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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)      Home login  
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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 26
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
If you're afraid a man you used to love will reject you due to weight gain, then you have two choices be 100 % honest and say "Bob I've gained 30 lbs and I don't think you'll find me attractive anymore" or kept your mouth shut and put off a visit until you drop 30 lbs then spend the rest of your life fretting about every cookie or french fry you eat.

Personally I'd take him up on the visit. You have nothing to lose because you are not in a relationship with him now. You are talking about moving and moving in together when you are not even sure you are still compatible.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 27
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/4/2017 4:21:42 PM
Carolann is right.

If he has seen your full body image lately and is not put off, then meet up by all means. You may find there is no real connection anymore and then you can remains friends or move on. If you have not seen him for two years then you are having a fantasy relationship in fact and probably remembering things as better than they were.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 28
Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/4/2017 6:41:12 PM
Coffeelovinlawyer- I read the first page of comments.
I'm glad you said you are going for an initial visit first (comment #9).
Seeing each other again will at least be a test of your initial chemistry.
My advice: You will know if he is or isn't attracted to you still. If he is, stop being insecure. You have to trust him because without that there is nothing.
Once you are certain that the two of you are just as interested in each other as before, start taking steps to rekindle things.
I would NOT move and/or quit your job, just yet.
From what I read, the two of you are only 5 hours away from each other, right?
If so, why not spend every weekend together, or every other even?
You could even take turns, he comes to see you one weekend, you go to him the next.
Regardless of the circumstance, It's important that you know all you can about him before you quit your job and move.
How long you continue this is up to you, but I would say 6 months, minimum, ideally a year.
If you two are going to be together long term, I don't see what difference 6 months to a year makes.
So, while I'm not going to just say "go for it" and suggest you go all in right away, I WILL say give it a chance, just do so wisely.
Good luck :)
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 29
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/4/2017 10:00:24 PM

Just older gents that will pant after anything breathing


A bonus but not a requirement.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 30
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/5/2017 7:14:18 AM
You are terrified? Calm down. What is the worst thing that could happen? What? Is he gonna vomit when he sees you? Put a bag over your head for sex? Run like the wind? Scream in horror because you have gained a few pounds? Will that make him pass out? Will you have to call an ambulance for him.? Will he gouge his own eyes out after seeing how ugly and old you are and go blind for the rest of his life?

RELAX! He wants to see you. If you are single and have the time to make a date with this young and passionate man then GO FOR IT.
STOP GETTING IN YOUR OWN WAY.. Why fear rejection when you are not being rejected?
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 31
Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/5/2017 8:04:48 AM
OP wrote---
We just connected so well. Regarding our differences, I was a 39 year old attorney with average, maybe slightly above average, looks, who could use to lose a couple pounds.


And ---
I have aged 2 years since we were together and gained 30 pounds. I feel like I'm aging by the day. He does nothing by reassure me that he loves me. I'm just terrified that he will take one look at me naked and be repulsed and reject me


Well, there is no way any one of us can stop time (aged two years since). He's not frozen in time either< And you say when you met him, you considered yourself a few LBs 'over'---and still, you both experienced what you call 'immediate fireworks'. Who is to say he doesn't actually prefer a woman with a little 'squish'---he might be totally delighted with the 'current you'~

You might want to think about that, OP, before YOU reject HIM out of hand<

Good luck~ ;-)
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 32
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/5/2017 9:55:16 AM

Just older gents that will pant after anything breathing



A bonus but not a requirement.


Easy guy....I don't think it's necessary to let the women in on ALL our dirty little secrets.
 ANewBeginningStartsHere
Joined: 12/3/2016
Msg: 33
Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/5/2017 11:23:49 AM
You don't know him. Proceed with caution. Jumping into a relationship without getting to know them has never worked out for anybody.

He must make effort to come see you and you must make effort to come see him. Do that for several months or 6 months and see how you feel about each other then.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 34
Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/5/2017 7:00:08 PM
"Just older gents that will pant after anything breathing "

>>>thought about your line tonight, WR. My town puts on exercise classes etc at night, so I figured i'd try their first free class of Zumba. Other than the instructor, I was the only guy. Oh well, I've gone into Victoria Secret to buy gift certs for a gf, all the ladies can do is laugh, right? But I must not have been doing things right tonight, I wasn't sweating more than mowing an acre of lawn or breathing more than a flight or two of stairs. So at least the other ladies were breathing heavier :) But not to swell your head, WR, I was also thinking of Henry mentioning I should try meetup to meet people.

I still say, nut up, step out of your comfort range, and find out how things will work with the guy. My 58 yr old female friend who admits she wants to lose weight and I told her about this thread, says she would hide, as well :) So everyone's gotta stick to their own comfort zone, I guess. But hey, what's the worst that can happen from finding out the truth?
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 1/2/2017
Msg: 35
Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/5/2017 11:32:49 PM
I think you're putting several carbs before the ...........no seriously, if you really want to see this guy and you are feeling a bit unattractive, then try doing a high protein, low carb diet for the next two weeks. And drink lots of water. I think you will feel better.

Also, candle light works wonders. Good luck! :)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 36
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/6/2017 3:16:09 AM
candlelight and some sexy lingerie and you dont have to be completely naked. Wine and music sets the scene.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 37
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/13/2017 8:03:10 AM
Long distance relationships are tough, most don't work out.

Getting back together again with this man is a risky proposition. You two have been separated so long. If you do try to date him again, you may find that one or both of you have fallen out of love, and are just holding on to a memory.
 superchillie
Joined: 7/21/2015
Msg: 38
Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/30/2017 7:52:31 AM
Gotta be honest , l can feel a nose dive coming.
But on a practical front , l really don't believe in being a snag just to go with the times bc in all honesty
it's hard enough as it is being a guy in a relationship but if she's older well. Call me what you like but l wouldn't
like to be her hoping he sticks around long term unless she's exceptional for her age.
And the trouble then is , if it last 2 yrs or 5 or 10 first , your all tangled up in every way possible by then and
your gonna be older and starting over , again.
Move on's my vote.
 NYCKOSI
Joined: 4/24/2015
Msg: 39
Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/30/2017 10:36:09 AM
Get real. Any young man that dates a much older woman is just temporary. Ask any men dating an older women. They just want to get their jolly-off and when they are ready for a serious relationship and to settle down they will dump the older women and look for someone closer to their age.

BTW, when I said ask any men, make sure that a man asks this question to another man. I guarantee it, if a woman asks this question to a man, the answer will not be the same.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 40
Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/30/2017 10:54:48 AM
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore

Nuff said
 NYCKOSI
Joined: 4/24/2015
Msg: 41
Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/30/2017 1:52:14 PM
Based on celebrities the stats don't count. They live an artificial life.
Based it on the general poppulation
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 42
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/30/2017 2:35:58 PM
Yes Ashton Kutcher wanted a family of his own. Not going to get that with Demi Moore. A chapter in the book of life and we move on..
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 43
Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/30/2017 3:15:45 PM
^^^^^

I thought it was because she kept going on and on about how she should've won an Oscar for " Striptease "
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 44
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 1/30/2017 3:51:36 PM
While I agree that this probably won't work long term, there is no reason to think either one of them has to be exceptionally attractive, rich or good in bed. Most people don't fit any of those, that's not why most people get together, that's not why most relationships last a long time, what makes something work out or last a long time, depends on the two people involved, what they like about each other, and whether or not they want to move on even if one or both are unhappy with the relationship.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 45
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 2/2/2017 12:41:36 AM

I met a man who was also temporarily out of town, and we had the most amazing whirlwind romance. At the time, our differences seemed irrelevant. We just connected so well.

Many differences Are irrelevant, which is why two incompatible couples (not saying you necessarily are) can have a Legit, great "summer fling", when they Know it's a temporary situation. Much the same as a hot-second romance/fling/sexcapade with someone on vacation somewhere you meat. It goes by a whole other compatibility measuring stick (penis and breast size count more - lol). But even for a Known temporary x-months residence -- the age difference alone holds little weight if any.

He wants to consider me moving there until he finishes grad school, then him moving here. I feel very in love. He gives me every indication that he's into me.

Ooooooh, interesting, it being 2 years later this pops up...

If your firm will transfer you, and your kids are out of the house, what do you have to lose. Just go for it!

You would have something to lose if it wasn't an ideal time to move anyway -- which given the story, it should be based on. I agree with your statement if he was out of the picture, she was wishy-washy on "should I move, not move? move, not move?" and it's an up-in-the-air decision mulling over, regardless. Then yeah, it'd push it over to a Yes. Otherwise, it should only be a Yes if it'd be a Yes anyway. They haven't hung out in 2 years -- 4x longer-ish than the length of them seeing each other. One should only move there considering it as a mere potential Option.

I'm terrified to see him, because I don't want to be rejected. He keeps trying to visit.

Before even thinking of moving there -- get that out of the way first. Geez! That should be obvious, right? :) Butterflies are flying around for both of you. Who knows, maybe his GF dumped him because he grew a bit of a beer gut - lol. His true desire and yours Isn't Truly Seen Yet. Know that it's an Option to move where he is, yep. Before we think about that, let's see each other again, and hang out, and think about that stuff Later.

I have aged 2 years since we were together and gained 30 pounds. I feel like I'm aging by the day.

Sheesh. Chill out about the age, GIRL! No, it's not age. It's the 30lbs. If he was a "10" in your eyes, and he's 13 years younger and still has 3 years to go until 30 -- yeah, that can mean something. NO, not him running. It's not like you two spent 6 days together 2 years ago. It was a dating-relationship in length. But yes, it certainly Can bring him down to Earth, still liking you, but if he's Caught By Surprise you being 30lbs heavier than Before -- that can change the "envision" perspective.

Basically, NO, don't chicken out. Geez! You bring it up to him, which you should have done after you two got yourselves situated in connection over the internet+phone airwaves. You let him know you've gained "too much weight" but you're working to take it off. Your extra weight is the new "temporary" thing -- not bad, huh? And you letting him know ahead takes away the surprise effect. No, you're not situated in a deal-breaker. Let him know, don't disappear on him.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 46
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 2/2/2017 12:48:35 AM
He likes you that is obvious but I think you know it will eventually go nowhere. You are attractive because you are not looking for a commitment or a family I am guessing but go for it, life is too short and we can have our memories.
 txwidow1939
Joined: 8/27/2016
Msg: 47
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 2/3/2017 1:26:17 AM
Obviously not a male, also not anywhere near your or his age - however, at age 40 I met (and married) a guy age 30 - I had kids, he didn't. Not a first marriage for either of us - it lasted 29 years until he died of cancer while in his 50s. He truly was my soul mate. I did ask him several times before we married if he was certain he would still want to be married at age 60 to a 70 year old woman - the answer always was "yes".
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 48
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 2/9/2017 12:40:55 PM
So, what are you going to do OP? Can we have an update?
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 49
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 2/9/2017 1:08:53 PM

Based on celebrities the stats don't count. They live an artificial life.
Based it on the general population


I'm dating a woman who belongs to the general population and when she was 41 she married a man age 26. The marriage lasted 9 years until she divorced him, and it had nothing to do with him seeing anybody else on the side. Your assertion of "any man" isn't exactly correct.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 50
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Dating guy out of my league and scared (he is 27 I am 41)
Posted: 2/9/2017 2:57:07 PM
A friend once said: Never point out your flaws, for others don't always see them.
I have a friend and most would say, she is not very attractive. Her man is drop dead handsome. He only has eyes for her...he sees her in a different light.
No one can say: I am not good enough, pretty enough or too old.
Take the chance, you will never know unless you do.
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