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 la_mom
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 437
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?Page 7 of 44    (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44)
Never implied that the decision is mine.....just answering the question you posed. Actually, I do have a better option than "threatening" someone. Make decisions for yourself...maintain emotional boundaries. When someone crosses them, thank them and move on. You contradict yourself over and over...first saying you threatened and then saying he volunteered. You've obviously made the decision already and don't want imput. I totally respect that. I agree with the above post in that, internet sites are only the beginning. Keep your energy up, because you're signing on for a full time job attempting to control another person. Also, fooling yourself in the process.
 texasbaby
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 438
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History
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/20/2006 1:05:56 PM
Very plainly,,, Anyone active on a dating site is Not in a relationship.....

No flames please,,, that statement obviously excludes those just here for the forums and chatting....

tb
 A_REAL_Sweetheart
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 442
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/21/2006 3:51:46 AM
Sigh ... In this online-eye-candy-store-day-and-age, I'm not the least bit surprised that this dialogue continues. True ... There ARE a lot of folks who are strictly on here for the Forums and platonic friends. Then, again, there are those who are secretly looking, even if in a supposedly exclusive relationship, "keeping their options open." It's a matter of being honest versus being dishonest (cheating), having boundaries and trust.

1) He's not being honest with me about his online profiles.
2) Threaten him with ending the relationship, he removes them.
3) Find he's *still* got a few online profiles you didn't know about.
4) Threaten him with ending the relationship, he removes them.
5) He says he has to work late, but comes home smelling of beer and faintly of perfume...
6) Threaten him if he's cheating on you, you'll end the relationship.
7) Eventually he leaves you for another woman, at the very least tired of being manipulated, controlled, and accused...
...8) You rant and rave on POF about how he's a lying SOB and all men are jerks, and absolutely none of it was your fault, because even though you ignored the *multiple* warning signs of dishonesty and had to keep threatening him to get your way, its all his fault for leaving you, especially after all those many months you spent trying to *control and manipulate* him into being what you want!?!?!
Msg. 701 ... Some very good points. It was kind of a harsh post, but SADLY true for the most part. I say "harsh" because finding out that someone you care about is cheating on you is usually a traumatic ordeal, involving a lot of grief, which includes a sense of being stunned and some "bargaining." (Ugggh!) Most people do not want to believe it has happened, and usually when cheaters are confronted, they just get sneakier about it in the future, as illustrated in your points.

It's common sense that if you are in an exclusive relationship, change your profile to reflect that you are not "available," hide it or delete it, if you're not here for the Forums or chat buddies.

If you find out that your "significant" other is still "on the hunt" and you hang around, you're most likely guaranteed more heartache. (Some of us have learned that lesson the painful way.)

 la_mom
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 446
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/21/2006 7:36:22 AM
Thank you singleguy! The OP took my remarks as me not supporting her "standing up for herself" when, on the contrary, I was trying to make the point that she deserves someone that doesn't require this much emotional strife. I also made mention of the SLIGHT possibility that she may be assuming this relationship means to him exactly what it means to her and wanted her to take this into consideration. I do realize however, (I am a recovering drama/crisis addict) that some ppl not only put up with, but NEED scandal in order to remain interested.
 la_mom
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 448
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/21/2006 8:31:19 AM
I apologize if you took the feedback that you got from some as harrassment. I will make it a point to not respond to any forums you create in the future as you are only open to opinions that are in agreement with your own. Please forgive me for any unnecessary upset my posts caused you.
 la_mom
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 450
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/21/2006 9:22:30 AM
Tiggy.....pls point out the rude remarks you're referring to in "accepting my apology".....btw....you are the one who put your personal situation out there....if you don't want it commented on....keep it private.

edit: Geeezzz! Have a great holiday and best of luck in your "relationship"...
 la_mom
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 452
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/21/2006 11:30:40 AM
Some very good advice, with the exception of treating men as children who need things spelled out. Well, I can only speak of MY EXPERIENCE, but the men I socialize with are quite intelligent, free-thinking individuals that understand basic English. Otherwise, totally agree with being very open with your feelings at all times.
 jacktraven
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 462
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/25/2006 7:01:03 AM
Let's say you're living with a partner and you find out he/she has an account in an Adult Personals website, a profile with actual pictures and exact location (real city and state), "looking for sexual relations, online flirting and others", what would you do about something like this?

Most people do this for curiosity, but on a website like this you might want to be very discreet, right? But your partner has a fully fledged profile, like he/she wants to get it on seriously. What about if someone who knew him/her got in, browsed for people in his/her area and comes across the profile and warns you about it? And you're either involved or married!

Brings another possibility... Partner is aware and shares it. Maybe get online together and look for a third person to have a threesome, see live sex online to get turned on, or even give a live sex show on cam. Some people are open minded enough to do these things and don't take them too seriously, which is acceptable. This is an exceptional case.

Or maybe does it on purpose to see if you're monitoring his/her every move online, and whenever you bring it up in anger, tell you straight to stop spying and have a discussion about privacy and trust.

Sexuality is something very personal, but unfortunately, you have to come across these type of vices online. For some people is fun and amusing, for others it could jeopardize a relationship and destroy trust. To me, if I knew my partner was into something like this behind my back, it would be the end of the relationship because trust and respect is essential to me. If she came along with the idea of joining a website like this together, I could consider it after a serious conversation, don't see why the hell not get in with her and explore. This is something interesting. I don't need to check on my partner when she gets online if I trust her. Besides, isn't there something called "concience"? Opinions?
 De03montess
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 467
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/27/2006 4:36:06 PM
I think its making it harder for us SINGLE an HONEST ones.
 richiig27
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 481
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2006 6:02:21 AM
Talk to him, communication is key. If I was exclusive, I would update my profile to state this but continue to email friends and go to the forums just to read and add my $.02.
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 483
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:58:37 PM
i think they are just simply PLAYING THE FIELD.... I once dated a guy from here.... he was separated that time & going through a lot in his marriage. he moved here from calgary & his estranged wife told him to move back to vancouver to sow his wild oaths of what he wants to do with their marriage to work things out or not.

then when i met him in person, we had an instant connection. something happen between us & his upcoming wedding anniversary was coming up.... and he made this commitment that if his estranged wife calls on their anniversary date to work things out with their marriage then he would get back to me about what he has decided then he got the call & told me that she was coming back in vancouver to work things out with him.

but yet he is still active & has a profile in here which still says his single rather than married seeing his wife is back with him & living in the same place as he is & he is still looking to hang out --he has met other women after me & 2 happens to be friends of mine.... they end up sleeping with him also like what i did with him so they got the same line that he is working things out with his wife & that he wont see them again.... basically he was doing one night stands with a couple of women from here while his wife is unaware of what is going on.

to be honest here, with all 3 of us- got scammed over believing him he should be honest with his wife that he is cheating on her while they are trying to get back together... although this happened sometime in august or so I wish men be honest that if their intentions are to just sleep with women & dump them after its more easier than to lie about what they really want it would be less painful & humiliating, dont u think so!
 scotishthistle1967
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 494
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History
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/10/2006 7:43:46 AM
""Wow! Talk about a gender dividing issue...lol

Seems that the men generally say ask him, could be X, Y, or Z and even possibly the chance he's a jerk. Women are generally saying...could be X, Y, or Z or he could be a Rat Fink Liar!

Funny.

Wait one, I'm in a relationship on and on this site posting in the FORUMS.

Wait one, My S/O is in a relationship and on this site posting in the FORUMS.

Oh Mi God !!! I'm being cheated on!!

Am I the only person here that reads the underlying subtext and realizes that the key issue here isn't trust, but what partner decides who the other interacts with and how? ""



your out to lunch dentedknight........its what the profile states thats important...if it says 'just here for the forums' then I guess a woman is safe............
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 496
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/10/2006 11:22:09 AM
32 pages ago in the OP the comment was about seeing a man who was still active on a dating site. Well if the site was yahoo it shows active when you go online to use their instant message - I have checked this out as I did not check my personals for a week when I was sick, but did go online to chat with friends. My profile showed that I was active each day, just because I was online - so that means nothing.

I think that the issue should be if an agreement to not see anyone else exists and you know or find out, the other person is still dating or meeting new people. Huge red flag, automatic deal breaker - say bye and move on.

Really very simple - why has this lasted for 32 pages and since Nov 2004? Wow paranoid or what?
 torontogord
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 498
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/15/2006 9:16:34 AM
Just one question: did you both agree to commit to seeing only each other?

If so, he's cheating. Plain and simple.
 misscrabtree
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 502
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/20/2006 10:43:40 PM
I think before you make any judgments you should ask him not to see or talk to anyone else. Tell him you want a commited relationship (if that is what you really want) see what happens, if he says no than move on or learn to share.
 JustCallMeMike
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 512
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/24/2006 7:18:38 AM
There are two sides to this that both men and women must be upfront about. If a man or woman is just looking for a casual relationship, they need to let the other person know. I agree, I person don't want to be someone's second choice or just around until someone better comes along. It is a waste of my time, effort, and emotions. On the other hand, if you and all your partners agree that the relationship is open and everyone can live with that, it is fine too. So, if you are don't want an open relationship or to be considered a branch for him to hold on to, let him know. If you are okay with the situation, find out your answers and go from there.
 Alana2
Joined: 8/7/2005
Msg: 523
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 4:04:11 AM
I would say that if he is still on-line and you are on here asking advice then it is not getting as serious as you think. You both probably have some growing and developing to do. I think he has every right to be on-line but I think you need to be very careful how much of yourself you invest in this guy at this point.
 fine haitian
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 534
 fine haitian
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 535
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/29/2006 9:24:06 AM
ok ill reveal it because hes not happy. he wants a replacement.
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