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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?      Home login  
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 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 101
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?Page 5 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

Ghosting i find is a situation that can have many reasons.

If its a guy who i know will try to barter me into dating or sleeping with them, relationship etc when i try to call it off then ill Ghost. Its not worth the abuse some of these people give you, Ive been called some pretty nasty names just for being honest and saying i dont feel chemistry and would like to discontinue dating.

Sometimes i wont tell them the truth as i am too nice of a person to hurt anyone's feelings so i think the freeze out is less of a slap in the face then say a flat out your ugly.... go away lol.


I know this poster is gone....If you are concerned about any type of backlash, you can end it by text or email, then ignore and/or block a man if he keeps trying to contact you. In my viewpoint even a "white lie"such as "I'm taking a break from dating" or "I'm not completely over an ex" would be better than the disappearing act. If particular when you agreed to go out on another date and later changed your mind. The difference is timing. Although a woman might be lying, at least I know sooner and can move on sooner.
 boatbob2q
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 102
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Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 11/10/2017 12:08:14 PM
Hes cheap,and didnt want to buy you a Christmas present,then he hooked up with a lady,AFTER CHRISTMAS.......Saved a bunch of money,,,,,,,,Douche bags like that are a dime a dozen.......
 saintclara
Joined: 5/30/2017
Msg: 103
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 12/21/2017 9:45:37 PM
Its not you it them there are lots of crazy men out there so go for upmarket ones and avoid the sharks . That's most of them
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/16/2017
Msg: 104
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 12/22/2017 3:29:40 AM

(saintclara) Its not you it them there are lots of crazy men out there so go for upmarket ones and avoid the sharks . That's most of them


Is this an example of how you "smother people with kindness", that you bragged of in the "Can say anything now" thread? I think that, perhaps, you don't understand what "kindness" means...
 omgherecomesb
Joined: 12/19/2017
Msg: 105
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Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 12/22/2017 5:17:15 AM
Ever heard the phrase
" women arent loveable, they're leaveable"

Be loveable, its hard to ghost a loveable person because they'll regret it.
Get it?
Be loveable
 saintclara
Joined: 5/30/2017
Msg: 106
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 12/23/2017 2:14:04 AM
Some of the most loveable gorgeous women I know have been binned and cheated on as well as abused I have stories that would make your toes curl at how lovely a woman has been and how vile the man is to that loveable Gal :)dude men are a lost cause:)
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/16/2017
Msg: 107
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 12/23/2017 3:26:32 AM

(Saintclara) Some of the most loveable gorgeous women I know have been binned and cheated on as well as abused I have stories that would make your toes curl at how lovely a woman has been and how vile the man is to that loveable Gal :)dude men are a lost cause:)


As flame-bait goes, that's not too shabby -- bashing an entire gender is always sure to get a vitriolic response. So, here goes...

"Ghosting" was created to accommodate the cowardly nature of the 21st Century female. It's not about "letting the guy down gently" -- it's about the woman breaking things off dishonestly with a guy in a way that is convenient for her, not him. The fact that some Beta-males also use it, simply points to their sissification...

That was so good, that I'm gonna award myself 9.0 on it...
 Slowhand324
Joined: 8/27/2017
Msg: 108
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 4:07:54 PM
With all the women on POF who can't manage the common courtesy of a simple response to someone expressing an interest in them, it's reasonable to me that this would inform a mans attitude toward women in general over time. Old saying - It takes 2 to Tango, seems applicable to this topic.
Seriously, how hard is it to take 30 seconds for a response like "Thanx for reaching out! I don't feel we are a good match, but take care and good luck!"
Wow, that only took 20 seconds - to respond to someone who put themselves out there and expressed interest in you. What kind of Kardashianesque princess is so self-absorbed that they forget human kindness and decency when they're online? Lol.
 KJ521
Joined: 1/3/2018
Msg: 109
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 4:12:44 PM
Really? 30 seconds? Lol!

And....let's not discount the "foot in the door" technique some people exploit!


vvvv Edit: He said both. :)

And....I remember many gentlemen say...they prefer no response to a rejection msg. Everyone has a right to their own preferences.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 110
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Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 4:16:21 PM
Slowhand, welcome to the forums, I see this is your first post here. If I could offer some friendly advice?

This very topic has been debated to death. You are literally reviving a dead horse just so it can be beaten on again. Now I realize that you don’t know that, so let me fill you in. Many, many, many women have written here in the forums about their experiences when they do what you are requesting. That is, the kind let down, “Sorry, we are not a match, but good luck.”

What happens is all of the a__holes in the world then jump on them asking “why am I not good enough? What’s wrong with me?” and other even nicer things, such as “You’re nothing but an entitled princess”, and “You’re fat anyway, I don’t know why I ever bothered writing you”.

So the women have learned, the best negative response is no response at all. It is what it is, it’s by now an integral part of OLD (Online Dating), and you’re just going to have to live with it.

ON EDIT: KJ521, just above me, he said “20 seconds” not “30 seconds”. We have a new record holder.
 Slowhand324
Joined: 8/27/2017
Msg: 111
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 4:27:00 PM
Hi Ohen. I'm not new here. Just back from a hiatus. And this is hardly the only topic that's been well worn.

I have heard the excuse you detail many times as well. I simply reject it. Not exercising the courtesy of a response just because you might get an a-hole is not justified IMO. Not everyone is a jerk. But this strategy assumes that everyone is. That strikes me as a craven POV, and only serves to make the non-jerks these people don't respond to question their decency. I get women who can't handle rejection as well. I still honor my parents values by acknowledging their feelings - and then I phuking move on. Not that difficult. Further, I have heard from women thanking me for at least responding to their interest, just as I now thank those who manage to do the same.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 112
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 5:01:17 PM

Seriously, how hard is it to take 30 seconds for a response like "Thanx for reaching out! I don't feel we are a good match, but take care and good luck!"


Years ago, when I was new to online dating, I felt same way as you---but after being insulted and harassed one too many times by men responding negatively to my polite turn-downs, I stopped replying to messages from men I wasn't interested in.


Wow, that only took 20 seconds - to respond to someone who put themselves out there and expressed interest in you. What kind of Kardashianesque princess is so self-absorbed that they forget human kindness and decency when they're online? Lol.


It's not self-absorption---it's self-preservation from verbal abuse.
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 113
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 5:08:01 PM
Slowhand Many of us guys have been there. These women would have to respond to 100+ messages every week. That is a lot of work when most guys will not even appreciate the effort. These women are actually doing you a favor. Just don't put all your eggs in one basket or be over anxious about your #1 prospect. Once I accepted this, it's actually pretty easy. You send out 1 to 3 messages a day and some days you get a pleasant surprise. Simple.
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 114
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 5:38:20 PM
I send a nice polite reject to the ladies thank them for offer but I must decline. I message they just ignore if their not interested as they don't know me. A lady rejects me I am like okay next never thought much about it in real life wouldn't feel any different here. I have a very high defence mechanism however some guys hate rejection get it and are verbally abusive. That just shows the woman she was right for rejecting him if he had of said okay thank you for your time. Maybe she is not interested but maybe she might be inclined to say to a friend who just joined that he was polite and respectful when he approached me. In a big city rarely would something like that happen in a small area it's possible actually likely if they got a friends made me do this, and you see all their friends on there as well.
 Slowhand324
Joined: 8/27/2017
Msg: 115
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 5:46:17 PM
"It's not self-absorption---it's self-preservation from verbal abuse."

And the fix takes even less than 20 seconds. Send a polite response - because that's how you were raised - and click the 'Block User' button. No possible abuse.
 Slowhand324
Joined: 8/27/2017
Msg: 116
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 5:50:05 PM
"These women would have to respond to 100+ messages every week."

We all get tons of messages every week. I work a 40 to 50 hour week, and yet somehow I find time to respond to the 5 to 10 women a day I hear from. Again, it's a Character thing. Some have it, some don't. I get that. But let's not enable the further decline of our civilization by accepting these tired excuses. Women aren't any busier here than men are. Lol.
 KJ521
Joined: 1/3/2018
Msg: 117
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 5:51:07 PM
"and click the 'Block User' button. No possible abuse."


Yeah. Just because I don't fancy a man I should preemptively block?

Sheesh! I don't want anyone kicked off POF just cause I don't want to date them!

That was not how I was raised! :)
 Slowhand324
Joined: 8/27/2017
Msg: 118
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 6:39:55 PM
No one gets kicked off of POF because someone blocked them. You appear to just be trying to justify a lack of common courtesy. Regardless, you could always assume the best about someone, instead of worst. If they do respond with abuse, block them then.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 119
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 6:41:05 PM
https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-etiquette-when-you-are-not-interested-in-a-person-who-has-messaged-you-on-a-dating-site

Perfect.

No need to block.....................unless someone becomes abusive.

I really dislike kicken' dead horses. No fun kicken' any animal.
Edit: Actually one can be removed from POF............. IF they are blocked repeatedly.
 KJ521
Joined: 1/3/2018
Msg: 120
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 6:47:25 PM
"No one gets kicked off of POF because someone blocked them."


Mr. NoHand?


I suggest you learn a bit more about how POF works before you make suggestions that can have detrimental effects on other users.


But hey? It's ALL about you, isn't it? ;) ;)
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 121
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Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 8:25:44 PM

No one gets kicked off of POF because someone blocked them.

Yeah, hit and run, just to prove a point, that point being nothing other than broadcasting your manners. While you are at it, find fault with KJ, a considerate Floridian, and one of the most respectful, if not the most respectful poster on this board.

You appear to just be demonstrating you are a desert grampus that lacks common sense. The only think that is missing is 'End of story!' *BLOCK**


Regardless, you could always assume the best about someone, instead of worst. If they do respond with abuse, block them then.
Is this supposed to be profound? -- No. You are moving the goalposts completely from your original foolishly ignorant assertion that we objected to, to stay at the helm. I would have apologized to KJ rather than handing her the sarcasm and a hypocritical lecture in morality.
That's how I was raised: As the Arabs say, there are five fingers on the hand, and none of us are equal. It is nobody's obligation to acknowledge anyone with a message to say "thanks but no thanks". No different than the woman on a busy street being approached by a dozen men and walking strait as an arrow without giving them the time of day, a behavior in similar circumstances that has existed for centuries in the US.

There. It felt good to beat that dead horse once, and I love horses! I think I'm going to watch Leonardo in the Revenant now to be sure I don't type any more stupid responses...
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 122
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Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 8:31:52 PM

If they do respond with abuse, block them then.


I suggest not even reading any further messages after the rejection, since in most cases it is safe to assume that they are not writing back to thank you for rejecting them.
 KJ521
Joined: 1/3/2018
Msg: 123
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 8:42:38 PM
"KJ, a considerate Floridian, and one of the most respectful, if not the most respectful poster on this board."


Mr. Pluto...your praise is quite appreciated but admittedly...undeserved! Lol

Perhaps...Mr. NoHand just needs a bit of pineapple juice to help make the "swallowing" of the "bitter truth" more palatable! ;) ;)



***Ok...I am going to go put myself into time out for that one! :D
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 124
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Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 8:48:34 PM

With all the women on POF who can't manage the common courtesy of a simple response to someone expressing an interest in them

Whoah -- stop the presses. Actually, it's actually Not "common courtesy" to give Any response to a digital entity (you're not in person) who expresses interest in you on a dating site. It really isn't. Even if I wanted it to be, it still isn't Common Courtesy. But I don't want it to be, and I don't have to worry about it, because it won't become any common courtesy. :)

It's common courtesy to do that if you knew them IRL, and you caught them on there to say something, even expressing interest. That, I can see. Problem is, some people -- namely Newbies & guys who are frustrated never getting anything in response from someone remotely attractive -- don't know the difference between that and mere digital entities.

You're not going up to them at an event/bar/church/etc and expressing hello, and getting a silent treatment. The problem is thinking it's even remotely close to that. You're not in-person. You never met in-person. You don't know if their profile's true (and vice versa). Gals get bombarded by emails, and responding in any way has a small but not rare chance of getting another remark back that's not so positive, too. You're not writing a letter on paper and mailing it to the post office. :) And what is it going to get you? You think it's Courtesy for a cut-n-paste "Thanks but no thanks. Good luck in your search"? LOL.

It's more fitting to sending a cover letter & resume to a big business that has an employment ad up nationwide. Most aren't going to respond. At least there, it'd be courtesy, and understandable as one's not going to go "Why not?!"
 MsRozie
Joined: 9/10/2015
Msg: 125
Why did he ghost me? Cowards way out?
Posted: 1/9/2018 9:02:14 PM
you've done nothing wrong and Be glad you've dodged a bullet so to speak , You deserve better and will find better, focus on that instead of the negative :)
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