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 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 26
Girls.. Does this happen to you?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

PollyR107:

I tend to delete any first message that says "hi baby/pretty/cutie etc." because these guys can't hold/continue interesting conversations, IMO.


Exactly!! And it seriously never fails. 'Hey beautiful' messages tend to go like this:
Hey beautiful
I'd like to get to know you better if that's okay with you.
How are you doing?
What are you doing?
So what are you up to?
Asks questions that are already answered on your profile (where do you live, do you have kids, what are you looking for on this site, etc)
Do you want to meet up?
What is your number?



Why would I want to talk on the phone with a person who can't even muster up a decent convo? Think you're gonna bore me on the phone, too? Hell no.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 1/2/2017
Msg: 27
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/5/2017 11:43:02 PM
Yep, it used to happen to me. I would imagine most women have encountered it. I don't care for it either. With that said, I would much rather deal with "hey baby doll" versus receiving the proverbial peni$ pic. I have received my fair share of those and I might add, a few were quite comical.
 ANewBeginningStartsHere
Joined: 12/3/2016
Msg: 28
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/6/2017 6:20:21 AM
I believe it's regional. How people are brought up and the culture of the region. I'd noticed in my travels how I am addressed differently in the south vs. the midwest, or the further away from a metropolitan area I get, people greet and address people differently. Like in Chicago a waitress would never call me Hun or Sweety etc. But when I go into the southern country areas, it's completely normal to be called that.

As for the POF person in the emails - we don't know if it's their cultural/regional upbringing or not. The least you can do is just nicely explain that you prefer being addressed to as "insert name here" because pet names make you a little uncomfortable.

Open communication solves most if not all problems.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 29
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/12/2017 7:02:50 AM

Really, it's a matter of opinion, isn't it? And quite subjective.

If it offends your sensibilities, inform them. If they insist on the pet names, ignore/block them; you are not a match.

It's interesting that you are addressing women as girls. Some might find that offensive. Just food for thought.


Agreed. Not all women or people in general will be offended by this. Women that were virtual strangers have called me similar names. It didn't bother me.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 30
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/12/2017 8:19:14 AM

Why would I want to talk on the phone with a person who can't even muster up a decent convo?

What would you define as a 'decent' conversation?
Because all those introductory questions you mentioned is exactly where most conversations NEED to start with an internet stranger.
Asking what you are doing right now - is only being polite - they don't have any idea, and want to know if it's a good time to engage in a chat conversation. Some people are in the middle of dinner with their kids, some may be driving - this person is a complete stranger, who has NO idea - so they WILL start with the basics.

-As far as asking questions that are already answered in profiles - there's a couple key reasons for doing that...
1) The profile info is vague. You profile says you like to travel, but where? They are looking for elaboration.
2) People lie on their profiles. Often. Women AND Men. They pretend they have kids, or are five years younger, or actually look like their pictures when they've changed hair styles and colors six times since the last pic was taken. Asking them to repeat or elaborate on that 'obvious' info is the quickest way to catch someone in a lie, or verify their authenticity.

I think the question that should be asked to counter all the rants in here...
Are you more willing to forgive bad behavior - if you find someone attractive?

The 'bad' behavior introduced in the OP post is nothing more than small talk. On a scale of one to ten for bad behaviors - ten being murder or an equivalent - using a pet name with a stranger is probably about a three. Fairly easy to forgive. Yet, people use it as their gate keeper. Sure, it CAN be symptomatic of worse things, but this is a stranger from the internet - you have NO CLUE who's typing on the other side. It's not like someone standing next to you at a bar, where you can see what they actually look like, the people they hang out with, or smell the alcohol on their breath. Finding out some more information might make a huge difference.

Saying 'No' is always going to be a safe decision - because avoiding all risk means you can't fail - but it also means you can't win. If you open the gate to a bunch of the 'same' kind of guys, keep dating the 'same' kinds of jerks, then you gotta realize -- it's starting at THAT gate that YOU keep - not some mystical warehouse of men out there that you are shopping for.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 31
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/12/2017 6:21:39 PM
^^^ I think it's a safe bet you call women 'sweetie.'
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 32
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/12/2017 8:18:42 PM


^^^ I think it's a safe bet you call women 'sweetie.'


I'll bet you a five spot, even up, that you're wrong.

But I can't speak for him, only for myself. I don't think I've ever called anyone "sweetie", not once, ever. But I do have pet names for women that I grow close with. "Beautiful" is one of my favorites. And after nearly 50 years of dating and relationships and marriage, I have never, not once, had a woman complain. Maybe because the women I enter into relationships with are all sane?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 33
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/12/2017 10:26:24 PM

I think it's a safe bet you call women 'sweetie.'

The only one I called 'Sweetie' was my ex wife. Wasn't on the first date, but it was soon after. We dated about four years before moving in together and getting engaged. I wasn't in any rush to prove anything on a date back then, and I'm still not.

Guys that use pet names to affront superficial sexual desires do exist - and they are despicable - but a pet name alone doesn't automatically mean that's their game. Usually there is a LOT of other controlling behaviors that go with it. I'm just saying you shouldn't isolate and categorize a disease by one symptom alone. Jumping to those kinds of conclusions is like believing every football player beats up their wife because they wear a uniform similar to those that do.


But it is like EVERY GUY I TALK TO!!


All. Of. The. Time.


Exactly!! And it seriously never fails.


If there are multiple men involved, and you are the one who always keeps getting into the same type of conversation - guess what? The common denominator is YOU - not the guy.

Changing your life is brought about by YOU making changes, not by complaining why nobody else seems to change.
What have you done or said differently in your most recent dating conversation that you didn't try before?
What do YOU put forth to inspire anything beyond the basic small talk?
How do you put into words a way to enforce the idea you find the guy special, or different, or desirable?
What have you done differently to make sure the guy knows what you like or dislike?
What's so unique about your profile that a stranger would/should notice? Have you asked if they understand it?
When was the last time you searched or talked to a guy that was not specifically in your comfort/attraction zone?
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 34
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/13/2017 9:51:16 AM
That's probably at least part of the reason those guys are here and single. It's tough to find a gentleman these days.
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 35
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 4:23:44 AM

If there are multiple men involved, and you are the one who always keeps getting into the same type of conversation - guess what? The common denominator is YOU - not the guy.

Changing your life is brought about by YOU making changes, not by complaining why nobody else seems to change.
What have you done or said differently in your most recent dating conversation that you didn't try before?
What do YOU put forth to inspire anything beyond the basic small talk?
How do you put into words a way to enforce the idea you find the guy special, or different, or desirable?
What have you done differently to make sure the guy knows what you like or dislike?
What's so unique about your profile that a stranger would/should notice? Have you asked if they understand it?
When was the last time you searched or talked to a guy that was not specifically in your comfort/attraction zone?


Shut up. Like seriously, shut the f u c k up trying to sound deep because you're really just coming off as a tool. You're the exact kind of person that I am referring to, the same kind that I would delete and block because you have nothing but a bunch of nonsense to write about.
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 36
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 4:39:51 AM

What would you define as a 'decent' conversation?
Because all those introductory questions you mentioned is exactly where most conversations NEED to start with an internet stranger.
Asking what you are doing right now - is only being polite - they don't have any idea, and want to know if it's a good time to engage in a chat conversation. Some people are in the middle of dinner with their kids, some may be driving - this person is a complete stranger, who has NO idea - so they WILL start with the basics. You don't even know what you're talking about. You're assuming they respond with long drawn out dry replies like you. They don't. They reply with short, dry replies like 'oh' 'so what are you up to?" Stupid shit like that. So again, you don't even know what you're talking about because you're assuming people are like you.

-As far as asking questions that are already answered in profiles - there's a couple key reasons for doing that...
1) The profile info is vague. You profile says you like to travel, but where? They are looking for elaboration. THEN ASK WHERE DO YOU TRAVEL! Not "so what do you like to do for fun?" It's seriously not that freaking hard.
2) People lie on their profiles. Often. Women AND Men. They pretend they have kids, or are five years younger, or actually look like their pictures when they've changed hair styles and colors six times since the last pic was taken. Asking them to repeat or elaborate on that 'obvious' info is the quickest way to catch someone in a lie, or verify their authenticity. Then they need to get off POF and try to meet people the "traditional" way. This isn't Law & Order POF. Det. Benson isn't on here investigating the authenticity of profiles. Get real



9 times out of 10, these duds aren't even reading profiles. They look at pictures and then send messages. My profile clearly states my name is Frances. I still get asked "so what is your name". I guess that's my problem, too? Because men on this site are too lazy to read so what do you suggest? Should I tattoo Frances across my eyebrows so that they know? Profiles are here for a reason: to give people a basis to start conversation. Not to ignore the whole dang profile and start asking stupid questions that have already been answered. You're acting as if this is quantum physics or something, like it's just hella difficult to read a profile and use that information to start a simply conversation. If I look at someone's profile and he states that he likes to travel, that doesn't mean write him and ask "so what do you do for fun?" How about using your brain and asking where? Which places were your favorite? Writing back "oh, I also like to travel myself." Seriously, it's not as freaking hard as you're making it out to be. Really.
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 37
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 5:48:42 AM

all those introductory questions you mentioned is exactly where most conversations NEED to start with an internet stranger.
Asking what you are doing right now - is only being polite - they don't have any idea, and want to know if it's a good time to engage in a chat conversation.


Are you serious?

A Stranger that asks "What are you doing right now?" is being anything but "polite." S/he is being intrusive and presumptuous (not to mention creepy -as in, what are you wearing right now?).


Some people are in the middle of dinner with their kids, some may be driving - this person is a complete stranger, who has NO idea - so they WILL start with the basics.


Even if someone was engaged in an activity, who are you to decide if someone is, or is not, available to chat?

Now, of course, It is certainly acceptable to ask "Is this a good time to chat?" If an adult does not know the difference between being polite and intrusive/creepy, I have no time to re-raise them the way they should have been bred in the first place. We are on very different wave lengths (like the guy who asked in the SECOND message if I would skype, hint: intrusive/creepy), so, lacking the time or inclination to teach a grown man manners, I just delete/block.

If this is a pattern for some people, who chronically strike out and/or fail to get that second date, perhaps they should look to their own behavior rather than wail about women who seem to be "[shopping for] some mystical warehouse of men out there."
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 38
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 7:27:09 AM
who the heck would interrupt their family dinner time, or racing down a highway to reply to a message on POF? LOL
I like to travel to my fridge
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 39
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 7:30:37 AM

I like to travel to my fridge


Could you grab me a sandwich while you are there????? ;)

Pretty please.
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 40
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 8:52:10 AM


hey babe


^^^^ My latest pof msg, in its entirety.

So, since I am 60+, it looks like you have a couple more years of this krap, OP.

 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 41
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 9:34:17 AM

"Beautiful" is one of my favorites. And after nearly 50 years of dating and relationships and marriage, I have never, not once, had a woman complain.


LOL Absolutely! I never complained, I replied with, "Hey handsome".
I agree with LiliMarleen, who also agrees with Igor.

OP, I don't know how you can change THEM, but you can choose to reply to them, ............or not.
You can reply by using their name, if it is available to you, as well as you can sign off /end your message with your name.
By doing this, I was able to take the lead, and most often it worked to my advantage. LOL not always of course, but more often than not.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 42
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 10:01:30 AM
So asking permission to talk means we are a gentleman; and asking what's going on means we are inbred, intrusive, rude rednecks who have no idea what manners actually are. Good to know there is no middle ground. -- And non-replies mean you should already know whats happening in their lives - and how DARE YOU interfere!

Sorry - what you are talking about here is not manners - it's control. Asking permission still gives you the upper hand to still be the person who turns down someone else. Makes you feel in empowered and superior. Engaging with - How are you? Whats going on? Are you busy? - that's treating someone as a friend, a fellow human being, an equal. It's what you would do if you met someone in real life.

What do you call a guy who approaches at a bus stop, cafe, bar, grocery store, or anywhere in real life - shows concern and simply asks what's going on? Are they being polite, or a rude redneck? The answer to that question lies within your own circumstances and attitudes - not in the words the dude just said. Attractive people get replies, ugly people get rolling eyes and "Who farted?" looks on their faces.

I learned a long time ago that approaching someone on the internet with a "Yes" or "No" question means you're going to get a one-word reply, not a conversation. Sorry - I'm not playing the game by those rules. You can either ignore me or engage in an answer that is more than just a smiley face or 'wink'. Cheap replies and snap reactions are a waste of my time. People that want to make the effort to talk will do it - plain and simple.

Keeping your opinions so polarizing about one stinking opening sentence - it makes me want to engage in a non-reply conversation. Sorry if that seems rude, being cut off first instead of having the luxury to do it yourself - but I'm not going to engage convo with a person that needs control more than a relationship.
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 43
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 11:28:26 AM
^^^ Get real ... as is your wont, you are not even quoting me correctly, so desperate you are to make the point that women have the upper hand, but are using it to control.

Google MGTOW. They are waiting for you.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 44
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 4:28:40 PM
I hate flirting. I don't like flattery. I accept sincere compliments and especially if they are about a talent and not my appearance but I don't like being called cute pet names when I am just dating. That doesn't appeal to me to much.

I tell men right up front. I tell them before they get a chance to start the pet names and the false intimacy or the infatuated flattery. I tell them before they even speak to me that I don't like it. I engage in certain rules about conversation before I even talk to a man.

I don't post it on my profile because I don't talk to very many men here. I dated three back in 2008 and one of them is still my buddy.

If I was going to start to actively start approaching men here again I would set pretty clear boundaries about "chatting" before I started giving them a lot of my attention. A gentleman will respect that about you. Don't give them a chance to even start that "crap" your words not mine.

I won't remind a man to often either what the boundaries are and I don't fight with them for respect I just reject the ones that continue to make me feel uncomfortable. When a man wants to stay in your good graces he appreciates a woman that can speak her mind and set the limits that she wants to set. I find it boring and would prefer to tap into their intellect and find topics that I truly want to engage them in. The flirting is usually canned and not as entertaining as a good conversation about a common interest.

Just tell them upfront you don't like flirting and or terms of endearment. It's fine. It's your preference and we all deserve to have our own.
 JS3344
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 45
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 5:42:41 PM
Well now, here is one more thing to try to understand in the mystical , magical mind of women......I guess if I ever message someone in this dump ever again, I'll open with "Hey fartface! sup!"

and bringing up MGTOW, was the internet equivalent to a kick in the balls, but hey babe, it was funny!


And after nearly 50 years of dating and relationships and marriage, I have never, not once, had a woman complain. Maybe because the women I enter into relationships with are all sane?
- word!
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 46
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 6:30:38 PM

a kick in the balls


You should know by now ... that costs extra!
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 47
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/14/2017 7:59:14 PM
I dont know I call woman several names like beautiful until they tell me what they prefer to be called and I usually ask in the first message. Although in real life a few woman continuously refused to give me their names for awhile so they were stuck with beautiful until they did. But really an issue over how a guy might address you and decide whether or not he can have an intelligent conversation based on that? Well beautiful block me away I really could careless not my loss.
 JS3344
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 48
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/15/2017 2:42:22 PM

You should know by now ... that costs extra!
- I know, I know, Gayle, such a sweetie!
 Strong_Independent_Jen
Joined: 10/8/2016
Msg: 49
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 2/1/2017 8:09:38 PM
women actually call you those things? that just doesn't seem attractive at all!!
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 50
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 2/1/2017 11:36:56 PM
Pet names are a type of diminutive. Diminutive means young, small or trivial. They do this because trivial fits you. Here you are___ a middle aged, baggage laden rent-a-hole stomping her little feet over nonsense. Get over it.
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