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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > What is the hardest part of divorce?      Home login  
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 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 76
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What is the hardest part of divorce? Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
^^^^
First person I had it with turned out to be me.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 77
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/5/2018 6:02:26 PM

I don't think any couple goes into a marriage expecting it to last only a few years. I could be wrong<<<


I do believe you are wrong.

I worked with this particular woman years ago when I worked in a supermarket, and she told me one day that she was engaged, and I said congrats, and then she said, "If it doesn't work out, we can always get divorced".

I thought to myself, "That doesn't sound like a good attitude to go into a marriage with".

Guess what happened 2 years later?

And then, she was arrested and jailed for stealing money from the company.

Strong mental grounding there.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 78
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/5/2018 9:15:31 PM
Rise, is that where you derived your name from Can't have a bad time with yourself as a "date"☺
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 79
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/6/2018 3:05:14 AM
Actually my left hand has been pissed off at me for over 40 years because my right hand gets all the attention. Sometimes it tries to get involved but it just turns into a big fight between the two of them and once that happens all the romance fades and I end up going to sleep unsatisfied.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 80
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/6/2018 7:48:52 PM
Ya know, the left hand doesn't have to be left out. It can be relegated to a$$-play or caressing one's bollocks
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 81
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/7/2018 12:40:04 AM

The hardest part of divorcing is deciding who to have sex with first

That's why you go for more than 1 at a time. Nothing better than a sampler platter after being starved for so long, right? ;)
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 82
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/9/2018 8:07:23 PM
Hardest part was/is definitely dealing with being away from the kids for periods of.time wondering if he's taking care of them and what lies about me are the kids going to come back with from him. The transition back to my house from his is the hardest part, the kids are so mouthy and spewing hate cor me because their father says terrible stuff about me.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 83
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/9/2018 8:31:34 PM
NG, now that you brought it up, what's with men wanting to double team a woman? It sounds a little bi to me.

July, that's awful! My gf is going thru this, between things he says to their child about her, telling him to not be a wimp and stop trying to please her (he's male, 13 now), and being nuts. He doesn't think twice about ripping the poor kid down. She's hoping to go for full custody with all he's done, but the courts are so permissive. Technically, one parent is not allowed to talk bad about the other.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 84
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/21/2018 11:02:28 PM
Right now I am so frustrated with trying to figure out how to serve him with papers. He refuses to tell me where he is living and a process server was unable to find him to deliver the papers. Yet he keeps phoning and talking to the kids and telling them I won't let them come see him. He wants me to meet him at a McDonald's at a halfway point and for me to give him the kids but I won't because I'm terrified he won't bring them back. And until I can get a custody order he could theoretically pick them up from school and take them and I'd have no legal right to get them back. I've told him until I am able to serve him papers and get interim custody figured out and know his address, he won't get to take them. He said then I'll just have to explain to the kids why they can't see their dad.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 85
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/22/2018 12:56:15 AM
Next time you talk to him mention that you'll also have to explain to them why they missed out on so much as kids because he did nothing to support them. If they meant something to him he wouldn't play this game. Chances are pretty good he only talks with them to get under your skin. If they really meant something to him he'd help support them. There's nothing stopping him from sending money occasionally.

No I'm not stalking you. These were the only interesting threads active when I woke up.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 86
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/22/2018 7:44:55 PM
I'm with Rise, he's using the kids to annoy you. He doesn't care about them, that's obvious. He shouldn't be lying and ripping you down to them. My gf's ex is doing that too. She recently served him at his apt, using a server to get money owed. Her son is 13 now and has some understanding that his father is not all there, and that's heartbreaking for her son too.

I wouldn't have explained that to the ex, now he knows you're looking to serve him. All I can think to do would be to meet him at McDs with a process server in tow. It would be nice if you could get someone on the cheap to do that, like a friend, a friend's kid (over 18) that's looking to make fast money. I'd offer $50. I wish I lived near you, I'd do it for free to help you and your kids move forward. If he can't be served, I guess he's going to have to forfeit having the kids, which isn't a bad thing. If he calls to b!tch you out about it, don't answer, let him text, where you can ask where the support is and save those texts. Tell him to take you to court. He's not going to do that.

It's hard to explain to the kids why they can't see him without ripping him down, so all I can think to do is block him every way you can thru texting and caller I.D. If he wants to stay in your life in order to harass you, he's gonna have to pony up support and go to court for a formal agreement. I wouldn't let him have the kids anymore, there is no agreement, right? Also, I'd lay down the law to the kids about disrespecting you. You're the mother, you're their caregiver. Punishment is the order of the day.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 87
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/23/2018 3:10:25 PM

He said then I'll just have to explain to the kids why they can't see their dad.


Julystorm, Yes, please do tell, explain to ..............your children why they can't see their father.

Such as, "Kids I need to talk with you for a few minutes. As your mother, I love you very much and sometimes I have to make choices, make decisions that to you, just may not seem fair. It is my duty to provide for you AND to keep you safe, away from harm......................................

Children understand a lot more than we give them credit for.
My children grew up, not seeing their father. They knew it was HIS choice, HIS decision to stay away. He did have visitation rights, although limited visitation rights.
To this day they have nothing to do with their father. I did not bad mouth him. They read the divorce documents. They thanked me for taking a stand for them, protecting them.
Do what is right for your children.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 88
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/23/2018 3:22:52 PM

NG, now that you brought it up, what's with men wanting to double team a woman? It sounds a little bi to me.

Although I imagine Bi guys would have Zero uncomfortability with it, compared to many straight guys by default having at least some uncomfortability with it... no. MFM (not MMF) is 100% straight action.

Just seeing another guy plug away at a chick would be odd, even just watching in person 2 feet away (popcorn included). Being comfortable with That, no, doesn't mean your Bi. And being comfortable with that, you're only 1 step from not being uncomfortable pulling down your own trousers with a guy in the room while a gal nibbles on your bits.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 89
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/23/2018 8:56:53 PM
NG, I'm glad you cleared that up for me☺

LIR, I would think he'll eventually end up with some visitation rights when she takes him to court. The good part is that it will limit his rights. He can't run off with them, unless he wants to trigger an Amber Alert.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 90
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/24/2018 5:11:16 AM
Lir 87

To this day they have nothing to do with their father. I did not bad mouth him. They read the divorce documents. They thanked me for taking a stand for them, protecting them.

I have never bad mouthed my ex in front of my children either. Now my ex is a devote christian, supposedly, since she cheated on me and they almost never speak about her to me. However if they should ever overly praise her in front me I'll ask them, "Would you like to see how many lies your mother told during our divorce? I can show you our divorce booklet." One would be wickedly apparent to them. It would only be a threat to shut them up mind you. They never need to see that book. They don't need to know their belief that their mother is devoutly christian is just an illusion.
 Viper1j
Joined: 2/6/2015
Msg: 91
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 5/24/2018 5:20:22 PM

What is the hardest part of divorce?


Finding a good place to hide the body..
 OKgeo
Joined: 5/22/2018
Msg: 92
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 7/21/2018 7:04:58 PM
I've lost a lot in life, many times....failed a bunch, but I can truly say that I don't know if I could have the strength for a divorce--quitiing is not in my vocabulary, and under it all, I believe marriage is forever--I'm to scared to fail God in that too, I've already failed Him in so many other things, but in my mind, marriage is the most sacred of all things in this world. I can't fathom getting past a divorce and my heart goes out to those who have the strength to go on afterwards--very brave. I think I lack that inner strength and am a wuss.
 OKgeo
Joined: 5/22/2018
Msg: 93
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 7/22/2018 2:36:26 PM
When you make a vow, you stick by it. That's what I believe. A wedding vow does mean forever to me. And from all the posts here from people thinking it's ok to not think in turns of forever, well...that is why I shy away from marriage. Few people take the time in life to actually consider the impact their words make in somebody's life. A vow is and should be everything--that is what I live by...but I understand that I can't control other people and what they do around me. But that is just my view--probably unrealistic, but I am a dreamer and like that side of me.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 94
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 8/17/2018 12:15:38 PM
I never married my ex even though we had kids together because to me marriage is a promise to God. I will only marry someone I love wholeheartedly.
 SingleInChurch
Joined: 8/18/2018
Msg: 95
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 8/22/2018 3:09:29 PM
There can be a feeling of personal and social disconnection, which can be magnified during holidays and other events. And if you are a churchgoer, you will find that you are no longer a part of the scene, as churches tend to focus on marriage and family. Unless your church has a more open attitude, and a group for singles and re-singles, you may find yourself drifting away. All of that said, we could do another thread called "What is the hardest part of marriage?" because marriage is no cake-walk. Ask anyone who's been married.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 96
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 8/31/2018 3:08:11 PM
There are times I think I got off easy in my divorce.

My neighbor got one about a year after mine. We don't talk, but it was pretty easy to tell he did, from the U-Haul I saw in front of his house. He farmed, and hustled a good bit at it. This spring, things started to look different over at his place. His cattle, and all of his farm equipment came up missing. Through the grapevine, I had heard he owed a neighbor several thousand in rent for some irrigation equipment. Working for a friend of his, I saw the neighbors trucks sitting at my customer's place. I asked, turns out he lost his place, is now living with his mother, and the gravel pit that sat north of his place, bought his property. (Since he got kicked out, I suspect he lost it to property taxes) Another little oddity, I never saw his daughters at his place after that happened. (His divorce)

Goes to show you that some loose big in a divorce.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 97
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 8/31/2018 3:55:11 PM
Purple, most people are significantly impacted financially. Even if they're okay, they're less okay than they were before the divorce. If for some reason I couldn't keep my house, that would have been devastating to me. It offers me a level of privacy I need, and it's a great investment.

What's really sad is to see are couples divorcing when they should be raising their kids or planning their retirement together.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 98
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 8/31/2018 6:03:18 PM
It just astounds me the reasons people give for why they divorced. If they have no kids, I couldn't care less but many people with kids throw away a marriage for such stupid reasons. In my opinion, if you have kids together, you owe it to them to stay together for 18 years. But people do not want to put in the work. That's not to say some divorces are reasonable such as ones due to infidelity or abuse. I put up with so much shit in mine but I tried very very hard to make things work. I keep running into guys I know are married on pof and they say they are unhappy which is why they are looking. TOday I saw a really share on Facebook. Here it is:

Mr. Lakusu

I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her 2 months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary.

We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out.

I travelled for work, stayed in a different hotel at least three nights a week. That’s how I met Eve*.

We got to know each other over time. We became Facebook friends. We sent messages to each other all day and night. She was also married, also had two kids. We had so much in common, we soon fell in love. I felt like she 'got' me.

This was all during a very trying time in my marriage. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t look forward to going home. My wife had put on weight, we hardly ever spoke, she always looked so miserable.

Little did I realise that I was the reason she was so down and depressed. I didn’t pay her any attention. I took her for granted. I was too busy wishing my life was more exciting, being romanced online, spending all of my free time thinking how I could get out.

I believed she didn’t love me. I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a paycheck.

She spent her free time taking care of us -- our kids, making our suppers, doing out washing, making lunches, doing homework, projects, shuttling kids to sport, taking care of the pets they loved so much, their friends, and had a job of her own on top of it all.

Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention: a weekend away, a date night, a movie -- everything I ended up doing with Eve behind her back and after I left my family.

We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other. And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!

I moved to another province with Eve. My now ex-wife got custody of our kids. I saw them every second weekend, the usual 'Dad' set up.

New beginnings

Life was sweet!

Eve and I had an amazing sex life. A connection I believed I never had with my ex. We had a large circle of friends. My family loved her. My kids liked her.

But my ex could never bring herself to meet Eve – she felt betrayed. I hated her even more! She was childish. She was mean. She never cared about me or my happiness. I didn’t care about my ex’s feelings when I posted photos of us on Facebook… I had Eve and a whole new life and it was fantastic!

We were together for about six or seven years but never married – we believed marriage was not our thing.

I believed that after 15 years with my ex, we’d given it all we could and our time together was up, there was nothing we could do to salvage our relationship or marriage. Eve was my future, Eve was who I should have been with all along.

Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she “got” me; no matter how good the sex was; the “honeymoon” came to an end.

Eve and I started snapping at each other. Little fights here and there. I had a moment of pure realisation one night, at about 2am.

I realised that I missed the woman who created my first home and family. I realised that if I'd treated my ex-wife the way I’d treated Eve, used the hours I spend woo-ing Eve on my ex, she’d have bloomed.

If I’d stopped being negative about her and our relationship to my family and friends they wouldn’t have been so negative to her and she wouldn’t have pulled into herself and shied away.

She became someone I convinced myself I no longer knew or got along with because I never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved.

I thought I had, but when I got down and really thought about it I never really did. I never really let her in. I had ended my marriage years before with the simple decision that she was no longer who or what I wanted. And I’d convinced my family and friends the same – that she was no good for me!

Regret sets in

But I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids lives. Missed being a family with them. I let their mother battle with raising them alone. Yes I helped financially, but a man living outside his family has no real idea what the costs are on the single mother. While Eve and I ate steaks on the weekends, my ex-wife was living on egg and toast.

And do you know that she never complained? She never demanded more money out of me. She never stopped me from seeing the kids. Never said no if I changed plans on her at the last minute. She gave up her weekends so that my mother could spend time with her grandchildren. She left me to get on with my life with Eve, even though it must have killed her.

Like any relationship, it had started out good – great in fact – but when it go bad I decided to leave… I walked out and divorced a woman who – and I can only see this now – would have done anything for me. But I’d told myself she wouldn’t or couldn’t.

My ex-wife stayed single for 8 years. She dated but never got involved. Her being single was also a kind of affirmation for me – that no one wanted her – that everything I’d decided she lacked, so did other men… She actually stayed single to focus on our children.

Too late

And then came the day she met Craig. I never thought it would bug me in any way if she got a boyfriend. I thought it would be great! But I was very wrong. I felt hurt. I felt jealous. I even felt angry and maybe betrayed.

She moved in with Craig, along with my kids. She set up a new home. A new family, with my kids… it was a very bitter pill to swallow.

I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten.

I watched via Facebook and through conversations with our old mutual friends how Craig spoiled her and the kids. Their weekends were spent on the beach – he surfed with my son. They went hiking in the Burg. They went to Mauritius where he proposed on a kayak and she said yes -- they got married.

My daughter was a bridesmaid. My son was a groomsman. Craig’s parents and brother welcomed my ex-wife and children into their family. They told everyone how blessed they were to be gaining them as family.

She glowed with happiness. She radiated love and none of it was for me! My heart felt like it had been ripped out.

It should have been me.

Don’t be me. You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest.

Today I live alone and still only see my kids occasionally. They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?

Of all the things Eve was, she was never the mother of my children – my original true love."

"HOPE this helps a few marriages, Love and appreciate a Good woman".
#Allos_of_Mr_Lakusu
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 99
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 8/31/2018 8:01:36 PM

In my opinion, if you have kids together, you owe it to them to stay together for 18 years.


Bullshit.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 100
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 8/31/2018 9:35:29 PM
^^^ I agree. Some years ago, my then brother-in-law's parents stayed together for that reason alone. It was quite the mess. They would fight in front of their kids, they had separate bedrooms. She nagged him incessantly. As a matter of fact, she nagged him at any opportunity, and she didn't care who knew about it.

Him, and his brother were very affected by it. Both have married, and split up. And, they wouldn't attend their parents funerals. Lots of hate was in that group.
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