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 AUTHOR
 LOLTrump
Joined: 3/7/2017
Msg: 101
Update...no datePage 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

At what point do guys consider themselves to be in a relationship?


When we have to be or when we want to be.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 102
Update...no date
Posted: 5/8/2017 4:05:23 PM

So this is how my story ends....final text unedited

"Hey,i want you to know that I am sorry ,I have came to realize that I can not give you what you deserve in a relationship,we moved way to fast ,and I apologize for that also,you are a good person and and you deserve better,I can not find any balance and I am trying to re focus my life,I did not want to hurt you and I did ,I am just not ready for a relationship,I am sorry.i can not bring myself to tell you over the phone or face to face,you need to move on ,I am not the guy you think I am or deserve. I do not want to be in a relationship,that I can not maintain,it is not fair to you ,I am not going to lead you on,it would only make it worse.

I did and still do like you,I just do not want to be in a relationship .You should move on,honestly I do not want to be in a relationship "


So I move on.


- OP (see message 99)

Well.....some of us pretty much suspected as much. I WILL give him kudos on coming forward and being somewhat honest about it. Basically he is saying he doesn't want to be in a relationship.....with you.

Although he couldn't be a real man and do it face to face.

OP.....you are a high value woman and yes you DO deserve the best......but next time.....don't move too fast. - usually when it's an intense and fast beginning.....leads to a terrible ending.......

Do yourself a huge favor, block his number, email, or any form of communication your used for contact.


well...at least he didn't ghost. (Aren't our standards so low these days?)

Pity it didn't work, but it sounded doomed from the start if he doesn't have his life in order. Thanks for letting us know how it went.


GTO (see message 104)

Amen to that......

Last several guys I've dated did just that. Unfortunately, technology has allowed us all to float in and out of each other's lives at the drop of a hat. People just don't have the interpersonal skills they once had.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 103
Update...no date
Posted: 5/8/2017 4:34:21 PM
Thank you Mr. Butter chicken!
:-)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 104
Update...no date
Posted: 5/8/2017 5:01:10 PM
Hey Humble
Well that sucks old donkey dik, NEVER, I repeat NEVER talk to that asshat again.
Meanwhile we are here.. vent to us before contacting him to rant. Nice, text dumping... sigh
Boo is always beautiful but my fav is when you sport the Easter hats Boo
Tomorrow will be a better day Humble.
 TheRevenant2017
Joined: 5/5/2017
Msg: 105
Update...no date
Posted: 5/8/2017 7:01:25 PM
Everything considered, you got out of that situation with little loss. It could have been worse.

You're free to look forward now...
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 106
Update...no date
Posted: 5/9/2017 7:02:21 PM

It could have been worse.


Indeed.

He could have actually turned out to be one of those serial killers that women always worry about meeting online.

Instead of just another run-of-the-mill loser.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 107
Update...no date
Posted: 5/10/2017 7:34:40 PM
"Thank you Mr. Butter chicken!"




No - thank YOU !
 SilverWings2017
Joined: 12/14/2016
Msg: 108
Update...no date
Posted: 5/11/2017 9:31:20 PM
Ending it via text. Really.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 109
Update...no date
Posted: 5/12/2017 6:18:04 AM
At least for younger people, texting has replaced the telephone. If you were to ask a younger person when was the last time they made a real telephone call, where they used their voice to exchange thoughts, they would either look totally bewildered, or laugh and mock you for living in the stone age. So dumping someone via text will become the norm, since people won't know of any other way to communicate with other humans.
 SilverWings2017
Joined: 12/14/2016
Msg: 110
Update...no date
Posted: 5/12/2017 7:48:04 AM
Well, maybe I am old fashioned then. But no, I don't think that is the case. This couple is 40-ish.

I think that a break-up text is weak and I would be absolutely horrified if anyone did that to me.

It's disgusting.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 111
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History
Update...no date
Posted: 5/12/2017 8:26:38 PM

Last several guys I've dated did just that. Unfortunately, technology has allowed us all to float in and out of each other's lives at the drop of a hat. People just don't have the interpersonal skills they once had.


Yes, a "Dear John" letter sent to a lonely soldier overseas risking his life is so much more socially tactful than a mere text...women knew how to stab a guy in the heart AND keep him waiting for answer for weeks back in the day.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 112
Update...no date
Posted: 5/13/2017 4:17:01 AM
I will have to say...bad news is bad news, no matter the medium used to deliver it. I'm not a fan of "breakup by text", either, but then I guess if someone's dealt with a nutjob who handled the breakup poorly...I guess they get a pass on taking the easy way out. on the flip side, if someone's been wimpy throughout the relationship...what's one more wimpy act, right? :)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 113
Update...no date
Posted: 5/13/2017 9:36:38 AM
Most people want to avoid answering the inevitable "Why" when breaking up with someone in person or by phone call, because it's usually something unflattering. That often leads to the childish: "I'm not that way. You are. So there."

I remember a similar thread a while ago, where a guy complained about being dumped by text or email, instead of being told in person or by phone call. He reasoning was he wants to be told why he's being dumped so that he can change himself to avoid making the same mistake with the next person. He couldn't grasp the idea that it's not the job of the person who dumped you to help you improve yourself, in order to have better luck dating in the future-especially if the dumper has no idea how the dumpee will handle it.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 114
Update...no date
Posted: 5/14/2017 9:28:22 AM
In this situation, I think ending it by text is okay. The OP was dating him for about a month. If this had been a more long term or serious relationship, then maybe ending it face to face or at least with a phone call would have been a more appropriate way to do it.
 Damilovely
Joined: 12/23/2014
Msg: 115
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History
Update...no date
Posted: 5/24/2017 3:49:11 AM
Understanding eachother's position on commitment, monogamy, continuity and longevity of your relationship before investing intimacy is best.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 116
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History
When do men decide its a relationship
Posted: 5/24/2017 1:11:56 PM
Everyone gets excited over a new relationship. To me, it doesn't really mean anything. You set the tone of what you want and will accept and just go by that. Sounds like you've moved it too fast on your end, not even on his end. He's just accepting all you want to offer. If you have sex too soon, you'll never know if the relationship is sexual. Are you still seeing him?
 Damilovely
Joined: 12/23/2014
Msg: 117
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History
When do men decide its a relationship
Posted: 5/29/2017 3:20:36 AM
Why one woman didn't want to be anyone's girlfriend and refused to be exclusive until he proposed. http://motto.time.com/4795013/date-multiple-people-at-once/
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 118
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History
When do men decide its a relationship
Posted: 5/29/2017 7:23:25 PM
^^^^ One annecdote doesn't create a standard. The article should have been 5 times as long to elucidate on how this woman's status as a freebird multiple man-dater affected both her lifestyle and how she decided to chose who & when to date whom......until one guy bought out her contract.

Also note that she was financially well-off, so this is perhaps NOT a strategy that the average income woman can adopt.
 LOLTrump
Joined: 3/7/2017
Msg: 119
When do men decide its a relationship
Posted: 5/29/2017 8:07:16 PM

Why one woman didn't want to be anyone's girlfriend and refused to be exclusive until he proposed. http://motto.time.com/4795013/date-multiple-people-at-once/


"I am an empowered woman of the 21st century: I run a company, have a master’s degree and earn a handsome six-figure salary."

Sami Wunder

How does she earn that $? By giving sh*tty advice based on stupid concepts.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 120
When do men decide its a relationship
Posted: 5/30/2017 8:44:39 AM
it did seem like a short article, and it made it sound like all she seeks in a relationship is a business deal. I give him X in return for him giving me Y. Emotional needs, it sounded like, are handled inside the relationship, no room for friends to substitute. If she does see things that simply, then I see why she's happy. Some people just want a lot more than that.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 121
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When do men decide its a relationship
Posted: 5/30/2017 10:34:23 AM
When do men decide it's a relationship?

Simplest answer -
When the woman decides to stop questioning it and goes with it.

Not to be mistaken for the 'Silent Treatment', which is deadly.
 hyper828
Joined: 12/26/2010
Msg: 122
When do men decide its a relationship
Posted: 6/6/2017 12:31:03 AM
I hear you and I sense your heart is open to moving in a direction which feels like you're in a solid connection with this person. I am curious, how would you feel about asking him these questions and expressing what your heart is really wanting to say? You could frame the expressions in a way that does not cross your healthy boundary which is staying in and expressing from how you feel? (which would look like "I feel _____ when this happens or when you say this" as opposed to "you make me feel _______ when you say or do this." which is accusatory and crossing healthy boundaries). Then allow him to speak from his heart which might be a challenge or not. True connection comes from that authentic, vulnerable place and if he is like most men, he was probably told, right from birth, to suck it up, to be a man, to never show his emotions. So he may have a guard up now, protecting his heart which is a strategy he learned as a little boy. If he is capable of meeting you in your vulnerable true heart then that is a real foundation for a relationship. If he is a keeper, he will be willing to meet you where you're at and when you express from your true authentic, vulnerable heart, you will quickly know if he is in or out. What if the world actually functioned like this? All war is possibly caused by a this emotional vacancy. By men who were never allowed to express their emotions, their frustrations in a healthy way.

Lead with your heart and speak from that place and stay in your healthy emotional boundary.

Life is too short to not be authentic and true to yourself.

Take care.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 123
When do men decide its a relationship
Posted: 6/6/2017 11:27:08 AM
When do men decide its a "relationship"

I don't like the above title of this thread...It's not upto men to decide, when to have a relationship? IT'S UPTO A MAN AND A WOMAN TO DECIDE, ON WHEN THEY BECOME A COUPLE...IT TAKE'S TWO TO TANGO
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 124
When do men decide its a relationship
Posted: 6/6/2017 4:56:50 PM
"Not to be mistaken for the 'Silent Treatment', which is deadly."

>>>ah, another silent but deadly thing shared by people in a room....and just as unappreciated. Too bad, couples should share.

It is up to both people to come to a conclusion. Cynical to say the last person to make the decision has some sort of control. It takes strength to risk the relationship by asking about its status.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 125
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History
When do men decide its a relationship
Posted: 6/6/2017 7:50:12 PM

Too bad, couples should share.

I've heard of Dutch Ovens bad enough to end a marriage. Just sayin'...
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