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 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 201
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think it's greatPage 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I think it is great -I don't do casual/sex outside of marriage either, and probably won't marry for quite some time -but there are likely very few men who think similarly. You would do well to actively seek out places, groups, people who do think similarly in order to have more dating opportunities. If you eat kosher, shop kosher -that sort of thing.
It can also be difficult to have light and fun dates if marriage is always the focus -so definitely just focus on having fun, don't have any expectations and see where things go.
There's nothing wrong with showing some affection in non-sexual physical ways when appropriate based on the relationship, either -not sure where you are with that -and there's nothing wrong with giving a few hints as to how things would be should you get married -in a safe manner.
 Groovygirl101
Joined: 10/6/2013
Msg: 202
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/13/2016 10:32:46 AM
First, there is no "supposed to" time to do it. If you don't want to have sex, then don't. But don't believe this nonsense that virginity is a thing or that you are somehow not respecting your future husband by having premarital sex. You have sex when YOU want. Don't want sex? Don't have it. But don't expect men to wait around for that very important part of a relationship.
Being a virgin is not "great" it is nothing. Literally just a descriptor of what you are bad at. A guy isn't "not special" just because he wants sex to be a part of a healthy relationship. He is normal. You can have your belief system of course, but I believe that it is harmful to your self esteem and sexuality to hold virginity as a virtue. Sex has no moral component. It is a natural bodily function and marriage doesn't change that. If you want to deprive yourself of healthy sexual experiences, then that is up to you...but I am surprised that you are surprised that no one is interested in doing it (or not doing it) with you.

Be well
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 203
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/13/2016 11:03:38 AM
^^^I agree with the above. In addition, I would add, don't let a church tell you when is the proper time to have sex. The government, and churches, should stay out of people's bedrooms.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 204
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think it's great
Posted: 12/13/2016 1:08:05 PM

I think it is great -I don't do casual/sex outside of marriage either, and probably won't marry for quite some time -but there are likely very few men who think similarly.

Maybe I'm reading too much into what you spelled-out as "casual/sex" .... casual sex does not equal sex outside of marriage. I say that not on personal taste, but as a point of fact. Casual sex would require a casual relationship at the most between the two, and certainly there are countless relationships as the norm where it's far far beyond casual when they don't have a marriage license... in fact some that are much more substantial and grounded, unfortunately, than many who have been married for quite some time.

Objectively speaking, there is no Substance to holding off on sex until married. Holding off on sex from being had at the drop of a hat due to sexual desires can be natural & good thanks to the brighter side of culture, sure... but it'd be Laughable to say with a straight face that that = no sex before being married. I would say, without hesitation, If one were to believe that (not saying you do, exactly), one would be Lacking in personal values. The underpinnings of such a skewed belief has good intentions, don't get me wrong. And one can refer to a (morphed/hollywoodized image of a) traditional background as their backing. But something bears no fruit of the good just because it's traditional and gives one warm-fuzzies. Far too many people slip into this, via guilt-by-association where there are negative social lifestyles associated with departing from older-school tradition in living. Of course, it's a classic foolish/immature error to have that as any backing, going by gut-feeling that way (false stereotypes).

In a nutshell, holding off on sex until married -- when not rushing into marriage for a sense of social belonging at a younger age or having sex as a motivator -- in and of itself bears no self-worth. It takes the concept of not rushing into sexual relations that is natural to dive in too hastily (like junk food and the like) that good citizens of society have always done even in yesteryear... but it over-cooks the soup, but is easier to preach to society when one Has been married for so long (like a parent to kids; or a minister to the congregation). It's because one believes (and understandably, I guess) that if you over-shame a concept, even at the point where it's natural & fruitful and not shameful, it will make less people over-indulging where it Is shameful. I think as an adult I realized that's done with a variety of things in life... and no, holding off on sex until marriage when one's been an Adult for quite some time already -- bears no more fruit than one holding off on sex until later in marriage until it's time to have a kid years later.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 205
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Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/13/2016 6:16:05 PM
OH FOR PETE'S SAKE,,, KEEP BEATING THAT DEAD HORSE
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 206
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/13/2016 7:27:53 PM
^^or other things.

He does like to hear himself post.
 openrider
Joined: 11/16/2015
Msg: 207
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Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/13/2016 7:33:07 PM
one reason is if the sex is no good the marriage wont last
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 208
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Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/13/2016 7:47:32 PM

OH FOR PETE'S SAKE,,, KEEP BEATING THAT DEAD HORSE

I wanted to hit it up on all angles -- not just pshawing his POV. Sure, I went into grave detail -- dunno why that offended you, though (or maybe the POV got you upset, I dunno).
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 209
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Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/14/2016 10:51:46 AM

First, there is no "supposed to" time to do it. If you don't want to have sex, then don't. But don't believe this nonsense that virginity is a thing or that you are somehow not respecting your future husband by having premarital sex. You have sex when YOU want. Don't want sex? Don't have it. But don't expect men to wait around for that very important part of a relationship.
Being a virgin is not "great" it is nothing. Literally just a descriptor of what you are bad at. A guy isn't "not special" just because he wants sex to be a part of a healthy relationship. He is normal. You can have your belief system of course, but I believe that it is harmful to your self esteem and sexuality to hold virginity as a virtue. Sex has no moral component. It is a natural bodily function and marriage doesn't change that. If you want to deprive yourself of healthy sexual experiences, then that is up to you...but I am surprised that you are surprised that no one is interested in doing it (or not doing it) with you.

This is kind of an almost hidden disdain for virgins, even if they don't hold their virginity as special...isn't it?
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 210
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Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/14/2016 9:28:34 PM
I find it strange that people do not connect attitudes and decisions about sex with how they affect the state of society and the world as a whole. I have not always been responsible, myself, but I knew I was being irresponsible.
It's really not about "you" -it's about the future.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 211
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/14/2016 9:57:42 PM
"This is kind of an almost hidden disdain for virgins, even if they don't hold their virginity as special...isn't it? "

>>>Shew me what issue a person defends to the death, and i'll show you the issue they feel is a big part of their identity. Otherwise why do they fight so hard to prove its the right opinion above all others?

why do people not connect sex with its effect on society? I guess b/c we descend from animals and they don't worry about it--they procreate. If there's too much eating, they die off to numbers that can be supported by their surroundings, Or it could just be, sex is too pleasurable and being seen as sexy is also pleasureable, to a point we just don't bother to see the bigger picture (like we have a great record of that when it comes to the environment). We don't think we're going to get caught at what we're doing or we think science will save us. Like the monkey pushing the cocaine button.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 212
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Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/15/2016 4:58:33 AM

I find it strange that people do not connect attitudes and decisions about sex with how they affect the state of society and the world as a whole. .... It's really not about "you" -it's about the future.

Well, you're in luck for a breath of fresh air, *if* you really care about the future. Millennials aren't having sex as much as those in generations past:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/janetwburns/2016/08/16/millennials-are-having-less-sex-than-other-gens-but-experts-say-its-probably-fine/#450fd5d948fe

According to recent research in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, millennials are less sexually active than their elders from Generation X and the Baby Boom, and with fewer people.

So in a nutshell, the state of the society of-the-future isn't as affected as you may think based on the cultural assumptions, and the attitudes & decisions about sex in this newer generation.

I have not always been responsible, myself, but I knew I was being irresponsible.

I agree, that's an important component that's key for a society. But I do think more people than you may think do know they're being irresponsible. But we tend to be biased about younger generations. When reading about the 70s -- when my parental generation was in their 20s -- holy cow... how dare you guys say "kids these days"? That was about as sexually crazy of a decade as they come.

And I think when it does come to responsibility, one must ask themselves -- how is X not responsible, and Why? If all I have is tradition to go by, or a point that's there "just because" or "come on, it's obvious" -- then I'm running around in circles. In the end, sexual relations when merely not married isn't irresponsible. It can be marked as irresponsible by those who fear it becoming frequent casual sex (don't eat that dessert -- you'll end up like Uncle Jack who's 400lbs!).

This is kind of an almost hidden disdain for virgins, even if they don't hold their virginity as special...isn't it?

I think the line of "Being a virgin is not "great" it is nothing," implies a hidden disdain. But the poster's main point isn't. It's emphasizing that it isn't special, is all. But yeah, because so many who are virgins at least mildly promote it as special, if not more so -- it ends up having some backlash on those who don't think it's special. I think it is indirectly at least Something in a certain way, on a positive tone, when one's in their teens and still called "a kid". And certainly more a positive value (or lack of a negative one) the more you go back in years from there.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 213
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Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/15/2016 5:06:03 AM

Literally just a descriptor of what you are bad at.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 214
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Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/15/2016 5:34:23 AM

Literally just a descriptor of what you are bad at.

Yeah, that is a swipe at it, and is an incorrect statement. One's not a virgin because they're bad at sex. I never played badmitten because I'm bad at it. One could be a natural, who knows. Some people have sex at least semi-frequently and are worse at it than those who are new to it. It is a side-swipe. But the main point that one's not lacking in anything special because they merely have or have had sex -- is very true.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 215
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/15/2016 7:16:11 AM

I find it strange that people do not connect attitudes and decisions about sex with how they affect the state of society and the world as a whole. I have not always been responsible, myself, but I knew I was being irresponsible.
It's really not about "you" -it's about the future.


I find it strange that sex has been elevated to a prize or a statement about world affairs.
Sex is normal. It's not just for making babies. It's not just for married folks. It's something
to enjoy (or not).

Whether or not people want to have sex within a marriage or a committed relationship, it
shouldn't be held as a prize or a reward.

Unless you want it to be, of course.

Just don't expect everyone to share that opinion or to feel shamed because they enjoy sex....
between two consenting adults...whenever the heck they feel like it.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 216
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/15/2016 8:44:27 AM


I find it strange that people do not connect attitudes and decisions about sex with how they affect the state of society and the world as a whole.


I disagree.

I always consider the impact of my orgasms on world hunger.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 217
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Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/15/2016 9:04:19 AM
I followed that link above, to Forbes, about how millennials are having less sex. Here’s something very relevant to all of us here trying to do OLD :



Researcher Jean Twenge, a millennials-expert and lead author of the two studies, told the Washington Post that the prominence of online dating as young people's primary means of getting together is a likely factor in their drooping rates of sexual activity.“It ends up putting a lot of importance on physical appearance, and that, I think, is leaving out a large section of the population,” said Twenge. “For a lot of folks who are of average appearance, marriage and stable relationships was where they were having sex ... [and dating apps may be] leaving some people with fewer choices and they might be more reluctant to search for partners at all.”
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 218
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Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/15/2016 10:48:37 AM
Bowling was something that I never was much interested in, so I knew little about it. One time me and some friends decided to go bowling for the heck of it. I never studied anything about it, never practiced it, never watched it on t.v., didn't know anyone who bowled, etc. Turns out I'm a natural at it. How to swing my arm, step up, slide my foot over behind me when releasing, and the release itself...how I did it just felt like how it needed to be done. From the first time I ever let a ball go, my absolute minimum score has always been 200. Have always gotten 200 or more, and usually well over that. I could get strike after strike, and could pick up a spare by hitting a pin all the way on one side as far as I could go and make it fly over and take out another pin all the way over on the other side. No joke.

As I've said before in here, when I was a virgin I was a bigger stud than many who regularly had sex, and always say that as a test to see if someone can understand it. I was a virgin until 30. I wasn't trying to be, I wasn't saving myself, it wasn't because I was bad at it or couldn't get a woman, and it wasn't because I have any lack of sex drive nor do I have any ED issues.

So take that to the bank and swallow it. Byatches.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 219
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Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/15/2016 4:08:21 PM
I'm pretty sure a good percentage of people see sex as a sort of prize -and are doing their best to win it.

Many of the worlds ills relate to sex in various ways -so morals, ethics -whatever -apply and should certainly be applied.

People are free to think as they will -but virginity is not only a beautiful gift to give to a mate, but those who view sex as a sacred thing not to be shared with many or outside of a marriage can have a much more profound, awe-inspiring and satisfying relationship.
People are free to disagree, but may also not understand what they are missing.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 220
Holding Onto Your Virginity With A Tissue
Posted: 12/15/2016 4:20:59 PM
"Many of the worlds ills relate to sex in various ways"

>>I'd say things like famine and destruction of historical artifacts relate more to war, and war tends to relate to power over oil or water, and these resources relate to wealth. But then oil and water have to do with a good drilling. Unfortunately no matter how technologically advanced we get, we still have our petty human natures.

Virginity is a gift we give once, and we've lost it forever. Our heart is a gift we continuously give forever.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 221
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Holding Onto Your Virginity With A Tissue
Posted: 12/15/2016 5:43:18 PM
Not all -but many -sex and war are also interrelated in many ways.

Virginity is a gift and an honor you can give to someone else -ideally one with whom you want to spend your life -and there are many benefits for both persons and society in this context.
It is not only a physical state. Deep emotional issues are also involved -and the non-physical aspects are even more important.
Faithfulness is similar.
Virginity is really only "lost" if it is not valued.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 222
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/15/2016 6:33:57 PM
nataly66687- Not everyone thinks sex is for after marriage, "when you are supposed to do it" (direct quote from your original post).
We are all expressing opinions, really, not facts.
For some of us, myself included, sex is an important part of a marriage, so we aren't going to wait until we marry and only then find out we aren't sexually compatible.
Still, it's been a while for me because I'm not into casual sex.
However, I don't judge people who are into casual sex because it is their life and their choice.
It really isn't right that some people have told you that your virginity is no big deal for the same reason.
If it's that important to you, do what feels right for you.
You did not mention if you are religious, but if you are, maybe you would have better luck finding a man who thinks like you at church.
If would be helpful for you not to worry about what other people think. Your life, your choice.
Good luck :)
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 223
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/23/2016 12:47:00 AM

There is nothing "wrong" with being a virgin. HOWEVER, being an old virgin is something that most men will regard as a detriment.
In other words, it is NOT a selling point, it is a liability.

People who wait for marriage to have sex, generally intend to get married well before your age of 29. Waiting so long may be a red flag for most guys. They are concerned that you may not enjoy sex, that you may not be "good" at it, that they will have to bring you up to speed, etc.

In other words ... training a mature woman to be a decent sexual partner is not something most guys in your age bracket are looking forward to.

You have to accept that you come with a long list of "qualities" and character traits that are detrimental to your ability to attract a suitable partner:
Won't work,
Can't drive,
Call yourself spoiled,
Call yourself lazy,
Have a self-proclaimed sense of entitlement and wonder why your mom expects you to contribute money to the household,
No education,
Limited interests suited toward a younger crowd (cosplay, concerts, hanging at malls)
No income, except what your mom gives you for doing chores,
No car,
Doesn't like to cook, though you claim you can,
Reliance on social media for support versus maintaining real world relationships,
Propensity to get angry easily and insult people when you don't hear what you want,
A tendency to retreat to a fantasy world of your own construct, where you feel safe,
An unapologetic sense that you can lie to misrepresent yourself in order to support a fantasy view of your own self-constructed reality,

These are all traits you have displayed on boards such as this.

It is not one particular trait that makes you unattractive to men, but your "prize" of virginity, becomes just another liability when coupled with the spectre of a woman in her 30th year who has no ability to function as an independent adult and is nothing more than a parasite looking to move from the mommy "host" to the husband "host." Your inability to see, that in today's world, you are nothing but a mouth to feed, with little more to offer than the "claims" you present in your profile about having good character (don't forget, you showed yourself to be a liar in this thread - not considered a positive personality trait) shows you are also delusional.

Gee, what guy wouldn't want a 29 year old dependent child-woman for whom he is responsible to feed, clothe, bathe (Remember arguing with your mom about regular showers/grooming?), who claims to be a virgin (she's a liar, remember?) and may not want to have sex AFTER marriage, threatens suicide when things don't go her way, has to be completely supported financially and emotionally, needs health insurance (you'll lose MediCal if your husband has a job, because he will be responsible for ALL your bills), expects to be driven around, etc., etc. etc., ...

In short your tote sheet is full of entries in the "debit" column, with no perceptible offsets in the "credit" column.


Well dang. After this, what more was there to say?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 224
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/23/2016 6:20:01 AM
/\ /\ whatever it is, we'll be sure to find it. And fill up space in the meanwhile.

we're good that way.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 225
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/23/2016 7:57:19 AM

OH FOR PETE'S SAKE,,, KEEP BEATING THAT DEAD HORSE


LMAO From every conceivable angle .....................inside and out.............the horse looks dead.
Looks dead, smells dead. PEEEUUU!!!!!

"All I want for Christmas is a new dead horse, a new dead horse, a new dead horse"
We can't keep beatin' around the bush here, we need a new dead horse!

(My apologies to genuine cowboys and cowgirls, may you ride forever!)
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