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 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 26
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LADIES - First Date QuestionPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
LBG, mind your own business, LOL!!!!
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 27
LADIES - First Date Question
Posted: 6/4/2017 6:10:55 AM
NewYorker58
From one woman to another, what do you think about men not filling out the First Date area? I do not see it as an oversight on their part. From suggestions when they do list them, they say it's not a first date, but a meet and greet. How pathetic and a way to size someone up to see if they're worthy of spending money or time on them first. What a bad attitude and cheap! Yet, they're all crying on about how they can't meet women here. They don't view it as an opportunity to have a nice time with someone, even if it didn't lead to a 2nd date. I hope you don't settle for some guyh wanting to "walk you around the mall", lol.
Now POF has changed the wording from "First Date" to "Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)". Now they list conversations to have and not what a possible first date would be, even though it spells out "what you'd like to do on a first date". How stupid are these men? A few men, under first date, said they can't remember what their first date was decades ago, thinking that's what First Date means, lol. OMG!!! If a man won't take you out on a proper first date, says that's for later, move on to someone with more ambition that really wants a date. It's become obvious why these men are alone.
What is your feedback about men on POF and first dates?

My feedback as a man - Nothing wrong with a meet and greet...why waste money on someone who is not worth wasting it on? Would you want to pay for a guy, you did not fancy and did not see a future with? Cheap is not paying for yourself...everyone is a stranger on a first date and neither is required to foot the bill for both.

If a woman don't offer to pay her share...don't bother with her and move on to one that does...What I mean by that is, If she offers to go dutch..The offer is what's important and it's best to take it, on the first date..don't want her getting the mindset, that you would foot the bill everytime

Did you choose this place to go on a first date with a guy?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_MKz_GaoHA
I could picture you telling a guy on the phone, where you want to go on a first a date and putting the phone down, if he says no and offers an alternative...afterall he is paying for the date and should also be in charge of all arrangements, including picking the venue...you don't have a say in that, if your not paying anything towards it
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 28
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LADIES - First Date Question
Posted: 6/4/2017 11:10:04 AM
This is a dating site, not for interviews. You are free to date whatever way you want. I don't know how you would be going on a date and then what do you say to the girl, don't forget your wallet? Maybe you need a job if you can't swing paying for a drink.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 29
LADIES - First Date Question
Posted: 6/6/2017 10:48:08 PM
Don't worry I'm done talking to you, after you said that nasty crap about my mum and you resorted to the lowest of lows, by going there...you failed to be civilised and you failed to answer my questions in that thread, but what you did not fail to do is, prove just how nasty you can be...would not want to be the poor guy on the end of your tongue lashing...no wonder your single...your toxic...keep clear of this one guys:(
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 30
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LADIES - First Date Question
Posted: 6/9/2017 1:36:26 PM

This is a dating site, not for interviews.

As many years on the planet as you've spent here so far, and you still haven't figured out that dating is one big interview? All dating is, is the initial stages where you get to know someone and you decide if you want to hire them on for a more permanent position, or if you want to continue looking for that right person to fill the right slot.

Sure. Some people like to date just for the sake of dating. And... there are people who work in HR departments doing nothing but conducting interviews, one after another. That's all they do. Interview. They invest about as much into the relationship with the person they are interviewing, as serial daters do with their dates.

A dating site is ALL ABOUT INTERVIEWS! It is all about getting to know as much about a person as you can, before you commit to attempting to communicate with them. It is about trying to get as much of the "getting to know you" out of the way as possible. It is a resumé, or cover letter for yourself, that you present to people you want to date. Just like jobs sift through all the applications that they get for the positions they need to fill, and they cull the list of candidates by what is on those applications... people sift through potential mates on dating sites. Just. Like. Applications. Sure, the questions asked and answered on them are different, but the concept is the same.

So you REALLY have a twisted view of dating. If dating sites aren't about interviews... what are they about, making purchases? They aren't about networking... far too many people are being rejected without a word for this to be about networking. Networking is about making as MANY contacts as you can, because you never know where those connections will lead, or if you might need them in the future. So, you can't fall back and say that dating sites are about networking.

Nope. The closest parallel for dating, is Employment. Dating is most definitely the Interview stage.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 31
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LADIES - First Date Question
Posted: 6/9/2017 2:33:05 PM
I understand what you are saying, but every date for months is about getting to know someone. My contention is that if a man doesn't want to feel like it's just an interview, go someplace interesting or fun, and not just sitting across from one another having coffee. Treat it like a date if you want it to be a date. When I see men write "meet and greet", I wonder, where did they get that term from? It's cold. Maybe women say it too, but from profiles I've seen from women, they want to have a nice date, because it's also about the experience. How many people walk away from a coffee date and say, I had a REALLY good time, that was FUN getting to know the guy!

I see men write, I'm fun, I'm adventurous, I like to do a lot of things and want someone to do them with, and.....lets meet for coffee, lol. That sounds like a contradiction to me. Put in the effort from date #1, don't try and think for some crazy reason, it's better for date #2. Men say they will go on a real date for date #2. No bueno, lol.

I can't find it on POF right now, but they say to make a first date memorable. That is only common sense. Be like a delicious dessert a woman takes a bite of and says I want more of that!!! Be addictive!
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 32
LADIES - First Date Question
Posted: 6/18/2017 12:28:24 PM
As if the amount of money spent on a gal is indicative of a long and fun courtship, or level of commitment.

Just because I paid the price for admission doesn't mean I'll ride the train again...

Pathetic
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 33
LADIES - First Date Question
Posted: 6/18/2017 2:12:58 PM

She's probably picking up on you not wanting to pay for things. She doesn't sound comfortable with you. I will be surprised if this works out.


I don't contribute, I'm the lady.


It's only a concern if men are cheap. I laugh when I read as profile that says I'm fun, creative, like to do lots of things, then writes coffee date


I don't think it's materialistic to want a man to pay for dates


I see lack of making that small investment is indicative of a person who just doesn't care or is cheap

That’s not what you said on the other thread:)))
Yes in other words a gold digger, just after a man's money
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 34
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LADIES - First Date Question
Posted: 9/3/2017 7:32:54 AM

what do you think about men not filling out the First Date area

One of my top criteria for selecting a man I want to meet is that he is not only thoughtful but is able articulate his thoughts so if he doesn't put anything into the First Date area, then my assumption is that he is not someone I'd want to meet. But unlike OP, that's where my judgment ends; I do not go on to assume anything about his reasons, motivations, intelligence level, financial condition, etc.


From suggestions when they do list them, they say it's not a first date, but a meet and greet. How pathetic and a way to size someone up to see if they're worthy of spending money or time on them first. What a bad attitude and cheap!

Call it what you will, unless the man's profile explicitly states the reason HE calls it a meet rather than a date is so that he doesn't have to fork out lots of $, then your drawing that causal connection is unwarranted. You're implying that spending money on you is an measure of their 'gentlemanliness'; that the first date/meet requires spending money on you (the more the better). A good number of first dates/meets I've been on were free or low cost but high in entertainment value. In other words, his creativity to suggest something interesting other than drinks/apps was WAY more highly valued than spending money at a restaurant or movie (boring).


How stupid are these men?

This statement says more about you than it does about the men.

I'll admit that when I receive a generic email (i.e. they clearly didn't read my profile to the bottom where I state you must mention something from my profile) that I often have a quick thought like 'ugh, not again. Isn't there anyone with a brain around here?' But I never read a profile and judge them stupid. Everyone gets to write or not write their profile the way they want to; that has zero impact on me so I have no right to judge. Only when they do impact me by writing to me do I assess whether they're right for me.


If a man won't take you out on a proper first date, says that's for later, move on to someone with more ambition that really wants a date.

And therein is the trap you've set. You set an unspoken bar they have to hurdle of providing TO you a "proper first date" without stating what that is. Clearly it has to cost money. More than a little but how much is enough?

Men are not mind readers any more than you are. Why do you expect them to be? Answering that question will illuminate some of your troubles in dating land.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 35
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LADIES - First Date Question
Posted: 9/3/2017 3:19:19 PM
I understand what you're saying, but still feel the way I do. Money isn't the issue unless I see it is an issue for the guy that doesn't want to spend a few pennies or be creative either. Men who have nothing listed for a first date obviously don't want to take you on one. Some have even stated you can come over their house. I think if they could get away with meeting you in a parking lot they would do that too. There's a lot of substandard men left at my age. Yes, I am supposing a lot of things by not seeing first date filled in which is why they should be filling it in or I am going to think what is probably true about them, that they don't want to date anymore. They just want you over for sex and then you can go home until they want you over for sex again.

I see one man I dated from POF changed his first date info from let's talk and if we get along we'll plan a real first date to let's meet first before we plan a real first date. I know this guy is lucky if he goes on one date a year and now he doesn't even want to make that a date? The men complain that coffee seems like an interview yet that was their choice. Think part of the problem is so many men have no interests and they don't want to go out and do anything, even if it's something that doesn't cost anything. They're just slugs.

A man I was recently chatting with stated that all he is meeting are poor woman. I don't see him doing anything or going anywhere so what difference should it make if a woman had money or not as long as they're not asking him for money and he said no one is doing that. These men have high expectations where I have normal expectations that are being met.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 36
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LADIES - First Date Question
Posted: 9/4/2017 8:23:07 AM
Welcome back Cynthia! Our most active thread in Washington forums thanks to a former Noo Yawker...
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 37
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LADIES - First Date Question
Posted: 9/9/2017 11:19:27 PM

I understand what you're saying, but still feel the way I do.

... and you are entitled to feel however you feel. Unfortunately, you can't redefine words like "materialistic" because you don't like how it makes you look. You are concerned with money first... that's materialistic, regardless of how you feel about it. So, go ahead and feel however you want to feel. Just be honest about it, rather than worry about how it makes you look. If you feel angry, but you put on a happy face, that's actually manipulative. Instead of being honest with how you feel, you repack it as something else, so you can get what you want. It doesn't matter if you don't feel materialistic.... when you let the amount of money a guy spends on you decide whether he is worth dating, that's materialism no matter how much you insist that it isn't.

Also... setting the imaginary bar, for them to meet your personal definition of the word date? That's a bit controlling.


Money isn't the issue unless I see it is an issue for the guy that doesn't want to spend a few pennies or be creative either.

... see, here we are. A few pennies. Meaning that by this definition that you've put down... your words... a date taking you to McDonald's is perfectly fine with you. Yet, we all know that it isn't. You wouldn't stand for a first date at McDonalds, no matter how "creative" he tried to be. Yet, there you are, being manipulative, saying "spend a few pennies" when you know you would demand dollars be spent instead. Oh, I'm sure you'd respond with something like "I was just using a phrase" or "you know what I mean".... but in point of fact, it is another example of you being a bit dishonest in favor of sculpting your image here. Few pennies... more like Few Hundred Dollars.


Men who have nothing listed for a first date obviously don't want to take you on one.

Really? Because it could also mean they want to leave that decision up to the woman, so she has a better time. It could also mean that they don't honestly know ahead of time... because they want to get to know the woman and see what she likes AFTER communicating with her, and then figuring out where to go on a first date. Personally, I'm not going to take a woman somewhere she doesn't want to go, just because that's what I put in my "First Date" text box. It could also mean that the guy isn't that articulate in detailing this kind of thing. It most certainly does NOT automatically mean that he doesn't want to take you on a date.


Yes, I am supposing a lot of things by not seeing first date filled in which is why they should be filling it in or I am going to think what is probably true about them, that they don't want to date anymore.

You are going to think what is probably true about them? That's a bag of assumptive crazy cats there.... because of course, COMMUNICATING with the guy and getting to know them, that's off the table. Interesting. You want all the proper answers to be there, ahead of time, on the guy's dating profile. Like... he knows ahead of time all the things you want to hear and read. Interesting. Not just a matter of seeing whether there are SOME compatibilities... if everything doesn't line up right with what you want then the guy isn't being truthful (you are going to think what is probably true about them, so the truth can't be in the profile). Wow.


The men complain that coffee seems like an interview yet that was their choice. Think part of the problem is so many men have no interests and they don't want to go out and do anything, even if it's something that doesn't cost anything. They're just slugs.

... and this is from your dating experience, or just more assumptions on your part, to justify in your mind why you continue to feel and think as you do? Or more assumptions based on an empty first date text box?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 38
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LADIES - First Date Question
Posted: 9/10/2017 5:59:43 PM
It's not materialistic to not think fondly of a man who in the beginning two dates is siphoning water out of a jug in the trunk of his car into smaller bottles to offer you that when you go into a movie theater. That is a cheap person, LOL. I would hope you wouldn't do something like that. If you had a daughter and she said someone she just met offered her an open bottle of something to drink from his car, what do you tell her, it's right for her to accept that? This is just a sanity test for you. And then when the guy whines about whining and dining woman, like he really ever did that? When I invited him to my home, I didn't whine about what the food cost me that I prepared for him and I didn't buy cheap stuff. I'm not cheap with people and I don't like when they're cheap with me. How can a person enjoy being taken out somewhere if the person is crying and whining about spending money. How would that person like to be at my house and as they're eating the food I cooked, I start crying and whining about what the food cost me?

When I'm asked out on a date and the person asks me where I want to go to eat, I leave it up to them or if they are new to my neighborhood and really want me to choose, I choose casual dining and I don't even order an entree. I've ordered things like nachos and chili fries. Do you think that is being materialistic?

Men who actually want to go on a date say under First Dates what they want to do and if they do want to consider what the woman wants to do first, they say I will leave it up to you, whatever you want to do I am open to anything. That is what they say. Someone who says nothing under their first date does not want to take you on a date. When I have said to men, you have nothing listed under first date what did you have in mind, I received replies like you can come over to my place, I have a hot tub you can come over to my place and let's just hang out.
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