Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 51
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?Page 3 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

Red flags -history of short term relationships then quickly moves on.
Told me he cheated on mother of his child 8 years ago but regreted it.


You should listen to your gut more often.

There is nothing you did wrong to him to being treated that way.
But rather, who you picked. He's got a history of short relationships, moving on, and cheating. I don't understand how you feel this could have turned out any different.

His history tells you one thing. He waits things out until she puts out, then gets out.

You look at a person's relationship pattern, and often times if its followed them into their adult lives, it won't be any different.

It should also tell you he has poor communication skills. So why you expected a relationship to work, is beyond me.

This is a one off. Consider it a rookie mistake.

You pick another winner like this (clearly ignoring your gut, red flags, etc.), and you make this a pattern, and you can only look at yourself in the mirror from that point on (you're no longer a victim, once you deliberately make life choices, conscious of the end result).
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 2/19/2017 8:13:31 PM
Ireallyshouldnt
often these things are a long time coming and we just dont want to see the signs. Most men dont leave unless there is someone to go to. I bet she was younger, right??
.....
 MissKat18
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 53
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 4/6/2017 5:59:38 PM
I've been there and yes they definitely are cowards! It doesn't leave us with a very good feeling, that's all I know but I guess they wouldn't care about our feelings anyway!
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 4/7/2017 3:27:04 AM
All three of my long term relationships ended because my partner was cheating. However, there was that pattern of behaviour in evidence when I met them or evident shortly after, so I could have stayed away from getting involved in the first place. Would have saved me a hell of a lot of money.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 55
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 4/7/2017 5:19:35 AM

I did from the start have a niggling gut feeling that maybe something about him was off but talked myself out of it.


- That was the red flag.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 56
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 4/7/2017 5:39:21 AM
If I was with someone who wanted to break up with me, I would want a written explanation, with a minimum of 1,000 words, and it must not have any spelling or grammar errors.
 MissKat18
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 57
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 4/7/2017 7:27:32 AM
Yeah, me too..haha
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 58
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/14/2017 12:27:26 PM
I just got ghosted too :( We were dating for 2 weeks, went on 5 dates and had plans on Saturday morning/afternoon to hang out. I texted him on Saturday morning, he responded pretty quickly and I did too. Then....nothing. Today is Thursday.

My gut was telling me he just wanted sex (we did everything but intercourse) & I really liked his company. He was funny, intelligent, attractive. We had good chemistry, common viewpoints and could talk for hours. However, I dodged a bullet. He was always trying to get me to "come over" or try to invite himself to my place. We went on dates out in public but all of those I planned. When it came time for him to suggest a date, all he wanted to come up with was "come over". I'd rather him ghost me without us having sex. I am disappointed now but I'd feel MUCH worse if we actually had sex and then he ghosts me. We had plenty of opportunities to have sex but I'm glad I held out. Rather know the type of person I'm dealing with before jumping into bed with them.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/14/2017 1:17:14 PM
^^^^ 5 dates, no action? I would drop out of that competition myself. But I wouldn’t ghost you, I would provide you the “written explanation, with a minimum of 1,000 words”. And naturally, no spelling or grammatical errors.

Everyone makes their own decisions, and is responsible for their own actions, but I have found that “jumping into bed with someone” is one of the very best ways to get to know them.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 60
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/14/2017 1:50:00 PM
There was action, just not P in V. We were going to do the deed soon. I had just gotten tested and told him when my results were going to be ready. Can't wait 3 more days? Then yes, I dodged a bullet.


I have found that “jumping into bed with someone” is one of the very best ways to get to know them.


Maybe for you. From a purely objective standpoint, that's just a way to get to know their genitals and vice versa.

Anyway, my point still stands. Being ghosted on and not ****ing the guy > Being pumped and dumped
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 61
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/14/2017 6:43:29 PM
everyone is free to decide that issue for themselves, but...I can give an anecdote in Henry's favor. way back in university I hung out with some fellow commuters, and there was a lass who could keep up with the fellows when conversation got bawdy, as it can with college students stressed and horny. Anyhoo, she would talk about how confident she was, blah blah blah. Then one day she took me aside to talk, and surprised me by taking 3 hours to admit she was looking to cheat on her bf rather than dump him, and that I was the guy she was going to do it with--b/c she knew I could keep my mouth shut about it (this was a few weeks after proclaiming she'd never have sex with a friend again). Anyway, the short version is, in becoming lovers she opened up to me in ways she wouldn't have done as a friend. I got to see the real her.

she wasn't as confident as she believed. You wouldn't normally catch her in the lie, b/c she honestly believed she was confident so she didn't reveal those kinds of tells. When she dumped me and we returned to being friends, she mentioned she was spending weekends w/ some guy, but they were only friends. Except she had "the talk" with him that she had with me, where she talked about her future, where she planned to be materially, etc...basically a test of a guy to see if he was what she was looking for. Except she never realized she was doing it as a test. So I pointed it out to her, and the fact she was doing it to this guy meant he wasn't a fling like she would have had in the past, but someone she was thinking about getting serious with.

In the ways mentioned above...I got to know someone better by sharing a bed. No intercourse, alas, but people who wish to get intimate, open up in ways they may not do even to closest friends. I have a best friend I know better than her sisters know her...and i'm sure I don't know things about her the men who've shared a bed with her know, assuming they paid attention.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 62
view profile
History
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/14/2017 8:49:37 PM
Go to bed with someone, and at the very least, you learn if you can stand to be around them for 10 minutes without conversation, or awkward silence. If it feels like marching ants all over your body to hang around, then....probably not a match.

Still.....sometimes people don't know they're NOT on the same path until they wrangle out the SEX issue. Yes, 3 days can make it or break it. A "no" can mean so much more than just "stop what you are doing this instant". The right pitch can mean "You have 10 seconds to GTFO before I open fire with my shotgun." People GET IT, so if you went off on a date with a harsh rebuttal - that's your 1000 words right there.
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/14/2017 9:59:51 PM
Sometimes nothing truly needs to be said. People have different styles.
In those instances, coming to terms with the "vanishing partner" is actually easier.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 64
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/17/2017 4:14:18 PM

I just got ghosted too :( We were dating for 2 weeks, went on 5 dates and had plans on Saturday morning/afternoon to hang out. I texted him on Saturday morning, he responded pretty quickly and I did too. Then....nothing. Today is Thursday.


Update: He called me out of nowhere last night and left a long-winded voicemail explaining why he's been incognito. He claimed that he had to help his landlady move storage out of state to Idaho, Montana & Nevada over this past week AND that his SIM card got damaged so he wasn't able to text or make calls. He told me that with the last girl he dated, he ghosted her for about a week when his cousin died and she was understandably upset. Even if the stories are true (doubtful), this is not the kind of shit I want to deal with on a regular basis. Whenever some drama or event arises in his life, he vanishes. The way I see it, this was too far-fetched of a story, too late. I don't continue seeing any man who ghosts me for a week.

About 2 weeks ago, he told me he had a business trip to L.A. and his flight was in the early-morning (5:30am). He asked me if I could a) take him to the airport and b) allow him to spend the night at my place, probably to set up an environment where sex could happen. When I said no to both (I got home from work at 10:30 that night so there was no way I was going to take someone to the airport THAT early the next morning), this business trip was miraculously "cancelled". The night before he ghosted me, we were supposed to hang out. He called me around 8pm saying someone who worked graveyard shift was getting fired so him being a labor representative, he had to be present for that termination, thus cancelling our plans. It's always some drama, isn't it?

To his voicemail, I replied: "You're a liar. Goodbye."
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/17/2017 7:37:15 PM
You've made it clear that this is a guy you don't trust and don't want to see - so why is it important to you that he GHOSTED you?
I mean, YOU GHOSTED HIM when he asked you a favor - WTF?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/17/2017 8:55:54 PM

About 2 weeks ago, he told me he had a business trip to L.A. and his flight was in the early-morning (5:30am). He asked me if I could a) take him to the airport and b) allow him to spend the night at my place, probably to set up an environment where sex could happen.


So he asked for this "favor" from you barely after starting to date you? Way too soon. Red flag.



To his voicemail, I replied: "You're a liar. Goodbye."


He was probably a player and had other women in his bullpen to put out when you wouldn't. That could explain those "disappearances". 2 weeks isn't an eternity...Steve Harvey's 90 day rule is.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 67
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/18/2017 5:33:30 AM
well, at least he stopped ghosting you, and gave you enough reasons to feel you made the right decision. It sucks when we find out how stupid someone thinks we are, that we'll believe their BS. At least he doesn't treat you worse than others, he treats you the same. for whatever cold comfort that offers :)
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 68
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/18/2017 5:55:24 AM

Unless you can irrefutably someone is lying, it's not always best to conclude they are. I've had many legitimate "when it rains it pours" moments in my life unfairly met with skepticism. They can happen to anyone.

However, I'm not one of those guys who starts asking a woman for favors early on in a relationship, either, unless it's an actual emergency with no other available options.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/18/2017 8:08:11 AM
Interesting thread, and raises a debatable point.

How soon in a relationship should you be able or willing to ask for favors? I remember reading, a very long time ago, that people would feel closer to you, more drawn to you, if they had been allowed to do things for you. And I believe there is some truth to that, I like helping people that I know well, and care about.

But very early on? No, not so much. In the early stages, I would prefer to maintain some boundaries. It’s a very hard thing to gauge though, when is too soon? And after enough time has gone by (according to your standards), and they still don’t ask for favors or grant favors, then what does that tell you?

It’s all a matter of individual standards, and just another possible case of “not a match”.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 70
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/18/2017 8:19:14 AM
"About 2 weeks ago, he told me he had a business trip to L.A. and his flight was in the early-morning (5:30am). He asked me if I could a) take him to the airport and b) allow him to spend the night at my place "




You dated him for 2 weeks and he asked you this favour....2 weeks ago ? So, he asked you this favour pretty much as soon as he met you ????


Ya, that's a bit much
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 71
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/18/2017 8:22:43 AM
I've known of women who have taken in the neediest dregs of society only to get burned, then blame it on their "caring and nurturing nature", which I prefer to call desperation, myself.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 72
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/18/2017 9:13:58 AM
The point is not the favor. The point of that anecdote was that he claimed a business trip was cancelled after I said no to him spending the night at my place. That was one of a few of these far-fetched, implausible stories he told me in a 2-3 week period.

And I agree Cooldog. I think he was either ****ing someone else or trying to during the week of him ghosting me, and when that didn't work out, he came slithering back. Now I'm very glad I didn't sleep with him. I'd rather know if a guy is a scumbag or player BEFORE laying down with him.

Aintnodeal, your comprehension is lacking WTF. Allow me to re-explain: He asked me if I could take him to the airport at 5:30am and stay the night at my place. I said no. He then claimed, "Nevermind, the flight was cancelled." I didn't ghost him...WTF
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/18/2017 10:12:38 AM

But very early on? No, not so much. In the early stages, I would prefer to maintain some boundaries. It’s a very hard thing to gauge though, when is too soon?

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for a "favor" -- in the same sense of "help a brother out", but to a girl -- after you've had a couple dates and seem to be hitting it off... it's just that you want to put emphasis that they Really Don't Have to -- it's more you're just throwing it out there, exploring your options with those you know. Also -- to be picked up somewhere and to crash at their place... how far off is that from being picked up on date #3, and being a bit too tipsy, crashing at his place at the end of the night? :)

The only thing I would balk at, is getting the vibe that the girl's doing it to be clingy. If I don't get a sense of her being clingy, and it's only on the level of picking her up and having her crash at my place... and it's not interfering with any set plans I had -- sure, why not (if I actually Like her)? But in their situation, having to get up super-early -- ehhh, I'd be like, get an Uber - lol.

He asked me if I could take him to the airport at 5:30am and stay the night at my place.

I'd just say -- get an Uber. If it was 5:30PM that's one thing, but 5:30am? Unless I was to get up early Anyway that day, and just get up an hour earlier -- OK. But also, I don't see spending the night as some crazy thing with someone you've been starting to date. I mean, if you're wanting things not to swoop in too fast -- "Fine, but you're going to sleep on the couch. I don't like to move too fast. Sure you want to? :)"
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/18/2017 10:20:27 AM
This is really simple, stop having any contact with a person who does not treat in the you want to be treated. It is ALWAYS your choice.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 9/18/2017 4:46:56 PM
DreamPig
I've known of women who have taken in the neediest dregs of society only to get burned, then blame it on their "caring and nurturing nature", which I prefer to call desperation, myself.

I know of a woman like this - she posts all of her drama on FB. Many of her 'boyfriends' she immediately moves into her home with her and her children. As you might imagine, she's a big meme poster.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?