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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > What is the hardest part of divorce?      Home login  
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 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 100
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What is the hardest part of divorce? Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
But would have things been better if they had split? Would both parents have been happier changed people? The answer could be yes but it could have easily gotten even worse. Look, I'm not saying stay with a verbally abusive partner. I would have left sooner or later if my ex hadn't have left me for someone else. I despised the guy to the core. He made my life hell. And I don't think I could have tried any harder. Those aren't the relationships I'm talking about. Usually, the problems that cause a lot of people to divorce start off small and one or both parties doesn't work to solve them. And the ones that have good marriages and still cheat, all the while having a dedicated spouse and a few kids, is despicable. My parents were very much in love and had a lot of fun together. My dad even admits everything was great with my mom and he loved her. Yet he kept cheating and even he doesn't seem to know why. In my opinion it was self-sabotage. But now I hear things from both my parents which causes me to think they are both very much in love with each other still. The whole thing just baffles me. But I see this situation so often, one person cheats and it tears a family apart.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 101
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 9/1/2018 3:13:30 AM
Was your father's father a philanderer? People ultimately cheat because they lack moral values. There's no love there; it's a bad friendship. Love isn't hurting your partner. Love isn't blatantly lying to your partner, because cheating involves a lot of lying. Love isn't breaking the bond of intimacy. Love isn't continuing to stay with who you're cheating on. It means trying to groom your s/o to accept less from you and to see if they'll tolerate your cheating. None of that is love.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 102
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 9/1/2018 4:50:21 AM
I think he just didn't want to be tied down. His family life growing up was pretty chaotic and I think he just didn't know how to be happy. It was a pattern that oft repeated itself, not just with relationships but with life in general. My aunt called him a gypsy, someone who always wanted to keep going on the road, not wanting to stay home. He loved the people he loved dearly but couldn't stay still. Over the years I came to expect that with my dad. He raised my aunt but she explained to me how it was for them and I can see that my dad was depressed. He sabatoged his relationships because I think he was depressed. There were a few times where the depression and anxiety really hit him and he was a wreck, I saw it. He's been a functional alcoholic all my life, drinking always at night before bed, and the alcohol is self-medicating. The times he tried going long periods without drinking was when he ended up a wreck. When drinking he managed to do okay. It was actually when he would work his winters in B.C. when I was a kid that he would not drink because he couldn't with his job so I think hooking up with women at night was his substitute for alcohal. The funny thing is he didn't cheat when he was drinking.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 103
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 9/1/2018 5:25:38 AM
Pardon me for saying so, but he may not have been able to get it up when he was drinking. I can appreciate what you're saying, but that's still not love. It's a man wanting security while he's out cheating. That's what they do, keeping someone at home for when they don't have anyone on the side.

Maybe alcohol was a substitute when he couldn't cheat, and didn't have anyone lined up. He's someone that shouldn't have gotten married.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 104
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 9/1/2018 10:41:35 AM
I think you may be right. He is now with his 4th wife.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 105
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 9/1/2018 10:54:56 AM
I'm definitely right. Not that I need my ex as an example, but he started cheating on his girlfriend immediately, and even committed to getting a condo with her and never skipped a beat with cheating on her. He's got his sex partner secured, he's got someone to give him money, so that he has more money to spend, and then he continues to see other woman. If he just saw other women, he would not have a steady sex partner and they certainly wouldn't be offering to give him money for things, to then make his outings less expensive, and bring down his cost for living.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 106
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 9/1/2018 12:17:50 PM


In my opinion, if you have kids together, you owe it to them to stay together for 18 years.

Bullshit.


Agreed!

Although I have never and will never mention this to my son, I have a restraining order (paperwork from his first marriage that he never bothered to pick up when we got divorced) indicating that he threatened to kill his children by her then commit suicide. I never saw that side to him - not even during our divorce.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 107
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What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 9/1/2018 2:21:57 PM


In my opinion, if you have kids together, you owe it to them to stay together for 18 years.
Bullshit.

I agree, too. It's so silly to think that. If you have kids together (and are a couple when doing so), you owe it to the kid (and the significant other indirectly) to go out of your way to make things work in rough times. Making super-sure you're covering your bases, where one otherwise might not. But it'd be Stupid to stay with someone "no matter what" because you have kids. Having kids whose parents live separate lives is Better than living with a Horrible couple.

He's got his sex partner secured, he's got someone to give him money, so that he has more money to spend, and then he continues to see other woman.

Sounds like he's succeeding! He seems to have the dating scene down pat. :)
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