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 LGL1975
Joined: 6/7/2015
Msg: 49
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Single moms and babysittersPage 4 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

^^
Any person who says "baby daddy" is a red flag.


I don't like to use the term "ex wife". She's the mother of my child. People of this generation have a new word for that.

At your age your kids should be able to take care of themselves.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 50
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 6/16/2017 12:32:41 PM

People of this generation have a new word for that.

Use of low rent vocabulary is not generational. It is just low rent.

At your age your kids should be able to take care of themselves.

Well bless your heart. Did you just attempt a little passive aggressive dig?
 LGL1975
Joined: 6/7/2015
Msg: 51
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 6/19/2017 9:26:15 AM

Well bless your heart.


Let's be frank. Most people who use that expression would probably look down on someone of your circumstances. Single mother with a deadbeat father who doesn't support his kids and no family to help her out. Even in Florida that's pretty near the bottom of the barrel. But hey, the internet needs grammar Nazis too.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 52
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 6/19/2017 9:34:03 AM

Single mother with a deadbeat father who doesn't support his kids and no family to help her out. Even in Florida that's pretty near the bottom of the barrel.

I do wish my family was closer. That is true. We are spread out all over the globe!
My sons are grown. I am not sure where you got deadbeat from. Noncustodial does not equal deadbeat nor does it equal him not being supportive to his children in every way that he could be. Maybe you were trying too hard to see something that isn't there?
I'll stick with my bless your heart. It is appropriate here.
 LGL1975
Joined: 6/7/2015
Msg: 53
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 6/19/2017 2:09:14 PM

I do wish my family was closer. That is true. We are spread out all over the globe!
My sons are grown. I am not sure where you got deadbeat from. Noncustodial does not equal deadbeat nor does it equal him not being supportive to his children in every way that he could be. Maybe you were trying too hard to see something that isn't there?
I'll stick with my bless your heart. It is appropriate here.



I had 24/7/365 custody. I don't have family. It was necessary for me to be all in for my children. No one else was there.
I can't imagine that all of my grandchildren will need me in that capacity. When grandchildren come into my life many years from now I will cross that bridge.



People who can't keep their stories straight. Another red flag.

You know what they say where there's smoke there's fire.
 IMayBeCrazy_But
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 54
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 6/19/2017 3:03:02 PM
Bruh. She was speaking in past tense.

Not present.

If you would have taken a peek at her profile before throwing shade...you would have noticed that her children are over 18.


Why do I get so much kickback and resistance from the single moms I date when it comes to finding a babysitter for their kids?


Well...my guess is that those have been "polite" ways to decline your advances.
 LGL1975
Joined: 6/7/2015
Msg: 55
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 6/19/2017 3:45:36 PM

Bruh. She was speaking in past tense.



Use of low rent vocabulary is not generational. It is just low rent.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 56
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 6/19/2017 3:46:32 PM
^^^ meh S/he is trolling. When you participate in a number of forums you realize that there are loads of people who lack basic reading comprehension. They are just desperate for any sort of attention - like naughty little toddlers.
 tutnosedjack
Joined: 6/19/2017
Msg: 57
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 6/22/2017 10:35:34 PM

^^^^ I had 24/7/365 custody. I don't have family. It was necessary for me to be all in for my children. No one else was there.


When you say the above and the below it lead me to believe the same thing as well. Just being honest.


I won't go into the specifics but I had full custody. FULL. It was 24/7/365. I made all decisions. About everything. There was no one else.




I am not sure where you got deadbeat from. Noncustodial does not equal deadbeat nor does it equal him not being supportive to his children in every way that he could be. Maybe you were trying too hard to see something that isn't there?


I don't think he was trolling you it is a private personal matter to you and it is none of our business. Yet when I am the custodial parent of my two now grown children since they were 2 and 3 years old and you interject as if you were more taxed than I was when really we both had the same status it is misleading. I said like 320 days 24/7 and no child support but she was willing to pay for plane tickets for the summer sometimes. When you said full custody I assumed you meant sole custody so that is also my bad. I have had sole custody of my youngest for two years due to a drug issue the other parent had. So I don't see it as anyone is better than anyone else here I was actually trying to defend you to stupid laidbrokebackmountainguy.

I don't know how many times you or the guy you were rude to have been through the system but being that I have been through it quite a bit I can tell you I got a hard knocks education in it. Being that your kids are grown it is different plus you have probably forgotten so it was an interpretation error mostly and also doesn't need your clarification as like I said it is none of our business.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 58
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 6/23/2017 5:36:13 AM
^^^ I did have sole custody. I won't discuss the details here. When he was able he participated in their lives but never had more than afternoon visitation on a Sat every other week mandated. Since the thread was in reference to babysitting (initially) my comment about family was referencing that. My nearest family is several states away so ... not able to help with any childcare issues when they were young ... which is why I said "no family". No family to help. It seems that in the world today few families are geographically close to one another.

As far as the system. Ugh. In the early days of my separation and divorce I got to know my way around the courthouse a bit too well. I finally gave up which was what he wanted but I honestly had three children to care for and needed to get on with life and doing what needed to be done.

And yes, they are grown now. The youngest has one year left before he completes his degree so we are in the final countdown. My ex and I actually have a good relationship. Over twenty years will do that and more importantly our children are more important than harboring anger and hurt. He is a wonderful father to them now and has been for years. He and I always agreed on child rearing and basic philosophies. We were and still are a like mind in regard to our children. Neither of us ever remarried. People still ask if we would ever... and the answer is no. Too much pain. I always tell people that when he moved out of the country I am the one that drove him to the airport - which is true - wanted to make sure he got on the damned plane!!!!
 tutnosedjack
Joined: 6/19/2017
Msg: 59
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 6/23/2017 8:30:08 AM
Yeah my deal was more recent so maybe some differences like I said. Not to mention area to area and district to district. Here is was called the safe program and was like a couple hours every other Saturday. Like twice she got punished and I showed up for nothing because she couldn't behave there. lol


My nearest family is several states away so ... not able to help with any childcare issues when they were young ... which is why I said "no family". No family to help. It seems that in the world today few families are geographically close to one another.


I had my mom and brother but they had work and my brother had a family of his own so it was no treasure trove of help. So it may not matter if they live close even when they do.


As far as the system. Ugh. In the early days of my separation and divorce I got to know my way around the courthouse a bit too well. I finally gave up which was what he wanted but I honestly had three children to care for and needed to get on with life and doing what needed to be done.


Well it's a system of money and it is pretty simple as in it is designed to drain you. It probably wasn't so much him or not him he didn't have a choice in the matter but it was the system and it's flawed design. In my case home girl passed a hair follicle drug test so wasn't anything I could or should do. She is the parent it isn't giving up to allow that reestablishment of that relationship or the attempt to at least. Even if you suspect or even know something isn't right it is still the right thing to allow things to go as it should. If I don't like what the woman does so much I shouldn't of had a kid with her to a certain degree. Of course you got to look out for your child's safety but there is only so much you can do when it comes to protecting your child from their other parent. As in don't beat yourself up about it.


My ex and I actually have a good relationship.


Man I wish I had that with my older children's mom but it just didn't happen. I tried, I swear I did and I would be a yes ma'am mousey little b!tch for my kids sake. She'd talk to me like a dog. She'd be like well you need to call more and tell me about what the kids are doing and whatever right? Dude why am I gonna call you if every time I talk to you I get what I get from you? Do you think I want more sh!tty in my life? If I have never been a sadomasochist before why would I be one all of a sudden now?

After it all and the kids are like between 11 and 13 and I happen to be single she was like "I think we would get along better now maybe we should get back together". Of course at that point all the work is done and now you want to come back? Ahahahahahaha I was like I don't think we would ever get along again. ahahahahaahaha Honestly I laughed and it wasn't intentional. Things escalated till they turned 18 and I still tried to get along till the last time was the last time for me. I think a lot of women romanticize about getting back with that ex. They think the life problems caused the break up and they probably did. To me the life problems are like an electric fence you hang onto until the electricity dies down or your just a p^ssy. No one wants to be with a p^ssy.
 U21984
Joined: 2/17/2017
Msg: 60
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 7/16/2017 8:04:34 PM
haha Very true.

Never want to hear the term BABY DADDY out of a woman I'm considering unless she is referring to some KOOKY celebrity and her...well...Baby Daddy! lol
 plantlover1955
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 61
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 8/2/2017 12:43:57 PM
"Even in Florida that's pretty near the bottom of the barrel"
What do you know about Florida sir?
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 62
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 8/6/2017 10:07:53 AM
Sucks to be you,,, sleep overs are not in the offering any time soon. lol
 bacheloretteNumberone
Joined: 3/24/2017
Msg: 64
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 8/12/2017 6:20:16 PM
"Being a child of a single mother is the worst living situation that a kid can be in. More likely to drop out. More likely to go to prison. More likely to live in poverty. It is a worse handicap than race. Worse than abuse. Worse than lack of education. Worse than foster care. They do this to their kids voluntarily. No excuse is good enough."

I call BS on this one.
If you first line read - Being a child of a bad single mother is the worst living situation that a kid can be in, I might buy it.
However, the marketed line is - Fatherless children are more likely to drop out of school, lead a life of crime, on and on.

Being a child with a single mom is not a situation worse that race, worse than a lack of education, it is not worse than foster care.
You are extrapolating beyond your knowledge level.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 65
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 2/19/2018 1:36:15 PM
In my experience, it is extremely difficult to find a babysitter nowadays. Back 20 years ago when I was a teenager, I babysat all the time and most of my friends did. It was a great way to earn money. And I got maybe 2 or 3 dollars an hour. Now that I'm a mom with 3 young kids, I have really struggled to find babysitters. Most teens now have no interest in babysitting as their parents just give them spending money. And most of the teens that will babysit, are charging outrageous amounts like $50 an evening or $10 an hour. When you are a single mom trying to make ends meet on a single income, $50 is a lot to pony up so you can go on a date. And I hesitate to ask my mom to babysit because she babysits enough for me when I often can't find a babysitter when I work evenings or weekends.

Some single moms date when their kids are with their dad. I don't often have that option. My kids don't see their dad too often as he lives out of the province. And he doesn't pay child support because he's chronically unemployed so I pay for all my kids' stuff on my own. I struggled so much to manage my finances on my income alone that I had to move in with my mom which makes dating even trickier. The cost of living has risen significantly in recent years while wages have not. I make ok money in my job as a health care assistant but it's not enough. Living with my mom makes bringing back dates to my place an issue. I've considered waiting several years before trying to date again but the truth is I'm lonely for male companionship and I can't do the fwb thing. Maybe that'll mean I'll be perpetually single for the next 10 years but darnit anyways, I need to try. It's just so frustrating. When guys want to go out with me and I struggle to find a time that works I wonder if I'm just not allowed to date. It really sucks.
 JennS1890
Joined: 8/25/2017
Msg: 66
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 4/6/2018 6:32:49 AM
It's not easy getting the stars to align, a mutually convenient time when you actually have a babysitter. I've had young babysitters stay with my kids and I have to pick them up, drop them off, make dinner for them, and when I get home the kids are in bed with their day clothes on, the lights are off, the curtains are open, there are five wet towels hung up in the bathroom ("oh, nothing happened.") It's so much stress that it's hard to go out sometimes. And you're on the clock, you know? Gotta get home in time to get the babysitter home. It's nice if family can help but that is rarely an option for me.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 67
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 4/6/2018 10:29:07 AM
Yup, most babysitters now do very little but get paid big bucks. I remember having to compete for babysitting jobs. You had to make the kids meals and have the house clean to make $3 an hour. Now, you have to pre-cook the meals and come home to a huge mess and pay $50 for 3 to 5 hours. And don't dare complain about the mess because they won't babysit for you ever again because there's a load of other families desperate to find a babysitter.

I find it pathetic that the grown women who have home daycares charge $30 a day (9 hours) for 1 toddler yet a teenage babysitter charges $10 an hour for watching your kids in your own home. Really unfair but theirs a premium to be paid for evening and weekend babysitting.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 68
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 4/7/2018 12:06:53 AM
To daycare a dog for those hours is $30 & up, per day. People that call themselves nannies and come to your home get paid more, but they're only watching 1-2 kids and provide more services.

I spent the day with someone I knew that did daycare in her home. She only deserved $35 a head, several years ago. She really didn't interact with the kids. When she made lunch, bologna sandwiches w/sliced apples on the side, the kids had about 10 mins to eat, then into the garbage it went. One tiny boy ate nothing. I picked up the sandwich and held it while he took a few bites with his tiny little mouth. He wasn't eating without encouragement, so without me there, it was going into the garbage. It made me cry inside. I'm sure the parents assume he's eating lunch every day. She had about 5 kids there. That's $42,000 a year for basically unskilled labor, so not a bad salary. They should get paid more for those that put in effort.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 69
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 4/9/2018 12:02:05 PM

I remember having to compete for babysitting jobs. You had to make the kids meals and have the house clean to make $3 an hour.

That's Certainly not even close to worth it, though. Few babysitters cooked in the kitchen for kids, when mom & dad merely went out on date night. It'd just be "Keep the house as clean as it was when we left," that's it. They'd do homework and keep their eye on the kids, or obviously more tending to, depending on the kids' age.

But it's supply & demand. $50 for 3 hours is ridiculous high; can't really see that happening outside last-minute exceptions... but $50 for 5 hours IMO would not be the cheap babysitter, but not something too crazy. Depends on what's entailed and what day/evening it is. You can't expect them to do it nearly for free, as if they're the oldest one of yours (14) looking after the younger ones when you go out.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 70
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 4/10/2018 7:25:22 AM
I dated a single mom, and eventually I asked who was watching the kids while we were out.

She said she just leaves them at home alone. They'll be fine.

Yikes.

I dont date single moms anymore. They all tell the same lame stories. Oh my ex was such a lazy A hole and he never did this or that and hes a dead beat...

OK , so why did you have kids with him?
Why is it women think these guys are awesome and they want kids with them, but once things go bad these men are the worst things on earth?

Women initiate over 75 percent of divorces and women are the biggest reason kids grow up in single parent homes.

Lots of people today dont have family values. If things are going not so smooth or they are bored. They can easily ditch someone and swipe for a new one.

Nope I wont date a single mother ever again.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 71
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 4/10/2018 7:41:48 AM
Yes, I made a bad decision and I'm really having to live with the consequences now. I met my ex when I was on the rebound. He was a bad guy, I knew that and when I got pregnant (Yes, I was taking birth control at the time) I tried leaving but he made it difficult and I was afraid of raising a kid alone. So many times I tried to leave and then I just resigned myself that I was stuck with him so I thought I could change him for the better. And I had two more kids with him. So I deserved everything I absolutely get now I guess. I did think I could change him though, honestly thought I'd be with him for 20 years. I didn't want my kids growing up the way I did, with split up parents. I always had this stupid belief that one day everything would be great. But he found someone else and that was that. Lessons learned the hard way.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 72
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 4/10/2018 11:13:58 AM
I cant feel bad for you. I feel bad for the kids.

You knew he wasnt a good guy. First time oops, then you go and have 2 more kids with him... I heard that story before , from other women. You werent a victim, you were a willing participant. The kids are the victims.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 73
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 4/10/2018 2:36:17 PM
July, my divorced friend I speak of with the child, while she thought he was okay when she had her child, she did know he was a nutcase later on when she wanted a 2nd child, and knew having the 2nd one with him was the only way she would get a sibling for her child, but the pregnancies didn't stick, so it's just the one child. I thought she was crazy to try and go for it, but I can certainly understand her thinking.

I tell her, ya know, that would have meant additional years tacked on to contact with him, but she really wanted the 2nd child. I would have stopped at one, because the of the father's negative impact on the kid she has now. Every day is spent trying to talk her present kid into not being like the father with all the badness her kid sees him do. She prays her child turns out normal.

Still, what a monumental impact to see yourself getting divorced, and know it will forever effect your life for what you wanted in terms of children.
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