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 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 24
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Has Your Outlook Changed? meh...Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I saw Soul Crushing Despair open for the Who at the Felt Forum in 1982.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 25
Has Your Outlook Changed? meh...
Posted: 11/27/2016 5:43:59 PM
^ Is it a colouring book? (Kidding!)

The best thing that happened to me this year was a dear loved one beating a drug addiction. I've always felt that is the most difficult thing a human can accomplish.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 26
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life change:outlook change, chicken or egg?
Posted: 11/27/2016 7:32:51 PM
(hope aintnodeal doesn't mind detouring the thread)
Not a problem. What I'm reading is that in general, Forum-ites are not here by accident, or as Millenials would say "I saw a post about random stuff, for no reason".

People here have a purpose - be it company, intellectual dueling, genuine relationship advice, or 'just chillin' until they feel ready to go out and meet people again. I came back here due to a lot of things blowing up in my world - I thought this place would have a lot of predictable banter and responses...stuff I could use to RESET my emotional/intellectual center. I found out a lot of the lingo had changed, and I wasn't up to date. People are still DOING the same things, and they are still CURIOUS about the same things, ASKING the same questions...but the lingo has changed and I'm not hip to it.

I had some big expectations of 2016 and my house of cards collapsed almost immediately. Now I'm thinking of 2017 and whether to set up some expectations or just take a seat and let it pass, inactively.
 pfif
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 27
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life change:outlook change, chicken or egg?
Posted: 11/28/2016 8:12:45 AM
GTO: neighbor! I have people near you (S. Glastonbury,
I think). That old pensioner was a great neighbor. He
had a kind face, and a kind word for anybody.

What's responsible for the face-lift of downtown Tee-town?
Well, lithography works for me -- it's cheap now, to get
first-class promotional materials printed. Our web site
is pretty useful, and gets regular updates. They widened
the sidewalks (I don't know if you've seen them, yet).

. . .

Cynthia: I'll give this a go. Happiness, hm? Let's see.


A person goes through the first part of life, wondering
what others meant by the words that they use
. They pretty
quickly converge on reasonable definitions for the
1,000 most commonly-heard utterances*. In this (USA) culture,
we have Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. To me, merry
is closer than happy since nobody bothers using merry
and it just feels right. I think of a bearded king
eating a big leg of mutton, laughing at table -- the
afterglow of a good hearty laugh: that's happiness.

That's what it is, to be merry.

Love is obsession** so it isn't happiness, but happiness
is frequently felt (especially when the obsessive thoughts
subside, as when one feels secure in love). Security is
its own domain, of course, and is probably modeled on
basic safety (probably: from other predatory animals, and
from violent weather, foul air, the smoke of a forest
fire .. and sand storms. Locust swarms. Angry robots. ;)

Thanks for the detour!
________
*author Steven King threw out that number: 1,000 -- misused here. ;)

**biological anthropologist Helen E. Fisher, Ph.D. (Rutgers) --
paraphrased; There's a TED talk on this, from her.
Feb 2006 Monterey "Why we love, Why we cheat" (23:23)
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 28
Has Your Outlook Changed? meh...
Posted: 11/28/2016 8:22:26 AM

2016 for me, in this exact order;

Dumped by girlfriend,
Mum diagnosed with cancer,
Became a POF member,
Mum relived of cancerous tumour and given 'all clear',
Got job,
Quit job, as the entire show was run by a bunch a$$ holes,
Published the book I've been writing for nearly two years,
Advertised my book in the local newspaper - All the more excited by this one, as the Ex gf didn't believe I was capable of writing a book, and I know she reads the local newspaper. A nice middle finger there :) (I'm subtle, but sweet!)
Been asked to do presentations about my book at local history societies.

Now to venture forth to my 23rd birthday, which will be no different to any other day on the calendar.

Hurrah for 2016! (Says sarcastically, with the exception of only my book!)




Congrats on the book! I'm sure with your newfound fame you'll have no prob landing a replacement girlfriend. Now was your book self-published? I'm working on a book myself and I'm looking to get that published next year.
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 29
Has Your Outlook Changed? meh...
Posted: 11/28/2016 9:21:28 AM
For the most part 2016 has brought me inner peace. I think I have a better outlook on what I'm looking for, what my needs are, what to expect, and hopefully how to go about achieving it! I no longer feel like I'm searching for someone. If I find them, great, if not, single life has become enjoyable.

In my personal non dating life, my daughter graduated high school and headed to Chicago for college (I'm in Seattle). My son started high school. 4 short years and my parenting of kids at home will be over. My job feels pretty secure, I've been here over 9 years. My friendships are strong. Looking forward to finishing out this year and seeing what wonderful things 2017 has in store!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 30
life change:outlook change, chicken or egg?
Posted: 11/28/2016 9:23:05 AM
Ah, yes, South Glastonbury...unfortunately a local town I know only from driving thru it :) I've explored the Welles Shipman House, http://www.hsgct.org/WSWHouse.html, now I need to cross off the list riding the ferry http://www.ct.gov/dot/cwp/view.asp?a=1390&Q=501574

Simon, your post reminds me of the old joke, "besides that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you find the play at Ford's Theatre?" I think happiness is like love, we all have to find our own version. We might not be able to reach the perfect definition, but if we can find a version that fits us...what's wrong with that?

Manwhile, best of luck with the book. In the age of YouTube videos and Kindle, I think there's still a place for paper stitched together. Perhaps half the traveling I did in life, was thru a good story.
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 31
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Closing Out 2016 - Has Your Outlook Changed?
Posted: 11/28/2016 6:58:44 PM

Has Your Outlook Changed on your dating situation in general? Have you decided to play a different strategy in 2017?


Outlook hasn't changed. Still don't expect to find any messages in my inbox. The only change I am trying to make is to sound like a douche bag. Perhaps that might improve my odds.
 moonbeamlover1
Joined: 11/10/2016
Msg: 32
Closing Out 2016 - Has Your Outlook Changed?
Posted: 12/1/2016 12:43:33 AM
So many things to comment about... I guess I will just hit a few.

Ladyinred.. I guess I should say congratulations on your paid celebration?

Henry keep the hope alive

congrats to the finger waving author

prime ribb nice list there

moon lol on the soul crushing despair comment.

OP

this is an interesting thread and I agree . I was off this site for ages and out of forums I don't know a year and a half or something? in the past year I have done way too much travel... dating strike.. dating relationship with it turns out a massive chain smoker who gave me pneumonia... got asked my permission by my daughters boyfriend to ask her to marry him.. learned a new incredibly interesting concept ( the attachment theory is really eye opening) ... watched a new Star Wars come out... found a new obsession ( Marco Polo) become a medallion flyer because of way too many trips and done a lot of watching listening and self reflection too. and in the wake of the election I have seen awareness on things that before were less exposed... and firms and public striving to make sure that value respect and diversity are celebrated... even while some fear the opposite happening.

I was trapped in s demonstration ( luckily not hurt) and come across amazing inspirational people.

I look forward to 2017 even though my month coming up to it I will be Michigan ( this week) St. John's ( next week though not complaining in that one lol) Phoenix the next week after that and Miami the last week... so maybe in 2017 I will not wake up in my own bed and wonder what time zone I am in ;)

cheers and good luck to you all in 2017. may all your hopes be fed your emotions treated gently ( or fed) your appreciation developed and your outlook s rosy one ;)

cheers

moonbeam

I hope next year will
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 33
Closing Out 2016 - Has Your Outlook Changed?
Posted: 12/1/2016 7:21:26 PM

moon lol on the soul crushing despair comment.


Muchas gracias, senorita luna lover.

Welcome back.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 34
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Has Your Outlook Changed? meh...
Posted: 12/1/2016 7:52:28 PM

Mum relived of cancerous tumour and given 'all clear'


Two big thumbs up.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 35
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Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/4/2016 4:00:25 PM

...so how has 2016 treated ya...?

Well.......for me, not so good. For some reason....2016 was the year it dawned on me that I'm only content ...not really that happy.....with my current LTR. After some self examination, I really believe I've been only going through the motions for several years. Trouble is, it's not horrible enough to make the decision a no-brainer. I wish it was. Plenty is good. The passion is long gone, though. I'm having trouble making the distinction between a LTR that's really in trouble vs. one that's OK but where expectations of much passion are unrealistic. After a lot of online research about relationships, and learning a lot here, I'm still on the fence about what to do. Also learned that there are plenty of couples in my shoes. But I may just be in too far to do anything constructive about it.

Unfortunately, I'm leaning towards more risky actions to add some passion back to my life. Testing the waters, so to speak. We'll see what happens in 2017. My problems are a bit different from most of those here.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 36
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Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/4/2016 6:34:36 PM

Unfortunately, I'm leaning towards more risky actions to add some passion back to my life. Testing the waters, so to speak.


Are you still in your current relationship? You are going to fried when the regulars show up.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 37
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Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/4/2016 6:35:30 PM
double posted
 Dili_gent
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 38
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Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/9/2016 6:42:26 PM
How has 2016 treated me?

After being diagnosed, and in the process of being treated for Cancer. A pisser, and enlightening. Did not know that more people died of cancer than heart disease.

After reflecting on many different issues, I am surprised by my perspective. I have heard others saying, live life to the fullest, every day is an adventure. But, I don't feel that way. Now I wonder what those people's perspective was before. I don't feel that way at all. Some say they place a high value on each minute of life, but I wonder if they wasted so much time before.

I'm no rocket scientist, or multimillionaire, but for the most part I'm OK if things end soon. I've made mistakes and had successes. And in a strange way am generally accepting of how things have gone in my life.

I do tend to watch people who waste a lot of effort putting on a fake front and feel sorry for them. Because, It seems to me that if they were in my situation they would be really upset with themselves. I hope everyone can be "real" with themself and everyone they deal with. Not being honest with yourself is one of the worst ways to waste your life.
 moonbeamlover1
Joined: 11/10/2016
Msg: 39
Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/9/2016 8:05:32 PM
dill gent
I am so sorry for your tough news and I agree with your appreciation for the moments and your desire for others to not waste things of true value... because moments are precious... whether someone has tens of thousands of them left or only a few hundred.

it is never too late to look for the magic in life. make each minute count and zealously guard your time for things and people who bring you joy or peace. I am in St. John's right now snd had dinner with a woman also traveling by herself who was celebrating her birthday alone. and dinner was with a stranger she met yesterday on the ferry over to the island... but it was a blast. it can be walking in a snowstorm in the middle of the night where the snow falls so thickly the silence is almost loud. it can be a song you associate with a powerful memory. it can be the hug of a small child or petting a beloved dog or holding a loved one.

last week I visited my relatives in Michigan after being with clients for three days... and my cousins husband had early Alzheimer's and was just diagnosed with melanoma... but she described their relationship perfectly... their relationship was made up of a lot of wonderful moments. it was far from perfect and things were stressful... but they found ways to connect and bring each other joy when they could... and that is what they focused on. they are beautiful together... even though things are incredibly tough.

you have amazing moments left. a ton of them. find them... celebrate them. appreciate them. the more you find the easier it will be for you to open yourself to the magic.

your life is not over. live it now. and celebrate it. it can still be amazingly good.

hugs
moonbeam
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 40
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Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/9/2016 10:32:20 PM

I'm no rocket scientist, or multimillionaire, but for the most part I'm OK if things end soon. I've made mistakes and had successes. And in a strange way am generally accepting of how things have gone in my life.

I understand this. I had fairly modest goals in life, didn't take the standard path, and glad I didn't. Completed my soft-set of goals, very much to my surprise. Had some rough times and good times. All seems square for the most part. In the last few years I've had a few trips to the hospital, and in each case, it was some unfortunate 'glitch' in being alive where something physical just went out of wack for a day and immobilized me - in each case, the meds found no specific cause and had no recommendations.

In the middle of the year I was evaluating what I would choose to be my goals or purpose in life at this stage. Wasn't about things I'd chosen NOT to do - but what about what I would decide TO do. Haven't figured that out yet!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 41
Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/10/2016 8:36:03 PM
" I have heard others saying, live life to the fullest, every day is an adventure. But, I don't feel that way. Now I wonder what those people's perspective was before. I don't feel that way at all. Some say they place a high value on each minute of life, but I wonder if they wasted so much time before. "

>>>growing up in the countryside with few peers to play with, I spent more time around my parents' friends, more than a few getting cancer from two popular things in the 1970's, cigarettes and suntans. The converts to "live life to the fullest" tended to have something to say to young little me, basically along the lines of "live for yourself, don't try so hard to please others". So, I agree with your sentiment, they seem to be the people who didn't know what they wanted but tried to chase the rat race, "the" dream rather than their dream, and tried to make others' happy.

not to knock how they lived their life. That was their choice, and lucky for me I learned at a really young age to do the things I enjoyed. Whether I did what I liked or what people wanted, they still ignored me, so why not be happy instead? :)

still, I figure the worst thing that can happen is be told how soon you'll die--that's a loss of innocence and the idea that life is fair. Sexual assault is a close second, and coming home to find your house burgled and that its not safe is third. not to go off on a tangent about breast cancer, but there's two interesting viewpoints on groupthink about survivors and how to fight cancer.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/02/cancer-positive-thinking-barbara-ehrenreich

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nancy-stordahl/breast-cancer-awareness_b_2012029.html
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 42
Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/11/2016 7:51:16 AM

growing up in the countryside with few peers to play with, I spent more time around my parents' friends, more than a few getting cancer from two popular things in the 1970's, cigarettes and suntans.


This reminds me of when I was a kid and sometimes being around my parent's friends who mostly smoked, because at that time, smoking wasn't considered that bad, and how can you argue smoking is bad when you see the Marlboro man on TV commercials who looks cool and fit as he's riding his horse and smoking, or other cigarette commercials showing a group of good looking people who are partying it up and having fun while smoking (lol). Anyhow, I remember them telling me a few times "Don't take up smoking. It's bad for you", as they're puffing away on a cigarette. So I would say to them, "Then why are you smoking?" They would say they are not able to quit, which didn't make any sense to me at the time, since I was too young to understand the concept of addiction. But they saw nothing wrong with smoking while being around non-smokers.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 43
Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/11/2016 10:24:50 AM
oh, my father was great at the "do as I say, not as I do" school :) And he taught sometimes why not to do things, by doing them and I witnessed the results. I was discussing this with a friend yesterday, as a kid I didn't get to watch Saturday morning cartoons (unless my mom dragged me off to the barber, who had the TV on) b/c my father would wake up early no matter the weather and it was, "let's go fix something" or build something or whatever. Learn how to weld together a tool to hold logs so they can be cut easier, etc. If anyone came by the place to repair something, my father would ask."do you mind if my kid watches and fetches tools and whatever you need?" Thankfully most said yes.

meanwhile I was reading an article on Christmas parties for millienials. They are used to just showing up whenever and hanging, so they have to learn sending out an actual response not a post on FB, how to RSVP, how to show up on time and not stick their nose in their phone and kill conversation. So, they had to learn how to party like their parents, including drinking without binging, smoking politely without being a jerk to others, accepting an Uber ride if you had too much and not ducking out on reimbursement if the host covered it for you.

in some ways, we live in a new world that introduces us to new ideas. In other ways, we should look backwards to successful times to learn how to do things successfully. Sometimes, change should not be for just the sake of change.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 44
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Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/11/2016 3:33:56 PM

growing up in the countryside with few peers to play with, I spent more time around my parents' friends, more than a few getting cancer from two popular things in the 1970's, cigarettes and suntans. The converts to "live life to the fullest" tended to have something to say to young little me, basically along the lines of "live for yourself, don't try so hard to please others".


I can attest to that fully. A few of my parents friends had kids. But they lived in town. All would envy me because I lived in the country. Few realized that mowing that lawn with a riding mower was still an all-day event. A nine year old driving a full size farm tractor was impressive. Except that sitting on that d*mmed thing for 8 hours, cultivating corn at a walking pace was no picnic. Baling looked like a sport until you wrestled with 400, 80 pound bales- twice in one day. (once on the wagon, once in the barn) Feeding critters, milking, was part of chores. Done every day, no such thing called a holiday there. Those superseded social events in short order.

I learned to enjoy when time allowed. If no one was available- I amused myself. That motorcycle in the shed was ready to be my best buddy when I had the chance to get on it. Friends tend to cut you out of the loop when you aren't available on their time.

Socializing changes. It becomes a slippery slope when you aren't aware of the changes. Few are willing to take that into account when you do have the time to do it. They get annoyed, you wonder why. Then you're on the outside looking in. Rather than do that, it's better to become self amusing, and ignore the rat race.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 45
Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/12/2016 7:42:35 AM
Roger that--except I only had an acre to mow, and the neighbors I did about the same size of land, so it was the ol' Gravely walk-behind yard tractor, once my father figured I was old enough to not kill myself with it (thankfully you could adjust the nuts on the shafts working the transmission so you actually could prevent it from locking into reverse. Nothing was going to stop those wheels from turning, you stumble, you bench press that sucker before you get your toes clipped by the 30 inch blade). But sitting on a slow moving tractor all day (we had a model 40 JD) is not a Cadillac ride, and you're in the sun all that time. Never understood the shift pattern on those things, the gears seemed randomly placed. And yes, cow farmers don't get to take winter off. but boy did the city kids think it was cool you had a "pet" goat or whatever.

And friends do cut you out of the loop if you aren't available on their time. Luckily they grow up out of that (yeah BS). it does teach one to become a mensch. And if you join the military, the city slickers laugh at the lack of style and worldliness until its time to hit the rifle range or go spend an overnight outside the barracks. Then let's see who shines.
 You_missed_out
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 46
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Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/12/2016 3:49:47 PM
2016......well........where do I start?

It started OK, then in May my 15yo niece hung herself due to the homophobic abuse she was subjected to daily. then in June I started work at a local vehicle repair shop which burnt down about 4 weeks after I started. Mid October we found out we were going to have child #4 Then in November i found out by text that my partner of 15 years had cheated on me and had left me for another woman.

all in all, a fairly bittersweet year. To be honest, I think this year has been the result of too many time travelers coming back to fix it and just broke it more
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 47
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Closing Out 2016 With A Scarred Back
Posted: 12/12/2016 4:19:41 PM
^^^^ I like your theory. End of last month was kinda tense for me, so in December I started wearing a small totoro on a chain as a "animal companion" to keep me mellowed out. I decided not to make a deal of it, just put it on and allow myself to vent nervousness by holding it. To my surprise, three people at work actually knew what it was.

You do what you gotta do.
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