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 romancewriter4
Joined: 11/24/2012
Msg: 51
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pof girls eat and leavePage 3 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
Because it's a 1st meeting, Dutch is what I expect. If he offers to pay, that's very nice, but for me.....if I didn't feel any chemistry, I absolutely offer to pay my own way. People work hard for their money. A man could go broke just dating and THAT to me is totally unfair. I know it's the gentleman way of things, but IF it was an actual DATE - YES. An initial meeting - NO.
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 52
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 3/31/2017 6:09:40 PM
@Sun_flower from the time the sun goes down until she comes up again. I so couldn't resist that :)

In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 53
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pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 3/31/2017 7:23:56 PM
Nestaron. Nicely done.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 54
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 3/31/2017 8:10:42 PM
When she pays for me, the pressure to perform is immense :(
 Lesley001
Joined: 3/10/2017
Msg: 55
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 4/17/2017 2:46:39 PM
I would feel that a guy is trying too hard if he took me to a place that costs $20+/person for lunch. In most cities, that's rather pricey. I would feel the guy is trying to dazzle me to get me in bed quickly.

If coffee dates are leading nowhere, its probably because the chemistry wasn't there. I don't think stepping up the first date location/$$$ is going to make a positive difference, which I think is shown by the fact that you're seeing the same result on the more expensive date.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 56
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pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 4/20/2017 10:19:19 AM
I agree that coffee dates are the best option or just go dutch. I don't mind paying if the conversation doesn't come up though. I'm more concerned with the obesity epidemic than paying for a few dates here and there.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 57
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pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 4/20/2017 9:28:49 PM
totally with you romancewriter4. A first meet should always be just a drink. if there is connection that is the time to make further plans where he can offer dinner out. Gentlemen often feel awkward if a woman offers to pay or want to split the bill, and she may feel awkward also if she does not want to see you again. This arrangement saves all the embarrassment. Simple.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 58
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pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 4/20/2017 9:31:13 PM
rty632

You were stung once and you were a fool to let yourself in for that situation again. A first meet is not a date and you dont have to act like it is and pay the bill. These women should have offered to pay half and not eating the whole meal they ordered was rude.
If someone is not happy to have a coffee date initially then move on. It will sort out the gals that are just wanting a meal out somewhere. You seem to feel you have to offer a meal to get a woman to meet you. That is not the way it is supposed to work.
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 59
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 4/21/2017 4:41:48 AM
So was it good food if your eating for 2-3 hrs or do you eat alot? You really had no where else to go for 2-3 hrs on a meet and greet? A date and you sit there taking up space bet you didn't even tip. :P Complain about eating and leaving if you didn't offer to do anything else and just wanted to talk, I would have left too. After you eat somewhere what else is there to do there nothing you want to use up the table for 2-3 taking money out of the waiter/waitresses pockets your an ass.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 60
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 4/22/2017 9:16:42 AM

You were stung once and you were a fool to let yourself in for that situation again. A first meet is not a date and you dont have to act like it is and pay the bill. These women should have offered to pay half and not eating the whole meal they ordered was rude.


At best, that is subjective. The first meeting with someone from OLD can be considered as a ( blind ) date. It's just often a casual one. I'm not opposed to having dinner on a first date / meeting. I would go to a casual restaurant where I could finish a meal within 45-60 minutes. Depending on where you go and what you order, it may not be much more expensive than each person having a couple of drinks at a bar.

Most women on my first ( or second ) dates have offered to pay. Even if it was just the tip or they bought me a drink / snack after I had paid for something else that was more expensive.
 Dinno76
Joined: 11/2/2017
Msg: 62
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 11/28/2017 4:50:04 PM
You got played . Simple as that
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 63
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pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 11/28/2017 5:19:16 PM

A first meet is not a date

Try telling your BF that. ;)

and you dont have to act like it is and pay the bill.

Wholeheartedly disagree. Just because you're meeting up IRL for the first time, doesn't mean it can't be a Date. It can be anything from extravagant to a low-key (lowercase) date. It's still a date. Human society could still give greater recognition for the low-key/just-informal initial dates (doesn't have to be a first meet) as not having much weight to it -- where the bill is split. Good luck on that, though. You're in Error if you're suggesting that in society there's no expectation that a guy would be doing the "good thing" by picking up the bill, assuming said initial date wasn't an unusual outlier.

These women should have offered to pay half and not eating the whole meal they ordered was rude.

Not by society standards, though, no. And as far as more "grounded" Dates, the "should pay too" effect shouldn't be much different. Why is it? Because that's how society still is, stuck in the yesteryear. It's what society does which, fortunately or unfortunately, dictates what you Are expected to do with most folks out there.

And I would also say this: Going by society's standards, if anything, it's the Initial dates where men are more expected to pay -- notably if he asked her out implicitly or explicitly, as it's usually the case. If anything, it's after there's been some dates Already under the belt, that the gal, is in more position to chip in (mileage varies based on financial circumstances of both parties).

Most women on my first ( or second ) dates have offered to pay. Even if it was just the tip or they bought me a drink / snack after I had paid for something else that was more expensive.

That's the trend nowadays more than yesteryear -- that gals at least "chip in". A sign of good will, to let him know she's not out to have everything bought & paid for, and that she herself is a contributing factor at least. Many don't offer to do so and see Any chip-ins from themselves as him Not treating her, but some do. Takes a while for society to Slowly change. :)
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 64
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pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 11/28/2017 8:34:44 PM
Dude said coffee dates lead nowhere.
Two choices:
1) Scale Down - meet in the park or on a bench at the mall. Conversation only, no meals, no drinks, no shopping, no tips.
2) Scale Up - buy them a cart of groceries or maybe a coffee machine - maybe then they'll take you home to cook for them
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 65
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 12/1/2017 11:15:37 AM
Always pick a bar with more then 1 exit so you can dodge the duds
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 66
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 12/1/2017 2:15:34 PM
^^^^

Always pick a bar with more than 3 bartenders.

Your whiskey will never be empty, thus, no need to dodge.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 9/29/2017
Msg: 67
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pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 12/1/2017 6:05:02 PM
Isn't a dinner date over after dinner? Ohhh... I get it: They were supposed to pay for it with sex(?)
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 68
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 12/1/2017 6:09:38 PM

Ohhh... I get it: They were supposed to pay for it with sex


I eliminated that silly potential question mark for ya, just so that there is no more confusion out there! 😉
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 69
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 12/2/2017 4:43:14 AM
"isn't a dinner date over after dinner?"

>>I figure that's the hint from the lady that you're too boring to hang with. well, unless she's gotta be home for when the kids are dropped off by the ex.

"they were supposed to pay for dinner with sex"

>>>I've met a few women who paid for their half of the dinner, to make it clear they weren't the dessert menu. some women do know how to avoid "things happening". I respect them for that.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 70
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 12/2/2017 5:26:33 AM
^^^^^^

Amen to that GTO........Thank you for respecting those of us who make it clear what our boundaries are.

As for paying for dates.....I always pay for my own meals, drinks, movie admission tickets.......just makes it easier that way.


As for the so called "meal whores".......well.....those are the ones who just make it bad for those of us who actually aren't.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 9/29/2017
Msg: 71
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pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 12/2/2017 9:09:46 AM
Sooo... If I pay for dinner, it means I'm not interested? And if I leave a dinner date after dinner, it also means I'm not interested? Not interested in what, recruitment into the sex trade? Now I feel confused and crabby.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 72
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 12/2/2017 9:35:54 AM
"Not interested in what, recruitment into the sex trade?"

That's true-for men. Men don't want to be pressured to have sex with horny women after a date or two. (lol)
 NYCKOSI
Joined: 4/24/2015
Msg: 73
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 12/2/2017 9:54:26 AM
Those women are what we call "Dinner Whores" Never go out to dinner on a blind date or first date. Try other activities, such as meet at a part, mall, a fair,. It is cold outside you can suggest something like a coffee shop. If she demands dinner then I'm sure you know she is a dinner whore unless she will mentioned it to you to go dutch. I fell for that once at the end it was nit in her favor.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 74
pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 12/2/2017 1:22:37 PM
"thank you for respecting those of us who make it clear, what our boundaries are"

>>>I do respect people who take the initiative, b/c there are people who are quite willing to sit back and just let things happen. In my particular case, women know from the get-go what they want, and don't want, from me. Oh, they may act flaky, or be flirty, but when push comes to shove...they already know what they're interested in. If they wish to have sex with me, for example, they are only waiting to find out if i'm going to turn into an axe murderer. but once they've known me, and realize i'm not going to do that? then its game on--they're going after what they knew they wanted.

in my life, women aren't flaky about what they want...they're flaky about how far they're willing to go in order to get it. How much tease is too much (and by too much, I mean how much flirting gets them into a bad situation).

"Sooo... If I pay for dinner, it means I'm not interested? "

>>>in my particular case, if someone wants to test my seriousness (or perhaps my viability for dating), they don't do it by going Dutch. Some women, yes, still want to know a man can avoid being cheap. But of course, if things develop into a relationship, they may "treat" me later on at some other event by paying my way.

"And if I leave a dinner date after dinner, it also means I'm not interested?"

>>if someone only stuck around for the freebee..how many times would that go on before you come to the forum to ask, "is this person interested in me?" :) Its been asked by plenty of others, I believe the general consensus went along the lines of, "don't be a priority for someone who doesn't make you a priority?"
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 75
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pof girls eat and leave
Posted: 12/3/2017 4:35:12 AM
I've had first meets where I've bought first coffees or drinks. I've I've had first meets where my prospective date has bought first coffees or drinks. I've had first meets where I've bought all the coffees or drinks. If you're keeping count, then you're not doing it right. Only when I've found paying for everything myself has become a recurring pattern, do I bring a halt to proceedings. I've had many dates and that has only happened once. Relationships are where things relate to each other and go back and forth. If there's no relating, there's no relationship.
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