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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out.      Home login  
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 sugarlandguy
Joined: 1/3/2013
Msg: 24
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
If you want to play 2nd base, stick around. He is padding his chances as in, if it does not work with her then he will be back for a while until he finds another and then the process process begins all over again. Some men can not stand to be alone so they pad their black book. I know this sounds selfish & harsh but this is the way some men/women are and they will never change.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 25
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/23/2017 7:02:15 PM
Maybe a better question would be.

Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but I still want to hang out with him...WHY?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 26
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/24/2017 7:53:12 AM
A situation like this could work IF after a few dates both people mutually decided that they would be better off being friends. However that doesn't sound like the case here. He may want some "action on the side" or have the OP as a backup option. The OP probably still have some romantic feelings for him.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 27
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/24/2017 8:47:56 AM
The OP could've said "The three of us (OP, guy, and his girlfriend) could hang out sometime, providing your girlfriend is OK with that. I would like to get to know her better." But it sounds like the OP still has romantic feelings for him, so she doesn't want to stop all contact, and what that leads to is anybody's guess.
 Wilkes_Barre_Candy
Joined: 9/7/2016
Msg: 28
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/24/2017 9:31:33 AM
Maybe they want a 3-sum???
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 29
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/24/2017 9:36:10 AM

Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but I still want to hang out with him...WHY?
Usually it's because the guy is a good F.


Maybe they want a 3-sum???
And then some. Like playing golf with the number 9 stick. Seeking that "elusive" hole in one.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 30
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/24/2017 10:41:05 AM
OP, he's a cheater who wants to have his cake and eat it, too. I have no doubt that he told his girlfriend that you and he are nothing more than platonic friends. You're settling for some other woman's leftovers. Can't you get a man of your own?

He's not going to dump his girlfriend and get into a relationship with you. Why should he? He knows he can keep you on the back burner indefinitely, as his rainy day hoe. Summon up some self-respect and sever all contact with him.
 LittleDreamGirl
Joined: 4/27/2016
Msg: 31
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 5/8/2017 9:43:00 PM
UPDATE: Thank-you everyone for your comments on the situation. Just to clarify - I have NOT slept with this guy since dating him last summer, nor will I. In response to some of the cynical comments assuming that I will give in since I find him attractive, you are wrong. Nothing puts me off sleeping with a guy more than knowing he is involved with someone else. He has tried to booty call me a couple of times since we dated and I politely but firmly turned him down. Another example - many years ago, I was dating someone briefly and one night the guy had me over for dinner. We started kissing and it was at that moment he told me he was also seeing someone else and wanted me to know but still wanted to date me. I told him thanks, no thanks and walked right out of his apartment. I would never sleep with someone who is already in a relationship, just to be clear.

I have not gotten together with him since my original post. I initially accepted his invite to get together for dinner (strictly as friends) but left the date vague as to when. I never followed up with it. Well as usual, a month went by and like clockwork I heard from him yet again a few days ago. We chatted for a while and he said that things are going well with his new girlfriend. He also said he would never cheat on her. Then he suggested that we get together and hang out and catch up. This is why I find the situation confusing and part of me thinks he does genuinely want to be platonic friends and is not looking to cheat. But perhaps, even at my ripe old age of 45 I am still naive. If a guy wanted a booty call, wouldn't he avoid mentioning that things are going well with his girlfriend?

And the final bombshell update; today on Facebook it came through on my newsfeed that he has put his house up for rent and is moving out. It is obvious that he is moving in with her. Last summer when him and I dated he said when he got to the point where he was thinking of moving in with someone, he would rent his house out initially for a while before selling it. I have to say I am truly shocked that he is already moving in with this person and they have only known each other for 5 months. Based on his dating history with me and other women last year, he certainly didn't seem in any hurry to settle down or make things serious so quickly. Maybe it's just me, but 5 months seems like a ridiculously short amount of time to take such a huge step. You barely know the person. I am stunned that a guy who seems commitment-phobic would want that so soon.

Anyway, that is the update. Again, I don't understand why he even wants to stay in touch with me, especially given this latest revelation. He's obviously really into her. Why bother? I highly doubt he's still interested in having sex with me, and even if he is, he knows I won't sleep him now that he's with someone else. Meanwhile he is still active on POF, his profile is not hidden, and still says he is "actively seeking a relationship." Huh?!?!

Anyway, I really want nothing to do with him anymore for so many reasons. Especially this latest revelation of him moving in with her. Would not feel comfortable even being platonic friends under that circumstance.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 32
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 5/8/2017 11:09:33 PM

And he knows he's not going to get a booty call from me, plus he's obviously getting laid, so trying to have sex with me can't be the motive.


Okay. Ask him if he wants to have sex and you'll have your answer. Seems pretty simple to me.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 33
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 5/9/2017 6:05:22 AM

We started kissing and it was at that moment he told me he was also seeing someone else and wanted me to know but still wanted to date me.

Does kissing ALWAYS lead to sex? Just wondering; because, I've had dates with plenty of snogging that never led to removing clothes and was wondering if I missed something...


Then he suggested that we get together and hang out and catch up. This is why I find the situation confusing and part of me thinks he does genuinely want to be platonic friends and is not looking to cheat... If a guy wanted a booty call, wouldn't he avoid mentioning that things are going well with his girlfriend?

Because, of course - anyone that wants to be friends MUST want to sleep with you...
Have you never stayed friends with ANYONE you used to date? Some people find those types of social connections are worth holding on to. Friends expand your social network in all kinds of directions - and several people out there have even met their own life partners through connections with former lovers and dating experiences.


I have to say I am truly shocked that he is already moving in with this person and they have only known each other for 5 months. Based on his dating history with me and other women last year, he certainly didn't seem in any hurry to settle down or make things serious so quickly.

News Flash: People have gotten MARRIED in less time. Relationships are built on trust, not a calendar. If you don't know what is truly happening in his life, then everything else you imagine in your story is pure speculation.


Meanwhile he is still active on POF, his profile is not hidden, and still says he is "actively seeking a relationship." Huh?!?!

Cyber-stalk much? You have no idea what's going on with his POF account. Frankly, I don't think you have any idea what Men's experiences are like with online dating profiles. Men don't need to shut down anything online to virtually 'disappear' - all they need to do is stop messaging women. They can be online every day, even swiping through 'Meet Me' or adding 'Favorites' left and right - it doesn't mean diddly-squat - because most women totally ignore everything outside of a messaged date invite - that is, until a dating relationship happens, and ends - then, for some stupid reason, they cannot STOP following their every move online, even though there IS NO RELATIONSHIP anymore.

A lot of your story - and your updates - is made up of your own hunches and speculation. You are trying very hard to apply your own spin to the story - and get us to believe you. If you don't want to be friends with the guy because you don't trust him - that's all it takes. End the story. Leave him alone, & tell him to do the same. You don't need to get some sort of backhanded 'revenge' by trying to corrupt his character in our eyes. By re-living your entire dating experience in this thread, it sounds like you don't want to let your past go - that you want him to suffer more, have his character bashed again -- but we don't have to care.
 athleticnfun2
Joined: 3/17/2016
Msg: 34
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 5/20/2017 3:21:27 PM
It sounds like he is trying to get his cake and eat it too, using you as a lay on the side. May not be what you want to hear but the truth is the truth unfortunately.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 35
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 5/21/2017 6:22:54 AM
Well there is NOTHING short about that "wall o text"........

BUT....basically he wants to "stay friends/in contact" with you.

He calls you up to "come over to your place"......

He is a player and wants nothing more than a booty call even though you have set boundaries in reference to "no casual sex". But he will keep trying until he wears you down enough to just give in.

You need to just move on as this guy is a d ouche bag.

You can have all the "connection" you want with him.....but if he really WANTED a true relationship with you.......he would pursue one with you.

Block him and cease all contact as he is nothing more than a "road to nowhere".

But what you need to honestly ask yourself.......what are you getting out of all this "attention" he is directing at you??? There MUST be some sort of payoff here......

You are 45 years old.....not some naive teenager. He IS playing one of the oldest games in the book - throwing just crumbs at you to keep you in contact and pining for him.....and it strokes his ego......
 SilverWings2017
Joined: 12/14/2016
Msg: 36
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 5/21/2017 4:53:39 PM
Oh, Dear God yes. DPWESU is so right. This is the 24 hour bullshit bakery and you are getting all the crumbs. He's getting his cake and eating it too. He's using you. For Gods sake woman, you should know better.

I heard all I need to hear.

A guy like this would be at the top of my block list.

He's moving in with her. He's still trolling with you, and on POF.

Pft. Seriously, really?

F*** that guy.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 37
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 5/21/2017 5:43:17 PM
or actually..try your best NOT to **** that guy. The obvious question is, what does one have in common with a guy trying to make a booty call, when one does not want to be a booty call? If this guy wasn't so hot, he'd be a turnoff, asking for something that isn't ever going to be given....unless...there's an opportunity somehow to get away with it. The problem with temptation is, we just never want it to leave.

what's his goal? ask the gf he's moving in with. No seriously, go ahead. Bet you get an answer, really fast! of course, it may not be a literal answer, spelled out. you may have to watch what happens next, and read into the actions.

"If a guy wanted a booty call, wouldn't he avoid mentioning that things are going well with his girlfriend?"

>>>you would be absolutely amazed--or dismayed--at how often this is done to women. I've heard plenty of times where a woman hears a guy say he isn't looking for a relationship with her, she sleeps with him to get him to change his mind and *sob* he just won't treat her like a gf! I can't believe how a human being can hear this and act like somehow it isn't true. as if someone out there is saying, "guys tell you this b/c they honestly think it gets them laid." if there's one thing men know, its not to tell someone they aren't looking for a relationship, in an attempt to get laid. And yet somehow it works on so many females.

and when I say "so many", I mean if it works on more than one, that's "too many". its just crazy that someone can disrespect a woman and she comes back for more of it. Denial just ain't a river in Egypt.
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 38
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 5/22/2017 12:04:11 AM
Because he's a sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut.
 originaltigger
Joined: 5/26/2017
Msg: 39
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 6/3/2017 5:43:05 PM
Pretty much what most guys want. Just someone to have fun with, some like having their side chicks or whatever they want to call them. Avoid this guy, he will just hurt you more. I would not give a woman a second thought if she pulled this kind of stunt with me so women should avoid these guys like the plague. They are scammers in a different way, not trying to con you out of your money, but to con you out of your emotions and self respect.
 sugarlandguy
Joined: 1/3/2013
Msg: 40
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 6/14/2017 5:53:00 PM
"Maybe they want a 3-sum???"

I like the way you think......
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 41
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 6/17/2017 5:38:10 PM
Does it matter what he wants? It's about what you want, and I hope you would not take him back. You see how he treated you and now see how he's treating this new person he's with. Isn't that enough for you? I'm still friends with many of my exes, but they're not hitting me up for booty calls. He's made it clear what he wants and it's not a continued friendship.

Why shouldn't the new girl call it a relationship? Three months in is a relationship. It may be a crappy one, because he's a player, but she's still in one with him. None of that should matter to you, he's her problem now. Stay out of their relationship.
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 42
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 6/27/2017 2:07:37 PM
Clearly, the dude still fancies your behind occasionally.
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