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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?      Home login  
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 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 26
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?Page 2 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
quoting you but directed to the OP.


Fact is for the women who ARE looking for the right person they soon learn that anything negative is a massive red flag and they learn the hard way to just ignore.


AKA if you're not perfect, you're not good enough for them. Welcome to online dating. Everyone deserves flawless and expects to find it on a dating site, where most of the "normal people" tend to not go to.


Because if you respond with something along the lines of "Thanks for your message but I am not interested - good luck with your search" you just end up getting a barrage of abuse back if you are lucky, endless pathetic pleading for sex if you are not.


And yeah, this does happen, but from knowing girls that have used these sites, not as commonly as some people would make it seem. Well, not as commonly because of the guy. It's not always a response like what she gave. I've been laughed at, I've been told I was too ugly, I've been told I was probably gay, I've been asked why she would ever talk to someone like me... But when we have something to say about that... They run to the forums and make us the bad guy. While it does happen because some guys are jerks, there's more than enough times that the girl brought it on herself. If you choose to act like some of these girls, you have to deal with the fact that some people will get mad at you.
 rickycalifornia
Joined: 1/9/2017
Msg: 27
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 7:55:57 AM
Rockstartrucker,

I'm glad you mentioned this because there are two sides to a story. Both sides have flaws but I do get that vibe that some may be like that but not all, for the women that do act that way, they are the egoistic ones Im talking about that need a ego boost
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 28
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 8:45:24 AM
Yes, there are some women that are looking for an ego boost or a text / email buddy to pass time when they are bored. However there are other women that are more serious and prefer a man to make the first contact. They might be passive, traditional / old fashioned, afraid of rejection etc.


And yeah, this does happen, but from knowing girls that have used these sites, not as commonly as some people would make it seem. Well, not as commonly because of the guy. It's not always a response like what she gave. I've been laughed at, I've been told I was too ugly, I've been told I was probably gay, I've been asked why she would ever talk to someone like me...


That has happened to me before. One woman said I looked like a dork in my pictures. I took the high road. But if a man had something rude in response to that, then she would probably complain that this is another example of men being unable to take a rejection. When it was the manner of rejection that set him off.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 29
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 9:25:02 AM
I don't think all women come here for an ego boost, just like not all guys on here are after quick and casual sex (and moving onto the next women).

Some genuinely are looking for long term and are actually in "settle down mode".

With that said, it does need to be said. You have to weed through tons of duds, before you meet someone worth holding onto. The same can be said for either gender, which is why dating online is so challenging.

But the positive, is you meet someone who's a keeper, and you appreciate them tenfold, knowing how difficult they were to find. I definitely appreciate the good people I've encountered on here.

But yes, some women come here for free dinners, and have zero interest in committing to you. Some have low self-esteems, and are looking to be complimented, and for attention. Some, are just bored. Heck, some have tons of baggage, and literally are looking to see what is out there, without having to get involved with it.

With that said, I think rejection is part of the package. You need to handle it, and stop assuming you were rejected due to the above reasons. Why you were rejected, should be irrelevant.

Also, negativity in a profile, is likely why you were rejeted.
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 30
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 9:34:20 AM
Perspektiv, your third paragraph above said it all!
You are wise beyond your years. :-)
Finding the ideal partner takes time and effort.
 rickycalifornia
Joined: 1/9/2017
Msg: 31
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 9:38:34 AM
Perspektiv,

Thank you for you feedback but why do some people keep saying I have been rejected. My issue is I'm getting alot of views as in they are viewing me first but I don't receive messages from these viewers, so I presume they are just not interested, thus it lead me to my multiple of accusations
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 32
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 11:41:36 AM
Again. Unless someone takes the time to say hello its not going to happen.

So perhaps those women you viewed but didn't message think the same?

You are not going to know which are gold and which are dud until you speak to them. So what is stopping you from saying hello? What is stopping you from sending a message that says something along the lines of "Saw you took a look at my profile, hope you liked it as I really liked XYZ about yours when I looked, what do you think of *insert some common interest or something that they can comment on*"

Its not written in stone that everyone has to fancy you, its not written in stone that everyone must get on with you. But with practice you learn how to avoid some of the pit falls with OLD and start to meet better matches to you. Some you will fancy, some you will not, that is just life. But at least you give yourself a better chance.

Its not about being perfect at all. There is no such thing. It is about highlighting your positives and making a good first impression.
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 33
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 11:45:24 AM
Oh and guys... Men who are nasty people can be just as cruel as women who are nasty people...

I have had men tell me I am too ugly, I have had men tell me they would f*** me but only if I put a bag on my head. I have been called too fat, too thin, too ginger, too old, not this enough, not that enough... I don't get told these things so often these days because I have learnt the tell tale signs that point towards a person who is likely to behave this way. I steer clear from nasty people in life and on line.
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 34
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 11:54:04 AM
6jellybeans, absolutely agree!
Getting along with people and finding common ground is EASY when people practice what you wrote.
Knowing and embracing "The Golden Rule" we all learned in elementary school goes far. :-)
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 35
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 12:56:39 PM

Just a lack of understanding women


Welcome to the club.
3.5 billion strong and growing.


Do not mean to come off arrogant.


A difficult task at best.
Anything other than total agreement with the status quo agenda will come off as "arrogant".


The 33 views and no messages really threw me for a loop.


A while back I had 50 views on a Saturday morning before lunch time.
Not a single message.
Wasn't that way back in the glory days.


Darn women. Keep laying the blame on us.


Well, if you insist.


I see that I'm my own worse enemy.


Most humans are.

My favorite Twilight Zone episode shows alien spacemen easily manipulating humans into mindlessly attacking each other, and one spaceman says to the other, "They seek out their most dangerous enemy, and it's themselves".


if I get alot profile views, 99+ meet me ,and no messages, I'm a wonder why? That's like a crowd full of people going to your store at once and not buying anything.


Indeed.
Lookey-loo-itis.
It's very prevalent.


I have to change the defects which affect my results


So, you plan to be 6 feet tall, look like a male model, and buy a $1.4 million Ferrari LaFerrari.?
You're on your way to success.(especially here in California)


(Took me several years, used approx 7 different sites and I met /LOL, kissed 150 frogs before I met my match)


Well, if that's not a rousing testimonial to the potency of OLD, I don't know what is.
But kudos for being willing to make that kind of effort.


Did it ever occur to you that they're waiting for you, the man, to make the first move? Don't believe me?


Yes, it did occur to me, and I believe you.
Jon Millward's 2012 "Cupid on Trial" experiment produced results showing men overall send first messages TWENTY times more often than women.
However, back in the glory days, I received lots of first messages and first chat requests from women.


AKA if you're not perfect, you're not good enough for them.


A lot of indicators point in this direction.


So what is stopping you from saying hello?


The same question could be asked of women.
But then we get the same old narratives, "It's the man's job", "I'm too shy", etc.


Knowing and embracing "The Golden Rule" we all learned in elementary school goes far. :-)


Yes. In every aspect of life.
 rickycalifornia
Joined: 1/9/2017
Msg: 36
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 1:05:53 PM
Fullmoonguy,

I really enjoyed your feedback. You are hilarious. Great humor. I'm glad I'm getting more male perspectives. It's very informative.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 37
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 1:25:53 PM

My issue is I'm getting alot of views as in they are viewing me first but I don't receive messages from these viewers, so I presume they are just not interested, thus it lead me to my multiple of accusations


There is a good chance these women aren't interested. But you wouldn't know that for sure until you contacted them and they didn't respond. There were instances when I contacted a woman that had looked at my profile and we ended up going out on a date. As mentioned before, some women can be passive, traditional / old fashioned, afraid of rejection etc. Thus they won't contact a man first.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 38
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 1:27:28 PM

Yes, it did occur to me, and I believe you.
Jon Millward's 2012 "Cupid on Trial" experiment produced results showing men overall send first messages TWENTY times more often than women.

Thanks for posting some stats supporting that OP is incorrect in his assumption that if any of the 'viewers' were interested then they would have sent a message. It may not be fun to craft interesting opening emails, and it is a risk to the ego, but it is just something the vast majority of men need to do to have any chance of success in OLD.

That said, personally, I don't subscribe to role stereotypes that women shouldn't send first messages. I send first messages to men whose profile interests me. Sometimes just to pay a compliment. Sometimes hoping to open the door to a conversation that leads to meeting.

However, back in the glory days, I received lots of first messages and first chat requests from women


The best first message I ever sent was to a forumite meant only as encouragement in his quest because he was way too far away to ever meet. It was only 2 lines playing off something in his profile but it lead to the best, and most heartbreaking, relationship of my life. Although I'm still trying to process what happened with that one, ala the pleasure was worth all the pain, I'm forever glad that I sent that first message.

Turns out, like OP, he was one of those guys who never sent first messages. But, unlike OP, he had only 1 good photo (and 1 so-so photo) but an exceptionally well written profile. There were some psychological trigger language in his profile that LOTS of women wrote to him. My point being that OP has 3 options:
- write a better profile that gets women over the inertia to write
- write to women first
- accept the status quo
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 39
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 1:46:01 PM
er Cyn, do we have to sit and try to guess who that forumite is? ( was?) A hint? first letter..
Moon, that was a riff off of
“We have met the enemy and they are ours” Perry 1813 ( same Perry who said don't give up the ship)
Then Pogo riffed it
" we have met the enemy and it is us"
I guess POF could riff it
" We have met for coffee and I insisted we go Dutch"
The poor Dutch. They are a generous people
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 40
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 2:27:52 PM
Hans still shot first. Men still write first. You will continue be lonely if you don't. Keep it simple - 3 to 5 sentences. Mention something in her profile or picture that caught your interest (excluding body parts.) No reply, no worry.

Only write to those you have some spark of real interest for. Massing producing generic messages to a particular age or geographic range is counter-productive. 3 to 5 new messages some weeks for me, some weeks no new contacts at all.

Success in OLD seems to come and go unpredictable little waves. Long periods of no interest whatsoever followed by an outbreak of multiple positive replies. To abuse a famous quote from another field, maybe God does play dice with our hearts.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 41
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 3:55:24 PM

My issue is I'm getting alot of views as in they are viewing me first but I don't receive messages from these viewers, so I presume they are just not interested


Your profile is negative (or at least was, when I wrote the initial reply). This will scare off a lot of women.

It would be the equivalent of you seeing a woman posting on her profile about her 5 kids, and 4 baby daddies. Exactly. You'd walk, too. If it said "LOL" under employment, you'd run. Yes. Very extreme, but this is the equivalent to a woman reading a very negative profile.

She could easily assume you're an abusive type of guy, with the anger your profile conveys within it (even though you could be the friendliest, and nicest person).

Also, you are stating you are getting views, but are you initiating communication? If not, this can also be part of the issue. I'm assuming the views are stemming from women you have messaged.

If you have not, the reality, is many women do not believe in making the first move (or are too shy to). So could have absolutely nothing to do with what you started this thread upon, or even rejection. They just viewed based on curiosity, and the only means of finding out whether there is any interest, would be for you to message them.

I can only speak for myself, but I find it difficult to give someone a vibe of my personality, in a profile. So, I did the next best thing, and made my profile showcase my sense of humor.

I get a lot of replies, when I message. My profile is hidden as I prefer initiating things, but when it was visible, I'd get a lot of women messaging regardless, saying that it got them smiling.

That's my strength, however. I'm told I'm a funny guy, so I use my humor to get women. Use yours.

At the end of the day, you could message all you want. She needs to be interested, to return the favor. You help your case, in sounding approachable enough for her to picture herself spending time with you.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 42
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 3:57:22 PM

You are wise beyond your years. :-)


I'm often told I'm an old man stuck in a young man's body (or an old soul). Your way of wording it sounds better, haha.
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 43
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/6/2017 4:24:45 AM

Your profile is negative (or at least was, when I wrote the initial reply). This will scare off a lot of women.

It would be the equivalent of you seeing a woman posting on her profile about her 5 kids, and 4 baby daddies. Exactly. You'd walk, too. If it said "LOL" under employment, you'd run. Yes. Very extreme, but this is the equivalent to a woman reading a very negative profile.

She could easily assume you're an abusive type of guy, with the anger your profile conveys within it (even though you could be the friendliest, and nicest person).

Also, you are stating you are getting views, but are you initiating communication? If not, this can also be part of the issue. I'm assuming the views are stemming from women you have messaged.


This is so it. And yes I did sound the beep in my head! OP take a look and click on "view profile" under Perspektiv's name. That is the sort of profile that will get women chatting and feeling comfortable. Its friendly, easy going. He is the kind of guy you can smile at and pass the time of day with in a bar or shop with out being creaped out or feeling like he is viewing you as a lump of meat but more as a human being.


I prefer initiating things


Its not just women being shy. It is women recognising that most men do actually prefer to be the ones who initiate. As I have said before I rarely get a response when I initiate and it has never lead to a date in three years. I have not been shy about it and have sent out messages but it just hasn't worked for me in any way shape or form. Hence why I look but do not speak 9/10 these days.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 44
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/6/2017 7:36:44 AM

Its not just women being shy. It is women recognising that most men do actually prefer to be the ones who initiate. As I have said before I rarely get a response when I initiate and it has never lead to a date in three years. I have not been shy about it and have sent out messages but it just hasn't worked for me in any way shape or form. Hence why I look but do not speak 9/10 these days.


As for you contacting men and not getting many responses, welcome to our world. Men have to deal with this all of the time. I don't think a woman contacting them was a turn off in most cases. It is probably more likely that they didn't like your pictures or profile. When I actively used OLD, the majority of my dates / meetings actually came from women that contacted me first.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 45
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/6/2017 6:49:01 PM

Thanks for posting some stats supporting that OP is incorrect in his assumption that if any of the 'viewers' were interested then they would have sent a message. It may not be fun to craft interesting opening emails, and it is a risk to the ego, but it is just something the vast majority of men need to do to have any chance of success in OLD.


Excellent observation. Just for a moment, study on this- About how long do you think it takes to craft an interesting opening message? Which would include some reference to your profile?

One or two hours?

Now, consider that happening, ohh,'bout a 100+ times. Just for giggles, that's 8.3 days of constant writing. Out of that 8.3 days, we get zero responses. How worthwhile was it to do that? Would YOU put yourself through that?

About how long would it take you to read that message, and the profile that went with it? All of five minutes? How many, did you just reject from their photo, and never bothered to read that message? I'd safely say that you did that many, many times.

Just how long would you do it? Before you'd write this all off as a bad idea?

Ever wondered why some of us guys decided to chuck the whole idea of dating again? You claim we have gotten negative over dating- ever wonder why we are that way?
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 46
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Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/6/2017 7:53:11 PM

One or two hours?


5 to 15 minutes.
 rickycalifornia
Joined: 1/9/2017
Msg: 47
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/6/2017 9:19:54 PM
You make a good point, that would be frustrating, but at the time it is good to get the socializing and weed out the ones that won't work out.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 48
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/6/2017 9:59:20 PM
Purple, if it really takes you that long to write a 2 to 5 sentence email, then I can see why you've given up.

I write first emails to men quite often so I can say pretty confidently that I'm more in Seki's range of 10 to 15 minutes. If it takes longer than that I figure a) I'm not interested enough to be inspired so I give up and don't send it, b) I'm not in the right mood so I'll try again later, or c) I'm too interested so I'm trying too hard to be clever in which case I stop and try again later.

But, when I do send a message I get a very high positive response rate so I get the point of many male posters that, as a woman, I have it damn easy even if it had taken an hour or more per message.
 rickycalifornia
Joined: 1/9/2017
Msg: 49
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/8/2017 6:19:47 AM
Aren't thereally any indicator that hint to women waiting for guys to intiate the message such a view then sending a meet me notification. I figure if they did that, that would be a good hint to contact them first, but if not why even bother looking at their profile, let alone message them?
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 50
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/8/2017 8:04:34 AM
Lots of people do not use the meet me function or the favourites function.

Why bother looking? Well why bother setting up a profile in the first place? If you are not prepared to invest a little in your love life you are not going to get much back!

Sometimes the guys I message first are ones who have viewed my profile and not sent a message. Its the OLD equivalent of looking at someone across the room...?

Your choice how you use OLD and what you write etc but you get out of these things what you put in and I am afraid to say that right now, if you are looking for a long lasting, sustainable relationship with someone you match well with... you are doing it wrong.
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