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 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 347
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?Page 6 of 44    (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44)
Unless he is actively trying to conceal his presence on the internet than I think someone is deluded that the guy is in a relationship.
 loves being tickled
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 349
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/24/2006 4:47:06 AM
I think that men and women have different opinions as to what relationships are. If you have just been dating a couple times a week or month he might not consider it a relationship...just casual dating. This is true even if you have been dating awhile or having sex. I ruined a chance at a relationship with a great guy for this reason recently. I have regrets but at least have learned a lot. A man will feel pressured if he feels you are trying to lasso him into settling down. You have to clearly let him him know what you expect from the dating, but do it in an unpressured way. if he doesn't want more than casual dating then it's up to you as to wether to stick around or not. The best thing to do is to not sleep with the man until you are bothg agreed that you are in an exclusive relationship. I know this sounds old fashioned but it will save a lot of heart ache. Women take it that they are in a relationship once they've slept with a man. A man will actually feel the opposite. He will feel that you are using sex to rush things, this makes hgim feel pressured and when the loust wears off so does the relationship.
 A_REAL_Sweetheart
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 352
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/27/2006 4:13:51 AM
I guess it's no surprise that this thread has survived for so long (over two years!) -- after all, this is the internet, which does make it easier for people to lead a double life, as does other technology (e.g., cell phones, pagers, etc.) ... Sigh ...

his comment to the girl (the fake one) was, "sure i would like to contact you, me and my girlfriend are having problems anyways, so add me to msn" needless to say, we were NOT having problems, we were going as strong as ever, but he was still looking in my book.
^Msg. 556: Yep, he was keeping his options open, looking for a safety net, just in case.

i think you should sit him down, and say... hunnie, sweetie, baby... could you please delete ur account off POF... because we have each other now, what more do you want? if he refuses, you know theres something up...
^Msg. 556: Why the soft talk? Just tell him what you know and then promptly dump him. If he was serious about you, to begin with, and mature, he'd be a man and take care of it on his own initiative, without it having to become "an issue," necessitating nauseating discussion. As far as this site goes, it's true, as others have mentioned, that many stay for the Forums or friends (platonic) after getting involved with someone. It shows real integrity, depth of character and a commitment when someone makes it clear on their profile that one is not looking to date or meet anyone else. The OP's problem was in reference to a different site, which her boyfriend paid to be on, was active on a daily basis and one which has no Forums/chat. He was clearly on it to date other people. In their case, it seems they had an understanding that they were exclusive. (Uggh! Obviously, it's a common problem, hence this thread probably would not have survived for as long as it has ... I gave up reading after the first few and the last couple of pages.)

caught my boyfriend at the time chatting with chicks online and I was in bed sleeping. I personally think guys like that are pathetic losers who don't know when they have it good. I would of done anything for this man but now I came to the conclusion once a chatter always a chatter
^Msg. 566: Agreed ... And it's not just limited to the internet. If a person is going to cheat, they're going to use whatever means they can to hide it. I think the internet simply is one tool of many that is used to do so. (Uggh, again!)

"Affairs" come in many forms (e.g., emotional ones, which usually end up leading to physical intimacy).

I had that happen to me once too. Turned out the guy was still looking for something better. IN the same breath he tried to tell me he had friends there he still liked to say hello to.
^Msg. 2: Case in point. Some people have good boundaries, and, unfortunately, some do not.

About the whole online dating stuff, it seems that the best one can do is to proceed with caution, not "assume" an exclusive relationship until one has been consistently demonstrated over time. Even then, it's a risk, just as it is in "real life." It just seems too easy, with the internet, for some to "place their order" by clicking on the search button. Uggh, yet again! Internet or not, it all boils down to one's character and morals. Technology is simply a tool used to aid and abett whatever.

 sumthnsexi
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 353
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/29/2006 5:15:19 PM
Well I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and like 5 months, we had a baby earlier this year, and we live together. He spends a good portion of his day online and it does bother me, however he says he's online b/c he likes to talk to other people to get peoples' perspectives about certain issues. So am I overreacting by telling him I don't want him chatting with other women being that this is not a relationship that just started? Do you men see it as being insecure b/c he wants to meet other women online...and he doesn't limit his search to one type of woman, he searches for women all over and for different types of women. Oh yeah, I found this site by checking our computer online history.
 Tigress
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 362
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/10/2006 5:58:14 PM
I was dating a guy I met here and neither of us took our profiles off POF. We both really enjoy the forums. We changed our profiles to say we were just looking for talk/e-mail.
 Tigress
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 363
 JPrincess
Joined: 9/18/2006
Msg: 368
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/14/2006 6:33:21 AM
When I got involved with the guy I am currently dating I deleted my profile too. Now I've reposted it because I just want to chat to people and read the forums.
The guy I am seeing kept his profile active but the heading is now almost there and his status is NOT single/Not looking. He also put looking for women for talk/email. He invariantly goes online but like most guys on here rarely gets messaged. Now is he messaging other people who knows. I trust him enough to know he isn't seeing anyone else.
Have confidence and faith he probably just like to chat to different people.
 Sparklin
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 376
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/16/2006 11:47:12 AM
I was in a long term relationship with a guy I met online. He had asked me to marry him, had moved in and a year later forgot to log off his dating sites, where he was advertising himself as single and looking! Didn't take long to end that situation - the relationship I mean. I have no problem with continuing friendships, checking things out while dating, but once things become fairly serious, the checking what else is out there has got to stop. If he wants variety, more power to him! Just don't include me in it.
 MissKittyNip
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 381
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/17/2006 8:32:51 PM
I have not taken the time to read all the responses to this thread, but just to reply to the initial topic..

I wouldn't just "stop communication" with him without first talking about your feelings and finding out what his feelings are. He may have some logical reason for still being on the site (well, logical in HIS mind... lol).. and might not be aware that it would bother you.

SO, I would approach it as a light conversation about the site y'all met on and say that you noticed he was still active on it.. then just ask if he's on there for any particular reason or does he still feel the need to see what his other options are. IF that's the case, then he's not completely smitten with you and you will have to deal with that in whatever way you feel comfortable with (either give it time and see if he comes around or move on and keep YOUR options open as well).

OR, he could be on the site JUST to see if he can STILL get women (it's an ego thing). Not that he really wants to act on it, but his insecurities may 'cause him to stay there just so he can feel wanted by other women (which he'd get that feeling if a woman sent him a message or whatever).

But really.. he may just like reading forums, blogging, chatting with groups he's in, or participating in some other service the site offers.

BASICALLY.. there's TONS of reasons why he could still be there.. and you just need to ASK to find out. :)
 MissKittyNip
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 382
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/17/2006 8:34:53 PM
ROFL.. oh well.. I guess my response is completely irrelevant!! When it posted, I noticed a current post on the top.. about this guy and a "wife" and "cops".. OK.. he's obviously a loser and that's why he was still on the site. I hope you're rid of that problem. :)
 lilmslefty
Joined: 9/21/2006
Msg: 384
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/19/2006 7:37:06 AM
GeorgieLeopard, I agree with you. Met a guy on POF. Described himself as a nice guy.We had many common interests. Exchanged emails and IM's, finally set up a face-to-face meeting. Hit it off, decided we wanted to see each other again. Sent him an email telling him what a nice time I had, and was looking forward to seeing him again.He read the message, but didn't reply.Said he'd call, but didn't.Didn't respond to IM's. I noticed someone had added him to their Favorites.My gut instincts kicked in big time.Invited him to my place, knowing that if something was up, he'd decline the invitation. BINGO! Received an apologetic email from him.Seems he'd been seeing 2 other women, one of whom he'd been out with twice, but wasn't sure if she wanted to see him anymore. So he decided to "play the field", go out with me.Well, she decided she did want to see him again, so I was dropped like a hot potato.This after claiming in his profile that he wasn't a "serial dater" or interested in "playing the field."He also said he felt we couldn't move to the next level.And you know this after one date????Did find it interesting that he still had me as one of his Favorites.I deleted him from my Favorites, and deleted myself from his Favorites as well. Sent him an email letting him know I'd done it and why.

Can we say "player" boys and girls???? I feel sorry for the gal he's seeing now. Hope he doesn't do the same thing to her.
 Kisaragi
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 387
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/24/2006 8:21:39 AM
I came across this post and had to say my peace.. personally I think you get into something you should pull your profile.. I've been known to have ignored my profile and left it up but that ain't no excuse.. I know there may be the flip side that people may have made friends online and are only on to contact them.. but at that point there profile should reflect there status in all forms.. headline, status and body of profile. If your not going to be that into a relationship to make those changes then why be in the relationship to begin with. Now i don't know if it's been covered in the 26 pages of this post but this is not solely attributed to males staying on during a relationship.. I've dealt with women who do the exact same thing.. And trust me as hurtful as a women may take a guy staying online.. A man takes it hurtful and disrispectful.. and a guy feeling that will lead to a whole whack of problems.
 marshw
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 396
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/2/2006 5:57:01 AM
I'm active on this site because of the forums and I know many others in the same category. You could always ask him about it. Just be prepared to hear that he needs to keep looking.
 lusciouslipsxox
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 401
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/3/2006 3:35:57 PM
I would not say you are unjustified in your feelings but if it is bothering you that much then talk to him about it. Sit down face to face and just ask him whats up!!!

I think it hurts more to not know and worry then to just ask. I would rather ask someone something stright out and be ready for the worst then sit and let it bother me.

For all you know he could have a self confidence problem and needs the compliments from the girls on the site .... or has made friends he likes to chat to ...or maybe like on this site, he just goes on the forums ...or maybe he is still looking for something better

YOU WILL NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON'T ASK!!!

Even if its not what you want to hear ... you know and you can adjust your life accordingly.
 la_mom
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 410
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/7/2006 8:26:10 AM
Assumptions....the death of most relationships. You stated that you see each other a couple of times a week and "this is getting serious" Is this statement based on a heart to heart conversation in which the two of you mutually agree this is "getting serious" or is this an assumption on your part? Unless both of you have made a clear committment to see each other exclusively, I think you are taking alot of liberties in your judgements. Also....don't delete your profile and automatically expect him to delete his. I've known ppl that have deleted their profile from the site strictly in an effort to guilt the person they are dating to do the same. Very manipulative. Also...important to understand the very different definitions of "dating" and "exclusive"
 la_mom
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 413
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/7/2006 10:30:48 AM
I didn't mean to imply that the two of you weren't exclusive, sorry if that's how you interpreted what I was saying. I would like to add though, that relationships all have difficult times, but there should be an unwaivering foundation of trust. If you are investing this much time questioning his motives at this early stage I suspect 1 of 2 things:

1. You have issues trusting any man

OR

2. He's not worthy of your trust and you should move on

Many issues arise in a relationship that have to be worked through. I don't believe that fidelity issues should be one of them. Maybe I'm naive, but I think that faithfulness should be a "given".....if I have to worry about what my man is doing on the internet, I should also be worried about what he's doing at the grocery store, at work, the gym, etc. I'm not willing to involve myself in a situation that requires my being a private investigator.
 bobbill
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 417
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/8/2006 4:47:30 PM
I've had some friends leave here and each one sent me their e-mail address. He's looking for something better. I think his dating ground rules are different than yours. I think his definition of what's "serious" might be different also. I've dated a couple of gals that thought my "serious" was two ships docking for awhile before passing in the night. I've done the same a time or two by stupidity, not meanness. Make a scene if it makes you feel better. I hope you learn. I can be had, but not as easily as in college days.
"NO TALKIE, NO KISSEY"

Best,

B.B.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 418
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/9/2006 1:50:20 AM
If that "dating" site is anything like this one then your actions are completely unjustified.

This is a dating site.

It's also a social site

And a site to discuss past railed,and successful, relatinships. And a million other things.
 la_mom
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 420
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/9/2006 7:31:04 PM
I agree with trust being earned and not given blindly. However, I too stick to my previous point that a relationship requiring this much analysis at such an early stage is probably not worth the effort.
 curlycarebare
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 426
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/13/2006 1:42:36 PM
Well I haven't had this happen to me, but can honestly say that even though I've been interested in someone, I have kept my profile active.

It's not because I want to find someone better or to be a player (haha I'm far from that); it's more because I don't know if this interest will develop into someone serious or not. If it were to, then I think I would delete my profile, but until some sort of mutual committment was made, I may continue to talk to other guys.

And as far as the excuse of being "I have friends on here...thats the only reason I'm still on the site"...common guys, you could always give those good friends of yours an alternate email addy to contact you at, right?! It may not be as convenient, but at least it would be putting that special someone in your life at ease, and isn't it worth it?!

Good luck to all!!
 average joe 1982
Joined: 4/26/2005
Msg: 430
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/14/2006 1:56:05 PM
I have met someone in a differnet site and she goes on it every day,she told me that she has a friend there...the relationship is still very fresh so I'm not to concern and like one of my friends told me....dating is more like a game then anything else... sad but the more I meet people the more I realize how rite she is.
The good girls think that they are getting played with and the bad ones.....well they stay bad.
 la_mom
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 433
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/16/2006 7:26:27 AM
Hmmmm....not sure how excited I would be over a man deleting his profile because I "threatened to end the relationship!" Would mean alot more to me being done voluntarily because he's decided he wants to pursue a serious relationship with me. If this is the way the relationship is developing this early........prepare to be doing ALOT of threatening from here on out.
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