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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > slept with a girl from work...bad idea      Home login  
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 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 26
slept with a girl from work...bad ideaPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OP, youre the one making the situation uncomfortable. She is avoiding you and not engaging in any contact. Stop attempting to talk to her when she clearly doesnt want to be bothered.
 NoxzemaWA
Joined: 2/19/2017
Msg: 27
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 5/10/2017 10:55:43 AM

Dating co-workers should be looked at on a case by case basis instead of making a blanket statement. Yes it can be a calculated risk. However not all situations or circumstances are necessarily the same. I do know people that are married or in relationships with someone that was a co-worker when they first started dating.


Agreed south_city. There are countless people who've met their SOs at work, moreso than trying to convert online strangers into a husband or wife. The two people in the situation need to have a level of maturity and understanding. OP and this woman in question don't seem to have that. As far as work romances, it helps immensely if they don't work in the same department or if one transfers out after the romance has budded & bloomed.
 sandwater
Joined: 4/2/2017
Msg: 28
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 5/10/2017 11:05:23 AM
FWIW according to 1 survey of 18-34 year olds, work was the still the 3rd most common way to find a significant other. Behind mutual friends and social settings ( which would probably include but not limited to bars and clubs ). But ahead of internet dating. The numbers for internet dating would probably be lower for older age ranges. Since they didn't grow up with internet.

https://mic.com/articles/112062/the-way-most-people-meet-their-significant-others-is-not-what-you-think#.9Jc6GmB20
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 29
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 5/10/2017 3:45:32 PM

As far as work romances, it helps immensely if they don't work in the same department or if one transfers out after the romance has budded & bloomed.


At my job, I don't see the majority of my co-workers that often because they work in different section and/or have different work hours. Yes it could become more tricky if we are in the same group or our cubicles are in the same room.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 30
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 5/12/2017 8:03:06 AM
the secret to porking from whence you bring home the bacon is....just pick partners of a healthy mind, maturity, and attitude. Some people can handle being around an ex, and others cannot. Of course, in order to recognize these wonderful people, we have to be one ourselves. We have to have the personal experience of what maturity really is, in order to see it in others.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 31
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slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 5/12/2017 8:22:39 AM
Don't try to be nice to her. Just be nice. She doesn't want friendly, she doesn't want to "talk about it". It appears that she HAS to encounter you at work so when these occasions arise be a big boy, a professional, focus on the subject or objective about work and let it be what it is.
You are not sure what to do here... Do NOTHING.

Do not accuse her of having an "attitude" that is affecting you. YOU are allowing her attitude to affect you. No one can make you feel awkward or uncomfortable unless you let them.

Should you have slept with her? Maybe, maybe not. You can't undo it. Can't go back and unf&ck her so deal with these consequences and the next time a woman tells you she has anxiety about "the whole situation" do not entertain her.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 32
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 5/12/2017 9:03:04 AM
It sounds like you still have the urge to bed her, OP. And now, you want to play games so that she will hop in the sack with you again, and she's not playing your game. So you're pouting like a child now, and wondering why she doesn't find you totally irresistible. Otherwise, what's the point of posting this when the solution is obvious, which is treat her like any other co-worker?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 33
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slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 5/15/2017 11:50:25 AM

It sounds like you still have the urge to bed her, OP. And now, you want to play games so that she will hop in the sack with you again, and she's not playing your game.

I agree. I think OP isn't trying to ask her out on the spot or anything, thus, he thinks he's not trying to win her over (classic error in thinking). Sure, for anyone the weirdness is going to be frustrating/uggh, when it's exuding from someone, but just let it roll. There Normally should be at least a little weirdness. Some people hide it better than others. Just let it blow over.

But when you're emotionally wanting them to at least still "kinda want ya" again and re-think stepping away, etc -- which is natural -- when you interact, it will be clearly seen as trying to start convo out of nowhere, so they are going to be more standoffish. So OP, no, you're not going to immediately be able to regenerate any 2nd thoughts on her part, nice flowing conversation, etc. Nope. It shouldn't, either. Trying to generate that is going to only dig the hole.

So what do you do? You be the same way (but not with negative undertones). You interact with her minimally. Same way as with a gal you Didn't want to deal with. They also read that off of you, but given that you were throwing yourself out there beforehand, it'll take a while for the new tone to settle in. "No Sally, I'm not interested in you." THEN, she will be more cool, if, at the end of things between you two you weren't weird which made her not want to start dating (then, it'll take longer).
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 34
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slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 5/16/2017 1:00:52 PM

she said she felt anxious about the whole situation and couldn't give me 100% blah blah blah...So fine..."I'll move on" I said. It's been over 2 months now and she won't even look at me at work even tho it was HER IDEA to end things.

To be clear... while you were involved, she was uncomfortable with the idea that she was going to have to see you at work, knowing what she knows about you and having had that relationship with you. She tells you that she is anxious.

So. She won't look at you at work. What did you expect? Did you expect her to just forget it happened, and go back to being what she was before? That's a little two dimensional if you did expect that.

She made a WRONG decision to get involved with you. She may have felt like it was wrong when she made it, or she may have developed that feeling after getting to know you. Either way, she realized that she made the wrong decision.

She felt awkward BEFORE you two stopped being involved. Don't you get that? You aren't making this any easier by still putting pressure on her to act a certain way. You are here, pretty upset about how she won't even look at you and you want to go to HR and punish her for making work uncomfortable because of her attitude...

Dude.. WTF? Where is the responsibility YOU bear in even starting this relationship in a place where you shouldn't have? If there is a policy against interoffice relationships, you violated it by pursuing a relationship. You can't just blow that off and say "It is in the past, get over it" because it is the ROOT of this.

Maybe you should stop expecting her to act a certain way. This is how she wants to treat you now, after seeing you for a while. Accept that fact and get over it. She isn't making the situation uncomfortable... you are, by not accepting her for who she is. You crossed a line. Sure, so did she... and now she feels like shit for it, and probably wants to QUIT rather than come into work and face you. You, expecting her to be all happy and interested in you and friendly? That's more pressure. She likely regrets seeing you. Don't make her regret working with you too. Don't make her regret knowing you exist, because of the actions you take. Do not try to justify making her regret breaking it off with you.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 35
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 6/3/2017 11:35:20 PM
Here is a four step program for dealing with this situation

1. Grow up

2. Live with the consequences of your mistake

3. Move on

4. Hope she grows up too
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 36
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 6/5/2017 4:23:10 AM
^^^^^

Short, sweet, and the point! LOVE IT!

But I would also like to add: use the brain between your ears.....not the one down below.

Amen to that!!!
 ready4u182
Joined: 5/10/2017
Msg: 37
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 6/9/2017 3:38:43 AM
Never date someone from work, I learned this the hard way.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 38
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/14/2017 6:11:26 AM
somewhere there used to be a poster or fridge magnet or something that claimed there were some people in life who's sole purpose of existence was....to be a lesson for others to learn :) I'll bet the OP has flown the coop, but perhaps the "lucky lady" has learned to be more picky about which coworker to get poked by.
 nba24
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 39
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slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/15/2017 1:47:19 AM
I don't agree with the whole don't try with a coworker thing. I have known several people who have tried with a coworker and either it works out or it dosnt but it dosnt get really bad or any thing. I think if you get to likely someone who you work with and you don't try to do any thing just because you work with them that all that is going to do is drive you nuts wondering if it could work if you tried. Being around some one you have fellings for all the time and doing nothing is just going to drive me more and more nuts and more and more despert for a gf so that way I don't have to wonder about this girl. Also if you don't date someone just because you work with them all it does is lower the amount of options that you have when it comes to the amount of people you may be able to date. When it comes to trying to advoid some one or not I think it deapends on what type of person you are. For me the more I try to advoid someone the more crazy it drives me in less it is someone I hate has it just makes me fell more and more akward and its the same way if some one trys to advoid me to in less it is someone that I hate. I think all you can do is just talk to her only when it is a work related time that you have to talk to her or just saying high but nothing else just to be like polite to her. All that can really happened is you don't talk to her outside of like those work times you have to and either she talks to you and things get less akward or they just continute to be akward and hopefully you meat some one else to help take your mind off of it or she ends up leaving or you end up leaving at some point.
 forever_live_and_die
Joined: 6/6/2017
Msg: 40
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/15/2017 2:41:28 AM
What a coincidence. From yesterday if it's true

A woman had her period. So, her male colleague reported her to HR, obviously.

In news that we honestly can’t believe we’re still having to report in 2017, a woman has taken to an online forum to share a truly sexist experience in the workplace; having a male supervisor report her to HR for having her period.

http://www.msn.com/en-ca/lifestyle/smart-living/a-woman-had-her-period-so-her-male-colleague-reported-her-to-hr-obviously/ar-BBEqaSZ?li=AAggNb9&ocid=UE07DHP
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 41
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/15/2017 6:59:31 AM
Never trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die.

That's why women over 50 are more trustworthy
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 42
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/15/2017 12:15:47 PM
^^^^^^

Wow Clooney......bitter much????????

Your posts as of late are full of bitterness........I miss the old Clooney who had very wise and gracious posts.
 U21984
Joined: 2/17/2017
Msg: 43
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/17/2017 12:18:14 AM
Clooney still has something left in the tank.
Check out his comments in the 46+ club. There, he's in his element! hahah
 U21984
Joined: 2/17/2017
Msg: 44
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/17/2017 12:20:11 AM
Folks, don't listen to the advice of ANYONE in here - not counting me and a few other guys.

These people are just LITERALLY talking out of their butt. Most of them haven't gotten laid since the disco era.

Not to mention the OP is just d!ck swinging to begin with

'Hey Everyone! I banged someone at work!Oh Noes...what should I do now!!'

LOL!!!
 Nezz123
Joined: 9/6/2011
Msg: 45
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/26/2017 6:47:35 AM
Eek! Don't go to HR! As long as she's being civil and non-threatening, she's allowed to be socially awkward. Making a formal complaint that an ex-girlfriend isn't being as responsive/friendly as you would like her to be could put you under suspicion instead.

See, the clauses that refer to creating an "uncomfortable work environment" in HR-lingo aren't referring to awkwardness. In an HR-context, "uncomfortable" refers to situations created by:

- discrimination (against race, religion, ability/disability, sex, sexual orientation, nationality, heritage, etc.)
- bullying/harassment (insults, spreading rumors, personal attacks, unwanted attention)
- intimidation (yelling, slamming objects, physical force, etc.)
- threats (promising and/or implying harm)

Her silence is probably none of the above. It's very likely her way of protecting herself from embarrassment and stopping herself from saying anything that might make her feel stupid later. Try not to take it personally.

And avoid going to HR with anything they might understand as, "The woman I slept with is now being too cold to me. Please make her cooperate or get rid of her." Being open and friendly is often a smart career/social move, but it's not something companies enforce.

A better approach would to say to her, "Hey, I can imagine how strange and awkward this must be. It's hard to know exactly what to say or do when you're trying to find balance. But, so you know, you don't have to say or do anything. Just know that on my end, we're good. Everything's cool. And I hope you're doing well, too." THEN KINDLY WALK AWAY ^____^.

^^^^^ If you're also being honest, this is an AWESOME JEDI MIND TRICK. Saying in your own words how the other person must feel makes people think, "This person actually gets me!" That puts people in muuuch more relaxed, open mindset. If you can honestly, gently say this, and remain calm/patient, there's a good chance she'll feel safe enough to stop protecting herself with so much silence.

But if she remains terse, quietly match her energy. Instead of speaking, just smile or give a "thumbs up" sign. It's like trying to get a turtle to come out of it's shell. If you poke it, it'll just tuck in tighter. But if you scoot away and give it space, it'll slowly start to come out.

Trust me!
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 46
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slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/26/2017 7:03:25 AM
If noone has mentioned it yet, many companies have rules in their employee manuals about fraternizing with coworkers, some companies take it further to include clients. So not only is it just a bad idea, it could jeopardize your job. Inter-company relationships can distract or disrupt business. I have never dated a co-worker and can't imagine that would ever happen. There are factors involved so I agree that you can't necessarily make a blanket statement that covers every situation, but the relationships that work out are the exception, not the rule.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 47
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/26/2017 2:30:47 PM
any dork dumb enough to go to HR and act like such a d1ck...i'd almost beg them to go do it, and smirk at the repercussions. Talk about instant "life experience" lesson! golly, what happened to getting laid and being appreciative of it...sheesh :)

my immediate boss at my last job, told me one time about how he had slept with one of the two women I had replaced. I guess her being married finally got to him, and they stopped, and a few months later, she hooked up with a younger coworker. So the little green monster came out and my boss decided to stick his nose in and told her to stop. She said, leave it alone or i'm going upstairs to claim harassment. Since my boss had a big "cut off nose to spite face" trend at that age, he told her don't bother b/c he was going to take that weapon right out of her hands and marched upstairs to tell the old man who ran the place what he had done and that it was over.

I'm sure the old man gave him the TMI look, said he was disappointed, made sure it was all done, and let it go at that. Lucky for my boss, he knew the computers backwards, forwards, and upside down so they couldn't fire him or demote him or do anything more than sweep it all under the rug and pray it wouldn't grow roots in the dust and flower :)

sometimes I almost miss the job, it was the opposite of corporate and some interesting drama happened there, lol.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 48
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/27/2017 6:06:27 AM

There are factors involved so I agree that you can't necessarily make a blanket statement that covers every situation, but the relationships that work out are the exception, not the rule.


Perhaps. But that might be true regardless of where 2 people meet. Suppose you went out with someone that you met from a mutual friend and it ended badly. That might cause some awkwardness between you and your friend.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 49
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/27/2017 5:51:20 PM
good point ^^^ I had a hot friend mention one time she doesn't set up her hot female friends w/ the nice guys she knows, b/c well...she knows how its going to turn out. I didn't ask if that was a reference to me :) But I get what she's saying, she knows her friends and what they like and knows a first date won't turn out well with a guy her friends aren't looking for. I had another friend tell me she wasn't going to hook me up with one of her friends b/c that friend was just a hot mess...she wasn't worried about how the friend was going to react, but how I was :)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 50
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slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/27/2017 8:13:17 PM

Suppose you went out with someone that you met from a mutual friend and it ended badly. That might cause some awkwardness between you and your friend.

I think that's a good measuring stick when it comes to getting involved at work. Most work places don't have any official rules about not going out with others. But I think, like having mutual friends or being in a shared social group -- warnings will be often brought up to re-state the Obvious.

Heck, it's one of the reasons why some people LIKE online dating. Meeting someone through mutual friends in a social circle -- that can end up getting weird if things get weird between you two, ya know? I don't think it's worth avoiding -- you just get into another gear with the understanding of your surroundings and don't wig out, where one of your Top priority is not to rock the environmental boat... just as much as to impress said guy/gal. Treating the other, once crossing that platonic line, the same as if you met them online -- that's where damage can be done.
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