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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?      Home login  
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 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 276
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?Page 12 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
couple weeks and cant meet for coffee in a public place? at the very least, I am still talking to other women. too many times, I spent hours messaging or talking on the phone and within minutes off meeting, know it isn't a match. many more times, I am strung along until I give up without ever actually meeting the person. you don't have to get married, sleep with them or even give them a hug when you leave! two adults having a 10 minute face to face conversation with no promise of anymore. have one doing that to me now, I ignored her last couple texts.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 277
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/16/2018 10:24:50 PM
What about the men who message constantly and never once ask you out or to meet? I will not be the inititiator. Experience has told me that's a bad move.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 278
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/17/2018 12:41:05 AM
*What about the men who message constantly and never once ask you out or to meet?

What about them? Until you actually meet them, they aren't men yet. They are still only a collection of electrons. I understand attaching potential to hopeful messages. Unless you are cold and soulless, you probably can't get around it. It might be helpful to keep all of the possibilities in mind and not just the positive ones.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 279
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/17/2018 1:41:41 AM

If she's talking to you she is probably at least a little interested.

No. That's the trap He fell into. If she's talking to you, lives in your area, but can't/won't meet you -- she's not interested in-that-way. It's a clear litmus test of interest vs no-interest.

It can be pretty scary meeting a strange eye somewhere.

For the very Few, going beyond a couple weeks. And if one is caught up with that on that unhealthy scale, then that by itself is going to push interest away.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 280
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ? Well, Yes, I am!
Posted: 9/17/2018 4:18:13 AM

I joined POF this past January and so far I've received alot of views, for example one day I received 33 views on the binocular symbol but no messages. This has been my experience in LA and El Paso. I don't message them because I feel if they view me and they don't send a message they are not interested.


They're only looking -- looking it's not an agreement to contact you or show you interest beyond that.


If they view guys they are not interested because they are bored, why don't they browse guy's profiles without the guy knowing, like stealth mode. Are women on here just attention wh*ring or looking for a ego boost?


So, not only do you dislike women making their own dating choices and choosing to view profiles that catch their initial attention. They are not obligated to message you, pursue you further, or consider you as a real human being behind the photos. They are not interested - or- waiting for you to make the first move. I might have some relief that you didn't contact them, because you already marked them up as attention whores looking for an ego boost. Who, in their self-respecting mind, wants some entitled, insecure jerk for a boyfriend, anyway?
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 281
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ? Nah, the word consent seems to betray people.
Posted: 9/17/2018 4:27:06 AM

That happened to me in February and it made me feel like absolute s**t. The girl in question was someone I got talking to in November, December maybe. We got along alright, we had things in common, had a good laugh. I asked her maybe three times if she'd like to go on a date with me, she said she'd like to talk a bit more.


I think this is where you should have said **** it and moved on. Seriously.


I knew after the second time I asked that I was gonna get let down, but I thought ''no, give her a chance, she could just be really nervous''. Then a week before the date... ghosted. Blocked me on here, on Facebook. I was really disappointed and I felt really worthless afterwards.


If this made you feel completely worthless, I suggest that you look over your life and figure out what makes you feel worthless. One woman's decision to keep you at bay and later block you when you two never met shouldn't make you feel worthless about yourself, unless she got a bad feeling about you and hightailed it out of your ongoing, fruitless streaming conversation. Your sense of self-worth is your problem and not the problem of some time leech who may have wanted to string along. You'll encounter many more time leeches in your life in many situations within dating but it's up to you to build up the psychological resilience to deal with other human beings without stabbing yourself in the mind every time somebody tells you no or wastes your time. Avoid this by being smarter about your relationship choices. Treat yourself better.


I don't understand that mentality, I don't understand how someone, men and women, can be so cruel to another person.


They're not being cruel by contained your interaction just online. You have the internal power to step out of it and move on to meet other people who are genuinely interested in you.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 282
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/17/2018 7:34:20 AM

What about the men who message constantly and never once ask you out or to meet? I will not be the inititiator. Experience has told me that's a bad move.
I would be concerned why he hasnt asked. he could be stringing you along in the hopes that you 'fall in love' with the guy in the messages and then once in love, you wont even notice he is really someone else. if there is a true connection and he is timid, drop a few hints or just tell him you will be in his area for other reasons and even though you only have a few minutes, would love to meet face to face.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 283
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/17/2018 11:37:06 AM
The major reason I won't meet certain guys in real life is because they seem to be overexcited and it actually makes me feel too much pressure. Sometimes I feel like they like me way too much and we haven't even met but I don't want to be a **** and ghost them or let them down gently.

I don't know what I fear more: that I won't like them but they'll like me and I'll have to hurt their feelings OR that I'll like them but they won't like me and they'll have to hurt my feelings. I haven't gone on a meetup with someone new in a while. But when I do, I probably won't meet up for at least a week or two, until I feel comfortable with them enough to meet them in person.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 284
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/17/2018 5:46:29 PM

It can be pretty scary meeting a strange eye somewhere.


How many people in your life were NOT strangers when you first met them?

If it's THAT scary, just stick to the same old ways that were used before OLD came along.

How well did THAT ever go?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 285
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/17/2018 7:30:58 PM
It didn't go well. Back in the days before old I was way too damn shy and avoided men I liked out of utter panic.

Every so often I get up the guts to go meet a guy. I expect the worst but the worst does not usually happen. Its really tough for me to feel vulnerable like that. My self-esteem is not great. Being called stupid and told to shut up and sworn at constantly by a man has left me a little shell-shocked. Really trying to conquer my fear and just get out and meet people. I try my darnedest to fake confidence and sometimes I think faking it causes me to actually develop confidence.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 286
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/17/2018 9:24:43 PM

I don't know what I fear more: that I won't like them but they'll like me and I'll have to hurt their feelings OR that I'll like them but they won't like me and they'll have to hurt my feelings. I haven't gone on a meetup with someone new in a while.

The first step to your problem is to realize it's objectively a true problem. Otherwise it will continue. It stems from:

Back in the days before old I was way too damn shy and avoided men I liked out of utter panic.

Basically, no, if they live in your town -- you don't pen-pal. It's not a "well, I'm just this type". It's actually being out in left-field, to that extent. It's hiding behind a computer screen. :) It shouldn't be respected as a type or characteristic, but a problem aimed to be resolved down the line. I'm not saying this at all to be mean, but to erase thoughts that it's "OK". Otherwise, your luck will continue to run dry, as you're only short-changing yourself. They're just someone in your town you talked with online, and you only talk to them if they seem like a viable dating option.

No different than if you met a guy at the bar, chatted a bit over a drink or two, exchanged #s, then texted. You don't sit there and text for 2 weeks before agreeing to meet him.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 287
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/18/2018 7:05:52 AM
in my opinion, the two weeks of texting creates an artificial or misguided bond and adds expectations from one or both. you are getting comfortable with what you perceive him to be, he is getting to know only what you put in texts. I always insist on meeting early on and casual, like running errands and stop for a coffee or lunch. at that point, they are nothing more than a stranger I had coffee with. save the high heels and dress for a date AFTER you met the guy and decided you actually wanted a date. text for weeks before meeting, it is either go to a motel or turn and run.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 288
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/18/2018 7:58:09 AM

in my opinion, the two weeks of texting creates an artificial or misguided bond and adds expectations from one or both. you are getting comfortable with what you perceive him to be, he is getting to know only what you put in texts. I always insist on meeting early on and casual



Exactomundo John. Actually I agree with your entire post. Meet early on. Move forward or move on.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 289
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/18/2018 9:40:53 AM
But I like the time to suss someone out and do my research on them. To find out if they are married. To find out if they are too weird. To find out several things. The longer you talk to someone the more you can find out about them and I'm pretty good at finding things out.

First impressions are everything so there's so much pressure to put your best foot forward when you do finally meet and because I'm shy and nervous when I first meet someone, if they've been talking to me the last couple of weeks they at least have a better picture of who I am than what I would give on a first meetup.

Another reason I take longer to meet someone is because often I am talking to a couple guys at once and I wait to see who has the patience and willingness to wait longer and I wait to see who I would rather meet. I allow myself 1 or 2 meetups a month max so I am not going to waste those meetups. Guys get vetted first.

The biggest reason I like to wait a couple weeks to meet is because that two weeks is exciting. Even if its kind of artificial in a way because we haven't met, its nice to enjoy talking with someone and getting to know someone. As soon as you meet that bubble bursts.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 290
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/18/2018 10:33:58 AM

two weeks of texting creates an artificial or misguided bond and adds expectations from one or both.

(Thank you, John)
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 291
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/18/2018 1:34:03 PM

As soon as you meet that bubble bursts.
IT ALWAYS WILL!!! either yours or his to some extent. your creating a fairytale and getting let down. picture this scenario, you run to the store to grab a few things for dinner, not your best clothes and hairs a mess. some guy just leaving work, mud on his boots and no hair gel. he strikes up a conversation...…. your both seeing the 'real' person. now imagine him all cleaned up, texting only what he wants you to know and pretending to be someone else! go meet the guy BEFORE you get invested, then decide all those other things.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 292
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/18/2018 8:30:50 PM
I agree John. That ongoing messaging is creating a fairytale. You make a lot of sense and I never thought of it that way. Well, I don't agree with the heels thing... when you're this short, you wear heels unless out in the yard or going for a walk or hike. Other than that, spot on :-).
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 293
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/19/2018 6:54:29 AM

Well, I don't agree with the heels thing... when you're this short, you wear heels unless out in the yard or going for a walk or hike.
if usually in heels, then wear heals. the point is I don't want to see the special occasion you, I want the everyday you. look at my pic. hairs a mess, skipped my morning shave and an old work shirt. while most will scroll right past looking for sharp dressed men, any that do stop will be looking at the real deal. if/when I get more serious about dating, I may rework it but it wont be fake or pretentious, just some outdoor pics in my best unstained t shirt.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 294
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/19/2018 7:28:33 AM
I wish people did strike up conversations like that in real life. But it's now increasingly rare. Again, everyone is checking their cellphones a million times a day.

We do judge people more from online. There are many guys I probably don't like online that if I met them as a real person I actually might like. But I worry so much that the guy will be a weirdo who likes me intensely (I've had my share of those) that I am hesitant to go for a meetup quickly.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 295
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/19/2018 1:17:55 PM

I wish people did strike up conversations like that in real life. But it's now increasingly rare.


Agreed, and with this #MeToo era we're living in, God forbid a man strike up a conversation with a pretty lady for fear of being branded a sexual predator. Chatting up a woman with tact and grace is a dying art, so is turning a person down with charm.
 patchmanjoker
Joined: 7/28/2017
Msg: 296
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/19/2018 1:19:28 PM
^^^^
Julystorm has hit some nails on the head when it comes to guys having a hard time getting responses or dates with OLD.

This is a post of mine from awhile ago....

Interesting enough, I was listening to a talk radio station today and they had a female OLD expert on taking calls from women having trouble with OLD. Most of the women claimed that they could not find any good guys online. The expert claimed that a lot of women are looking for reasons to avoid a date instead of giving guys a chance, and if they have a bad date they become even more guarded. But, she also pointed out that more guys they see the better chance they have of meeting someone special....go figure. With OLD it is the women that are usually dragging their feet, this has been pointed out with statistics in the past and it still continues.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 297
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/19/2018 1:35:36 PM


I wish people did strike up conversations like that in real life. But it's now increasingly rare. Again, everyone is checking their cellphones a million times a day.


- so true! It's like people are plugged into the Matrix.




Agreed, and with this #MeToo era we're living in, God forbid a man strike up a conversation with a pretty lady for fear of being branded a sexual predator.


- Yup, it's no fun for a man living in a "woman good - man bad" society.






This is a post of mine from awhile ago....

Interesting enough, I was listening to a talk radio station today and they had a female OLD expert on taking calls from women having trouble with OLD. Most of the women claimed that they could not find any good guys online. The expert claimed that a lot of women are looking for reasons to avoid a date instead of giving guys a chance, and if they have a bad date they become even more guarded. But, she also pointed out that more guys they see the better chance they have of meeting someone special....go figure. With OLD it is the women that are usually dragging their feet, this has been pointed out with statistics in the past and it still continues.


- right, sometimes a woman's focus is to weed men out, not necessarily to get a date. You have to give them nothing bad to let them weed you out.








The problem with waiting a long time to meet is, it's often a waste of time............because you can't realize whether or not there is attraction until you meet face-to-face, where you can see his body language. You could discover within seconds he's not the one, and so could he......and it takes two to make it but only one to break it. So guess what - if attraction is not there, and you two talked for months - you just wasted months in the search for your needle in the haystack. So yes, meet quick.

Part of good dating is in being efficient.

However, not meeting for two weeks is not a problem! Waiting a month or more would not be good.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 298
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/19/2018 3:34:52 PM

Agreed, and with this #MeToo era we're living in, God forbid a man strike up a conversation with a pretty lady for fear of being branded a sexual predator.

Calling total BS on that one.

The #MeToo movement isn't about getting chatted up by a stranger. It's about being sexually assaulted, raped, and other forms of sexual intimidation. HUGE difference between the forms of assault under MeToo and casual conversation.

If you don't know the difference then you're fortunate to not have had to learn the difference.

- Yup, it's no fun for a man living in a "woman good - man bad" society.

#MeToo isn't about that either. These women are not saying men are bad, they're saying some specific man assaulted them and up until now society has made them keep quiet because men were believed and women were blamed for 'asking for it.'

You'll need to find something else to blame for your lack of success on other than women being sexually assaulted in their past.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 299
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/19/2018 3:57:49 PM
maybe not part of #me too but it is definitely a concern for men today. even telling a women her hair looks nice or she has a lovely dress is frowned upon, god forbid you actually flirt with anyone!
 Onelionheart
Joined: 5/5/2018
Msg: 300
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/19/2018 5:39:20 PM

Me Too movement


https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/pamela-anderson-harvey-weinstein-victims-blame-controversy-should-have-known-a8086996.html

Pamela Anderson has said the woman who accused Harvey Weinstein of sexual assault should have “known what they were getting into”.

Speaking to Megyn Kelly, the Baywatch actor was asked whether she was surprised by the allegations made against the Hollywood mogul.

“No,” she said. “It was common knowledge that certain producers or certain people in Hollywood or people to avoid, privately. You know what you’re getting into if you’re going into a hotel room, alone.”

Kelly then pointed out that many of the meetings were set up by agents, to which Anderson said that was "not a good excuse."

"Then go with them," she continued "That's what they should have done. Sent somebody with them. I just think there's easy ways to remedy that. That's not a good excuse."

Earlier on in the interview, Anderson called Weinstein “intimidating” while talking about her won experiences around Hollywood being offered money, cars, and houses by men.

"When I came to Hollywood I had a lot of offers to do private auditions and things that just made absolutely no sense,” she said. “Just use common sense. 'Don't go into a hotel room alone. If someone answers the door in a bathrobe, you know, leave.’ Things that are common sense. But Hollywood is very seductive.”

Anderson previously spoke about her own confrontation with Weinstein, saying: "He told me I'd never work in this town again, because I refused to work with a dog.

"He's so intense. I've never been talked to that way by anybody. Not even by a boyfriend. He was really intimidating. AND I DID IT, But I did it without the dog."

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DOES NOT any woman or even teenager know the MEANING of a guy wants to meet her in his apartment, house, or hotel room, privately? When ever business meeting got done in private HOTEL ROOMS?

Soon, I would not get surprised to see an actress argued the actor kissed her more than he should, or touches her naked body in a movie sexual sense Excessively.
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