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 halforhalfnot
Joined: 9/13/2016
Msg: 30
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I don't think the women are any better. Women have far more correspondents, so they often send a minimalist reply.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 31
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/15/2016 7:11:34 PM

Lets get honest: because men play this numbers game we literally have thousands of potentials to choose from, so why bother with the ones that can't put a paragraph together?

Yeah, well good luck on that campaign.

If there's one thing that women hate to admit, it's that they WILL go after something that gets their blood going. Standards be damned. I've seen women be bored to death by everyone around them at a bar - they get a message to meet from a guy on a dating site, turn instantly gleeful, and pretty much have it locked that they will be going home with them that night. -- Long before he even showed up, and long before they both got drunk. Women know that kind of crap works from men, too - it's why there are so many female online dating profiles that don't write out a damn thing.

Guys would rather carpet bomb the entire internet with cut-and-pastes looking for someone who holds THAT kind of interest versus play the passive power and control game that women do by manipulating online and never showing up. And the truth for many of the more mature types is that it really does not matter if sex is part of what happens - it's just the idea that SOMEone 'digs' them enough to even consider the idea. Maybe women do actually think more enthusiastically about meeting someone new -- but that passion stays locked down and buried a LOT of the time. Enthusiasm feeds off each other - but if your are biting your lip and pretending to smile, fearful to relax - you might as well be pounding staples into your forehead while you're at it.

If you are meeting someone with the same inquisitive level and fear of a job interview - you're not doing it correctly. It's supposed to be FUN, not an agenda follower or grocery list checkoff.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 32
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/15/2016 7:16:09 PM

It's supposed to be FUN


An overwhelming percentage of people seem to have missed that memo.
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 9/27/2016
Msg: 33
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/15/2016 10:30:00 PM
That sucks to hear halforhalfnot. I tend to operate out of the assumption that women will be chatter bugs like myself since i own a vagina. Thanks for giving me the kick to the pants i needed to remember that my big mouth is NOT necessarily a representative of how ladies conduct themselves.
 Strider324
Joined: 2/17/2016
Msg: 34
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/21/2016 5:17:24 PM
I have ADD and it results in me dominating conversations, which pisses a lot of women off - especially the ones with ADD.....

So I made the conscious decision to minimize my incessant yacking so she could get a word in edgewise. Further, I learn more by asking cogent questions and listening to the response.
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 9/27/2016
Msg: 35
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/21/2016 5:57:25 PM
^^^ i had to train myself too. Now i realize when i meet people like my young self how annoying i was lol
 Makes_you_laugh
Joined: 1/12/2015
Msg: 36
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/22/2016 12:48:37 PM
You pose an interesting question. Men tend to be lacking in the conversationalist department not necessarily because they are lazy or busy, though that's how men tend to come off, but because men unfortunately aren't very good at elaboration and telling things so the details are vivid and the other person can almost relive the experience. Women are all about details when they are telling you about something.. the time of day, who was there, why you were there, what you were feeling before, during and after whatever event happened. Even the weather and things they saw that day and pretty much every pre and post event detail that led to and out of the event. The female mind is hungry for the details that men don't find of any import. With men it's usually just enough to know what happened without anything extra. Short and to the point. That's how men's minds are. If you ask for details they will most likely not know themselves because they didn't register them because that part isn't important from most male minds. That's a big part of it but even men who are wonderful conversationalists in person will usually have short lifeless messages because they aren't great writer's and they are horrible at figuring out what to type and then you have the ones who are nervous and don't want to say the wrong thing. I mean men on average will get 1-2 messages for every 100 they send,. When they get a response they either try to impress a woman with things they think you will be impressed by which usually makes them come across boring or desperate (if not both) Now after that happens multiple times they get to be guarded about what they say as to not screw up this time. That's pretty much it for the majority of the flat, boring, short messages you see from 99.9% of men.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 37
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/22/2016 1:19:05 PM
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Your point is taken - Ladies are nuts for the details and Guys are not -- and I'm not trying to be a grammar Nazi - but writing a huge block of text like that doesn't support the idea men are 'simple' communicators. Just sayin'.

You used punctuation, which is awesome - but a paragraph break (or a few) would help make that a lot more readable.

I write big blocks of text, too - but I think people really don't want to read beyond the headlines - Men OR Women. Patience has all but evaporated.

It's amazing how many messages do get replies back - and you can tell they didn't even read a word beyond the first sentence.

Poignant and concise writers - even the most gifted of journalists - can't compete with hundreds people that run on a Twitch-and-Twitter level of communicating.
 Makes_you_laugh
Joined: 1/12/2015
Msg: 38
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/22/2016 2:32:37 PM
Haha yea, well despite it being in a block of text my point is no less valid.

Also if you're getting replies that you can tell aren't being read past the first sentence than chances are your message was boring.

No offense intended, I just mean that out of the hundreds of messages women get you didn't stand out and draw interest. Honestly why would women want to read every message when 99% of them are just like the messages other men have sent, every day, since she signed up. A lot of guys don't understand that women have the pick any of hundreds or thousands of the men messaging them so you need to be a cut above the rest.

Be interesting and don't be afraid to let yourself be seen from your conversations rather than stating the list of adjectives that could and, if you look around on profiles, do describe anyone.

Be interesting, engage in conversation, dont spill your life story in your first message, or really ever in the course of a handful of correspondences.

Anyways, I was just trying to shine some light on the subject. If my lack of paragraph breaks kept anyone from reading it well I guess they missed out. This one's a little better.
 matthew832016
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 39
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/30/2016 3:10:49 AM

I put the 50 word limit on my messages, it only applies to the first message (and isn't even that big of a limit), my inbox pretty much died.

A lot of men on POF aren't here to invest in anyone (or potentially invest), they're here to be selfish. IMO.


I encounter that in some of the women I find most attractive; however, when their profile is as barren as a desert in South-Western Iraq, do they really expect us to write a 50-word introductory message to buy their time? I could write a 10- or 20-word message that would show interest.
 thefrancesann
Joined: 5/21/2016
Msg: 40
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 12/5/2016 2:58:48 PM
I have that issue with men on this site and the whole "texting is tedious" line is lame. If you're on the app, you have the ability to send voice messages. Granted it is only 30 seconds, it's still better and easier and texting. I used that feature a few days and what did I get? A stupid message back saying that he was "in chill mode" and that he's an open book so feel free to ask him anything. Thing is he messaged me! I responded to be nice but then it turned into an interview. He didn't do anything to engage the conversation. I'm not Diane Sawyer trying to get a idea of a day in the life of random POF user. After about the third question, I quit. And being honest, most of these men aren't sending messages full of words. It's typically "hey beautiful/gorgeous/sexy" or some creepy crap like that. Or they just write "hey". If I initiate contact (which is rare), I have already found something on their profile to talk about. So I'll point out "that looks like a pretty cool trip that you to Morocco". They reply back "you're cute" and that's it. WTF kind of conversation is supposed to happen from there? I don't know what's wrong with these people on this site but clearly the parts of their brains that is responsible for communication never developed.

What do people expect on a website where you have to text to communicate?
 moonbeamlover1
Joined: 11/10/2016
Msg: 41
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 12/5/2016 9:07:24 PM
my youngest son is cute and charismatic and has been hit in for years but he won't ask anyone out because he knows he is painfully awkward at small talk and what he is interested in is way out of most people's depth. my favorite thing he said in describing why his friends were better at it was that they had smart phones and he didn't... so they could pretend to listen to the person blather on about their day while silently playing video games the whole time she blathered.., it was kind of sad but also hysterical. his definition was listening to s person talk about people you don't know at a place you don't know doing a job you don't care about... for hours.

one time he called me from Germany and tasked an hour and s half about an ancient roman military campaign. while putting three and a half miles of pacing on his friends phone while he talked ;)
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 43
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 12/6/2016 2:38:32 AM
I know what you mean. Right now I'm using Tinder and getting a conversation on there is like pulling teeth. If do get a participation its in the form of one word answers or maybe a sentence or two. Never a complete sentence or thought. I notice whenever I mention to meet or ask for a number, the conversation comes to a complete halt. All these apps just make people socially stagnant or paranoid. At the end of the day its about meeting people not engaging in endless texts or emails that go nowhere.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 44
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 12/6/2016 7:16:46 AM

Here's the thing. Yeah, we don't want to waste the effort getting no response, when that's time that can be spent on someone that actually wants to talk to us.

Want better first messages? Then answer them. Give men a reason to put that effort into you. Don't want us to treat you like a waste of our time??? Then don't be one. Problem solved. But if all of you want to keep pretending most guys don't even exist, then it's stupid to expect them to write this engaging first message when you're just going to look at their pictures and decide they're not worth talking to.

You want to be picky about who you actually respond to, but then expect the majority that you'd never say a word to to take the time to send you this perfect message. That's not how the real world works, princess.


I'd like to echo that sentiment - again.

Most people in here having issues with the way the world works -- usually want the rest of the world to change, not them. It boils down to individual actions that make the difference. Guys DO change up their greeting messages all the time -- but if a short one-liner lands a date, it's what they will use. Trial and error DOES play a huge part in how people decide how to approach. I find an extraordinary number of women in here like to see themselves as a "Princess" or in some way, exceptional -- but their bland profiles, obscure photos, and lack of effort to communicate - is par for the course -- which makes the exceptionally ordinary, not the other way around. Stop believing you are extraordinary if you are afraid to DO anything out of the ordinary.

If you want better communication from your list of potentials, your best bet is to widen your list of potentials -- not get more specific or believe they will 'change' to fit what you want. Trial and error needs to be done from BOTH ends of that first communication to get it right -- because there isn't a cheat code to this kind of video game.
 ANewBeginningStartsHere
Joined: 12/3/2016
Msg: 45
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 12/6/2016 9:49:51 AM
I've had many women in the past respond "LOL that's a lot to read"

So I've gotten tired of typing a lot...

You really can't win here... but hey, whatevs! :-)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 46
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 12/6/2016 11:01:47 AM
do,does.do, both
Should set that down to music
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 47
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 12/6/2016 11:24:07 AM

Stop believing you are extraordinary if you are afraid to DO anything out of the ordinary.


Speaking of out of the ordinary....

A couple of weeks ago, I ran UP a down escalator at a mall, and beat people to the top who were on the up escalator and started up at the same time as me.

And I'm 60.

That's sounds out of the ordinary, so I will continue to believe I am "extraordinary."
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 48
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 12/6/2016 11:30:48 AM

do,does.do, both
Should set that down to music

 lucidbarrier
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 49
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some women?
Posted: 12/7/2016 11:46:32 PM

Why do guys bother to keep messaging you if all they want to do is give a few word answers? I have noticed a real upsurge in the amount of messages I receive from men who try to keep conversations going with the least amount of effort possible. I am not expecting a sonnet but if you ask me a question, please can you put some enthusiasm behind your words!


People have lives and usually are engaged in doing something when you text them. I was recently texting with this gal on here and it was dry and boring. Not only that, I was at a bar playing poker with a buddy and we were having a good time. I did my best to multitask and keep it going but there was nothing to the conversation. I've had both good conversations and bare bones conversations on here. I've often had to look up abbreviations because I had no idea what they meant, like "WYD", "HMU" and all these other terms. It's not just guys doing it.

Sometimes there just is no chemistry and you don't hit it off. It happens. Others are just better in person than at texting. There are some strange people on POF too. I don't know if it's just me or not, but I've attracted some really weird people. Even if you gave them a Snickers bar, there would be no good ending to that date.
 lucidbarrier
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 51
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some women?
Posted: 12/8/2016 9:45:35 AM

Seriously what are you supposed to respond when a person (male or female) responds consitantly with LOL or Oh OK... you ask what they are doing? The answer comes back "oh this and that". You ask what films they like "Oh anything really"...

Its not a case of one person keeping the conversation going. Its a case of there not being anything to respond to and it getting very dull very quickly.


I think there was this whole societal shift towards being aloof and noncommittal. You are not supposed to act interested, because that comes off as clingy or creepy. Having feelings is a bad thing, you don't want to get caught having feelings.

Women can also get their attention needs met virtually instantaneously now. You used to have to call someone and spend time talking to them to get your attention needs filled. Now they can get all that attention from many people on Instagram, Facebook, that Snapchat thingy, etc.
 moonbeamlover1
Joined: 11/10/2016
Msg: 52
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some women?
Posted: 12/8/2016 3:02:50 PM
the thing is... saying what I'd preferred is not the same as whining about who is heard from. I put the fifty word requirement for an initial message because if I can't have conversation with someone we won't be a match and I prefer local but otherwise I don't care if they are 5'5 or 6'10 a mechanic or a ceo

I don't first initiate ever either. but the thing is? I hear from people who talk who are not too insecure to reach out.. which is who I personally prefer to talk to... so why give grief over the supposed making things difficult for myself? it doesn't... it just excludes people I wouldn't fit with... and those who can talk about things and are interesting I love the novels if it is what they are about and I will do one back. though if it's just a few sentences but they show passion about something it shows whether it's a few sentences or several paragraphs. I like knowing someone can express themselves..
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 53
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some women?
Posted: 12/8/2016 6:29:24 PM

I don't first initiate ever either. but the thing is - I hear from people who talk who are not too insecure to reach out.. which is who I personally prefer to talk to...

Why do people believe because they are not talking specifically to THEM - that they are too insecure to reach out?!? That's a bad assumption. Sure, some people try sending ten messages and start crying - but I've been at this for years, sending dozens of styles of messages to women of all kinds, changing my profile sixteen ways to Sunday -- and frankly, I'm tired of nothing, nothing, nothing.

Moonbeam - we are in the same metro area and roughly the same age group... My profile preference has that question about dating a BBW/Few Extra pounds type checked "No" - so when I do a search in the area, you essentially do NOT exist. That won't change no matter how many hundreds of messages I send. I have to make the conscious choice to change my profile preferences and regulations - I need to change who I decide to pursue and approach - for that to change. Will I change it? Who knows? I may never decide to do so, or I may do it tomorrow.

I alone am guilty of placing that barrier up - nobody else. I have to accept that.

Some refuse to date a smoker. Some have 50 or 100 character limits on their emails. Some have age ranges and body shapes and income requirements. Some refuse to send a message until someone sends them a note 'worthy' of a reply. All of that stuff means we are setting ourselves up - maybe not for failure -- but for very, very limited success.

There's nothing wrong with searching for what you want -- but realizing the limits you've created ON YOUR OWN is something a lot of people want to pretend is never a problem.

Why should judging online behavior / actions be any different? Maybe someone in here isn't sending messages because they are tired of dead ends in POF and are searching elsewhere - but would love to hear from you. Why can't someone send just a one-sentence message to prove they are TRULY interested? Some people are lovely talkers and conversationalists - but have dyslexia or arthritic fingers, so texting is flimsy at best.

The fun part about guessing or judging people by their lack of effort and communication online - is that you are never 'wrong'. You can't BE wrong - if you never try to prove the truth. Assuming stuff without proof is once again something we do ON OUR OWN that can't be blamed on the masses out there yet to be heard from.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 54
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some women?
Posted: 12/8/2016 7:02:58 PM
^^ seriously
Doubt if she would spit on you if your hair was on fire
and SD, sad truth, you are chubby
You slag others missing the pieces, but you chose Moon to insult..
mistake
 moonbeamlover1
Joined: 11/10/2016
Msg: 55
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some women?
Posted: 12/8/2016 7:11:02 PM
s d I had forgotten we were the same area and for Gods sake I never in a million years am arrogant enough to think someone who doesn't approach me is insecure. if you actually think I believe that you have been reading nevWAY wrong.

I like people who approach period and I don't want to be faulted for supposedly constraining my choices because I don't write firs.

there are many people who won't write me first because of my build as you say you are one of. I have an equal number of people who reach out because of my build and those who write in spite of it. I have zero problem with people who want athletic build .., more power to them. I totall respect that... preferences are preferences for s reason. I have never given it s second thought that you never write because I separate forums from posting and in here people are people not men women. but when someone writes an incredibly crass profile warning people not bothering them if they are extra and then write an incredibly hot to trot email to me because they see the person and not the supposed build flaws... I won't respond because if I am not supposedly good enough to reach out to someone because if s perceived physical flaw or failure to comply from s preference... I don't want to hear from them when they initiate. I respect those who stick to their preference and aren't a hypocrite about it.

and trust me in the twin cities? as you probably know ( or maybe you don't.. I only know my experiences not everyone else's) there are s WHOLE lot of people who prefer curvy who are good with reaching out... more than sometimes I can deal with.. it is just one preference... but I know it isn't for everyone .. and I know my face some think is pretty and some think is bizarre... people are allowed their own opinions so why on earth would I would assume I should float everyone's boat who is worth dating? That's hysterically vain and I am half Norwegian. Pride is s cardinal sin. some think I am ok and some don't. I would never in a million years fault anyone who doesn't write .. for whatever reason,

if you read mine as being directed at you and assuming I believe I am the be all and end all snd only stupid people can't see the wonder that is me?

you are way misinterpreting what I am saying. they have to know how to converse... be comfortable at reaching out rather than being passive AND they have to actually like what I am physically. if one of those is missing I don't want to hear from them. no harm no foul. I never gave a thought to you not writing but if you feel I should know on a public forum that I am too big for your filter to ever initiate with me cool you have let me know i am too big for your filter. and that you are confident.. I don't remember ever saying otherwise but hey. more power to you for setting me in my supposed place ;). have a nice day ;)



oops ouija snuck in. hey thanks but it's alright. if he needs to insult me to feel better I can take it. I am a big girl ( wait that is my supposed fatal flaw... lol. ah well .its all good but thanks for the kind defense ) ;). you are a sweetie

snd I happen to like my build so if someone wants to insult me on it whatever gets their rocks off .. ;)

 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 56
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 12/8/2016 8:47:33 PM
These men are probably playing games, dont want to reveal too much about themselves online but if they dont respond to your questions when you have given them some information, then move on. Men who are articulate, social and intelligent are out there getting women in real life, I would suggest.
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