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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > What is the hardest part of divorce?      Home login  
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 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
What is the hardest part of divorce? Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

I think pre-nups may be good if the marriage starts where one has more assets than the other, otherwise the one with the assets (myself) gets drained by the other.


The concept of pre-nups have been discussed in other threads, and the POF jury is divided on the matter-with some saying they would never agree to it because it's planning for divorce, and they wouldn't enter into a relationship if there's an exit strategy in place, while others say it's a good idea, to prevent fighting over assets if the relationship goes belly up.

In a bitter divorce, some people will spend more on legal fees to get possession jointly owned stuff, than what the stuff is actually worth. When asked why they would spend thousands of dollars in legal fees to get possession of a paper clip or a coffee mug, they say "It's the principle of the matter."

Although the concept will never happen, what I think should happen is in order to get a marriage license, people should be required to have a pre-nup in place. And the marriage license and pre-nup should have to be renewed every 4 or 5 years or so, with an updated pre-nup, since people's assets change over time. Most other licenses have to be renewed at regular intervals, so why not marriage licenses? If you go to the Motor Vehicle Dept. and say you don't think you should have to renew your driver's license every 5 years, how much sympathy would get? But of course, almost everybody says that they will never get divorced and their marriage will be rock solid and last until they day they die-until they are hit with divorce papers. Ask divorced people if they ever thought they would get divorced, and you would get a unanimous "no".
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 27
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/26/2017 12:28:14 PM
maleman999- I commented on the pre-nup thread.
I said I would be willing, as long as it wasn't lop sided towards the other person.
If they had assets coming in, I would sign to waive any claim on those. I would NOT sign to waive property I helped purchase during the marriage, or any other assets I payed for, or at least contributed half.
Fair is fair.
My ex and I were required by the church we married in to have pre-marital counseling before we could get married there.
That didn't make a hill of beans difference though.
Honestly, I'm not sure I will EVER marry again. Never say never and all that, but for sure, I will take my sweet time before making that leap again.
If nothing else, this thread demonstrates just how nasty some people can get when a marriage ends.
People will swear and swear again, "I would never do this or that", but when the end comes, a lot of people show their true colors.
I guess what's best is to keep a checking account just in your name (the generic your), not put their name on anything involving credit and always have savings they can't touch, just in case.
Still, even that feels like preparing for the worst, but given what I already went through and facing statistics, it would probably be wise.
At the very least, I will say I agree with advice that people shouldn't marry unless both can support themselves independently of one another.
When people don't, that leads to situations where one CAN'T leave.
Not a good spot to be in.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 28
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/27/2017 8:43:36 PM
I went through an uncontested divorce. In mine, I wanted honest answers, but I didn't get them. It wasn't hard to see that she wasn't wanting to solve our issues. By observing her over the years, she was one that would dump a friend, and give no reasons to them why she chose to. Why should I expect any different treatment?

I had a choice. Wonder why, or just cut bait and run. I picked the latter, because I didn't need the grief. After she left, I decided to work on myself, and tohell with her. I'm more important.

What the hardest thing about divorce to me? Dating. Women got obstinate, and I'm too shy to ask for dates. They want forward guys. I am in all things, except dating. None ever want to meet me halfway, so I'll just go my way, and let them go their way.
 zsuzsa62
Joined: 1/31/2016
Msg: 29
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/28/2017 9:53:53 PM
The children. I can never forget the oldest's reaction, even though I try. The sense of failure, guilt. Breaking up the famiy unit...guilt. You make a profile now and then thinking you'll actually use it, but always wavering not wanting to risk because it was so hard. Everything is hard about divorce, especially the after effects for everyone.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 30
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/31/2017 9:00:23 AM
The hardest part was the uncertainty in reaching an agreement, and the worry that it would be financially burdensome to me. The decision to divorce was mostly mutual, but I initiated it. Sure, there was some regret at failing, but we'd tried everything to no avail, so there was no other good option left. Finances worked out better than I feared, even though she was greedy and unreasonable - I just had to wait her out.

The rest was pretty easy. Moving out, finding a good place to live, seeing my son regularly, eventually getting back into dating, finding a new relationship, etc.
 sugarlandguy
Joined: 1/3/2013
Msg: 31
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 6/16/2017 1:50:47 PM
It was starting the process and knowing what was coming.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKQFgzWmoQM
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 32
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 6/22/2017 12:37:24 PM
The hardest part for me was dealing with scumbag attorneys (seeking money) and a grossly incompetent judge.

So-called civil servants and a drug pushing doctor were responsible for my divorce. I would have stayed with my longtime sweetheart who had a serious drug problem. Her addiction led state authorities to threaten to take our 3 children away. That prompted me to speak to a lawyer.

The lawyer's advice was to file for a divorce to get a judge to put my wife in a hospital for a 30 day evaluation. That forced my wife to get a lawyer who filed for a divorce too, but she managed, without a hearing, to throw me out of the house.

The government people who told me I couldn't leave my children alone with my wife for even 10 minutes or we would be going to court changed their minds. By the time we went to court it was okay to leave the kids with her as long as one of them was allowed to stop by the house once a week.

Long story short, after a court hearing 2 weeks after being put out of my house the judge decided it's best for children to be with their mother and ordered me to keep away from my wife (for no reason - except that might be best for all).

My wife and I fired our lawyers. Since the court order said I couldn't be near my wife, I moved her to another state. A year later we divorced. I got full custody of the kids.

Eventually she died as a result of an apparent drug overdose. She barely survived her first drug overdose months prior to the judge ordering me out of the house. Before that overdose she had filed more than 40 false complaints, set 3 fires, had an innocent large black man arrested for assault and stuck a knife deep into her thigh (blamed it on an unidentified black man that supposedly broke into our house).

I met my wife before we were teenagers. No doubt in my mind legal drugs had a lot to do with her sudden mental illness problems. My next relationship lasted 23 years. I ended it a couple of years after a doctor put her on a drug similar to Prozac (she was having problems at work). That drug changed her and I couldn't handle it.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 33
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 7/24/2017 7:01:45 PM
I've been divorced twice, both times my choice, both times left me an emotional wreck. Guilt, feelings of failure, anger,sadness, no good emotions for a long while. First time I was smarter and just walked out, let him have the house and everything in it. Years later he finally filed for divorce and I just signed the papers.
Second marriage, 3 kids, house, I fought for the home for the kids. He ended up running up court costs which he never paid and now with interest total half my home. (He took out a lien on the home.)
House is still in both names although I've paid it off. I pray he doesn't out live me, kids will never see a dime.
The absolute worst part of divorce is the ugliness of it all. The loss of anything you've obtained over the years.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 34
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 7/25/2017 5:07:36 AM
^^^^

Wow......If I were you I'd sell the house, split the proceeds if necessary and look for another. OR you CAN get a judgment against him since he owes you money.....yes...it is a piece of paper stating he owes money and if he attempts to get loans or credit, the judgment will show up on his credit reports.

When my ex and I split up.....while we didn't own a home, we had some joint interests and joint bills. Per our legal agreement, which HE signed, and was filed in the courts he was to pay me a certain amount each month in order to pay off the joint bills. Once it was filed, he decided not to pay and I was strapped. I spent the next 2 years not only sitting at the dining room table wearing out a lot of pencils trying to make it work, but also trying to get recovery to no avail.....until I took him back to court.

Since he was in contempt, he had to pay MY legal bills, filing fees, and court costs. When we were in the courtroom, he had the audacity to complain about it. My lawyer and the judge both advised him had he upheld the agreement he wouldn't have had to face that.

Ultimately I wound up garnishing his wages and while I didn't receive half of what I was supposed to each month.....It was a whole lot better than nothing at all. It took ten long years to get everything ironed out and paid off......while I personally fought for my credit and am okay.....I wound up purchasing a small farm and a new home.......

HE wound up filing for bankruptcy and is now broke living in a studio apartment in a buddy's basement because he can't manage his money.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 35
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 7/25/2017 7:02:21 AM

He ended up running up court costs which he never paid and now with interest total half my home.


Do the courts in Canada charge for a divorce or are you referring to 'just attorney fees'? Half the value of a house seems extremely high.

What did the lawyers charge for your divorce?

In '83 (Rhode Island) our attorney's fee was 117 bucks (one lawyer). My wife and I agreed on a settlement.

A year prior to that in Connecticut - just for paperwork and one court hearing involving tossing me out of my house without just cause: her attorney 1900, mine was 866. Neither one was ever paid. I told mine to take me to court (the guy lost my solid case and he was indirectly responsible for getting me tossed out of my house). Her lawyer hired an attorney in RI to sue her. I wrote a reply (my wife signed it) stating why she refused to pay. That was the last she heard from either lawyer.
 LOLTrump
Joined: 3/7/2017
Msg: 36
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 7/25/2017 11:38:22 AM

So for those who went through it, What is the hardest part of divorce?


I can only imagine for the people that claim to be religious, and who sore an oath to an invisible man in the sky it must be hard knowing that you now will spend eternity in the place they call hell for braking that promise.

Or maybe they just overlook that part as they didn't really mean what they said in that church that day.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 37
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 7/25/2017 6:25:48 PM
^^^Maybe that's why marriage should be temporary and renewed about every five years, since about half of people don't believe in the "til death do us part" shtick that people say to each other. In fact, the "til death do us part" is contradictory in a religious ceremony. The belief is the couple will be forever together for eternity in the afterlife, so death is just the beginning of eternity with the one you chose to be with.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 38
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 7/25/2017 6:26:20 PM
I'm in Canada, we both used Legal Aid, which will pay your lawyers, but if you have any property you are obligated to pay them back. So they took out a lien on the home.
He was court ordered to pay both our legal costs, which he had run up to about 15-20 grand due to his constantly firing lawyers, then representing himself, etc. My lawyer told me he'd never pay, he never did.
Now about 20 years later with interest it's totaling about 60 grand.
This means although I've paid the house off, and it was in receivership when we split, I can't make enough to buy another one. I'm 60, I don't want another mortage.
Worst part is the kids will see very little of what I've worked so hard for. Because the home is still in both names, after all that the judge refused to rule on who got the home, he wants me to pay his legal bills and he'll forfeit his half of the house. lol
I have a judgement but no one ever enforced it. I don't want to start another round of lawyer bills trying to get him to pay it.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 39
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 7/25/2017 6:28:21 PM
LOLTrump, I think most of us meant what we promised when we got married. My first husband turned into an alcoholic, second one turned into an abusive drug addict. I don't think the "invisible man in the sky" expects people to be martyrs.
 Grazefordays
Joined: 10/4/2017
Msg: 40
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 10/7/2017 7:25:21 PM
FOr myself it was grieving the friendships lost too. I never asked a soul to choose between us and not one person kept in contact. I joke about it now but it still hurts. There is people I had daily contact with who didn't so much check in to see if he or I were coping they all disappeared. Grieving that was probably second rated first was having to give up my pets due to affordability issues. I have always turned my nose up at people rehoming their pets they are family....... Yet here I sit 2 months off of finalisation of my divorce and am eating a nice slice of "humble pie"
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 41
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 10/9/2017 5:30:02 PM
The disappointment usually happens way before the divorce, so I would have to say the paperwork, getting resettled and it possibly being a financial disaster. The upside, you get your life back and don't have to live with that sh!tty person anymore.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 42
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 10/12/2017 11:23:14 AM
Depends how long you have been married. For me it was letting go of the man he was who i loved, was my best friend and who i had planned the rest of my life with.

Letting go of everything youve worked for and starting again.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 43
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 10/14/2017 2:57:32 PM
Escape, that was pretty heavy.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 44
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 10/14/2017 11:11:11 PM
Sorry, it wasnt meant to be. We got married because ws loved each other, we were together 20+ years and mostly happily. He changed, i changed and so we split. The end was nasty. When youve been together a while, you build a life together. When it ends you break it down. Not just the financial stuff but the joint friendships, the families the things you used to do, stuff like that.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 45
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 10/15/2017 10:49:50 AM
No need to be sorry, I just feel your pain. Life can be cruel, most don't escape that. Even when a relationship stops working, there's still that bond. I'm still very happy I got divorced, ultimately. I have a very sick dog, and my ex would not have cared and would have made this time in my life 100x harder to go thru than it already is.
 forumreaderisall
Joined: 8/3/2013
Msg: 46
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 10/24/2017 8:49:45 PM
The division of the family. Holidays come and go as just a date on the calendar. The joyous laughter that always accompanied those family gatherings just hasn't ever been duplicated since the harmonious union of a family was ripped apart. The hole in the family unit is the hardest part. Knowing all the avenues taken over the years to fill that hole were acts of futility and now with so little time left the realization that certain things simply cannot be replaced and the repercussions simply follow us to our grave. We learn to live with it, then we discover we need to learn to die with it. It's an ongoing process, until the end.
 dislander02
Joined: 9/26/2017
Msg: 47
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 11/13/2017 9:28:45 PM
Hi, the hardest part is feeling cheated out of everything. It is also depends on the situation, the source of the issue. Some are ok and some are painful. I have been there so I know what you mean. My ex found someone online and left me dry big time. So, hope this answer your question a bit.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 48
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 11/14/2017 4:13:30 PM
The very beginning...
For no one falls in love
to have it end in hate.
 Roseanna001
Joined: 11/16/2017
Msg: 49
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 11/22/2017 3:53:16 PM
NC has a two year separation period where you must live separately (or lie that you did) before being granted a divorce. It was difficult because he didn't want the divorce. Very difficult times.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 50
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 11/29/2017 3:15:10 PM
... the hardest part of my divorce was giving up on the illusion that kept me hoping things would change ... I just couldn't bring myself to stop trying to "fix" it ... I KNEW we could make it work ...

I eventually filed for divorce but only because I met another woman in our bedroom ...

then ... 20 years later after he said she "dumped him," I tried it with the same guy AGAIN ... do you believe it? ... I look in the mirror but can't see where "STUPID" must be written on my forehead ...
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