can wrest from it.

The ever-wise Charlie Brown (penned by a family-devoted Catholic George Schultz) said it best for me: "Love is what you make it." I say, cut your own deal. One size does not fit all.

So, if you want to remain a virgin until you find a like-minded person, go ahead. It can't be that much harder than trying to find someone who doesn't want to marry.
ED BEAR
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 125
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 11/28/2016 10:18:45 AM

The ever-wise Charlie Brown (penned by a family-devoted Catholic George Schultz)


Good grief.

In the interests of full disclosure and accuracy, it was Charles Shultz who created Charlie Brown.

George Shultz was Ronald Reagan's Secretary of State from 1982 to 1989.(and 3 other cabinet posts before that)
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue