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 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 76
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Dating in your 50's and 60's. Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I think the main problem with age and dating is a change in the basic desire to date.

Hormones decline with age which results in less desire to date, men think this a sign of maturity, wisdom and greater selectivity but IMO it’s just a decline in hormones. So men don’t make the same effort as they used to when they were younger.

Women are affected by this also, but women have always placed a greater relevance on companionship and support from their partners than men have, so the decline in desire to date/get a relationship is more muted then in men.

The ratio of men Vs women was only balanced for a brief time period around the age 40. ForRumOnly made the same observation, I usually agree with him about this sort of subject.

I would estimate 75% of men and 60% of women would opt for younger partners assuming such younger partners were readily available. I base this on observations of those people that have an unusual amount of partners to choose from. I think 20-30 years younger, I think more than 30 years younger starts to feel ridiculous to both partners.

There is a negative to younger partners related to one’s lack of ability to keep up, either in the sack or in everyday activities people enjoy. It can be intimidating to some men or women, cause jealousy, resentment or sympathy for the plight of their younger partner.

For the majority of people dating, they don’t get much outside of their box or their geographic area, so they don’t have a large number of possible younger partners, they all tend to date closely within their age group.

Older men remember their youth, many may seek sex but if they are confronted with demands for sex from a partner, I think they find reasons (rationalizations) why this why this won’t work out. My guess is many men above 50 are one and done at best. Not all certainly, but a large enough percentage that it will be noticeable. They still remember their time as a track star, but really, who wants to work that hard to get into shape and still not measure up?

I personally have found it’s a little easier to date now than when I was younger, but being short at 5.4 that has always been the dominate factor in dating, so there wasn’t huge change in dating ability at any age. However, I have always found that I can only go at most about 12 months dating before getting involved in some sort of long term relationship, so I have never causally dated a large number of women, even casual dates tend to last 1-2 months. So I tend to be tied up in relationships, and trying to date while in a longer term relationship will involve me in some sort of emotional disaster that will leave me miserable, so I just don’t go there.
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 77
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 2/28/2017 9:22:50 AM

Msg. 76: I think the main problem with age and dating is a change in the basic desire to date. Hormones decline with age which results in less desire to date, men think this a sign of maturity, wisdom and greater selectivity but IMO it’s just a decline in hormones.

I would estimate 75% of men and 60% of women would opt for younger partners assuming such younger partners were readily available. I base this on observations of those people that have an unusual amount of partners to choose from. I think 20-30 years younger. … There is a negative to younger partners related to one’s lack of ability to keep up, either in the sack or in everyday activities people enjoy.

Though it may feel exciting to date (and have sex with) a decades-younger partner, the differences in life experience and generational culture norms usually make those relationships less than ideal for a committed long-term, lifetime relationship, even if hormones and physical stamina weren’t a factor. (There are exceptions, but they aren’t the rule.)

Msg. 76 (continued): For the majority of people dating, they don’t get much outside of their box or their geographic area, so they don’t have a large number of possible younger partners, they all tend to date closely within their age group.

It’s good for the majority of people to date others who are close in age and location. Common experiences and living within shared geographical, generational, and cultural norms allows for a greater opportunity to be emotionally intimate with each other and with each other’s friends and cohorts over the period of time it takes to determine LTR compatibility.

I agree that it’s possible for a decrease in dating to be the result of a decrease in hormones, but if an average man isn’t putting forth a reasonable amount of effort, he won’t date much and the type of women he dates will reflect his lack of effort. These men tend to eventually drop off the dating radar due to lack of interest on both sides.

For men who genuinely want to date, greater selectivity is more often the result of an increase in knowledge of what works for them and what doesn’t. It demonstrates, in a sense, greater wisdom and maturity.

On the flip side, the higher ratio of women-to-men over 55 allows men to be less selective. In many communities, it’s possible for men who are healthy and have their financial act together (can support themselves) to be continually dating new women without achieving emotional intimacy.

^^^In a nutshell: In medium-to-large communities in which the ratio of women-to-men is significantly high, the easy path for physically and financially healthy men is to be less selective. The “mature and wise” path is to be more selective in order to achieve not only physical satisfaction, but also intellectual and emotional intimacy; hence, a greater sense of satisfaction overall.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 78
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 2/28/2017 11:19:52 AM
Dragonbytes
I personally have found it’s a little easier to date now than when I was younger


So I tend to be tied up in relationships, and trying to date while in a longer term relationship will involve me in some sort of emotional disaster that will leave me miserable, so I just don’t go there.


This is worded oddly for someone who is married.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 79
Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 2/28/2017 11:28:24 AM
The problem with dating in your 50's and 60's is you finally
figure out who's smart and who's not. You can read between the
lines, predict the future, you've heard it all before, you've been
there done that and not going there again.

You might not have a list of what you want or expect, but the list
of what you don't want and refuse to accept has grown longer, and
the need to be with someone just because what else will you do is
gone. You get used to depending on yourself, and someone who
doesn't disappoint you has become an abnormality rather than the norm.

You've worked hard on your mental and physical health, and while you're
not opposed to helping someone out, the need to be a crutch or a philanthropist
died out in your 30's. You're done with the boohooing about how life has
treated you badly, how your ex's treated you worse, how everyone is out to get
you and no one loves you because they have a problem and not because of
something you've done or are doing.

So you're trying to date and it should be simple. But it isn't.
Because the expectation of something better than what you have is there,
and the reality isn't.

But on the upside, I figured out I'm smaht.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 80
Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 2/28/2017 11:36:13 AM
Sun Flower....I don't think concubines count as actually wives ?

( shrug )
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 81
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 2/28/2017 12:03:16 PM
I sometimes think I missed the boat...
Single in my 40's I felt I was better off to raise my kids, than date.
Now skidding into my 50's...
I need to go to dating school.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 82
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/4/2017 8:01:46 AM
sun___flower


Dragonbytes

I personally have found it’s a little easier to date now than when I was younger
-------------------------------
So I tend to be tied up in relationships, and trying to date while in a longer term relationship will involve me in some sort of emotional disaster that will leave me miserable, so I just don’t go there.



This is worded oddly for someone who is married.


Well, when you put it that way, maybe it did seem odd. :)

I started dating most recently in early 2009 and stopped in 2010. Around age 57-59. It took me a few months to get used to online dating, after that it was fairly easy, but I only dated 5 women, that was all I had time for. I didn't really use POF to date, but my guess is it would have worked also though at the time I didn't like POF for dating.

Once you start dating someone that you spend most of your free time with, even if you haven't committed to anything definite, it's difficult to squeeze in someone else without breaking up or causing a lot of confusion.

I had tried dating other people while in a longer term relationship when I was in my late 20s early 30s, that was when it got very complicated and ended disastrously.

I have never even tried or had a desire to date someone else when married and I think of marriage as more than just a long term relationship, I think of it as a life time contract that while you can break it, breaking it comes with significant consequences beyond emotional distress.

I had a lot of potential dates, but since I only actually dated 5 women, who knows how the potential would have actually worked out? Maybe no actual date, maybe poor dates, maybe after running through all potential dates the dating arena would dry up entirely.

Bottom line, I am a bit confused why so many report it's so difficult to date when I did not find it difficult, maybe I was just lucky or didn't date long enough to appreciate all the difficulties. Like your first time playing poker, you can draw a full house and beat the house, it doesn't mean you are a great poker player.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 83
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/4/2017 8:43:16 AM
Kay9876
On the flip side, the higher ratio of women-to-men over 55 allows men to be less selective. In many communities, it’s possible for men who are healthy and have their financial act together (can support themselves) to be continually dating new women without achieving emotional intimacy.

^^^In a nutshell: In medium-to-large communities in which the ratio of women-to-men is significantly high, the easy path for physically and financially healthy men is to be less selective. The “mature and wise” path is to be more selective in order to achieve not only physical satisfaction, but also intellectual and emotional intimacy; hence, a greater sense of satisfaction overall.

You seem to be implying that “continually dating new women” and being “more selective in order to achieve not only physical satisfaction, but also intellectual and emotional intimacy; hence, a greater sense of satisfaction overall” are mutually exclusive.

In my nutshell, you seem to be using more selective as a proxy for monogamous vs non- monogamous.

Can’t one be more selective, achieve emotional intimacy yet also either frequently date new women or multi-date a few women?

Granted, it takes more time to achieve some sort of emotional intimacy, but after spending around 200 hours in each other’s company, I think emotional intimacy is usually achieved.

BTW, I think it’s more accurate to put it in term of hours since one can spend 24 hours a day for 14 dates or one can spend 4 hours a date for 50 dates. So when one says I have dated someone for a couple of weeks, it could be 336 hours or 8 hours.

If I said I knew someone pretty well after a few weeks, many people would doubt that, but if we lived together, traveled together, visited family for all of those 2 weeks, it would have a different interpretation.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 84
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/4/2017 11:23:30 AM

Kay9876
On the flip side, the higher ratio of women-to-men over 55 allows men to be less selective. In many communities, it’s possible for men who are healthy and have their financial act together (can support themselves) to be continually dating new women without achieving emotional intimacy.



dragonbytes
Bottom line, I am a bit confused why so many report it's so difficult to date when I did not find it difficult, maybe I was just lucky or didn't date long enough to appreciate all the difficulties. Like your first time playing poker, you can draw a full house and beat the house, it doesn't mean you are a great poker player.


I agree, 100%, with both of the above comments. At the old age of 66, dating has never been easier, or more enjoyable.


dragonbytes
In my nutshell, you seem to be using more selective as a proxy for monogamous vs non- monogamous.

Yeah, I noticed that. But … there is an element of truth there. I think you can have any number of initial meetings, even first and second dates, with multiple women. But you are not really likely to grow very close until you start concentrating on one.

The problem for me is, she has to really impress me before I will drop the others to concentrate on her. And it seems like every time I do that, she drops me to concentrate on someone else!!!
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 85
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/4/2017 2:23:33 PM
Yeah, that sounds like lots of fun.
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 86
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/4/2017 7:05:52 PM
No complaints here. I'm happy with things.
 Fish_finder_ON__check
Joined: 2/20/2017
Msg: 87
Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/4/2017 8:30:24 PM
From my perspective, life has changed what I am looking for out of life, so dating has changed as well.

When one is young, one is naive. As one ages, one's outlook on things changes - for a whole variety of reasons.

As far as I am concerned, the important element when it comes to two people hitting it off, is simply luck. I say that, based on what I see happening in general. Given the number of people in the world today, how is it that two people meet who can get along with one another? One would think it very easy to do, given the numbers - just look at the number of folks here on this one 'dating' site. While a few are lucky to meet that special one, most keep looking, and looking, and looking... The idea of dating is one that seems almost impossible to achieve.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 88
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/4/2017 11:40:07 PM
I think even 15 year age gap is too wide in most cases.... However dating in your elder years seems like an anomaly to me. Men typically have performance problems and honestly I wouldnt want to go there with a man over 55 tops. I am sure a lot of women feel that way even at the same sort of age.

I understand that to be shorter than average is a drawback for men and that you cant hide that. Just go for the tiny petite women..
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 89
Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/5/2017 7:33:09 AM

Men typically have performance problems.


Generally a man with prostate cancer will have a performance problem. I read that.

Personally I never had a problem except when it stretches while it should remain inactive. That's embarrassing! Once it woke up immediately after the female doctor said, "Drop your pants and underwear." I was 64 and had no control over it. I visualized Rosie O'Donnell & Janet Reno, but that didn't keep it down.

As she checked for a hernia it got stronger - almost in a horizontal position. When a male doctor did that, it would always act like a terrified turtle.

Methinks it gave that woman doctor some concern. She left the room immediately after removing her glove. The following year she had a woman assistant with her. That caused a slight stir. Perhaps it was thinking threesome. Ya realize we have no control over it. Keeping it down was the only problem I had over a long lifetime. That problem started in junior high. Well, probably earlier. Don't know for sure.
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 90
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/5/2017 7:52:41 AM
Good for you, benartflick! Funny stories there. :-)
Glad to hear of a gentleman with a sense of humor.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 91
Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/5/2017 8:43:13 AM
I've read a few "Dating coaches" who teach how to approach younger ladies. The honest ones admit, the ability to attract someone more than a decade in difference is pretty difficult (daddy issues really help, tho, I know a 50 yr old dating an 18, her family was really f-d up. The aunt was a cougar who would use her for cover when caught going after someone's son, etc. Anyway, those two got married, divorced in his 60's b/c she wanted kids, and they still talk weekly, not just over custodial rights over the pooch).

And yet when those dating coaches get personal and talk about the young gals they did date...let's just say the ladies weren't high quality. Adam Gilad introduced one to his underage sons (she must have meant something to get that privilege) and she showed up with a stuffed bra and told the boys as their new mom, the breastfeedings would be at 9am.

(Yeah, I didn't think I had to point out all the red flags in that).

I mean, sometimes you think a May-December relationship works b/c the woman is so mature for her age, that she rises to his level. But typically it seems that it works b/c her boobs are so great and his own maturity level is as low as his testosterone count, that the two people can meet on a similar level.

the relationship may not last, but really, what's a "good length of time" for a relationship to last? every one of them comes to an end one way or another, and we've seen elderly couples who snap at each other like penned up dogs. sometimes, its the quality, not the quantity.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 92
Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/6/2017 3:01:26 AM

I've read a few "Dating coaches" who teach how to approach younger ladies.


What are the qualifications required to be a dating coach?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 93
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/6/2017 4:22:41 AM
^^^^^Gotta have a "PhD" (Pretty hard di*k) from "BYU" (Bone 'em Young University)...
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 94
or Brigham Young University
Posted: 3/6/2017 8:05:37 AM
"What are the qualifications required to be a dating coach? "

>>>yeah, well, that's why I put the words in quotes, I suspect its a self-applied label. But believe it or don't, they claim they have contests for "dating coach of the year". don't know if its measured by their success or by their students. and what, really, is success in dating? is it getting a phone number, a kiss, getting laid, getting married? if you were truly interested/bored, I suppose this is A starting point, coma white may have a better one

https://cliffslist.com/

off on a tangent, its interesting how the more prolific DC's turn into internet entrpreneurs, expanding into selling other products. They start off trying to make some coin (many times, apparently, just regurgitating what they learned from a seminar they paid thousands for), and find opportunity. But then again, a real go-getter tends to find opportunity everywhere they look.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 95
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/6/2017 3:53:25 PM

I think even 15 year age gap is too wide in most cases.... However dating in your elder years seems like an anomaly to me. Men typically have performance problems and honestly I wouldnt want to go there with a man over 55 tops. I am sure a lot of women feel that way even at the same sort of age.


What sort of performance are you looking for? Is there a max standard, meaning at more than 15 years younger a man is too virile for most older women?

What are the minimum standards?

Are you talking about how often a week, a day, length of time for one session before orgasm, how long for recovery, how flexible one is, what seems to be the main performance concern?
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 96
Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/10/2017 4:21:37 PM
Dating in our 50's and 60's, heard a story tonight that made this age look young and had to put it someplace.
Went to a wake with a friend and he was telling me he was going to his father-in-laws 99th birthday party the next day. 99 is quite an achievement in itself. The kicker that made me smile and realize I have a lot of years to go is the man's 98 year old girlfriend will be at the party. They are discussing getting married!!!!!!!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 97
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/11/2017 12:01:10 AM

LetitiaLeGrande
I think even 15 year age gap is too wide in most cases.... However dating in your elder years seems like an anomaly to me. Men typically have performance problems and honestly I wouldnt want to go there with a man over 55 tops. I am sure a lot of women feel that way even at the same sort of age.


Hmmm… First, I do date a very wide age range. Last weekend, I had a date with a woman 63 years old. I was rather taken with her, but she apparently didn’t reciprocate that feeling. And tonight, I had a second date with a woman who is 39 years old. Interesting story there, her profile, over on Ok*Cupid, lists her age as 52. And she reached out to me initially. Tonight, on the second date, she confessed that she is actually 39 (turning 40 later this month).

She told me she used the 52 number on her profile to discourage the younger horn dogs, but it didn’t work. I asked her why she chose me to message, and she said I had “kind eyes”. I have no idea what that means, but I’ll take it.

While I don’t expect to have any long term relationship with a woman appreciably younger, I’m quite happy to go out on dates and enjoy her company. Dating does not have to be about “forever after”, it can just be two people enjoying each other’s company.

The second part of your statement, men over 55 and performance problems – you are really painting with a broad brush there. I personally have no problems, but I know some men do. A good friend of mine, a women I have known for better than 30 years, is presently dating a 70 year old gentleman. Initially, he had problems, but as their relationship has progressed, so has their sex life, and both are now quite pleased.

By the way, I went to see “Kong: Skull Island” tonight (my second date with the 39 year old). Anyone else seen that? I rather enjoyed it, and I was surprised at how empty the theater was. Probably because they haven’t advertised it?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 98
Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/11/2017 9:13:21 AM

Dating does not have to be about “forever after”, it can just be two people enjoying each other’s company.


It's too bad that's not a more popular concept. For many, dating is a chore to find the One, and the thought of spending time with someone who might not lead to wedding bells and fairies flying around overhead is a total waste of time.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 99
Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/11/2017 9:37:32 AM

Dating does not have to be about “forever after”, it can just be two people enjoying each other’s company.


Absolutely, I agree...................IF................BOTH persons are up front, on the same page with this.
Open/HONEST, with their intent.


For many, dating is a chore to find the One.......................lead to wedding bells and fairies flying around overhead.....


Never once considered the looking, searching for, meeting, weekend dates to be "a chore". Not once.

"For many......." Probably not as "many" as you assume. More like "many" who have reached their 50's and older, are seeking companionship/ being together / common interests / sharing in life's pleasures. Not a wedding bell in sight!

Now then, them "fairies" ....? Hmmmmmm I spot one of those every once in awhile, out in the flower garden.
 nocatz
Joined: 1/29/2017
Msg: 100
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Dating in your 50's and 60's.
Posted: 3/12/2017 10:17:09 PM
which Roosevelt? just checking.
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